YAYAY

22. frustrated poet. socially awkward. geek. blessed. happy. contented.

[yayayjustyayay]

"When things go wrong, as they sometimes will When the road you're trudging seems all uphill When funds are low and debts are high And you have to smile but you have to sigh When care is pressing you down a bit, REST, IF YOU MUST, BUT DON'T QUIT." ~credits to the Unknown Author

[yayayjustyayay]

Take me back to bohol. Bilar: Man-made Forest! #bohol #philippines #nature #traveldiaries #backpacker

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I am NOT on your LEAGUE.

This has something to do with my previous blog post.

I am plain and simple, and certainly not grandiose. I don’t have the curves and the stunning features every person of the opposite sex looks for. I am not attractive. I hate wearing make up, ‘cause when I do, I feel uglier. I don’t go with the trend. Fashion is not my thing. I only find it expensive and ain’t worth a competition. I don’t put much effort on looking good and I never take much time facing the mirror trying to figure out what’s less of me. I don’t flaunt just to be recognized nor did i try so hard to be the apple of the eye. I am not your typical girl.

I am socially awkward. I’d rather stay alone in my room with a book than go out and party all night with a drink on my hand. I’d rather talk to myself and argue with my own thoughts than try to make a conversation with someone I don’t personally know. Yes, I am afraid of rejection (but that’s another big thing to discuss). I hate being in the crowd and still feel that I’m alone. I was used to be locked in my comfort zones around the four wall in my room doing my thing and not worrying about how other people thinks of me. It was more of a defense mechanism (I told you, it’s another issue to be discussed). I’ve never been to bars, clubs, or the like. I’ve never tried hard liquor or anything with alcohol nor smoke cigarette or vape . I never stayed up all night outside my home and forget about the rest of the world even those who cared for me. For almost everyone, these things make them cool. But i believe that I don’t need to be cool like everyone does. I take the quote “You only live once.” not a signal for me to do whatever I want and be wasted for the rest of the night, but a motivation for me to do things right and use the life I have wisely. Say, I am different but I find myself the coolest for I am unique.

Nonetheless, I love myself the way I am. I grew up living with the principle that I don’t need to impress or please anyone. That I don’t need to be like anyone to be accepted. For I believed that being me would always be enough. I am perfectly imperfect. I am contented. This is me. I may not be on your league but I don’t really care at all. For anyone who loves me will accept me for who I am and not for who he/she wants me to be.

I am awesome. May not be flawless but I am awesome in my own little ways. **

[yayayjustyayay]

One hot summer love. San Antonio Island, Samar. 🌄🌊☀ #throwback #traveldiaries #backpacker #samarph #philippines #beach #isla #icapture

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Oslob: Tumalog Falls 🌅 #oslob #philippines #traveldiaries #tb #backpacker #nature #icapture

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WHEN YOU DON’T FIT IN

Do you know what sucks? It's when almost everyone rubs mud on your face and tells you how disgustingly different you are from everyone else. Like your unacceptable in the society because of how you look, how you act, and how you dress, just because you don't go with the trend. F*ck. What the h*ll is wrong with me?

I grow up being told to be true to myself; that I'm good just the way I am; that I don't need to please anyone and that i don't have to prove anything to them. But as I try to be me, the world tells me how f*cking different I am. And as every single day passes by, they treat me like I’m far less than the person I think I am. It hurts. It sucks. It makes me want to just disappear and wish that I don’t exist at all. Why? Tell me why. Do i need to be like everybody else? Do i really need to fit in and go with the trend? Does it really make me any less if I want to be me and not be like you want me to be? Do i really have to meet the standards you’ve set? NO. H*LL NO.

Ever wonder why i get too affected? I don’t know too. But what I’m sure of is that it sucks to be surrounded by people who’s too judgmental and insensitive.

[yayayjustyayay]

TANONG

May sangkatutak akong tanong. Tanong na di ko kayang sabihin, ni ibulong. Dahil sa takot na maaring ang nasa isip ko, ang mga sagot na lalabas sa bibig mo. Takot akong magtanong, takot dahil alam ko na ang sagot. Na kahit na ang mundo'y umikot pa ng umikot, at kahit na maubusan pa ako ng mga salitang hugot, di na magbabago ay iyong sagot.

Oo, sige na. Di na ako magpapakatanga. Oo na, tanggap ko na, di na ako aasa. Di na magbabalak na magtanong pa. At matatapos na lang ito na magpapahayag ako ng mga salitang nakakalito. At may mga salitang tugma man sa mga narinig mo, alam kong di mo pa rin alam ang nararamdaman ko.

Tapos na. Tapos na. Oo na, tatapusin ko na. Kahit na ako'y nagtataka kung kelan nga ba tayo nagsimula. Tayo? Meron nga ba. Maaring may ikaw at ako, pero tayo? Nagkapagtataka? Sa palagay ko sa tingin mo, wala. Wala. Wala. Walang wala. Dahil ang tayo na ibig sabihin ko ay ang tayo na ako lang ang may gawa. Dahil ang tayo na ibig sabihin ko ay ang tayo na gawa gawa. Dahil ang tayo na ibig sabihin ko ay ang tayo na dati ko pang ipinagdarasal sa Maykapal. Na sana, kung may ikaw at ako. Sana, may tayo din. Oo. Ayun sana.

Oo na. Eto na. Malapit na ang wakas. Titigil na ako dahil sayang na ang oras. At nawala na ako sa landas. Nagsimula tayo sa tanong. Tanong kung ano ang pangalan ko na sa akin ay iyong ibinulong. At kung ikaw ay may pagkakataon na malaman ang sagot sa iyong tanong, nakakalungkot lang na ang mga akin ay kelangan ko na, sa limot ay ibaon. Ngunit bigyan mo ako ng isang pagkakataon. Una at huling pagkakataon. Oo, huli na. Sa dami ng aking tanong. Mag iiwan ako ng isa. Oo isa, hindi dalawa. Isa. Isa. Isa lang talaga. Dahil pagkatapos nito lahat ay magwawakas na. At Sagot mo'y di na mahalaga. Ewan ko kung ngayon, maririnig mo na ba, dahil di ko ito ibubulong pa. Oo na. Eto na. Di na ako magtatagal pa, pagkatapos nito bahala ka na. Pakinggan mo nga lang sana.

"AKO'Y MINAHAL MO BA?"

--inspired by @therainbro ‪

[yayayjustyayay]

UNSPOKEN WORDS

I could say nothing for a long time but don't expect me to stop observing. I may give total silence for everything that's happening but i won't assure you that my senses would stop working.

I won't judge anyone from the testimonies of others. Well, i give myself a chance to know them in my own ways. But mind you, if time comes that I make my own judgements about you, BEWARE --'cause neither I nor everything would ever be the same.

[yayayjustyayay]

live. laugh. love. learn. #epicsmile #throwback #oslobescapade

[yayayjustyayay]

sunset.🚢🌄☀ #maguinooport #samarescapade

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Happy Birthday father dear! I love you and i miss you! 😘😁😊

[yayayjustyayay]

Tumalog falls. 😍❤ #oslobescapade #summeradventure

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REALITY😶 #allegiant

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UNCERTAIN

you came. for days you made me feel so special. you acted like you cared. i believed. i thought everything was certain. i even had considered it as a fairytale for real. like ‘twas a love story anyone could ever imagine. you even know how to tickle my heart. you made me happy. you gave my eyes their sparks. but it only lasted for a couple of days. the next days were different, far different than before. it was like i was just nothing. why? what happened? why now? i’m on the verge of falling, but you left me hanging on the clliff. could i ask if what parts were true? what points are worth believing? baby, if you’re just playing games, mind you, i am not interested to play! i doubt you feel the same way, like you were serious about it. but darling, you left. without a word. without an explanation. now, i am lost. i don’t know where i am heading to. will i wait ‘til you get back? or will i let you go and move on? 

[yayayjustyayay]

people come and go. it's how life works. 😏