first of all, i juST started screaming at my desk i hate this secondly, i’m gonna jump to my death from the highest room of the tallest tower!!Grady knew that coming back to Fay Hollow was a Very Bad Idea™ – in fact, he knew entering the state of Illinois was going to end up biting him in the ass – and for someone who was well-acquainted with both terrible ideas and ass-biting, this would surely be the death of him. He had debated on just sending his brother a wordy text to pass along to their mother about his deepest condolences for the death of her late husband, his own father, but he figured that wouldn’t blow over too well with Mama Yates or the rest of the family.A lot of people had shown up for his father’s funeral; practically the entire town had come to send off the eldest Yates and give their regards to his mother and brothers, including the Tivnan’s, for all the hell Grady had put them through (though he suspected it was more for his sweet mother than for himself).He had put more than a fair few people in Fay Hollow through hell before he’d left.(He wondered if the one he’d practically dragged through the very pits for all those goddamn years would even show up at all. He doubted it, and he had stopped bothering to look out through the crowd for that flash of red hair.)He continued about the service in typical Grady fashion; weak-willed hugs and misplaced humor regarding death and dying to detour from actual feelings that had people scurrying away from him as quickly as possible. Truthfully, death was inevitable and he had just really wanted to get out of this stupid fucking itchy jacket and constricting tie. He kissed his mother on the cheek and headed out the large double doors of the town’s Presbyterian church that he had literally never entered in his entire life until this moment, his father’s reception. The March air in Illinois still had a brisk, welcoming bite to it that differed from the frigid chill of the Canadian air he had found living up in Montana after he’d moved (i.e. ran with his tail between his legs) away, and he pulled his flask out of his breast pocket to take a large swig right there on the church steps. He was already on the fast track to hell, anyway, and it was best to keep his all-day buzz going.Grady wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve of his brother’s suit and gave a nod to an older couple walking out the doors who eyed him suspiciously before hurrying off, bidding them a sarcastic “Good day,” as they walked faster. The couple disappeared into the crowded parking lot when he finally saw her, just across the street, pacing between two hawthorn bushes that he had planted at the dentist’s office years back, wringing her hands and appearing as though she was muttering to herself. He could only imagine what she was saying.Some very misplaced part of him wished that he had never showed up so she could finally talk herself into going in and giving her condolences to the family – he knew his mother would be really happy to see her – and she wouldn’t have to go through all the back and forths of seeing his face after all these years. He’d made such a huge mess and then he’d just left. He’d left her to just deal with it all and literally never spoke another word to her again, not even when her lawyer had managed to find him in Nowheresville, Montana to serve him with those long awaited divorce papers. It was all so trivial and beyond completely fucked that he had no right to start across the street, giving a hand up to a car that slowed and honked at him, finally directing her attention his way. He saw the anger in her eyes from 20 feet away; that vengeful glare at about 15 feet, something that maybe resembled sadness at 10 feet, and where he came to a stop in front of her at about 5 feet was where he watched her eyes go right back to their fiery flames, a slur of curse words coming at him faster than he could comprehend before she finally stepped forward to push at his chest. He teetered at the edge of the sidewalk, stumbling back into the street as blow after blow came, wanting to let her push him into traffic but stubbornly refusing to die on a day he’d have to share with his father.“Mma–” he swallowed her name, shutting his eyes tightly before shaking his head and bringing his hands up to grab her tiny gloved fists, bringing her warranted assault to a halt as he tried again. “Marcia, I’m –”To tell her that he was sorry wouldn’t be fair. Not to her or to himself.Instead, his head fell, and she had let it fall right onto her bosom. Her words fell silent, and while she never moved her balled up fists from her side, she let him rest there for another minute longer before he finally lifted his head and asked if they could go somewhere to talk.~~~~~~~~~~“I’m sorry about your dad.”Grady wiped away a quick tear, hoping she hadn’t noticed but knowing she absolutely did before offering up a simple shrug. “Yeah. Me too.” A good three hours later as they sat in her car, the sun long gone down and her voice long since worn from all the yelling and the accusing, and more yelling (he had always admired that she could keep a conversation going while he was a man of very very few words), he tipped back the last of the whiskey in his flask and made a move to get out of the car. Marcia had made it abundantly clear that there was no longer any reason for them to ever see or speak ever again, and the silence was starting to become deafening despite the fact that there was a part of him that wanted her to keep yelling just so he could have a reason to still be there. His hand was on the handle, one foot was sliding out the door when her voice broke through; sad and heartbroken where it once had been angry and hurtful:“Did you ever wonder what it would have been like if you had stayed?”Grady shut his eyes tight, not wanting to meet her gaze. He had. If he had been any less fucked up, maybe he would have stuck around instead of disappearing into thin air like a midwest tornado after doing it’s destruction of leveling a whole town.He wasn’t just scared of his own repercussions, though. Grady had been so fucking afraid that if he’d stuck around, if he’d made any attempts to clean up his mess, that she would find it within herself to be just fucked-up enough to forgive him.Grady didn’t deserve her forgiveness, just like he logically knew he had never really ever deserved her. He really wanted her to see that.“Nope.” He could have really loved her, if he had just tried. “Never really thought about it.” He could have found it in himself to be a better man, one that could make her happy if he had just. fucking. tried. “God, you look great, Marcia. I really hope you don’t ever think about me.”
snowghoul
titsay
yousharknotpass
