I donât quite understand whatâs happened or why anything has happened over the course of a year or so, but someone I loved more than I could ever love anyone has vanished into thin air. His body walks around, goes to work, goes to bed, but the person I will always love is no longer. I donât know how to put this into words and this may not make sense, but what I had, I will never have again. I cry every day because this person was taken from me, I cry every day because I still love them, I cry every day because they will never be the same, I cry every day because I miss them. Accepting the fact that theyâre gone has left a hole in my heart massive enough to almost collapse the entire thing, but somehow Iâm still going. Iâm with someone else now but itâs not the same, and itâs painful. This person is eating me alive from within like maggots and Iâve become someone I donât recognize. I have no empathy or fear, I no longer cry when things arenât okay, I no longer love like I used to or even talk like I once did. I sit outside my school in my old car, my feet on the dash, and I wonder where they are, where they went, all the signs I ignored, all the red flags. I donât know what life is going to be like from now on, I donât know what to think of anything. Iâm so medicated that everything just rolls off me, every single thing. Iâm tired, Iâm very tired.
Two years ago.
