Today is my birthday, in some ways, it’s my first as a mother, in others, it’s my last as a non-mother. Your daddy and I are working on things, we’ve talked about you a little bit, but I try not to because I know he is still upset and scared. But don’t worry baby, soon he’ll get it. It’s easier for me, they always say a mother becomes a mother the second she finds out she’s pregnant, but the fathers don’t until the baby is born. Daddy already has a child with his ex girlfriend, but that was different. He knew and loved her, in our case, I don’t want to call you a mistake or accident, you’re just our unplanned surprise. We hardly even knew eachother when we made you! So things are hard, but he is trying. We’ve got 9 months, or 8 now, to get to know eachother better and build a good relationship, no matter what type, for you, and we will. It’s so weird, you’re not even a 5th of an inch big, but you are doing such big things in my life - and body, already. I can smell everything because of you, I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about you. I already bought you a couple things, I couldn’t help myself. But I’ll try not to buy any more until I hear your heartbeat, just in case. I can’t wait for that. I can’t wait to hear you and see you, even though it will be so long until you look like a baby. It’s crazy the timing of this. Right now, our country is in turmoil because of a terrible man and the fact that he really managed to become president. I believe in and fight for a woman’s right to choose to terminate a pregnancy, and right now that right is being threatened all over again. While I’m supporting that, no one knows I’ve got you inside me and made the choice to let you continue growing. Well some people do, I have told quite a few friends but mostly because 1. I know they’ll be so excited about you, and 2. I need support. It’s hard baby. Keeping this big secret, I want to tell the world about you. Soon I’ll have to though, and it will be hard. I’m scared of how my family will take it, but I know that they love me and trust me to do what’s best for me, and now you. Thankfully your grandma is the best, I have had her support since the beginning. I don’t know how I’ll explain this to your aunt, my sister Ella. She’s only 11. Things are real hard baby, but I had a job interview to be a daycare teacher. How great would that be? I already loved working with kids, now I need the experience even more! And if I get it, you could go to work with me and that would be great. I’m in Houston right now on the way home, I came here to see friends for my birthday, and tomorrow I’m going to go see your Daddy for the first time since we found out about you. I don’t know what else to say, I just needed to talk and type I guess. But now I like the idea of writing to you. I love you, and I can’t wait to have more proof of your existence than a couple lines on a pee stick and some weird body changes.
Edit: To add on, something I think is so funny about our story, you, is that your dad and I met on New Years Eve, we rang in this year together. One thing that made me like him so much was his obsession with the 90's, including Alice In Chains, he loves them so much and I can't wait till he's in better spirits about all this to tell him that this year, the year we entered together and the year we will have you, is the year of the rooster.
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