John Shelby was 5 years old when Martha Connolly moved in down the block and their lives change forever. AU.
Rating: T and then M starting in Chapter 10
Electric Masterlist
Gemma O'Neill moved to Birmingham for a job and a life shake up. She finds so much more than that. Modern John Shelby AU.
Rating: M
Other - Joe Cole:
Maybe That Was New York Masterlist
We all imagine what it would be like to meet someone we admire. A person who’s art has worked their way inside your soul. What if it really happened and became what you had secretly hoped for but never thought could be a reality?
Hi darl, I haven't heard from you in ages and I wanted to check in. Just wanted you to know I miss your fics. No one writes John like you. I hope life isn't too crazy and you will come back to us soon!
Awww thank you so much! I am here, lurking a bit 🤣
John is slowly coming back to me, and I’m hoping to be fully back soon myself. I’m actually moving, which is taking up a lot of brain energy!
Hey all! Apologies for the longer than intended hiatus. I wanted to check in - life has been really intense and busy the past several months, and throw in real life man drama (stick to the fiction, girls), my writing brain has shut down for a bit.
Creativity suffers when it’s forced, and it’s so important to me to only write when it feels right. Fear not, I’ve been mulling over what comes next for all my stories, and that is a good sign that the creative energy is coming back to me.
Hope all of my readers are well - and stay safe out there in the dating world, it’s a real mind fuck these days 😭
I’ll be back in 2023. The past 3 months or so have been 🤯🤯🤯 in terms of life in general, emotional turmoil, and trying to make some big decisions. The holidays for me are usually really crazy, so I’m going to rest up next week and then get back to John in January.
Much love to you all - if you’re feeling lonely this holiday season, reach out to someone. If you know someone who may be lonely or is unable to be with family or friends, reach out to them. It can make a true difference in someone’s life.
Hi darl, I hope you're doing well! I've seen your update that you have new parts coming to your series soon and I can't wait! I have a new series as well I hope you'll check out. John has a key role in the latest part (3) you might enjoy. It's called Tachipen and you can find it here if you'd like to check it out. Sending good vibes your way!
Looking forward to reading this - hope all my followers check it out as well!
Happy Birthday to our favorite, the only man who could make John Shelby, THE John Shelby!
Updates coming soon … I swear I’ve lived a year in the past month or so, both good, great, and not so good, but I’m back from traveling and settling into the winter cold which makes me want to write.
first of all, i LOVE the electric series, it’s so well written. i wanted to ask if there will be more to the baby will storyline or if that’s a closed chapter? i know that pretty much everything has been said, but i really love the soft dad side to john (even tho it’s sad🥲)
i hope you’re doing well!!
Thanks so much! I’ve been having a debate since I first came up with this story if John will have more kids … and I’m still not sure! I don’t think there will be a huge focus on Will going forward, but I do expect a few flashbacks here and there.
This fic is being posted simultaneously on FanFiction.net and Ao3. Classy smut warning beginning with Chapter 5.
Welcome to the second part of Electric! Make sure you catch up on Part 1 (Chapters 1 - 20) at the masterlist link below. Let's get back to John and Gemma.
Chapter 20 Electric Masterlist
Electric
Chapter 21: Atlantic
Three weeks after returning to Birmingham from London, Gemma sat in her flat on a rainy day, with Julia sitting on the floor next to her. They were preparing for Gemma's trip to New York, confirming travel details and documents that may be needed.
"You still haven't told John exactly who you'll be seeing in New York, have you?" Julia asked, looking over at Gemma.
Gemma bit her lip and shook her head. There really wasn't a reason to not tell John. It was more that she didn't want to face the idea of John being in Small Heath while she was on the other side of the Atlantic, dealing with a part of her own past.
"I will. Tonight." Gemma finally said with a sigh.
"You know he'll be alright with it if you are, yeah? But are you also sure you want to do this? See Nick again?"
"Yes. No. I don't know. He was a huge part of my life, a huge part of my career really. The band is finally getting the chance they've always deserved, and I know them better than anyone. I don't want personal history to get in the way of me supporting talent that I believe in."
Julia nodded and watched as Gemma's eyes faded out to another place. She'd heard the stories about Nick Stanton. Incredibly talented, so close to have hitting it big in the late 2000s. Still making albums and playing locally. Never Sleep Records had finally caught on after years and years of Gemma pitching the band to everyone she knew.
"Tell John tonight. It'll be a lot easier for you to go if he knows the full truth and you have his full support. If there's one thing about that man I know for sure, he loves you." Julia said with a smile.
Gemma nodded with a grin, thinking back to the week before when they had invited Julia and a few of John and Finn's friends over for dinner. Julia and Isiah had hit it off, despite Julia protesting that she was too old for him (to which Isiah had made her swoon with a compliment). Julia had hung out with John and Gemma together several times by that point, but she could tell something had changed between them after the Eden opening. They were more settled into each other.
"Now, practice with me how you're going to tell your loving, hotter than fuck boyfriend that you're going on a work trip and will be seeing your former ... boyfriend? Love interest? Complication? Who is far less loving and far less hot." Julia stated.
Gemma rolled her eyes and laughed at the comparison of John and Nick. And Julia was right. They were night and day in every single respect.
Later that night after supper, Gemma sat next to John on the sofa in the Shelby living room, the TV on low as they enjoyed the peace. Finn had gone out with Carolyn, and Gemma fidgeted, linking and unlinking her fingers as she thought of what to say. And how to say it.
"What's going on Gem?" John asked casually, taking one of her hands in his.
He'd noticed that she'd been more and more nervous as the week went on and had initially chalked it up to her work trip. But then he realized she'd told him very few details about said work trip, and he began to suspect there was something more to the story.
"So, you know how I'm going to New York. Well, the thing is ... the band that I'm going to represent ... is Nick's band." Gemma mumbled, looking down as she picked at the sleeve of John's shirt.
He took a moment to breathe and process. Gemma had told him about Nick early on, but never really gave much detail. He'd put together bits and pieces and came to the conclusion that Gemma had been in love with Nick for a long time and it was a messy relationship. Nick also seemed to be a large reason why she took the job at Church Street Records.
"You haven't really told me much about him, but I've heard enough to know that he was a really important person in your life for a long time. Are you nervous? Scared?" John asked softly, pulling Gemma into his lap.
"Both, I guess. But more nervous and scared that it's going to be a problem for you." Gemma whispered.
"Gems, hey, look at me." John replied, gently tilting her face up. The look in her eyes saddened him.
"I love you. I am with you. That's not changing, love, I promise. I trust you and I know that you've decided to take this on for good reason." John continued.
Gemma nodded and leaned her head against John's shoulder. Julia could not have been more correct. Everything about John was different from Nick.
"I know ...and I know I haven't talked about him much. It's been strange to me, to think about talking about him when all I want to do is focus on you and me."
"Would you feel better if you told me a little bit about him?"
Gemma thought for a minute and then nodded. She sat up straight, the feeling of John's arm around her waist comforting and safe. She knew she'd have to talk about it eventually.
"Nick and I met years ago at a show one night, years ago now. I was 17, he was 20. He was playing with another band I knew. Something happened when our eyes met, kind of like how it felt when I met you. Like something big was happening in my life and I could feel everything changing. I did everything I could for him. Promo, working his shows, selling merch, sitting in on recording sessions. I was his personal cheerleader in a lot of ways. It's always been a very ... complex relationship."
John nodded his head and watched as Gemma went back to picking at the cuff of his sleeve. Her fingers brushed over his and he took the opportunity to link his fingers through hers, catching the small smile on her face as he did so.
"I know there's more." He said quietly.
"I've always loved him. Hated and loved him, most times. He was … is so frustrating. I used my work with him as the basis of my resume, the experience got me my first paying jobs in the industry. And I know I don't owe him anything for that. But it became complicated ... when we were together, at a show or in a studio, it was perfection. Everything about us was in sync. But outside of that, it was messy. He's dated more girls than I can count, always coming back to me in between them. But never committing. Never putting anything on the line for me. And it got to a point where I couldn't do it anymore. So I stopped working with him altogether over a year ago. Hadn't heard from him since. Funny, how they get a record deal offer now."
Gemma looked up at John, his eyes cloudy with the thoughts of someone treating her in that way.
"Are you sure you want to do this? See him again? I trust you completely, I just don't want you to get hurt."
"He asked for me, personally, according to Julia. So did the rest of the band. It's something I worked at for years, trying to get them signed, for them have a bigger platform to put out the music I still really believe in. I want to do that part of it. Interacting with him outside of the business aspect ... I don't know yet."
"You do what you feel is best for you, yeah? If you want to meet with him, to maybe put some things to rest, I think you should do that. If you don't want to, it’s ok to just let it stay in the past."
Gemma wrapped her arms around John's shoulders, pressing her body against his. She sighed with relief as John returned the hug, holding her firmly to him.
“I’ve got you, love. I'm not going anywhere." John said, his voice low and comforting in her ear.
John cooked her breakfast at her flat the morning of her flight, attempting to settle her nerves before he drove her to the airport. She stood in the kitchen doorway, watching the muscles in his back move as he flipped a pancake, his bare skin both tempting and comforting to her.
"One order of American pancakes for my favorite American girl." John said with a cheeky smile, turning to hand her a plate piled with pancakes and bacon.
"I sincerely hope my favorite Brummie boy is going to help me, cause there is no way I can eat all of this." Gemma replied with a laugh.
John picked up two forks and followed Gemma into the lounge, both of them sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. He let her take the first bite of pancakes, her eyes lighting up.
"These are really good, J. Best batch yet."
"I've been practicing on Finn, but I think he's had his fill."
John watched Gemma laugh again and put his hand on her bare thigh, taking in the feel of her warm skin under his hand. She continued eating but gave him a naughty look, her eyes focusing on his bare chest while she took another bite.
"We should plan a trip to New York sometime, I'd love to take you there." Gemma said.
"Tell me when and where and I'm there, darlin'." John replied.
Gemma nodded and thought to herself about how easy it was, to mention a trip to John and know that he would be interested. That she knew he would go anywhere she asked him to.
An hour later, John sat on the bed as Gemma paced back and forth across the room, packing last minute items that she needed. A familiar item of clothing was in her hand and he couldn't help but tease her.
"Is that my hoodie that you're putting on right now?" John joked.
"It absolutely is, and it is absolutely coming with me." Gemma replied, looking over at him.
John reached out and pulled her between his legs, his hands running up underneath the tank top she had on below the hoodie. He felt her shiver as he touched just below her bra, and he grinned deviously.
"Not fair for you to do this to me right before I leave.” Gemma mumbled into his shoulder.
"Can't help myself. I won't be able to touch you for several days."
John watched with satisfaction as Gemma looked down at him, her desire for him so easy to read. She put a hand against his face, eyes locking for a moment before she kissed his cheek and then put her lips just below his ear.
"I'm all about reunion sex." She whispered against his neck.
John burst out laughing and she smiled, sinking into him further. Her fingers ran across the chain he wore, closing her eyes as she memorized the sound of his laugh. The smell of his cologne drifting over her. The feel of the chain against his skin.
A few hours later, John stood with Gemma in the departures entrance at the Birmingham Airport. He had the handle of her suitcase in his right hand and rubbed her back gently with his left, watching patiently as she pulled out her passport. He was determined to remain calm, even though the thought of Gemma flying across the Atlantic was enough to send him into a panic spiral. She will be fine, he thought to himself.
“Have everything?” John asked quietly, pulling her into a hug.
“Hope so. Everything but you.” Gemma replied, looking up at John, her eyes flickering with worry.
“It’s going to be fine, Gems. Promise ya. Let me know when you get on the plane and when you land, ok?”
“Of course. I love you, John.”
“I love you, too.”
John leaned down and kissed Gemma quickly before hugging her one more time. He pulled back and reached up to his neck, unclasping the chain he always wore. Gemma watched as he pulled it out from his shirt and draped it around her neck, moving her hair gently to the side. She put her fingers up to the chain and then touched John’s cheek as he looked down at her.
“So you know that I’m always with you, love.” John whispered.
Gemma smiled and wrapped her arms around his middle, her head resting against his chest as he slowly rocked her back and forth for a few minutes. Finally, she sighed and stepped back, taking the handle of her suitcase from him.
“Check the front pocket of your carry on, but only when you get on the plane. Left you a surprise. I’ll see you soon, Gemma.” John said with a smile.
“I’ll see you soon, J.” Gemma replied. They’d agreed to not ever say goodbye.
John watched and waited until Gemma was to the front of the security line, he could just barely see her over the crowds of travelers. He took a deep breath and turned to go back to the parking lot, where he would sit until he knew Gemma was on the plane. And then it was off to The Garrison, to occupy himself until she safely landed in New York.
Gemma had kept her word and didn’t look in the front pocket of her carry on until she got on the plane. She unzipped the pocket and found a bag of her favorite British snacks with a note from John.
In case you need a reminder of Birmingham. Or get hangry. Maybe both? I love you. - John
She smiled at the note, touching the chain around her neck. It was the most John thing in the world, to sneak a bag of snacks in her bag and write a cute note with it. He was everything she had ever wanted in a partner. The complete opposite of Nick Stanton, in every possible way. And yet, she could hear his voice from across the Atlantic. She could only hope that she would hear John’s voice even more loudly once she was back in New York. Back with the only guy who she'd ever really loved before John Shelby came into her life.
***This fic is being posted simultaneously on FanFiction.net and Ao3. I originally began it in 2016, and then life was life, and now I’m bringing it back because it deserves to be finished! Rating M as of Chapter 10 ***
Thank you for your patience! You know I always love coming back to John and Martha.
Chapter 29 THU Masterlist
The Heart Underneath
Chapter 30: J&M Letters 8 (21 and 22)
June 10, 1917
Dear John,
Our son Eamon Michael Shelby was born at approximately three this afternoon, healthy and screaming his little head off. Will was absolutely terrified and Katie seemed more intrigued than anything else, though I’m not sure how she’ll feel once she realizes she’s not the baby of the family anymore.
It’s late evening now, I insisted that Ada bring me a pen and paper to write to you as soon as I was up to it. Polly’s acting as if I’ve never given birth before, fretting over me to the point of aggravation. I know she means well, but it’s nice to have some space to myself, with the baby.
I’m not sure yet what color his eyes will be, but they seem so blue right now. Shelby blue. The blue that I can’t ever forget, the blue that I see when I think of you, love. I wish you could have been here. To see Eamon born, to sit with Will, to make Katie laugh in the way only you can. They miss you, John, we all miss you.
Stay safe for all of us. I’m holding on to the day you can see Eamon for the first time, the day you can hold him. The day we can be together as a family again.
We love you forever,
Mar, Will, Katie, and Eamon
John wiped his eyes as he read Martha’s letter, a combination of sweat and tears running down his face. He could tell how hurriedly she’d written him, making sure the letter would go out first thing in the morning. His heart felt heavy having missed Eamon’s birth, but there was nothing to be done. The war raged on, and thousands, maybe millions, of fathers sat behind the battle lines, wanting to go home.
“Good news, John?” Tommy asked tentatively, seeing the look on his brother’s face.
“Good news, yeah. Martha had the baby, it’s a boy. We named him Eamon Michael.” John said with a smile.
Tommy pulled his brother into a tight hug, whispering his congratulations, hand to the back of John’s head. Tommy thought back to the conversation with Martha, the night he warned her that John may not make it back. It had killed him to say that to her, but he needed her to know. Still, Arthur and Tommy’s resolve had only grown stronger and they rarely left John’s side. They’d get him home, even if it neither of them made it.
“Oy, John boy, did I just hear I have a new nephew?!” Arthur shouted over the din of the soldiers around them.
“You did, Uncle Arthur. Eamon Michael. Martha said it looks like he’s got the Shelby eyes.”
Arthur laughed as he hugged John, clapping his shoulder. He looked at Tommy, who stood behind John, and the look that passed between them was very clear. John had another reason to make it home alive. Arthur felt like he was on high alert all the time now, watching over John. Watching over Tommy, even though Tommy protested. He was the oldest and it was his duty. He could never live with himself if one of his brothers was lost in this muddy hell.
I’m so happy to hear that Eamon came into the world safely and that you are both doing well. I don’t remember Ada being born, but I do remember my mother speaking of how I ignored Ada for a solid month before coming around to the idea of having a younger sibling. I’m sure Will and Katie will adjust soon enough.
How is Will handling sleeping in his new room? He seemed to be adjusting when I left, but I wonder if he’ll be jealous now of the baby and kick up a fuss. If that happens, tell him I said to be a good boy and be kind to his new brother. I’m sure he’ll come around eventually. As much as Ada and I bicker, we’ve always been close, probably to some degree because we are the closest in age.
It’s hotter than hell must be here, it seems like we can never win with the weather. Freezing cold in the winter, blazing hot in the summer. We all seek shade as much as possible, and the mud does help to keep us from burning in the sun. As much as we all hate it.
Tommy and Arthur both pass on their congratulations, they are looking forward to meeting Eamon as well. Give Will and my Kit Kat a hug and a kiss for me. A special hug and kiss to Eamon, please tell me about me. How much I love him already. How I love them all so much.
I look forward to the next time I see you all, and especially you, my love. I’ve been thinking about the last time we were at the fair a lot lately. How you look in those white summer dresses you make. The way your hair seems to be even more gold, the freckles across your face. They make your eyes look even more green. You’re always beautiful, but you’re so beautiful in the summer, I find it hard to breathe sometimes.
I love you always. All of you.
John/Daddy
Martha sat in the late afternoon sunlight, bedroom window open, Eamon sleeping in her arms. The house was quiet, with Will and Katie napping, Finn out with friends. Ada and Polly doing the weekly shopping. Martha took advantage of the quiet to read John’s letter again, wiping tears away as she ran her finger over his handwriting.
She could imagine him, sitting miserably in the heat, face pink from the sun, his eyes squinting. He’d never done well in high temperatures, always joking that he was made for winter, with the suit styles he loved. And it was true, he looked so handsome fully suited up, layers adding to his frame, collar stays peeking out from underneath his overcoat. His peaky cap tilted to the side, looking down at her. It always took her breath away.
“Your daddy wrote us a letter, darling. He loves you very much, I promise. There’s a war going on, and your daddy and your uncles are in France, fighting … for who knows what, really, now, but it’s a very brave thing they are doing.”
Martha looked down as Eamon opened his eyes to the sound of her voice. The Shelby blue cutting through her soul like it always did. She hooked her finger into his little hand and talked about John, his eyes focused on the sound of her voice and her hair that was swept over her shoulder.
All of England swirled with the news that the Americans were on their way. Just that morning the local headlines announced in large print that the first American troops had landed in France, with more on the way. The country collectively held their breath now, waiting to see if the giant from across the Atlantic could put a stop to the destruction of Europe. To the loss of so many young men.
On April 6, 1917, the United States officially declared war on Germany, with President Woodrow Wilson stating “the world must be made safe for democracy”. While the US had not officially engaged in the war prior to April 1917, US banks had given massive loans to the Allied Powers (France, United Kingdom, Russia, Italy, Japan, and eventually the US) which in turn were used to buy food, materials, munitions and other goods, largely from the US itself.
Germany had engaged in brutal and cruel unrestricted submarine warfare, sinking passenger and merchant ships in the Atlantic, much to the horror of the rest of the world. This included the sinking of the passenger ocean liner Lusitania in 1915. This was seen as well outside the rules of warfare, and became a driving force of the decision for the US to enter the war, on the basis of moral obligation. Additionally, the fear that Germany would win was well supported, and many politicians felt that if Germany won the war, Europe would fall completely. This in itself was a threat to the US and the North American continent, particularly if South America fell under German control later on.
4.7 million Americans served in World War I, with 116, 516 lost, which pales in comparison to the losses from the other major power countries. However, it is considered fact the Allies would not have lasted as long as they did without American assistance of supplies and food. It is also considered fact that the war would have ended either in a potential negotiated armistice or in Germany victory if the US had not officially entering “the war to end war” and provided military support and governmental power.
No one could’ve predicted at the time how massive of a role the United States would play just 24 years later. Least of all Germany, many historians say.
We're back with a little Joe and Jenny time! The pic above is full inspiration for this chapter 🙌🏻
Updates on both of my John Shelby fics, The Heart Underneath and Electric (modern J Shelby), coming soon!
Taylor Swift's "You Are In Love" has been a big part of my writing soundtrack for this story.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Maybe That Was New York: Part 4
Jenny walked into the train hall, looking towards where Joe said he was waiting for her. She couldn’t help but grin as she caught sight of him, leaning against a pillar. He saw her and gave her a little head nod and a smile back before walking to meet her. He seemed more attractive than when she saw him last and she could feel the heat between them.
“Hey, love.” Joe said as he kissed her cheek.
“Hi, gorgeous.” Jenny replied back, hugging his side.
She looked up and noticed that he’d put a small silver hoop in his ear piercing and she grinned again, reaching up to touch it. His eyes burned into hers as her fingers grazed his ear.
“And what is this?” She asked in mock surprise.
“A little something just for you, darling. Thought you might like it.” Joe responded, smirking.
“Oh, I like it.” Jenny said, dragging her fingers down his neck, stopping at where his chain peeked out from his shirt.
“Doing things to you, is it?” Joe whispered.
“Many things. All of which point to getting out of here, immediately.”
Joe laughed and took her suitcase as he held her hand and led the way outside. They hailed a cab and settled in for the ride downtown, Joe slipping his arm around Jenny’s shoulders. She leaned into him and immediately felt at home, with his cologne surrounding her like a gentle cloud, his lips pressing against the top of her head before he spoke to the cabbie.
As promised, Joe had called Jenny each night they’d been apart, sending her a few texts during the day. A gentle way of saying that he was there, he was keeping his promise, without being overwhelming. They’d talked about film, books, art, travel, what they loved to do, dreams for the future. The time apart had allowed for the conversations to happen that often came with early dating. By the time Jenny got on a late afternoon train back to the city that Friday, she was completely smitten.
Joe had spend the days attending a few production meetings and studying his script. He’d also spent a significant amount of time day dreaming, his mind occupied by seeing Jenny again. It felt like he was in a dream, and he was afraid that if he woke up, she wouldn’t be real.
In the half second it took for the elevator in his building to close, Joe had pushed Jenny against the back wall, no longer able to wait. The tension had been building in the cab ride home, and he kissed her as hard as he dared, feeling her relax into him, her hands running up under his shirt.
The elevator dinged as it stopped at their floor and he smiled down at her, touching her lips as she smiled back in a daze. He nearly forgot to grab her suitcase as they walked out into the hall and then to his door.
“Welcome back.” Joe said softly as he opened the door and let Jenny walk in first.
He rolled her suitcase into the living area and then took her hand, leading her to the small half bath that was near the front entry.
“I figured when you’re here, you could use this bathroom if you like, some private space for you to get ready or whatever.” Joe said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
“Thank you.” Jenny said with a smile and kissed his cheek.
Joe backed her gently against the bathroom sink, his hand sliding up under her shirt, his hips pressed against her body. Jenny felt like she couldn’t breathe in the best way possible, the way he looked down at her, pupils wide and his fingers caressing her skin.
“I want nothing more than to just pick you up and bring you to bed, “ Joe said, speaking quietly against her neck, “but I think you’re going to need some supper, yeah?”
Jenny laughed and then nodded against his shoulder. She was hungry. For more than food, but it was a good place to start.
Joe grinned and kissed the top of her head, leaving her in the bathroom to wash up after being on the train. He walked over to the row of arched windows that faced the street, looking down into the fading sunlight. His mind wandered, thinking back to the last morning they’d been together, waking up with his arms around Jenny. Completely content but also consumed by the memory of how she’d looked underneath him the night before.
He felt small hands run across his sides, underneath his shirt and then around to his front. He smiled again as Jenny hugged him from behind, her face against his back.
“What are you thinking about?” She asked.
“You.” He replied, turning around towards her.
There was a moment where it seemed like time stopped, as Jenny put her hand to his face, her fingers running through the scruffy beard he’d been growing out. Briefly touching his earring and then trailing down the side of his neck. The look in her eyes was everything he’d been wanting. Lust and desire mixing intensely with something else. Something that told him this was a forever kind of thing.
The following evening, Jenny sat at the kitchen island with a glass of champagne, watching as Joe chopped vegetables on the other side, the concentration in his face so endearing to her. They’d spent the day wandering the neighborhood, stopping at a cafe in the late afternoon. She could feel Joe watching her as they sat there, and she lowered her sunglasses to look at him.
“What?” She asked him with a laugh.
“I want to cook for you tonight.” Joe replied, reaching out for her hand.
“That sounds really nice.” Jenny responded, her voice catching a bit.
They had sat at the cafe for another half hour, hands linked as they talked about Joe’s upcoming filming schedule. But he hadn’t missed the way her voice had caught, like she had been holding back tears. There was still a lot they didn’t know about each other, but one thing he’d realized instantly was that underneath what came off as a tough exterior, Jenny was very sensitive. She was used to doing everything for herself, and the thought of a man taking care of her in the way he wanted to seemed to be touching her profoundly.
Joe had walked her back to his place and then set out once again to gather ingredients for the meal he wanted to make. He’d come home to find a few candles lit and Jenny walking out of the bedroom, pulling one of his hoodies over her head.
“I feel like I’m in an early 2000s rom com, where the girl is sitting with a huge glass of wine at the counter while her date is cooking her dinner and nearly burning something.” Jenny said now, jokingly.
Joe grinned up at her, his smile piercing into her heart. He looked great to her all the time, but today in particular, with the color of his sweater, he looked even better. She could feel her pulse increase as she watched him pile up ingredients into a bowl, thinking about how those same hands touched her. After a minute, she picked up her phone and took a few photos.
Damn this boy is way too photogenic, she thought with a smile.
“I can feel you watching me, love. Are you taking some sneaky photos?” Joe said lightheartedly, looking over as he stood at the stove.
“What can I say, J? You look good doing this and I need photographic evidence.” Jenny replied.
She took a sip of her champagne and watched him over the top of the glass as he watched her back. She seemed to have no idea of how beautiful she was and Joe found himself often getting lost in her presence, endlessly captured by the way she looked at him, how she spoke, the way she touched him.
Joe placed a tray in the oven and set a timer before coming back around the island. He took the glass from Jenny’s hand and took a sip before carefully setting it down on the counter, nudging her legs so he could stand between them.
They were eye to eye, and he kissed her, hand gripping the back of her head. Jenny wrapped both of her arms around him and he kissed her neck before settling into a hug. This was the biggest part of why he was falling for her. How it felt to be like this, the sexual tension simmering on the back burner as their bodies craved a simple embrace.
“You’re so … huggable.” Jenny whispered with a giggle, her lips against his ear.
“Well hug me all you want, darling, I don’t want to be anywhere else.” Joe whispered back.
In the movies, the camera would’ve panned out slowly, leaving the couple embracing in the kitchen, dim lighting and a pot boiling on the stove, steaming in the background. And just as quickly would’ve cut to a new scene with more action, more dialogue.
But both Jenny and Joe knew the best parts of love were the quiet moments. The hugs in the kitchen while a timer counted down to dinner, bodies entwined, chains glinting in the setting sun, quiet whispers against soft skin.
Joe sat quietly on the couch, Jenny fast asleep with her head against his chest and her arm loosely around his side. The movie they had been watching ended nearly an hour before, and he could feel the moment she went from drowsy to sleeping, during the credits. He hadn’t wanted to move, hadn’t wanted to wake her up. There was something about her being comfortable enough with him that she’d fallen asleep this way that was he was very aware of.
He lay there for awhile longer, hand on her back, looking up at the city lights coming through the blinds on the windows. All the people living their lives, spending the night alone, or with someone they love, maybe someone they could love, or even someone they shouldn’t be with. It was happening all around him and yet it felt like the loft was magnified, that him and Jenny were the only people experiencing what it was like. To fall in love.
“Joe?” Jenny mumbled, waking up.
“It’s me, love.” Joe whispered, rubbing her back.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“Maybe an hour.”
“You must be uncomfortable.”
Jenny looked up at Joe, and even in the dim light she could see the way his eyes pierced through the darkness. How they looked into her soul. It was scary and amazing but also monumental. She’d only felt it once before.
“Not at all. It was really nice.” Joe admitted, a small smile on his face as Jenny sat up.
Jenny nodded and couldn’t help but smile back as he stood and pulled her up with him. He wrapped his arms around her and she melted into the hug. Into him.
“Are you ready for bed? I’m going to take a quick shower.” Joe said, his head against hers.
“See you in a bit then.”
Joe watched as Jenny walked into the half bath and then went into the bedroom to use the en suite there. He turned on the shower water and watched it steam for a moment before pulling off his sweater. He was reached down for his belt buckle when he felt Jenny step behind him.
“Thought you were in the other bathroom?” Joe said, leaning back as her hands went to his belt.
“I was. And now I’m here.” Jenny replied.
Joe looked down as she undid his belt buckle and then the button and zipper to his jeans. Her hands moved back up to the t-shirt he was still wearing and she pulled it up over his head. He finally turned towards her and stayed quiet as she pushed his jeans down to the floor.
“You sure about this, Jen?” He asked, grasping onto whatever control he had left.
“I’m sure. Very sure.” Jenny replied.
Joe watched as she pulled his hoodie over her head, and then her shorts fall to the floor. His hands found her tank top and he took a moment to appreciate how she looked, standing in the steamy bathroom, just in her bra and underwear. He committed it to his memory, the way her hair tumbled down as she untied it, never breaking eye contact.
Something changed as Joe unhooked Jenny’s bra, slowly pulling it down, before doing the same to her underwear. There was a difference between sex and intimacy, and the way Joe was touching her was a level of intimacy they hadn’t reached yet. He stepped back into the shower, holding onto her hand as she stepped in with him.
Jesus. Jenny thought as she looked up at the man in front of her, the water pouring down his back and wetting his hair. She’d truly never felt more attracted to anyone ever in her life. Her eyes wandered his body, stopping for a moment to watch the water drops hit the chain around his neck. She reached up to touch it, gently, and then moved her hand up to run her thumb over his earring. Joe pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her waist as she held onto him.
“Still huggable when wet?” Joe asked, his smirk burning into Jenny’s neck.
“The most.” She replied with a laugh.
Later, as Jenny sat on the bed, watching Joe towel off his hair, she realized she was entering territory she’d never quite been to before. To be at this point, so early on, it was daunting. Because she knew what lay ahead was uncharted. The unknown. Something that many people ran from. Two souls finding each other at last.
Joe watched Jenny from the mirror on the door, her hair piled up in a towel to dry. He could see she was thinking deeply, and he figured they were probably having similar thoughts. Every day, every moment it seemed, brought them closer together and more deeply involved.
The scars from his last serious relationship still made him flinch if someone got too close. But he was ready. For Jenny. For her to reach out and touch each scar in the gentle way she had. To show him that not everything ended badly. That she could love him as much as he could love her.
***This fic is being posted simultaneously on FanFiction.net and Ao3. I originally began it in 2016, and then life was life, and now I’m bringing it back because it deserves to be finished! Rating M as of Chapter 10 ***
Chapter 28 Chapter 30 THU Masterlist
Our fave couple is back! I love J&M so much.
The Heart Underneath
Chapter 29: April 1917 (20 and 22)
Martha paced the train platform, turning on her heel to look down the track for an incoming train. She’d been there since late morning waiting for John’s train to arrive. She pulled out the small pocket watch John had given her for Christmas, sighing as she saw it was just past one pm. The trains had been running later and later for months, and most times John had no idea of which one he’d end up on anyway.
Polly had watched her in silence that morning, feeding the children before removing the apron that covered up the dress she’d pressed for the occasion. In Polly’s opinion, no woman seven months along should be standing at a train station for hours on end. But Martha was a married woman with two children, a third on the way, her husband at war. Who was Polly to say anything?
Ada had the same thoughts running through her head as she helped Martha put Katie and Will down for their naps, watching as Martha held a hand to her back after bending down. Ada didn’t know how Martha was doing any of it, to be honest. John off fighting in a deadly war, two young children, carrying their third. All while cooking and cleaning every day, sewing when she got the chance, writing letters like she was writing a novel.
But then, neither Polly or Ada had ever felt that kind of love. The love that bound John and Martha’s souls together. The love that was their children, such a true mix of both their parents. The love that got Martha through every day, thinking of John. The love that got John through every night in the mud, his mind at the cottage with Martha.
“Martha? You alright?”
Martha turned at the sound of the voice and smiled.
“Lizzie, hello. Yes, I’m fine, thank you for asking. Waiting on John’s train, was feeling cooped up in the house after this winter. Thought I’d come down early, hoping he gets in soon.” Martha replied.
“I can sit with you for a bit, if you’d like.” Lizzie offered, motioning towards a bench nearby.
Martha nodded and they walked over together, each taking a seat on the hard wooden bench. Really, Martha had been more comfortable pacing, but she sensed Lizzie wanted to help. And maybe wanted to talk. The news had been quietly circulating for some time now that Lizzie was taking on a certain kind of work that involved male clients. Some of the local women had shunned her, and Martha felt for her, knowing her own mother’s past with trying to make ends meet.
“Heard from Tommy lately?” Martha asked casually, watching Lizzie’s shocked reaction.
“I … um … well when he was home … you know?” Lizzie managed to get out.
“I know enough. That he’s hurting and lonely and needs someone. I appreciate that you’ve been there for him … in a way that he needs.” Martha replied quietly, catching Lizzie’s eye.
Lizzie nodded and looked at the tracks for a few minutes, unsure of what to say. She’d known Greta from school, knew the Shelby family from around Small Heath. It had been surprising to find Tommy on her doorstep the year before while home on leave. And then every time he’d been home since, they’d spent at least one night together. From the first time, shadows from the hearth in her small rented room flickering across his bare chest, Lizzie knew Tommy had hooked her in. Every time since he reeled her in a bit more.
“I write to him, he replies sometimes. Doesn’t say much beyond talking about the weather and what he misses about Small Heath.” Lizzie finally responded, the hurt in her voice betraying the coolness she was trying to portray.
“For him to even acknowledge you, Lizzie, that means something.” Martha said, reaching out to squeeze Lizzie’s hand gently.
“I don’t know how you do all this, Martha, truly. Having John away, the children at home. You must be so worried all the time.”
“Every second of the day. But John and me … I can feel what he feels. And he feels what I feel. So when I feel alright, I know he’s as safe as he can be out there.” Martha said in a whisper, staring down the track.
Lizzie looked at her, unsure of what to say but also so many questions to ask. She’d never felt love like that. Would she ever? And would it be with Tommy Shelby or someone else entirely? It was hard to imagine now, anyone truly loving her. After what she had to do every day.
A distant train whistle sounded and the two girls stood, Lizzie smiling with encouragement as they both watched the train pull in. Martha had noticed the last few trains to come through dropped off fewer passengers in the past. She tried not to think about what that meant and prayed that John would be on this one.
John stepped off the train, taking in the smells and sounds of Small Heath, his eyes wandering over the small crowd on the platform. Blonde hair blew in the breeze and he grinned, his heart leaping to know that Martha was waiting for him. He made his way through the reunions in front of him, eyes on Martha who was walking towards him, wiping tears from her face. She threw her arms around him and he held her close, dropping his head down against her neck.
“God, I missed you so much, Mar.” He whispered into her hair.
Martha raised her head and smiled at him, kissing him quickly before he took her hand in his.
“I missed you, too, love. I was starting to worry that you wouldn’t make it.” She replied.
“I’d get here if I had to walk all the way from France, don’t you worry about that, darlin’. Nothing was stopping me.” John stated as he touched her face, his swagger making her smile even more.
Lizzie watched from a short distance away, as bright green locked with gray blue, and she saw what Tommy had mentioned one evening. He’d laid back in her bed, a rare calm moment, as he told her about John and Martha.
The unspoken conversations they would have ever since they were kids, eyes locked and reading each other’s minds. A love so rare that he’d let it slip, after a long night of drinking, that him and Arthur had a pact to get John home safely. Because no one could bear to see tragedy strike the most beloved couple of Small Heath. And she saw it, right in front of her, the power that their relationship held.
Martha waved to Lizzie as John led her towards the street, hands locked and Martha smiling up at him, her hair blowing behind her. It was local legend that Martha left her hair down, no matter the style of the time, because John liked it that way. And Lizzie could see why, it was enchanting not just John but every person they passed, eyes following the couple as they melded into each other once again. A fairytale.
“Was that Lizzie Stark?” John asked as he led Martha down a quiet back street.
“It was, she was passing by and sat with me for a bit. Her and Tommy … sometimes see each other when he’s home.” Martha explained.
“I’ve noticed her letters to him, but he hadn’t told us anything more.”
“I think … he’s a paying customer, but it seems to be more than that. He finds some kind of solace with her, seems calmer after. It’s not just satisfying the need for him, if that makes sense.”
John nodded and Martha squeezed his hand, reaching over with her other hand to hold his arm. She needed to be as close to him as possible, and that had been John’s plan in taking the long way home. They stopped near the abandoned house, John turning Martha gently against the side wall.
He reached out to run his fingers through her hair, what he’d dreamed of doing every day since they’d last been together. He kissed her neck, hand against her hip, wanting to stay right there forever as she ran her hand through the back of his hair and then down to his collar.
Martha spoke his name quietly, the tone pleading, as John looked up and saw her dimples as she smiled just before he kissed her. Martha wrapped her arms around his neck and took in every moment, the way he pushed carefully against her, his hand dropping to rest against her rounded middle. It felt like she couldn’t breathe and that was completely fine.
“Tonight, sweetheart, I want every part of you.” John murmured in her ear, a commanding tone taking over.
Martha looked up him with a devilish little grin, her eyes lighting up. She’d long ago realized that she enjoyed John being in control as much as she enjoyed him being sweet, as much as she enjoyed him being romantic. It was a part of him that brought out the possessive nature in her, which he loved just as much.
“I’m yours, Mr. Shelby. But first, let’s go see our babies.” Martha replied, her heart feeling like it was going to explode at the look of pure happiness on John’s face.
John linked their fingers once again and led Martha through the back streets home, listening to her talk about the preparations she was making for the new baby. She could’ve been talking about the most boring topic on Earth and he’d still listen just as attentively, if only to hear her voice.
He opened the Shelby front door and guided Martha inside, hanging his coat on the hook by the door. Martha would see to it that everything he brought back with him was cleaned, darned, repaired, and then ready to repack. He couldn’t ask her not to, even in her pregnant state, because she’d never allow it anyway.
“Dada! Dada! Dada!” Will shrieked happily as he toddled quickly over to John.
“Will! I missed you, mate! Come here.” John replied with a smile, picking up his son.
Martha wiped a stray tear from her eye as she watched the reunion between John and Will, John whispering to Will as he hugged him tightly. She bent down to pick up Katie.
“Look who’s here, Katie love, it’s your Daddy.” Martha said enthusiastically, hoping Katie would react at all.
Katie looked at John as he crossed the room, her eyes lighting up with recognition as he got closer. Her green eyes scrunched as she giggled, and John’s heart felt pierced straight through. This girl was going to break a lot of hearts in her future, but she’d always have John as her biggest supporter. And protector.
“My Kitty Kat! I missed you, little one.” John said, reaching out to take her in his other arm.
Will had tucked himself into John’s shoulder, watching as his little sister joined the family reunion. Katie reached out to touch John’s face and smiled widely, her eyes watching John’s as he held her close.
“Da?” Katie said.
Martha and John grinned at each other, both feeling relieved that Katie still recognized John, though neither would ever admit to that.
“That’s right, Kit Kat, it’s Daddy. You’re such a smart girl. So smart.” John replied, feeling a little dazed.
Martha stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her family, head against John’s chest in the space between Will and Katie. John kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes, quiet tears running down his face.
John woke to the feeling of a warm hand against his shoulder and lips pressed against his cheek. He opened his eyes to green and gold, the sun through the window glinting off of Martha’s hair that was spread across the blanket they were wrapped in.
“Happy Birthday, my love.” Martha said softly, reaching out to touch his face again.
“Love you, Mar.” John replied, his voice gritty with sleep.
He slid his hand down to her hip and leaned his head into her chest, taking in every second of how it felt, her hand holding the back of his neck. They’d had a small birthday celebration the day before with the family and a few friends at the house, before taking a carriage up to the cottage in the late afternoon.
It was warm enough to not need a fire, and they’d decided it was a good time to test out Will and Katie sleeping in a separate room. They’d set up a few makeshift cots in the kitchen and stayed up into the darkness, listening for any crying. Martha had laughed quietly to herself as John hopped out of bed before going to sleep, just to check on them one more time.
“They’re still quiet.” Martha whispered now into John’s ear, running her fingers under the blanket and down his chest.
“We have unfinished business from the other night.” John whispered back.
John had been halfway down Martha’s body, blanket over his head, his first night back when they’d heard a giggle from across the room. John groaned into her side before flipping the blanket back up and looking over towards the sound. Will stood in his cot, playing with a small toy, eyes directly on his parents’ bed. Martha had cried laughing at the look on John’s face.
“I’m yours.” Martha replied, biting her lip as John tightened his hand on her hip.
His eyes darkened and Martha sighed as he put his mouth to her neck and then slowly trailed down to her collarbone. His hand wandered further down, pushing one of her legs out to the side, fingers running up and down the inside of her thigh.
John cupped her breast with his other hand, squeezing gently as he put his lips to her swelled stomach. He looked up at Martha and felt his heart stop at how she gazed back at him. Golden waves spread across the pillow, her eyes piercing through his soul, a little smile on her face. She nodded and he continued his way down, propping her other leg up against his shoulder.
Martha had imagined this for days, weeks, months. John’s hands on her, his mouth on her, the indescribable feeling of his tongue running slowly up her core. She wrapped her hand around his bicep, baby bump blocking her view of him but she could imagine how he looked between her legs.
“Every part of you is mine. Say it.” John spoke, pushing her leg down to the side completely.
“Every part of me belongs to you, John. Swear it.” She replied, her pulse increasing.
“That’s my good girl. I can feel how much you want me, Mar. Should I give you what you want?” John said moving his head, so that he could catch her eye.
“Please.” Martha responded, feeling breathless.
John nodded with a smirk, returning to gently bite her inner thigh, running his hand all the way up her leg. He made his way back up the bed, flipping back the blanket. He needed to see it all. To feel it all. Martha looked down at him, how hard he was, and every part of her body buzzed with how much she wanted him.
“Turn over.” He commanded, helping her roll onto her side.
Martha settled herself, smiling as John moved his arm under her head to hold her hand. Even in his dominant moods, he was affectionate. He wanted her as close as possible. She shifted her leg up as far as she could and closed her eyes, leaning back into John as he slid his fingers inside of her. She wondered briefly how Lizzie could sleep with so many men and love none of them, except maybe Tommy. It wasn’t worth doing this just anyone, in Martha’s opinion.
John removed his fingers and held himself steady as he entered her as slowly as he could. He knew from the way Martha’s breath hitched every time that the feeling of him sliding into her was something she really liked. She gripped his fingers as he filled her completely, reaching back to hold his head as his arm slid across her chest to hold her tightly.
“You’re mine forever, sweetheart.” John said, his voice low and serious as moved inside of her.
“I’m always yours, John.”
He moaned quietly, burying the sound into her hair, moving his hips in a forceful, upward motion, staying as fully inside of her as he could. The morning light against her skin, bodies entangled, her fingers entwined in his. He had dreamed of nothing else since the moment his last leave ended.
The family sat outside on a blanket that afternoon, a cake tin and a small basket of food sitting in one corner. Martha turned John to face in the opposite direction as she took the lid off the cake tin and arranged an assortment of his favorite foods on a large plate. She placed everything carefully on the blanket before reaching over to touch the bare skin above his shirt collar.
“You can turn around now.”
John turned, Katie in his lap, a smile growing on his face as he saw the little celebration laid out of before him. He turned to look at Martha, her own smile taking his breath away.
“Happy Birthday!!! We love you. We love you, Daddy!” Martha exclaimed, corralling Will back into the blanket.
Will clapped his hands at his parents excitement and Katie reached for the cake tin, John catching her hand just in time.
“Don’t think so, Kit Kat, you’re too little to share my cake this time. Next year for you.” John joked as he slid the tin further away.
Martha cut John a slice of sponge cake and put it carefully on a plate. Will was crawling into John’s lap and John looked at the cake and then Martha helplessly, a pout on his face. She shook her head with a laugh and took a bite of the cake with the fork, leaning over to feed John. He raised his eyebrow and then swallowed the cake, grinning.
“I like this arrangement. It’s really working for me, love.”
“You’re lucky that our children adore you and are making it impossible for you to feed yourself, otherwise this would not be happening.”
John leaned over and kissed Martha’s cheek, his lips remaining against her skin as he spoke again.
“I can think of a few ways you’d enjoy this, mostly involving me and you without clothes.”
“I am a prim and proper wife, sir.” Martha replied, putting a hand to her chest in mock horror.
“You certainly were obedient this morning, Mrs. Shelby.” John said with a smirk.
Martha smacked him playfully while shaking her head. As much as she missed intimate moments with John, she missed these moments as well. Laughing together, carefree, the war just a background thought. Sitting in a field with their children, celebrating John’s birthday. Celebrating that he was still with them.
Later, as Will and Katie napped on the blanket, John and Martha walked a short distance away to look out across the field behind the cottage. John stood behind her, hands on her stomach, head resting against hers. They both took in the peaceful moment, away from all the heartache, the longing, being separated. They were here together, in the now.
“Happy Birthday, Johnny. I love you.” Martha said softly as she leaned back into John.
John tightened his arms around her in response, picturing in his mind what the scene would look like from the outside. A young, beautiful pregnant woman with her husband, children asleep nearby. The waning sunlight turning all of their hair gold. No sign of war. No mud and no death. Just love.
John had worked an entire afternoon fitting a false bottom into the top left drawer of their dresser. The drawer had been the safe space for letters, including his “what if” letters to his family, and a stash of cash that had been slowly piling up. He was becoming increasingly paranoid that something was going to happen, and had settled for putting in a false bottom to the drawer as a better hiding spot.
Martha sat on the bed and watched as John carefully stacked the cash into an envelope and then placed it into the drawer, along with the bundles of letters they’d written to each other. In his hand were several new envelopes and she felt dread run through her bones. She knew what they were.
John placed the letters on the bed next to her and knelt down, leaning his head forward against her middle, hands on each side. Martha put her hands on his face, gently rubbing his cheekbones.
“I need to know something.” John said as he looked up, eyes glassy.
“These letters are for each of you, if something happens to me. Please promise me you’ll go on, however you need to. I don’t want details, I just need to know that you’ll survive. For the kids. And for me.” He whispered.
Martha looked down at him, green to grey blue, her hands on the face of the boy she’d loved her whole life. The man she would love her whole life. It was impossible to think of him gone. And so she wouldn’t.
“I can’t, John. I can’t think of it … I’ll break.” She managed to say, tears forming.
John nodded in understanding, letting her take a deep breath, feeling him with her, solidly in the room.
“I’m always with you, love. No matter what happens. You are my home.” John said firmly, taking one of her hands and kissing the top of it gently.
The baby kicked against John’s other hand and they looked at each other, neither breathing as the baby kicked again. John wrapped his arms around Martha, pulling himself closer as his tears dropped into the fabric of her dress. Martha leaned forward, her hair draping around John like a cloak.
It was late afternoon when the Shelby clan walked John to the train. Small Heath was silent as it’s citizens watched John and Martha walk slowly through the streets, hand in hand, each holding one of their children. Lizzie caught sight of them from a distance, hand to her heart, praying for John’s safe return. And Tommy’s. She wanted what they all wanted, a relationship like John and Martha’s.
Will began to cry as they stepped onto the train platform, his young mind already realizing that the train took away his Daddy as much as it brought him back. He clung to John, his tears falling onto the wool of John’s uniform.
“I’m going to be back, Will, alright? You be a good boy for your Mummy and be nice to your sister. I’ll see you very soon, mate. I love you.” John said, shifting Will so that he could look into his son’s eyes.
The glassy blue made John’s heart hurt. Leaving Martha behind was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but she understood. Didn’t like it but understood. How to explain to a child, not yet two years old, that you had to do something bigger than yourself? Bigger than all of them? He couldn’t. All he could do was try his very best to come back.
John hugged Will to him, kissing his cheek, before handing him over to Martha, and taking Katie. She hadn’t put together what the train meant, and was fascinated by the smoke and loud clanking of the train cars.
“I’ll be back to you, my Kit Kat. Daddy loves you.” John whispered to Katie as he held her against his face.
Her chubby hand on his cheek cracked into his soul and he thought about how much he hated this war. All the death, all the sadness, all the men leaving their families behind, not knowing if they would ever come back. He prayed he would make it back to hold each of his children again. To see their new baby. To hold Martha and be with her every day, like they always had been.
Finn tried to distract Will as John placed Katie in Polly’s arm, the sadness in his aunt’s eyes betraying her smile. Ada touched his shoulder and nodded, her signal that she would look after his family as well.
John took Martha’s hand and stepped to the side, a small corner of privacy near the train station building. They stared into each other’s eyes, sad green and even sadder blue, John’s hand against her middle.
“Please come back.” Martha whispered, her voice catching.
“I am, Mar. I’m coming back to you all.” He replied, trying to remain strong.
“And you,” he said looking down at where his hand lay, “I can’t wait to meet you, little one. Love you already.”
Martha choked back a sob, raising her hands to touch John’s face. The thought that it could be the last time was in the back of her mind, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible was coming. John put his hands on top of hers, memorizing every shade of green in her eyes, the way she looked even more beautiful in her despair. And the irony of that.
“I love you forever, Mar. No matter where I am.”
“I love you always.”
John leaned down and kissed Martha, his mind had a never ending reel of their goodbyes, he remembered every second of them. He ran his hand through her hair one more time, kissing her cheek and then her neck. The time of caring about being appropriate in public had long passed, he could die out there and no societal rules were going to stop him now.
“I’m always with you, love. Every moment.” John whispered to her.
Martha nodded her head and let herself sag against him, her arms around his neck. Every goodbye became harder for her. To let go of John and watch him walked onto the dreaded train. To spend the evening sobbing alone in bed, his spot cold and empty.
“It’s time, sweetheart. I have to go.” John whispered again, hearing the boarding whistle.
He stood up straight, wiping away Martha’s tears with a shaky smile. They walked back over to the rest of the family, John touching Will and Katie’s heads gently one more time. He picked up his kit, squeezed Martha’s hand, and turned away. His head dropped at the agony of leaving them again, and then he took a deep breath and raised his head, resolve propping him up.
From the train window, he could see Martha trying to calm Will as she stared back at him, their eyes locking for as long as they could see each other. Katie’s face crumpled as she realized John had left, and it took everything in him to not run off the train and scoop her up, make her smile and laugh again. Still, as the train pulled away, he watched his family until he could see them no longer.
