I don’t really know you anymore. I remember certain things, but all the bad memories seem to have replaced all the good ones. You don’t know me either, not anymore. To me you are deadbeat, lost in a sea of selfishness.
I am almost 18, another milestone you are going to miss out on. Every day for the last year and a half I have been waiting for you to text me or call me or something, anything. My experience in Scotland has been absolute hell and you just sat there on the side-line watching it all happen. I am all alone here, and I have been since 2013. It saddens me that you let our relationship as father and daughter deteriorate with hatred and neglect before it had even started. You left me all on my own at 16, you didn’t put up a fight, you didn’t care.
I blamed myself for it, for months and months, before I realised it has nothing to do with me. It was about you not wanting to take on the responsibility of having a child.
The problems didn’t just start when I was 16, they were there from the start and you chose to ignore them. I cried myself to sleep every night, hoping and praying things would get better from here. They got worse when you joined in. Every time you looked at me I saw the hatred in your eyes, you blamed me for everything that went wrong in your life.
No one really understands what went on while I lived with you, because no one could see. They couldn’t see the conditions I lived in, or the way I was spoke too. The only evidence I have are messages to my mum begging her to let me come back, but even she doesn’t understand.
I saw your message to Adam, but it meant nothing, why could you not message me? Ask how I was? If anything had happened to me. Do you know how it felt when I was in the house and it got raided by 10 police officers, him being arrested and all my things being taken away from me. I didn’t want to be here, I wasn’t strong enough.
I feel bad for what you missed out on. You didn’t get to see me open any of my exam results, you didn’t teach me how to drive, you won’t get to send me off to prom or help me move into University, you won’t get to see me graduate, buy my first house or walk me down the aisle. That was your choice when you told me to leave. Maybe you can’t remember all the things you did to destroy our relationship, but I can. You may have more than one child, but I only have one father, and you let me down. This isn’t the life I expected or wanted, but the one you forced me into. I have had to live my life without you, and I have tried every day to forget about you like you forgot about me, but it’s hard.
I don’t know what I expect by sending you this letter. I don’t expect a response. I’m sorry you didn’t get to be a father, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be your daughter, but you left me with no option. Believe me when I say I’m sorry for both of us. I want to forgive you, but it won’t be easy.
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
andulkaphoto
gummygunk
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
blakekathryn
gracieabrams
2087
ellievsbear
snowghoul
