The hypocrisy of parents dissing their child to someone else for “always being locked up in that room” without ever acknowledging that they might just be the very reason that their child’s door is shut in the first place just astounds me to think about.
Think about all the times your child tried to bond with you by sharing something they were passionate about and were treated with silence or an exasperated sigh that they will learn to associate with you being annoyed and thinking they’re a burden. Think about all the times your child caught the middle of a conversation you didn’t even try to muffle where you mock their overly enthusiastic behaviour. Think about all the times your child attempted to bring up how all the above hurt them and your reaction was one or all of the following: a) get angry; b) turn the blame on them; c) make that wide-eyed expression that says “I never did such a thing” or d) take their attempt to talk to you and twist it into them “talking back” or “being disrespectful”, so then you can have one more topic to bring up to a stranger or in a family gathering to make your child look like the bad guy.
Kids aren’t stupid. Kids learn to read you early. If your child sees you scoffing or rolling your eyes everytime they talk about a book they love, a favourite hobby, a band they adore, a victory they’re proud of - whatever it may be - you can be sure your child will begin to share less and less over time. If you ignore them everytime they speak, you can be sure your child will be less likely to open their mouth around you. If you dismiss them, mock them, ignore them, you can be sure your child’s trust in you will crack and eventually shatter. You can’t expect your child to keep jumping over a line that you blatantly drew between you. Jumping gets tiring after a while.
You can’t expect to turn your back on certain things of your child’s life and then expect them to keep tugging at your sleeve.
You don’t have to like their interests, but you’re the parent. If you demand respect, then show some in return. Show encouragement. Let your child know, politely and kindly, that even if you don’t click with their likes and dislikes, they are still valid. Show patience. It’s not that difficult.
Don’t even get me started on how this will impact future relationships. Don’t even get me started on how difficult it will become to open up to someone and erase that voice from their mind telling them that their interests don’t matter, that their interests are not good enough - that they’re not good enough. You will teach your child to hide their enthusiasm, their passion, their liveliness, and they will learn to keep it all locked inside their chest and hide away the key where no one can find it because if you, the most important person in their lives, doesn’t care, then why would anyone else?
If you close the door on your child, then you best believe they will close their door on you.
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