This wasn’t the first time she had heard from Marlene. It was easy to ignore the first owl, the sting of those final moments still far too fresh. The second time she nearly responded. Her heart still ached when she thought of Marlene, even through the anger that never seemed to really subside. But she refrained, instead choosing to dwell on that anger. No one ever chose her, not even the people who were supposed to. No one ever stayed.
On a purely rational level, she knew that she was being unfair. She knew that Marlene had lost everything that night. She knew that everything she had once counted as constant had been ripped away from her, that she had been forced to relearn who she was. But Aila refused to accept that Marlene hadn’t known that she would have stuck by her through the whole thing – if not as her girlfriend than at least as her friend. She could have accepted that… probably. Probably she could have accepted that.
But what she wasn’t sure she was willing to accept was this. She wasn’t sure she was willing to let Marlene back in just to have her remind Aila that she wasn’t good enough as soon as things get hard again.
Marlene hadn’t given her much of a choice though – the postscript on her letter had made it pretty clear she wouldn’t take no for an answer this time. And the thought of Ash’s reaction if Marlene made good on her threat and showed up at the WWN was enough to get her to agree.
“This is fine,” she said softly, pulling out her wand and tapping it against the mug. “I’ve got it.” She paused, unsure of what to say. Talking was what she was good at, but she felt lost here. “You doing okay?”
Marlene wasn’t under the impression that her and Aila were on good terms. She’d been in a dark place, and had in a lot of ways pushed people away she thought she could save from the pain. It wasn’t something Aila seemed to get, and at some point Marlene had to accept it.
Maybe there’d still be rough edges around the two of them, but Marls at least wanted to try and reach out again. maybe they couldn’t fix it, but they were going to at least try.
Marlene settled back into her seat when Aila fixed her drink herself. She wasn’t usually this nervous around people. Marlene didn’t really care what people thought of her, or at leas she hadn’t. Now though even as she settled there was a weird feeling in the air. Like two people who weren’t about to agree but didn’t want to fight anymore.
Marlene certainly didn’t want to fight anymore.
“Better than I was,” Marlene said truthfully enough one of her hands absently rubbing at her neck almost to hide one of the scars there. She’d gotten into the habit over the last year when she was nervous, and although she tried to break it, it seemed to follow her. It may be a stretch to say she was doing well but she was doing better. A lot of the first flames had been doused but it didn’t mean that Marlene was suddenly picture perfect. She was at least a lot calmer than she had been.
“How are you?” Marlene said knowing fully that the other probably wasn’t doing well. Marlene knew that she’d been in - well the fight. Still it felt right to ask, and it seemed to be at the level they were at this point. Almost strangers.
That was a little painful for Marls to think about, but it was what it was.