Rhea M. Tingal @yangchan-blog - Tumblr Blog

Confession

“My Almost”

SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

yeah mapapamura ka nalang talaga sa inis dahil sa kanya. I have this guy na baliw na baliw ako sa kanya nuon it happens na sa kanya nalang talaga umiikot ang mundo ko. Yes, it is gusto kong makawala sa spell but nothings happens. I was so damn hurt before. Torn pieces by pieces and questioning my worthless worth.

Fast forward my life in dubai is a great mess and I learned alot of things. LIFE AND LOVE FUCKED HARD so bad but stilll I stand firm. I was so damn ok with my life here until November 4, 2019 he just pop up from nowhere and message me on twitter. I don’t know what I felt that day but I’m sure that I’m so darn hurt. Yes, it hurst like hell. He message me like nothings happened like I’m the same girl whose crazy over him. Like duh hindi ako tanga para mag stay sayo. Akala niya siguro madadala pa niya ako sa simpleng chat niya. Ano siya hello? na I will just accept him ARMS OPEN WIDE? to hell with him. Syempre I respect him so I replied back but not the same excitement I have. I was so dead inside and I felt hollow. BWESIT SIYA AFTER ONE YEAR NGAYON LAN NIYA NAISIPANG MAG CHAT? SINO BA NILOLOKO NIYA?!

and there he goes talking like everything’s normal! hah! I’m so pissed with him na gusto ko siyang sakalin. Naiinis ako sa ganya at OO galit ako sa kanya. Galit na galit. Ano akala niya sakin uto-uto? ang kapal nang mukha niyang makipag communicate sakin dahil ano? bored siya?ano need a friend? ano need na may mag care sa kanya? fuck him! he is so selfish na hindi niya ako tinapat! Uo andon tayo sa wag tayong ASSUMING pero naman besh wag naman tayong PAASAHIN. Bobo naba talaga ako sa paningin niya? piste siya piste.

So hayun I tested my self if I still have the same feelings for him but no I don’t and I cried not because of his chat but because he is a devil because he is so unfair selfish paasa! shit! hindi na ako magpapauto sa kanya. Bahala siya dyang mag message sakin sa twitter.

Ngayon? manigas siya hinding hindi ko na siya papansin. May pasabi sabi pa siya na nagbago daw ako ULOL! GAGO nag bago ako dahil sa KAGAGUHAN MO! Lintek mamatay na sanang pa-aasa sa mundo! shit wag niyo namang gawing bobo ang isang tao na nangangapa kong meron pang kayo sa huli! shit talaga! ansarap murahin kaso cge lang pabayaan natin.

Now I’m happy kasi I concluded na wala na siya sa sistema ko Fully moved on nako sa pa-aasang yun di nako marupok sa kanya hindi na wala na akong feelings para sa kanya. Tapos na ang lahat bahala siya sa buhay niya.

p.s

FUCK YOU WITH FEELINGS NALANG DRE!

#beastmode

Point of View

Napakaboring nang office ngayon ultimo pag buga nang hangin boring. Wala na kasi akong ginagawa dito ngayon kundi naka upo nalang. Hindi naman pweding mag tumbling kasi baka sabihing na buang na ako. Parang ayaw ko nadin basahin yung binabasa ko sa Wattpad kasi nawalan ako nang gana. Pati twitter ayaw ko narin eh open parang gusto ko nalang eh hinto yung oras at magtambay nalang. Inaantok pa ako langya to.Hayyyy buhay!

#septemeber 25

Confession

“Ang Gago kong AMO!”

September 25, 2019

Its been two days na andito siya sa opisina at parang wala lang sa kanya ang mga pinagsasabi niya last saturday. Ako naman itong grabe yung epekto sa mga malilibog niyang talak nong sabado. Para akong nabaliw sa kanya at takot na takot. Ok sana kong siya ang pinaka gwapong nilalang sa balat nang UAE eh kahit nga mga local dito nasusuka at nandidiri ako sa kanila kasi feeling ko mga gwapo sila which is ang baho baho pa at ang mamanyak. Ok ako nang ang judgmental eh kasi naman mga bwesit!

So ayun first day hindi ko siya pinapansin pati na kahapon diko siya pinapansin pero siya itong nagpapansin. I don’t give a fuck kong amo ko pa siya or ceo pa siya sa company natu. What I care is lumayo siya sakin kasi hindi na ako comportable na kausapin siya. Hindi ba niya nahahalata na iba na yung kilosko sa kanya? ANG KAPAL KAPAL TALAGA NANG PAGMUMUKHA NANG HAYOP NA YUN! akala niya siguro after non ok na ako sa kanya na kaya kong kalimutan ang kalibugan nang kagaguhan niyang putang ina. But no sinoa siya sa akala niya?

So ayun nga kahapon plastic akong tumawa pero hindi ko siya pinapansin hindi ko rin siya tinitignan bahala siya diyan. I just wanted him to feel na mali yung ginawa niya s akin. Nagtiwala ako sa kanya kasi mabait sita pero sinira niya lang itong tiwala ko sa kanya ngayon? nabahiran na ito nang malisya and I lost all of my respect sa kanya. Buseet siyang tao! ano akala niya sakin Gaga tanga? easy to get? don’t me! pumuti man ang uwak hindi kuna talaga siya papansinin gago siya!

Hindi niya siguro gusto yung ginawa kong pag-iwas sa kanya kaya siya nag initiate na lumapit sa akin! KAPAL! FYI asshole hindi kupa nalilimutan ka walanghiyaan mo! kong malibog ka ipahid mo yan sa rough wall tangina ka!

Lumapit siya sa akin at chineck yung report ko for the first time after 2 month ngayon lang siya nag reklamo. Even if nagpapansin siya hindi poker face lang ako at di siya tinitignan. KAPAL niya KAPAL KAPAL niyang putangina niya!Gusto kko siyang sakalin gusto ko siyang irapan at patayin kaso hindi hindi pwedi kasi siya yung nagpapasahod sakin. Akala niya sinon siyang mataas hah! KAPAL! kahit sino pa siya dyan wala kaong paki sa kagaguhan niya. Pakshet talaga siya tangina niya!

Maganga ba yung sinabi niya pa na hindi daw sabihin sa iba kong ano pinag-usapan namin? like what the hell diba? akal mo naman kong sino siyang gwapo tangina gago talaga siya. Akala niya hayyyy naku! ansarap niyang sipain at ang srap niya talagang itapon s impyerno as in! nagagalit ako sa kanya at hindi na talaga to huhupa! Lahat galit ako pati boses niya galit nagalit ako!

PUTANGENA!

#gago #diputa #dragtohell

Confession

“The Mysterious Guy named Nuky”

So I have a confession again this day September 24, 2019.

I don’t know how to start but I will start it na magulo because at the first place nag chat siya sakin na magulo na ang buhay ko sa dubai. Kailan nga kami nag chat nito I think mga March ko siya na chat or April. Kasagsagan yun nang pag achieve ko sa goal na makahabol sa Once Piece so ayun and that time my Life were torn apart and my heart broke pieces by pieces and I was so hurt and I’m in pain.

It happens so fast at nag chat kami at first suplada pa ako sa kanya sa isa kong account. Sincemaarti nga ako para akong tanga na nag create nang isang account kasi tinatakasan ko ang mga kaibigan ko kasi ayaw kong makita nila ang aking mga post minsan kasi patungkol sa kanila pinopost ko. So I am an asshole posting my feelinigs na in social media like twitter na hindi naman dapat but hello? sasabog ako pag hindi ko ma post. I am confident enough to post my rants and pain sa twitter. So ayun nga naging friends kami until such time na kumakabog na yung puso ko pag nakakreceive na ako nang message sa kanya kaya I shake my head and said no hindi to pwedi chat lang to I shouldn’t feel this way at dahil ganito ako kasi napaka cold nang mga kaibigan ko wala na silang pakialam sakin at nag lagay ako nang malaking wall sa pagitan namin kasi feeling ko I don’t trust them anymore. Baka kasi eh chismis nila ako. So ayun nga all of a sudden I trusted this stranger to open up all of my problems.

I talk nonsense random stuff to him and he just accepted that I don’t know but I am too comfortable to talk about my rants to him. After nong na share ko sa kanya about sa labor ban ko hindi na kami nag pansinan recently kulang siyang kinulit mga last month at nag message sa isa kong account. Yung main accoount ko naman deactivated kuna yun kasi naiinis ako sa account na yun.

What happened was kinulit ko siya nang kinulit hanggang sa na shock ako kasi hindi ako ganon ka kulit sa kanya before I mean na notice niya siguro yun pero pako naman si tanga nagpatuloy. Ewan kuba eh sa gusto ko siya makausap eh. I so dumb promise sarap eh sapok yung ulo ko sa pader at mag ka amnesia nalang forever.

I know nagugulat na sya sakin kasi chat ako nang chat na wala akong pakialm na eh chismis niya lahat nang problema ko this past 2 weeks. Yung malungkot ako magulo utak ko pati yung nangyari last saturday sa amo ko na share ko na sa kanya. I know and I can feel na hindi na siya comfortable sa akin because para ko na siyang ginawang human diary via social media particularly sa twitter. But I don’t care about that all I car is mailabas ko lahat nang hinanakit ko. So ayun nga I feel like something isn’t right kasi para nag lagay siya nang wall between us even if andami niya pang advice sain. Feeling ko hindi na siya natutuwa sa akin sa mga pinapakita ko at kinikilos ko sa kanya because I sound like a clingy person sa kanya through chat nga lang eh.

Is bad showing how weak I am?how messed up I am? kasi feeling ko naweweirduhan na siya sa akin. I mean I can feel that also kasi nga engot at gago talaga akong tao. I feel bad about myself. Feeling ko kasi tanga kong tao. I felt attached to him which is hindi pwedi boy juice ko lerd yang bakit ka ganito.

I had a bad experience being attached to someon online and it leave me a big scar sa buo kong pagkatao. Hindi na ako natutu gago talaga ako. So ayun tumatambo yung puso ko pagnag reply siya sakin which is odd I know this feeling pero I still have my sanity no mygaddd hindi ako papayag na sa kanya nalang eh share lahat nang suliranin ko sa buhay buhay ano siya?

So right now I put the highest most thick wall between us. I have to do this because ako yung kawawa if papatuloy ko ang kahibangan na ito. I don’t want to ruin my mind again and started polluting it of overthinking. I need to stop and stay away of twitter for awhile kasi hindi na nakakabuti pa sakin to. I mean he is just a stranger right and I can just shrug him. But you know I consider him a friend dear to me or I don’t know. I know I have been paranoid all about this but I need to stop this. Kasi naman eh sumusubra na ako. Ayaw kuna siyang pansinin sa twitter. An drama ko na masyado eh. So better keep the distance and stay away. I need to get a grip of my sanity and self. Mygadddd.

Anyways I am still thankful to him kasi he understand me so well kasi naman ang childish ko sa kanya nahihiya na ako sa kanya ayaw kuna siyang istorbuhin so ayun iwas iwas na ako sa kanya.

He is still such a big mystery to me. I still ask who si he pero hindi kuna siya eh search katamad. Bahala na ayaw kuna siyang kausapin. Wag na marupok for my own good naman to eh.

So ayun na. This will be my super dramatic useless confession I Like him so much! and I guess its a goodbye to him. He will always stay in my heart and his goodness. Hulog siya nang langit.

My mysterious guy I must say thank you and Goodbye.

#nuky

POV

I really cant look at him right now. Adyan parin yung takot ko sa kanya sa nangyari last Saturday. Hindi parin ako mka get over doon.

#09/23/19

Confession

“He is here.”

September 23, 2019

He came and all of my fears crawl my being but I never took one glance at him I remained calm and cool. Syempre siya ang boss I am just his employee but I am doing my own work right now. I keep myself busy in phone calls and other stuffs. I also open my twitter chatted my internet friend and read story in wattpad. I took all of my attention in my whatsapp and messenger and reply all of my friends messages para lang iwasan siya. I know I am being pathetic at kinain na ako nang kaba ngayon but who cares right? Gusto ko na nga umalis at umuwi eh. After what he did nawala na ako nang respeto sa kanya lahat lahat gumuho. I don’t trust him anymore kahit na amo ko pa siya I don’t care. I will finished my visit visa up until November and after that kalas di na ako babalik dito. I promise to stay away from this people. I still manage to get up in bed kahit na andito parin yung feeling of fear ko.

It is not easy to make a straight face and blank your expression because I am not that kind of person. Right now I am ignoring him and I hope he knows that because on the first place what he did was not right. Yes even if that is the topic my mind is still young to grasp that things. Yes OA n kong tawagin pero hindi ko kaya nang ganong topic kasi nga una lalaki siya pangalawa kahi open minded pa ako hindi ko gusto ang mga pinagsasabi niya. Akala niya siguro lahat nang mga pilipina pwedi niyang paikutin sa kanyang mga kamay. Hindi ako opportunista at lalong hindi ako nag kicrave sa mga kabastusan niya. I know I overthink things but HELL guys nararamdman niyo naman diba if ang isang tao iba na yung gustong ipahiwatig? I am not that stupid enough para hindi ko iyon mapansin. Gago ba siya? may pamilya siya at puro babae yung mga anak nila. Kong makati talaga yang ano niya ipakamot niya sa iba gago siya. Wag ako na inosenti ang ginaganyan niya.

I feel like I was emotionally harassed dahil sa ginawa niya and he expect me to like it? Ghad! I felt so discourage by him for heaven’s sake hindi ko siya papatulan myghaddd. I love my dignity and I will protect it I am not that low enough para patulan siya tangina niya.Wala siyang hiya pagkatapos nang lahat. Kapal kapal nang mukha niyang gawin yun sakin buseett siya. Nakakinis galit na galit ako sa kanya starting last Saturday at itong galit ko sa kanya pang forever. I forgive him already but I never forget how he acted and talk those shitty things. Damn him.

For now I won’t let my guard down just so they wait I won’t come back here ever again.

#monster #monday

Confession

This is September 22, 2019 and I have a confession Yesterday at around 2pm at the office in Aspin commercial tower floor number 3 room 304G. I was alone with my Boss since my madame left early because she has a date with her husband.

At first tahimik lang ako kasi alam mo boss mo you should pay some respect and hindi ako nagsastart nang conversation kasi nga boss and I don’t have the right na maging (Feeling Close)because I am not like that. Kahit na madaldal ako hindi ako gumagawa nang ingay or kahit na conversation sa kanya or whatsoever so in short parang wala akong pakialam sa kanya kahit naka upo pa siya sa desk niya. I can be silent like forever hanggang mag out ang office. but that afternoon is different.

He ask me to speak and I laugh and said na ano bang sasabihin ko sayo sir? wala akong ma-isip which is true wala akong ma-isip kasi nga nasa twitter at wattpad yung attention ko. Sabi niya talk random stuffs so ayun nag kwento ako sa kanya nang kong ano ano bali parang isang paragraph lang sinasabi ko sa kanya and the silence. Tas magsasalita na naman siya sasabihin niya sa akin na please talk I dont want to work daw na hindi siya nagsasalita. So ayun after noon nag ask na siya nang personal question like bakit hindi daw ba ako nag-aasawa pa? so tumatawa pa ako niyan kasi nga I am comfortable kasi nga mabait siya pero yesterday afternnon parang nag-iba siya. I trusted him to give some persona question kasi nga mabait siya at first. That’s me I trusted easily I don’t know why but I am too kind enough to accept certain person if they are too kind to me which is not a good idea kasi hindi mo alam dapat maging confedential ka.

Nag-ask siya nang point why hindi pa daw ako nag-aasawa so ayun nga nag provide naman ako sabi ko sa kanya na I am not in a rush na kalangan kupang makatulong sa magulang ko at kailangan kupang eh enjoy yung buhay ko since bata pa naman ako. So ayun nag explain naman siya sa kanyang side na ms maganda na meron kang partner kasi ganon din naman yun ey ma-eex[erince mo naman lahat lahat nang yun if may asawa ka which is I know that part pero kasi boss ko siya pinabayaan ko nalang.

Suddenly nag iba na yung topic napunta na sa first menstruation ko daw kuno at what age daw ito para tumagilid na ako at para nagsuspetcha na ako but I remain calm and answer his stupid questions. AT nag explain pa siya about some other odd things which is I don’t like to talk about but I still remain professional since I respected him and he is my boss. So ayun ayaw kuna siyang tignan sa mga time nyun hanggang sa nag alas kwatro. Nagtanong siya have been having this feeling in your body like you know. At first tumataw pa ako pero later on para ako nabato sa kinauupuan ko at nag remain calm lang pero yung lamig sa likod ko grabe nanginginig ako sa takot.

Inulit niya. Have you been caring sometimes for physical contact? Like its normal to us having this kind of feeling. Sabi pa niya When I was a child I have been experiencing that and having some wet dreams blah blah because its normal daw doon na ako na alarm. Fuck shit he envited me to have lunch and to watch a movie.Fuck I feel like I am an easy to get girl. For heaven sake I am not a Whore and a slut.

I feel like crying pero pinigilan ko kasi its unprofessional fuck that I need a work not a work of a whore. I know he had that urge yesterday and he si bribing me foods and movies. I felt scared at nanliit ang tingin ko saking sarili. So since hindi kuna kaya nag pa-aalam akong uuwi na which is I am thankful kasi pumayag siya. Hindi ko alam kong ano napasok sa kukuti niya kahapon but I thank God na nakalayas ako. But before I leave he said na dont discuss the things we talk about to madame or anyone I just nod in response. Ghad

When I was outside the building I started crying and my mind went blank. I felt like hindi ko alam feeling ko inapakan pag-katao ko pride ko ego ko. Hindi ako makapag-sisp nang tama hanggang sa metro para akong maiiyak. Yung tuhod ko naging jelly na. Hindi ko alam kong ano gagawin ko nakatulala lang ako. Gosh pero winaksi ko sa isp iyon at nag duty parin. Hindi ko ipapakita sa kanya na naapektuhan ako dun. Gago siya uo gago siya. I am too innocent about the outside world. Why am I so weak? Why am I not able to dfend myself from thi montsres. Kulang pa I need to build myself up para di nila matibag in the future. FUCK THIS COMPANY!

#yesterday

Lyrics

Maybe I know, somewhere Deep in my soul That love never lasts And we've got to find other ways To make it alone But keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this Keeping a comfortable, distance And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

#091619 #monday

POV

What if eh search ko kaya siya sa facebook?

or na?

eh kasi naman ey alam ko na mahahanap niya ako sa facebook at alam kurin mahahanap ko siya kaso nga lang ayaw ko.

#monday 091619

POV

I just hope ma notice niya iyon.

Because I said everything to him including ths escpace chuchu na pinauso ko sa sarili ko.

That is me duwag na kong duwag pero just to feel safe tatakasan ko lahat nang yan basta hindi lang ako masaktan nang paulit-ulit.

POV

Tinatamad na akong mag twitter.

But the truth is meron lang talaga akong tinatakasan.

Ayaw kuna kasi siyang makausap.

Ayun lang.

#monday 191619

POV

I wanna be an author but I am shy to post my stories in wattpad.

Lyrics

“It’s like I don’t hear the word they say and my mind is somewhere far away.”

Thoughts

That thing called workmate

so hey! again lemme just remind you that I am out of this world and I will definitely post my thoughts whenever I feel the urge to post it.

So here I am today at the office doing my boring but risky work. The silence where too noisy that only my deep sight will roar in the office. I have this office mate whom I talked to this past few months but later on she changed. So I decided to shrug the little thoughts because you know its only another long useless drama and I DON’T CARE. I am careless about her because I am minding my own business at my desk but unfortunately I am pissed right now. Even if she won’t talk to me what’s her problem I know there is. I am so tired about all of the people who are doing shitty drams and I am so tired of my Life right now. It may sound being plastic but smile and still talk to her. I don’t have problem with her because I haven’t done anything to her its just her and her drama. Well I don’t about anything for as long as I am doing my work and doing what is right right?

Please scroll down haha

abiding-in-peace

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

Louise Erdrich (via abiding-in-peace)

nanakorobiyaokii

リヴァイ ⚫ LEVI shingeki no kyojin guidebook

I meet this Guy

So hey!

This is the 3rd post so far and don’t be surprised because you will be flood by my super dramatic rants anyways so I have something to talk about a guy to whom I chatted in omegle. Hell yeah it’s 2019 and I am still using it after HS. I am not a whore but I just wanted to chat random people because I am bored you know bc I can’t handle the silence at the office so might as well search of the things that might caught your attention and disappear your sleepiness.

I met this guy Proof from USC he is from Cebu City particularly in Mandaue.

I didn't actually expect that he will share his drama on omegle because you know all of us are strangers thee and it means you shouldn't trust any body there. Most of them are lying I mean not most of them but all of them are lying I know that because I myself too are lying about my name age nationality blah blah but this man is different. I don’t know if whats gotten him but I know for sure that he hasn't moved on from his past.

so the story started..

He had a girlfriend for a very long time and they were in love with each other like he loved her so much. But then one day this gf of him wanted to settle down but they were still studying and young by that time so he decline because he is not yet ready and after that they broke up. Then he just heard the news that her gf and his cousins are now in a relationship and later on they get married. He said that he keep his distance but the girl still love him and his cousin said that too. He said that I stay away and moved on because he knows that there is someone out there fit for him destined for him.

I just aw and give him advice about this and that and his worth because I feel him not by the same situation but by the same pain of what caused loved to us.

after that “the stranger disconnected the chat”

#omegle

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