🖤 💗 🖤 💗 🖤

minor | bpd + psychosis + trauma | no discourse | tucute | he/they/xe | coping/vent side | my symptoms are being worked on, no need to worry | tw for knives, repetition, obsession, mental illness, + blood- ill update the warnings as needed

[yanderendevous]

i feel so warm and special. you talk to me like im important

[yanderendevous]

i am going to try to be more active

now that i realize theres not a lot of yancore blogs that are a. active. and b. not by terrible people. and c. dont crosstag into lovecore, i have realized i should post more

yes this is 90% because theres a gap in the market and i want attention. no i will not take criticism on this. its queue time baby

[yanderendevous]

the things id do to kiss you at the top of a ferris wheel. . .

[yanderendevous]

you gave me purpose

i am forever bound to you, my dear

[yanderendevous]

now that i found my iridescent knife, i cant help fantasizing about you running it down my neck

[rakyats-archive]

please help me escape an abusive mother

i feel so absolutely terrible asking for donations, but my situation is getting worse by the day and there’s only so much i can do

i’m a 24 year old latino trans man in new york. i suffer from clinical depression, an anxiety disorder, and bpd - as well as several physical health problems such as a compromised immune system (celiac disease) and chronic migraines.

despite my compromised immune system i work part time (i’m an essential worker) but i make very little due to few hours.  i’ve lived with my mother for my whole life and she has always been incredibly emotionally and verbally abusive. since the start of the covid-19 pandemic, her treatment of me has become something i am unable to tolerate without shutting down. i’m at the point where it’s hard to function. each day is a battle with her that leaves me wondering if suicide is the only way out. she’s begun wildly gaslighting me and triggering shutdowns and dissociation. i’m so tired from both work and doing everything for her + my emotional exhaustion that i can sleep all day (and i do).

i have actually started a profile for affordable living for my boyfriend and i today, but nyc affordable living is a lottery you must apply for. my boyfriend is also a trans man and lives out of state, but was put out of work by the pandemic. his home life is also not ideal. at this moment in time, neither of us have the savings or income to even apply for housing. all that i know is, my mother is telling me i need to leave asap.

please, if you can, donate to help me, my boyfriend @dadbodsarehot​, and my pet rescue duck into a better and safer situation. i didn’t know where else to turn. 

you can send any donations here (my paypal.me is under my witchcraft business’ name).

you can also contact me directly for $5 tarot readings or $10 astral readings. if you are interested in spirit/entity companionship, you can also join my shop discord and browse the spirits i have available for binding. it currently gets next to no business.

please reblog this if you can’t donate. thank you so much, everyone.

here’s a picture of my duck, paz, to make you smile (you may have seen her around social media)

[rakyats-archive]

UPDATE: my mother’s behavior is getting worse. she’s taken to driving recklessly and almost getting us into accidents at least 3 times in the last week. she is also breaking glass, ranging from food we just bought, to cups and mugs, and even my duck’s drinking bowl. today i’m almost an hour late to work because she wouldn’t let me leave the house until i finished everything around the house she wanted me to do. i’m ashamed and afraid i might lose my job, and that’s the only income i have. further, my boyfriend’s roommate is threatening to kick him out by september, in which case he won’t have anywhere to go.

PLEASE, please please help if you can. i’m at the point where i don’t know what to do anymore.

[rakyats-archive]

UPDATE 2: it’s confirmed that my boyfriend’s roommate (house owner) is kicking him out in september. if this happens, he’ll have nowhere to go. our only shot is to get a place secured soon or we won’t have anything left

i’m searching daily for the cheapest apartment space for us to get. with our low price range + a deposit, we’d need just a few months of rent money to keep us afloat until he can find a job here and i can transition to full time work at my job (or find something more fruitful)

we’re looking to raise about $3-4000 if at all possible. please, if you can spare even $1, together that would help immensely. thank you so much for your time, again. and thank you to all of the amazing people who have donated already. you’re incredible.

[rakyats-archive]

update 3: just a small one because i’m so tired of just everything. the house my one bedroom apartment (which i share with 2 family members) is located in now has bed bugs. mattresses and blankets are getting thrown out. who knows if we can afford an exterminator. i’ve lived here without a space of my own since i was 13 and i don’t care anymore about saving it, i need to get out.

my boyfriend sleeps on a recliner and it’s now broken. he has painful problems with his back and trying to use his roommate’s old bed is causing him immense pain affecting his sleep. long story short: we need to get a place asap. i’m always at work and half my minimal paycheck gets taken by by mother. please please please help. if we had a dollar for every note we’d be set. reblogs help so much if you can’t donate. thank you

[rakyats-archive]

family got an exterminator for the bed bugs that wasn’t safe for birds. it smells so bad it burns my lungs. we’re all put outside for today. trying to keep the birds happy but paz is confused and stressed. it’s 90°f in new york today but we’re in the shade with water. i wish so badly for their sake to get out of here soon. my mother is going berserk. my boyfriend only has about a month left before he’s kicked out. we need about $3000 at least at this point. i don’t know what to do. please help us if you can.

[rakyats-archive]

UPDATE: i truly hope this is the last one with bad news that i have to make. we need help more than ever. my boyfriend has two weeks before he’s kicked out of his home. tonight, the abusive homeowner invaded his personal privacy by eavesdropping on a phone call with his mother. upon hearing him complain about his situation, she barged into the room and began screaming and hurling insults at river while he was still on the phone. she said things to and about him that i can’t even repeat, because they were disgusting (transphobic, fatphobic and ableist) and it breaks my heart to think about it. she threatened to hit him, call the police, and when he spoke up to defend himself, she threw an object at him. the end result is that she is giving him only two weeks now to leave, and will throw all of his belongings out if he refuses due to his rights as a tenant. he may have rights to a couple more weeks, but this atmosphere is abusive and dangerous and something i do not want him staying in.

PLEASE, please help us if you can. if you can only donate a dollar or two, that’s still amazing. it all adds up. if you can help out a little more, i will be so thankful for the rest of my life. both of us are scared and out of options. please help. we have two weeks. thank you so much

[rakyats-archive]

my mom is unhinged she’s going to my other birds to shit talk about paz to them and she’s threatening to get rid of her

every waking day is misery please help

[rakyats-archive]

small update: please help us. we still don’t have enough funds to do anything. my bf is being kicked out this week. hurricane isaias knocked my power out and it’s going to be 4-5 days for me on my heat intolerant medication + trying to keep the birds cool. there’s barely a way for me to charge my phone because my mother’s emotional and verbal abuse is skyrocketing in the current situation. she’s just been mocking me and rolling her eyes and saying it’s not real when i start to get sick from the heat’s effect with my meds. i’m just sitting here crying i need to get out. we both need to be safe

[rakyats-archive]

small update i guess. the apartment i’m living in with my mother isn’t safe anymore. our neighbors are racist and violent and i just got into some shit with them outside since we live in an apartment house, they’re literally steps away from our front door. and i’m honestly afraid it might get physically violent soon since they tried it today. i hate that i’m scared to go outside now for more and more reasons. i don’t need someone screaming bloody murder at me and threatening to hurt me. all i can ask is for a little more help. for my boyfriend, my birds, and for me. we need to be safe and be able to survive.

[rakyats-archive]

update 8/12/2020

we are still very much in need of help. we’re both living in abusive situations and we can’t even be together to get through it. my mental health is in the toilet to the point where it’s affecting my physical health and i’m in pain. my boyfriend is in a household that is very dangerous for him. please, if you can donate, it could help save us. if not, reblogging helps so much. we can’t keep struggling through the days. i cry when i have no energy to play with my birds and simply waste my infrequent days off sleeping on the couch. we deserve a future.

[rakyats-archive]

update 8/18/2020: i have about 2-3 weeks left in this house. my mother has completely lost it and every day is hell. she really wants me gone. everything i’ve ever done for her means nothing. i’m honestly really scared. i’m really, really scared to the point where i’m dissociating and every muscle in my body is tightening up. the screaming is so bad it leaves me sobbing and my duck gets scared and it makes her stomach sick. we need help in this last stretch. please. i’m trying to hold it together but i’m falling apart

i’m going to be less active than ever due to these new circumstances and i’m going to have to try and take even more hours at work.

i hope she can at least put a smile on someone’s face

[yanderendevous]

does anyone else collect things that remind them of their beloved?

[yanderendevous]

is there anything sexier than stealing cute objects to give to your darling?

[yanderendevous]

you are my last thoughts before drifting off, and the first thing i think about when i wake up. i am yours, every hour of the day

[yanderendevous]

everything i do is for you. every action and thought is fueled by the thought of seeing you

of touching you

of holding you

[yanderendevous]

everytime we talk, i find a new reason to adore you

every moment were together makes everything worth it

[yanderendevous]

im so hopelessly enamored with you

[yanderendevous]

im yours forever

you cant get rid of me now. ill always be back, beloved

[yanderendevous]

you belong to me

and me to you

i'll repeat forever

so you know it's true

[yanderendevous]

id kill to lay my head on your chest and hear your heartbeat

[yanderendevous]

my heart melts when i realize you could destroy me, but choose not to

my weaknesses are do easy to exploit. but you protect me instead

[yanderendevous]

for all my flaws, you still love me

i am eternally yours. now and forever. til death do i part