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time for a break.

"HOLY GOD", I exclaimed in orgasmic wonder, "I NEED ANOTHER ONE OF THESE!" And yes, that IS what she said.

Bananarchy. Austin, TX

It was about an hour after we got home that I served this jewel. OMG, orgasmic. The moaning, the lip licking, the drooling, the come hither eyes, and the mouthful of creamy joy. YES, YES, YES, oh, thank you Errol.

The Cheesecake Factory. Austin, TX

The frosting is what an orgasm tastes like.

Cupprimo Cupcakery and Coffee Spot. Austin, TX

Donuts and orgasms in one. What more could you want? Go now, do not look back.

Gordough's. Austin, TX

With Shiner Bocks dripping in anticipation, we dug in to our glistening butcher paper platters for what can only be described as a "beef orgasm."

Kreuz Market. Lockhart, TX

For $12, that banh mi better make me spontaneously orgasm, and I can assure you that this one didn't even make it to first base.

Elizabeth Street Cafe. Austin, TX

Great staff, great selection of beer, great food, always interesting conversations and *two* orgasmically good porches.

The Dog & Duck Pub. Austin, TX

Have you ever had an orgasm??... because its just like that y'all. Except its not awkward the next day... and nobody cries at the end.

Austin Beer Garden. Austin, TX

Unacceptable. I don't care if your food could give me a mouth orgasm, if you don't honor your business hours I have no use for you.

Texas Pizza Pasta & More. Austin, TX

it tasted so good that my eyes watered up with tears of bliss and I had an orgasm.

East Side Pies. Austin, TX

It was an orgasm of Thanksgiving in my mouth.

Which Wich. Austin, TX

cheerfulfox-deactivated20171226

F.O.O.D. O.R.G.A.S.M.

Smashburger. Austin, TX

The food was.....its kind of like asking a virgin to describe an orgasm. I put it in my mouth and Im just not me any more. My eyes roll in the back of my head and i sigh and moan and i forget that I'm a human for a little while. I don't talk but communicate in moans and grunts and choose to deal with everything bare-handed.

Franklin Barbeque. Austin, TX

And not like corporate branding (ahem dominos and ahem tostitos and ahem et al ahem ahem) artisan, but really fucking delicious and textural and flavors that communicate wordless ascensions of bliss amongst the gnash and tear of tooth and pull and suck of (real) molten cheese: elastic and lovely and fully alive like an obese orgasm- napkins necessary not because you're a sloppy bastard (which i am) but because the loving in your mouth makes you sweat, breathless, chewing at first haphazard and without fear of danger simply and only because you just cant goddamned wait to tell someone, anyone, just how fucking delicious the amalgamous but still incredibly macro/micro tactil-acious in its individual taste three-dimensional flavor profile.

Magazine Pizza. New Orleans, LA

gymaaholic

This breakfast is better than sex.

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