Dandelions @yarnsmith - Tumblr Blog

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James West Jr. April 16, 1937 to January 28, 2019

Leigh Meux February 14, 1949 to March 10 2018

Jennifer Mary Stewart August 26,1947 to August 16, 2016

Carolyn Ann Smith October 17, 1948 to February 26, 2016

Suzanne Meux August 30, 1978 to March 26,2014

I don’t understand people...

Every state has some form of kids insurance.

We also pay $404 a month for our family to have insurance through work.

It’s the same $404 if 3 people are on it or 4.

Florida KidCare is $230 a month.

So to drop our insurance it would cost $634 a month.

Every time I tell people if they have private insurance they will be denied Florida KidCare, they tell me to drop private insurance. :(

If I had tears, I would drown by now.

Two weeks into a mysterious sickness with a complex child we cancel our Christmas plans.

I just wanted to get out. I just wanted a break. It never happens. Maybe never will. It’s okay because I have a roof and food and I should be grateful.

Two months ago I postponed my lovers dream. I can’t go with him. I can’t cheer him on or forbid him. I can only say maybe one day.

A friend cut us off because of something. I’m sure it was something but I don’t know because I never had a chance. I never had a voice.

We are forgotten, but out of sight and out of mind. No one helps us. No one knows how. Autism is a name of a heavy burden. Maybe someday it will be a super power. Not today.

I manage three generations of health care because of my gender. I manage five tons of laundry because of my gender. I stay home with a complex child because of my gender. Every single breath I take asking for help is silenced. Because of my gender?

Don’t worry about me. I’ll keep swimming. It’s the only thing I know to do. My grand sceme, my goal in life is to outlive a boy 35 years younger than me. It’s my only option.

Eventually this house will no longer be our home, and eventually we will actually be desperate. But not today. Today I have no tears, just words.

#tumblrismydisry

Being poor sucks. One of my favorite hobby stores is closing. I don’t have funds to support them. This is the last year our local bookstore will be in business. One of the main consignment stores is also closing. My favorite bakery already closed :(

Dear love,

I think maybe you’ve forgotten about me. Honestly that stings. I’m trying to tell myself that’s my own mind, but I honestly don’t know anymore. Wanting someone’s happiness is so much easier then said.

22/365 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs_ngiqF8JK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=iip073o8lor7

21/365 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs_G9b7nc2k/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1un4z75pnyntb

20/365 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs_AyzXn-qA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1vs9nxl63q5w7

It looks kinda like a snake, but in reality it’s a baby blanket. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs65GZblhpB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=iceiu06isikn

12/365. #yarnutopia #365daysofgrannysquares https://www.instagram.com/p/Bsejsq8lNrl/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=118kqsyxb7oa0

#yarnutopia #365daysofgrannysquares

11/365 https://www.instagram.com/p/BsePSqpny_f/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n3mstxkkts9y

10. White

Viggo was antsy once he got home. He tried to concentrate on swimming. It didn't really work, and his focus suffered. He tried to focus on training Hope. That was a bit easier, since there was fun involved, but still Viggo wasn't a very forceful person. He even tried to focus on getting ready for school, without much headway. He kept on thinking about that night in the hotel, and how things pretty much returned to normal after that night. Maybe it was just a dream, but now it was the only thing he could think of. Mannie, on the other hand seemed oddly hyper focused. He was gathering curriculum, he was making presentations, he was reviewing textbooks. He was also reviewing grad students. "This is why I was always an adjunct before." he said at least 10 times a day. The very first time, Viggo reminded him that it was better for his career and his finances, after that there really was no need to beat a dead horse. Mannie also muttered to himself, quite a bit. Viggo wondered what it was all about, but wasn't brave enough to confront him. Then one day, a student came to his house, looking for Mannie. The girl seemed surprised to meet Viggo, and asked when Viggo expected him back. By this point, Viggo was feeling slightly paranoid, and closed and locked the door in her face. He retreated to his bedroom, and that is where Mannie found him even an hour later. "I'm afraid this house may be rubbing off on you." Mannie said. He patted Viggo's leg. The stray cat that wondered in and out had made a bed on Viggo's lap, and scurried off when Mannie appeared. "I don't know what that means." Viggo said honestly. "I mean, before I lived here, I didn't shut doors in peoples faces." "I'm sorry. I really didn't know what to do. Your students aren't supposed to come to your homes, right?" Mannie nodded. "That's true. That's why I will not have anything to do with her. I talked to her. I told her next time she came here, I would take out a restraining order. I think that woke her up. I doubt she meant any harm..." "So, I should just tell them it's inappropriate and ask them to leave?" Viggo clarified. "Hmm. Maybe you should tell them you are my boyfriend. IF it is a young lady, then that should scare her away. If a young man, then, sure." Viggo blinked. "I'm your boyfriend?" Mannie nodded. "I...hope...so..." Viggo "What about the hotel room?" Mannie scooted closer so they were laying head to feet. "I thought boyfriends did that kind of thing..." "I mean since..." "Fuck V. I'm sorry. I wish I had your energy. I don't know. Honestly I don't feel like that all the time. Sometimes I feel...white." "White? Is it depression? Anxiety? Something else?" "That's just it. It's nothing. I feel empty. I feel like a part of me died. I don't know how to act without that part. But that night..it wasn't like that. I felt full. Overflowing. Like blue." "I love how you equate feelings to colors." Viggo mused. "Good. I'm glad. Because I think that's part of it. I'm falling in love with you, and I really don't know how to do that. Not from a pit of emptiness." Viggo bit his lip. "I love you, too. You don't have to force yourself to do anything. Just remember I'm eighteen. Maybe I should just masterbate or something..." Mannie chuckled a bit. "You should defiantly masterbate. But, V, there is something slightly more serious I need you to consider." Mannie sat up, and Viggo slowly followed suit. "If you want to go out and have fun...and by fun I mean sex. Then go. Just...just come home to me. Okay? Just...just be safe." "You want to be polyamorous?" Viggo wondered. Mannie chuckled. "I already am. I still love Nikki. Maybe one day, I will be able to let go. But that's not today. I'm sorry." Viggo shook his head. "No. Don't be sorry. I just wanted to be clear. I don't want to assume anything. I understand. Sometimes I feel like Nikki and I, are.... it's almost like she's still here, competing for you. So maybe...casual sex with other partners would help..." Mannie sniffled a bit. "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. It's not really her. It's just my own wounded psyche. I don't think...I don't want to loose you too..." Viggo reached over and kissed Manny, gently. "Then just don't push me away. I accept your terms. I will have casual, only casual sex with other partners on one condition. You let me have sex with you first." Mannie gave the smallest blush. "I think we did okay in the hotel room." Viggo smiled "You had no problem getting me off. Thank you for the hand job. What about you?" "It's sometimes hard for me to..." "Since when?" Viggo interrupted. "I guess...since Nikki passed..." Mannie sighed. "I felt an erection that night. At the hotel." Mannie nodded. "It's sometimes hard for me to keep them." he whispered. "You should talk to your doctor. Promise me." "Løfte." Mannie confirmed. Viggo kissed Mannie lightly again, when he heard the Danish word for promise. "What if I...." Viggo muttered. His mouth when dry, and his brain seemed to short circuit. "Viggp, I know I'm older, but you do have more experience with men. So, please tell me frankly, what if you...?" "What if I...top?" Viggo asked gently. A light bulb went off in Mannie's head. "Oh." he said and nodded. And then thought he should add. "I've never had anything, bigger than a but plug up..up there." Viggo nodded. "Okay. Jeg vil være forsigtig." He tugged at Mannie's shirt and Mannie helped him pull it off. "I'm going to need English, V. Please." Viggo pointed to himself. "Gentle." he said and was rewarded with another kiss.

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