Junkie Survivor

This is my survival place. My healing process. Getting over a relationship with a meth addict.

[xtywrites]

You couldn’t just...

Going through that time in my healing journey where I wonder why he couldn’t have just been more honest. Stop lying and admit he had a terrible addiction and there was nothing he could do to stop it? Admit it was meth and not just  mental illness, crippling depression, PTSD disassociation (and maybe it was and is all those things) but lying about your addiction and hiding it .... couldn’t you just have been more honest? Instead of leaving the people who love you lost in finding answers for you ... why you are experiencing psychotic episodes? Why the paranoid behavior? Is someone really stalking you? Are you hearing voices and having hallucinations? Do I need to take you to the hospital? Do you really think someone is trying to kill you? This is a nightmare! How did this drug destroy your relationship to the truth?!!! I didn’t have a context for this drug, so I had no idea what it does to your brain. I just saw you get lost in the darkness. I fucking hate meth. I hate what it did to you and our relationship. 

[xtywrites]

I don’t own this photo. But the English nerd in me will cite. 

Alfa. Pinterest, June 3, 2022. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/43417583892801338/

[xtywrites]

Aftermath of Addiction

I needed a place off social media but also a public forum to talk about my healing process with spending the last three years, on and off, watching the person I love most in the world destroy themselves with and addiction to meth. 

And I had to walk away...

This isn’t going to be pretty. This is going to be the place where I scream, cry, rant, rave, judge, apologize, forgive and take it all back, try again, and just begin  looking for healing. And I’m also done with thinking this my fault. So I’m not apolozing for anything.

Don’t care if anyone one reads this, sees this, loves this, hates this, but I’m hoping someone who has been through the same or is going through the same can sit with me in this place. Hear me. See me. And just say something...anything. 

And yeah, I am judging because meth addiction is one of the cruelest drugs and it just doesn’t just make your brain eat itself alive it destroys everything good you want for yourself. And it will take that someone who really truly loves you.