When words turns to magic... @xxcorpyooh - Tumblr Blog

Dear Diary,

Now that I have everything I need, why can’t I bring myself to move and do something? Something useful, something that aside from eating, I could be proud of.

Sometimes I want to scold myself; You have tons of books, why don’t you read some? You have a camera, why can’t you go outside and capture some wonderful pictures? You have everything you need for painting and art craft but why don’t you start and make some artwork?

Why?

Gahd. I hate myself for being lazy. Shoot me now.

xxcorpyooh

16 years old me and overthinking everything.

xxcorpyooh

Until now I can't believe I'm not sixteen anymore...

xxcorpyooh

Girl ako nga di makapaniwala na twenty-five na this year eh.

xxcorpyooh

Ang bilis talaga ng araw, kasing bilis ng pagbabago ng mga tao.

Ngayon ko lang nalaman na 8 months pregnant na pala ang pinsan ko. Sa susunod na buwan ay manganganak na sya. Masaya ako sa kanya iyon nga lang, disappointed din ako. Ipinaganak sya noong ‘96. Di hamak na mas matanda pa ako sa kanya ng isang taon. Ewan ko kung ano pumasok sa isipin nya at ginawa nya ang mga bagay bagay. Nakipagtanan sya, nabuntis, at ngayon, magkakaanak na. Parang kailan lang noong elementary pa lang kami. Sya na yata ang pinakamahinhin at pinakamabait na nakilala ko. Hindi lubos na sumagi sa isipan ko na magiging ganito sya ngayon. Ang hirap pa man din ng buhay. Ni hindi pa nya naranasang makatapak ng kolehiyo sa hirap ng buhay. Paano na lang ang magiging anak nya? Paano na lang ang magiging pamilya nya? Paano na lang ang magiging kinabukasan nya? Paano na lang sya?

Nalulungkot ako para sa mga taon ng oportunidad na sinayang nya. Hindi man lang nya naenjoy ang kabataan nya. Iyon bang, malaya sya. Walang responsibilidad. Walang iniisip kundi ang sarili nya.

Nakakapanghinayang. Pero ito ang kapalaran na pinili nya. Sana pagdating ng panahon hindi nya ito pagsisisihan.

xxcorpyooh

6 later buntis na naman siya girl. Same scenario. Iba pa tatay ng ama. Mga matandang walang pinagkatandaan.

xxcorpyooh

At the store

There was a creepy white dude flirting with me at the store where I work.

white dude: How old are you?

me: 19.

white dude: Wow that's legal already. Are you married? Have kids?

me: No. Student.

white dude: We can be together. How many kids do you want?

me: *looks at him weirdly*

white dude: *laughs*

white dude: I have lots of money you know.

me: I don't care about your money. I care about my degree.

xxcorpyooh

Ooh fiery me at 19. You're 24 years old self is clapping for you baby gurl.

Sarap i-roast ang sarili minsan. Re-reading my teenage posts sometimes makes me laugh hahaha! Siguro iba rin magiging views ko another 5 years from now when I'm in my 30's. Makapag post na nga lang ulit dito to keep some receipts. Re-reading this blog again after abandoning it for years make me see my growth and maturity over the years. It's like talking to my younger self. It's nice.

xxcorpyooh

Why?

Reading those posts I wrote the first time I made an account here in tumblr makes me slap, nope, double slap my face.

xxcorpyooh

Same energy girl. Re-reading this blog after six fucking years. My emo-teenage years is shaking. The twenties me now is eyes rolling.

xxcorpyooh

Douglas College.

Nandito kami sa school campus para mag-ask ng info sa mga classes ko. Nahihiya ako. Ang hirap naman ng ganito. Sana maayos na lahat ng problems namin dito. Hassle lang kasi eh. Sobra

xxcorpyooh

Buti noon may hiya pa ako. Six later wala na eh. HAHAHHAHAHA

xxcorpyooh

May boyfriend ka na?

Naku kapag yan na ang tinatanong sa akin ng mga lalaki, napapa-‘lol’ na lang ako sa isip ko sabay poker face. Sa mga ngiti kasi at sa tono ng pananalita alam na. Kapag puso na ang pinag-uusapan mahirap makipaglaro sa apoy. Dahil sa oras na may mahulog, hindi na basta basta makakaahon. Hindi ako 'oo’ ng dahil lang sa awa o dahil gusto ko lang subukan. Sasagot ako ng 'oo’ sa isang lalaki kung alam kong mahal ako at kung talagang ramdam ko na sa puso ko na ganun din ang nararamdaman ko. Ayaw ko kasing lokohin ang sarili ko mas lalo na sya. Ayaw kong makitang may umiiyak na lalaki, nasasaktan ako. Hanggat maaari ibibigay ko lang ang 'oo’ na sa taong mahal ko. Yung sya na talaga. My other half. My true love. My destiny. (Cheesy? Cheesy kasi ako eh.) Alam kong mahirap mabuhay sa mundo ng pantasya pero wala namang imposible sa mundo. Kaya ako rito, eenjoyin ko ang buhay ko. Hihintayin ko sya kahit gaano katagal. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali. Kapag dumating naman sya, alam kong mararamdaman ko yun. Tiwala lang. :)

xxcorpyooh

2014 ito. 2020 na besh. Girl six years na ang lumipas wala pa rin. Kaya pa? 😂

Share me your darkest secrets. Share me your monsters. Share me everything you’re afraid to tell anyone because you’re afraid to be judged. That they won’t understand. Share me everything about you. I waited for you this long, not a single secret, mistake from the past or even your darkest side can change anything that i feel about you. Nothing can change how i love you. I have my own share of demons too. Know that you are not alone. I am here. You can breathe now. Yes. Im not going to leave you. Because you’re mine. And i am yours.

#randomthoughts

Je pense que, j’ai besoin de faire ce souvent.

#randomthoughts

Je veux étudier le français encore. Ça me manque. Ça me manque quand je parle avec mes amis et mon professeur. Si des cours de français sont dans l' après midi, je le prendrai. Mais des cours de français sont dans la matinée. 8h30 est très tôt pour moi. Je suis trop paresseux. Pourquoi suis-je trop paresseux? Pourquoi? Ugh. Qu-est ce que la vie?

#personal #randomthoughts

Am i special? Its hard to force something that is not yours to begin with. They’re so lucky.So so lucky. Or are they? Those begabt people...j'espère que je peux voir aussi.

#personal #deardiary

I’m sorry

I lashed out like that. Know that i regret it the moment it came out of my mouth. I’m really sorry.

#personal #deardiary

Those people that can be easily influenced by the mainstream things that were happening right now, (talking about Aldub, Nae Nae dance and stuff), those are the kinds of people that can be easily swayed. No wonder humans now can be easily controlled. They worship the mainstream media like waiting for those episodes are the only thing that keeps them breathing.

#realtalk #personal #deardiary #ipityyou