zimbits stuff I guess

zimbits text posts and occasionally my own zimbits text posts woooo

[thunderhel]

[thunderhel]

[biblionerd07]

Jack Zimmermann watching Heated Rivalry: “When are they going to play hockey?”

[junglejim4322]

All my posts are based off true events except the ones that aren’t

[palmettoshenanigans]

Neil Josten when asked to cite his sources

[omgcheckplease]

BOUQUETS

Jack: Well I wasn’t going to get just one

Jack: So I thought three was a good number

Jack: Then I saw that they had this deal, buy one get one on every bouquet so that ended up being 6

Jack: Then if you got 7, the cost per bouquet went down so much.

Jack: Thought I round it up to 10 since that’s a nice even number. Also some of the boys might need some.

Jack: Then I remembered your number was 15 so that was just 5 away.

Jack: Sorry

[skullism]

I couldn't resist

[lardosducks]

interviewer: so, jack, what was your first big purchase after you joined the falconers? a car? vacation? 

jack, thinking about how the day after his contract was finalized he accepted a $700 venmo request from shitty with the comment “fee for making me watch a documentary on the franco-prussian war”: i got a new watch

[b1ttle]

10 years into his NHL career, PR finally convinces Jack to make a Twitter and absolutely no one was prepared for how good he’d be at it (Bitty takes all the credit)

__

Based off of these tweets by Tony Hawk which gave me BIG Jack Zimmermann vibes…so this was born-

[b1ttle]

Love that people are still reblogging this…also this post is almost 4 years old wtf-

[doggernaut]

Based on this:

And this:

Jack Laurent Zimmermann is 100-percent going to be that dad who chases the kids around the house and gets them riled up right before bedtime. 

[onesleep-twopie]

Happy Bitty And Jack Doin' It In The Back Of His Dad's Truck Eve to all those who celebrate ✨

[bitty-smol]

this is one of the most chaotic jack faces i have ever seen

[forfuckssakejim]

The first Falconers game after Bitty and Jack get married, the falconers pull off a big prank on them. In which every player on the starting line (and everyone else) is introduced as [Last Name]-Bittle. Like in that friends episode where Courtney gets married and asked for the opening credits to be changed to CoxArquette to show it and instead they changed everyones last name to Arquette

And they all have jerseys made special for that first game and Jack is laughing the whole game and Bittle’s in the line up just cheering on everyone.

At the end the Falconers social media channel posts a picture with everyone in their Bittle jersey and the caption is like “The Falconers and their husband, food network star and author Eric Bittle”

[notallthosewhowander]

bitty being an influencer and a very big bruins fan in public and jack, pushed by tater to *finally* slide into bitty’s dms just writes ‘yeah sorry I beat your team tonight’.

[parvuls]

I know I keep dropping random au ideas everywhere like a trail of breadcrumbs, but listen, I just had this thought:

bitty is a single dad to a six-year-old kid. and this kid is, uh, bitty's kid? and therefore has big brown eyes and an adorable little nose and also killer adhd. it was honestly a constant battle to get them to work on their writing/reading skills through first grade.

but that summer the kid goes to summer camp for the first time, and comes back smiley and sun-burnt and telling bitty all about mr. z, who is apparently now one of their favorite people and also somehow got bitty's kid to sit down and read at camp. possibly by using magic, because bitty has certainly tried bribe before (to no avail).

so when bitty's kid begs him for help writing letters to mr. z over the school year... well. it's in bitty's best parenting interest to say yes, isn't it?

[nomorelonelydays]

When Bitty and Jack tell the Haus that they’re dating, Jack almost acts like he’s making up for lost time, taking every opportunity to openly be affectionate with Bitty. As a result, the tadpoles, who have been told of the rumor that Jack is a hockey robot previously, literally only know the Jack who, when he visits, perches himself on a kitchen stool and puckers his lips at Bitty as he cooks while making sad droopy puppy dog eyes so Bitty will kiss him. Also he lifts Bitty up and spins him when they greet each other and calls Bitty a bunch of pet names in French. To the taddies, Jack is just their Embarrassing Dad™.

[am1na]

tender love

[my-random-fandoms]

Jack would definitely do this for Bitty

[madlori]

sometimes I remember that this was a real actual thing that happened and it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

[wrathofthestag]

So I have a new headcanon that eventually, Jack will write a cookbook. After years of watching Bitty cook, Jack picks up a lot. At first, he's shy in the kitchen and looks to Bitty for reassurance and guidance. Gradually, he dives into cooking with gusto. Much to Bitty—and Bob's—delight, he becomes more fearless and adventurous in the kitchen.

With Bitty's busy schedule, Jack begins cooking more meals at home. He approaches Nate the team's dietitian for info on cooking for athletes. They have long chats and Nate gives him lots of books and recommends some online courses if Jack is "really interested." Which he is!

Jack then finds himself making lunches for the guys. Tater draws a cute little cartoon of Jack with a chef's toque that he tapes to the nook wall.

Like everything Jack approaches, he is 110% and is diving into the science of food, particularly in relation to the athlete. Bitty is charmed beyond belief.

"Honey, this is delicious and you have definitely outdone me when it comes to cooking for the team."

"Euh, thanks, Bits."

Jack blushes but feels good when he brings food for the Falconers. And blushes even more when the guys chirp him as they happily dig into Jack's creations. It's then that Jack finally understands, truly understands what Bitty feels when he cooks for others.

Soon, FalcsTV is always abuzz about Jack's cooking, especially with Tater's What's in Zimbonni's Kitchen? segment. So, it's no surprise when Bitty's agent approaches Jack about a cookbook for athletes.

"Bits is the chef, not me," he quickly replies.

But Bitty's agent, and Bitty, smile. Soon the book debuts and, of course, it's a hit.

Shitty and the team chirp Jack within an inch of his life.

"What's with the beefcake photo, brah?" Shitty razzes (as the pride shines on his expression).

Bitty quickly shushes him.

"The publisher knows what the masses want, Byron."

Jack's a little embarrassed, but ultimately, he doesn't care. He's proud of the work he's done and smiles as he puts a copy of Eat More Protein next to all of Bitty's cookbooks in their kitchen.