Oh you got to Yi city arc! Can't wait to see your reaction or hear thoughts!
Oh god I can’t wait for thoughts on xue yang, he is one of my faves and I always love seeing new perspectives (you are I think first person I saw express opinion he was greatly sane beforehand). Also do you know why Xingchen’s body is in such good condition despite aroundd ecade having passed? It is because every single day Xue Yang has been transfering his spiritual energy to corpse to keep it from rotting, keeping it in same condition as living body.
So it’s like this. Xue Yang is not…I wouldn’t call him a model of mental health, but he’s in complete control of his own actions and has a very clear grasp of consequences, priorities, and motivation. I would call that pretty definitionally sane, narratively speaking, and no one ever questioned whether or not he was stable, he’s obviously very stable even though he’s also–how should I put this–a complete narcissist whose regard for human life ranks somewhere below his interest in the annual potato crop. Prior to meeting Xingchen, he’s not raving, he’s not unpredictable, he’s not even particularly cagey about who and what he is. I think there’s a very good chance that Xingchen is the first person Xue Yang has ever lied to, about exactly who and what he is. Wen Ruohan was certainly aware of the fact that he was essentially employing a live viper rather than a loyal clan member.
The thing is, though, that Xue Yang is blessed or cursed with his stability, with his inviolable sense of self and his perfectly clear grasp on why he does the things he does, but those things are all predicated on his understanding of innate value. Fifty lives are worth less than the smallest finger on his hand, because the finger is his and the lives are not. (Greatest line from him in the show, by the way! I love a villain!)
Xiao Xingchen? Also his. Xue Yang has never, ever had someone show unconditional kindness to him before, and then this cultivator, this blind man in white, this man that Xue Yang recognizes and did a horrible thing to, takes him in and binds his wounds and doesn’t ask him any questions, and sure, when he’s healing, he has a great excuse for why he doesn’t kill Xingchen. He needs help, and Xue Yang has never been anything but practical. And maybe it’s fun, at first, knowing that the honorable Xiao Xingchen trusts him, turns his back on him, leaves him alone with A-Qing. The greatest joke ever played by Xue Yang.
And sure, now he’s better, has been a couple weeks, but maybe he shouldn’t leave just yet. The girl is afraid of him, Little Not-Blind, Little Liar, and that’s entertaining. Xue Yang gets a kick out of watching her pretend not to watch him. Xue Yang gets a kick out of knowing that righteous Xiao Xingchen still smiles at him. Xue Yang gets a kick out of knowing that he’s the one getting those smiles, not dour Song Zichen. It’s fun, and Xue Yang loves to have a good time, and he’s not exactly on the clock to be somewhere, so he’s not staying, he’s just also not leaving.
And sure, now he’s been here half a year, but he doesn’t want to leave, and when has Xue Yang ever done something he didn’t want? He doesn’t feel like leaving, and that’s nothing special. It’s boring, out on the road. Xue Yang is a creature of war in a time of peace and that’s a boring way to live, if you ask him. And besides. Besides. Xiao Xingchen is interesting. Xingchen listens to him. When has Xue Yang ever left behind something he wanted?
And sure, now he’s been here a year and a half, but he can’t leave something that’s his, can he? And he’s tying Xingchen to him one bloody gash, one severed tongue, one slash of Shuanghua at a time. Just a little longer, and he’ll never be able to leave, because where else will he be able to go? No one but Xue Yang will love him and that will be okay, because Xue Yang will love him so much that no one else is necessary. Just a little longer, and Xingchen will understand that they’re the same, that Xue Yang made them the same because he loves Xingchen enough to twist the entire world off-center. Just a little longer, and when Xue Yang leaves, Xingchen will go with him.
And sure, SURE, now he’s been here three years and the vaunted Song Zichen is bleeding to death and staring at Xingchen with Xingchen’s eyes, but really, Xue Yang is helping. Song Zichen, Song Lan, didn’t appreciate Xingchen. He could have taken Xingchen away. Because Xingchen would have listened, would have heard him out, would have taken the apology to heart and forgiven him, Xue Yang knows this. Xingchen would have done it because he loves Song Lan more than Xue Yang he is Xingchen.
And sure. Sure. Now it’s been a lifetime and a half and Xingchen, Xiao Xingchen, the noble and upright and good Xiao Xingchen, is shouting his hatred and betrayal at Xue Yang. But it’s going to be okay! It’s going to be okay, because Xue Yang just has to make Xingchen understand that they’re the same. That Xue Yang made them the same.
And Xue Yang brings out Song Zichen, so sure, so confident in the sure-footed killer’s clarity that he’s always been blessed with, and he knows exactly how this will go, he can see the breaking already, the shatter lines, the way that Xingchen will fall to pieces and then cling to him, to Xue Yang, as the last stable thing in the world, and he’s so sure–
And then Xingchen, bright brilliant kind generous good Xingchen, slashes open his own throat rather than be what Xue Yang tricked him into becoming.
And it’s not Xingchen that shatters.