Hey I just finished Legacy of Yangchen and am going crazy over it (lol) -- any fic recs for someone new to the Yangchen novels fandom?
hi!!! welcome! we're very glad to have you here; the novels are so so so good and it always makes me so happy to see more people reading them!!
as for fic recs, honestly the tags on ao3 are very small, so pretty easy to search through. but i do have a few suggestions as well :)
first off, have to toot my horn for just a second as i have... quite a few fics written 😅 all of them are linked on my fic masterpost, but to save you some time, i'll give you the ao3 link to all of them - they all take place post-canon, and i sorted them into a series so they can be read in chronological order, called The Next Steps! there's a bit of everything; fluff, smut, angst, etc. feel free to jump around as well, none of my fics actually require any other fics to understand them.
next, of course, i have to hype up my lovely mutual @katkastrofa <3 every one of her pieces is so utterly amazing i truly can't choose a favorite!! we're always talking yangchen, and all our combined inspiration has resulted in so many lovely fics. definitely check out her profile!!
another mutual of mine @junipernight also writes some absolutely amazing things; fun and fluffy in the best way possible!
and then here's just some more links to other works i love (honestly i love every work in the tag but if i had to pick a few):
Warmth by katnissisbrown
Small ripples in the surface by Faa
with you all night by poetroe
Go on and pull me under with you by yellow_salt
layers of clouds by starbitz
the world falls away, and it's only us by xAlthaia
Sunset by Strawberry_Yumi
there are also some really amazing artists in this fandom! @thyinum, @ghxxuls and @marigoliad just to name a few (goliad is who drew my profile pic :3)
finally, for a whole collection of yangchen novels/yangvik content, check out @yangvikweek2024! i hosted the event back in july, and the turnout was truly amazing!!
thank you so much for the ask! happy reading, and my inbox is always open for Yangchen Thoughts if you ever need a place to send them!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
have you ever wondered what order to read my yangvik fics in? me too sometimes. anyway, i now have them all in a series in chronological order for your reading ease <3
Hello guys, I had a idea of a fanfiction, and not long after I wrote it and now I want to show it to you. A big thanks to my English teacher who corrected all of my mistakes. And now, have fun reading it!
In the last time Yangchen and her companion Kavik did not see each other much, in the time they did see each other they were in a lot of arguments.
The arguments themselves were nothing big, but some of them led to bigger ones that really put their patience to the test. In these times both of them acted quite stubbornly and wouldn’t admit how sorry they were for arguing for such a dumb reason, they just went different ways and either forgot about the arguments or kept arguing later on.
Even though they didn’t seem profound, the arguments really hurt Yangchen, and what was even worse was that she didn’t even knew why she was so vulnerable because of these stupid reasons, why did she let her tears fall for this? Why did she let her tears fall for him?
It had been a long week with a lot of missions, some were dangerous, some were just boring. At the end of the week Yangchen was in her room of the hideout, reading a book, but not focusing on what she was reading. Where was her mind? It was on Kavik, she was thinking about him.
She knew she missed him because she hadn’t seen him for the entire week. Was he ok? Was he angry at her? These few questions were swirling in her mind the entire time and she didn’t even understand why.
The last time she saw him they ended up arguing about the a stupid thought of hers, she thought he had secrets, then he went away with Jujinta for a mission. And about a week later... He still hadn’t come back.
After she caught herself not focusing on her book, she laid it aside and went out of her room, to her other two companions, Tayagum and Akuudan.
The two were sitting and eating some traditional water tribe snacks, Yangchen thought that the food was probably something like some fish or some kind of meat, but to her surprise it was a plant that grew deep in the ocean. Yangchen had tried it before, and it was really tasty in her opinion. As an airnomad she didn’t really try different food from other nations, even as the avatar she usually sticked to her traditional food, or food that she knew tasted good.
When she took the seat next to Akuudan, the older man immediately asked if she was all right.
Yangchen looked up at him, why did he asked it, of course she was all right, why wouldn’t she be?
Just as she wanted to answer that she was perfectly fine the words got stuck in her throat,
maybe she wasn’t that alright as the thought she was.
Tayagum also noticed the sad expression in Yangchens eyes, he looked at her and then started
asking if Kavik was on her mind.
"It's Kavik, isn't it?" before Yangchen could think about her answer she just nodded, both Akuudan and Tayagum looked at her, then at each other, why were they looking at her that way?
Then everything started to make sense, she knew what they were thinking about.
"It's not what it looks like, stop smirking. I don't like him - at all. It's just... The last time we saw us, we ended up in a fight."
Before Yangchen could finish her sentence Akuudan interrupted her. "You miss him, huh? Him and Jujinta. I know Chen, we all miss them. But don't worry avatar, they will come back soon."
Jujinta? No, actually she didn't think much of Jujinta, the only person that was swirling in her head in last time was Kavik. "Yes, I miss my companions." she managed to say, somehow not crying. Wait, she wanted to cry because of him, again?!
The door opened and two more people entered the room, Kavik and Jujinta.
All five members of team avatar looked at each other, in that moment Kavik caught Yangchens eyes, she jumped from her chair instantly and stepped towards him.
She was quite a bit shorter than him, but not too much. Without any thoughts she wrapped her arms around Kaviks chest and gave him a hug. Everyone stared at her, but did she care about this? No, she did not. Kavik didn't know how to react at first and just stood there for a moment before hugging her back.
All her worries were gone in this moment, before Jujinta interrupted... "Hello avatar, glad to see you." the man said, standing in front of Kavik and Yangchen.
She tried her best to not give him a roll of her eyes, somehow, she managed it and looked at him and nodded in response.
The rest of the afternoon they spend together, chatting, laughing and telling stories about their time together.
Yangchen caught herself looking at Kavik while he was telling a story about the time when they both were staying at the northern airtemple, this story was one of her favourites. She was sitting at a campfire with a few other airnomads, when - all of the sudden - he stood behind her to give her a scare, he was successful! She screamed and fell backwards, he managed to catch her and
both of them ended up laughing.
She could not keep her eyes of his face, this beautiful smile, his blue eyes that matched his blue watertribe jacket. She really missed him.
While she was lost in her thoughts, she suddenly heard someone saying her name. "Why are you looking at me this way?" Kavik asked her. She snapped out of her thoughts and felt the heat in her face. Was she blushing? "I am just listening to you, Kavik" she answered her beloved companion.
"Uhuh, really? The last time we met you were acting like you have absolutely no interest in a friendship because I have "secrets", and now you can't stop looking at me?"
There it was, the reason of their last argument... Suddenly, she felt sad. Of course she wanted him as a friend, why would he think the opposite...
"Kavik, I do trust you." she said quickly looking away from him. He rolled his eyes and continued telling another story. Akuudan felt the tension between them, he knew that they were in anargument... Again.
"Why are you like that?" Yangchen managed to ask. "Like what?" Kavik quickly answered, "Like an idiot! Why are you this mad at me? I didn't do anything to you Kavik!" Yangchens voice was breaking while she tried to hold her tears back, Kaviks expression softened as he saw her this sad.
He stood up from his chair to go towards her, but she immediately made her way to her room where she leaned against the closed door and let the tears fall. Why was she crying for such a stupid reason?
The next 15 minutes she spent quietly sobbing in her room. This whole time she was silently cursing herself for being so weak and crying about the fact that he might be angry at her. She heard a knock on her door. Not long after Akuudan came into the room. She quickly tried to
compose herself by wiping her tears away, but well that did not really work, her face was drowned in tears and her eyes red, she tried her best not to sob again, but the lump in her throat gave her a really hard time.
"What's the matter, avatar?" she heard Akuudan asking, she was torn between telling him everything she was feeling or just sending him out of her room. But she came to the conclusion that it would be better to tell Akuudan everything. Why was she feeling shitty like this? Why did he have such a big influence on her?
"It's Kavik, isn't it?" He knew it. How... Never mind, he knows the reason for her crying. "It is him."
she pressed her knees against her chest and hugged them to feel a bit of support in this damn situation. Akuudan sat on her bed next to her, as he spoke, she felt his hand gently rubbing circles on her back, it was very comforting.
"You missed him so much, and just when he came back you two started arguing again. There is more behind it, right? Why would you be crying over such a stupid little argument."
It took her a moment to think of an answer. "I really don't know, it's just hurtful. It hurts me when we are screaming at each other. We just became friends again, I can't lose him, not again..."
After a moment of silence Akuudan spoke up and said that he understood her turmoil, he probably understood even more than her, he knew she fell for him, she fell hard.
He decided to keep quiet about the thought of a romance between Kavik and her, he knew how she would react to things like that. The only logical option was to let her figure it out on her own, because would she agree with him if he told her that she was in love? No, she would not agree as stubborn as she was.
It was already late evening, which was for sure. The exact time she did not know because the clock in her room had run out of battery, but it was probably time to head to bed.
Akuudan pat the back of Yangchen before he went out of the room quietly saying the words "Good night, Chen". It is a night, yes. But is it a good one? No, definitely not. How was she supposed to go to bed with the thought that he hated her? Why did he even. Before she could even recognize it, she fell into overthinking. Every tiny detail that she might have done wrong and that had upset him shot into her mind. Her overthinking session was interrupted by another gentle knock on the door.
"Who's there?" "It's me, can I come in? We need to have a talk, Chen."
Kavik?! Oh no, he definitely could not come into the room. She looked like a mess! But before she could answer his question the door opened, and he stepped inside quietly closing the door.
He looked at her and immediately understood that she was crying, guilt shot into the expression of his face, and he came to her bed where she was sitting. Without a warning he embraced her,
this time she was shocked by the embrace, but she quickly came back to reality and hugged him back. Yeah, she really needed that hug.
It looked like he knew that he was the reason for all her tears. For a long moment they held the embrace, neither any of them wanted to let go of the other.
He broke the silence first by apologizing to her for his rude behaviour, but was it a good apology? No, not really. He said that arguments are normal and that they were not that bad, how dare he?
Didn’t he see how she felt right now because of all these stupid arguments? "Are you kidding me!? Arguments are normal?! Maybe if you weren’t a jerk as you always are, we wouldn’t have these many arguments!" All the anger that she was holding back came out, she wanted to let him know how she felt because of his behaviour, but it didn't work out as planned.
"Jerk? You are calling me a jerk!? You are the one who always has this mad mood, no wonder we are always arguing!"
Oh, did he really dare saying this? Hurtful.
"I am not in a bad mood! You always start arguing because of the most stupid reasons, Kavik!"
She yelled at him, but he also yelled back, this really hurt. She couldn't meet his gaze, she knew she couldn’t look him in the eyes right now, these angry blue eyes. She just looked down without saying anything while he yelled that he is sorry for the arguments, but she was also a reason for them.
The thing that stopped him from yelling at her, was looking down at her while she covered her face with her hands, obviously crying. Her tired and silent sobs brought back the Kavik she missed.
He looked at her for a moment, immediately feeling guilty. He reached out his hand to
gently cup her face, but she moved away from him, now her moving away from him hurt him.
After a moment of thinking what to do next he just moved closer to her and hugged her again, at first, she tried to move away but quickly realized that she didn’t want to be apart from him.
She leaned against his chest, the fabric of his shirt soaking her tears.
After a while of sitting like this he began to speak in a gentle voice, clearly trying to apologize. "I am sorry Chen, really sorry. I don't know why I was acting so dumbly. You are right, I am a jerk. I am sorry avatar." There was clearly something he didn't want to say, but what was it? Why was he keeping secrets, again? "You are keeping quiet about something." she said, not long after her words she felt a hand on her cheek that led her head up to face him.
After a minute of just looking at each other he sighed and moved to stand up. What did he think he was doing? No, definitely not, he was not going anywhere. Wait why was she so obsessed with his presence?
And the realization shot immediately in her head, did she fall for him?! No, this could not be. She was the avatar she had to keep the world in peace, she had a duty. There was no time for a romance. Arg -whatever, if she was not saying it now, she would never say it. "Wait please, don't go! I don't want to be alone, not again. I can't lose you, I just can't, please Kavik. I love you!"
Is that the feeling when you fell in love with someone? Are you saying I love you first or are you confessing your feelings first? How was she supposed to explain this?
"Kavik you matter to me, you really matter" before she could finish her sentence something blocked the path of her words
- his lips. Spirits, he kissed her! Best day in her life.
That was the only thing that mattered now. He interrupted the kiss first and looked into her eyes.
"I love you too, Yangchen." Hearing these words from his mouth, felt like a dream. But no, it was not a dream, it was reality. They kissed and confessed their feelings for one another. This was what he was keeping quiet about. And maybe because of all their arguments he tried to gain space between them because he did not know how she would react to his confession.
It all made sense! He had loved her for a long time but couldn’t tell her because who expected a busy avatar to say yes to a relationship? Her presence made him nervous and that was why they were always arguing! Everything made sense. Spirits, how much she loved this jerk.
She smiled and pressed her lips against his once more, capturing him in a soft kiss.
So that's how love feels? She quite liked this feeling.
Kavik and Yangchen have arrangements, sometimes it involves rope. Kavik gets tied up and surrenders to Yangchen’s love and care.
D/s S/m Dom!Yangchen Sub!Kavik. They are switches but Yangchen has control of the paddle tonight. Less that the rest of the party knows the better. Jujinta knows and is mad about it.
Pegging, Rope play, spanking, ITS SMUT NERDS
“Are you sure about this?” Kavik asked Yangchen while he sat in his undergarments. Yangchen wasn’t undressed herself, she was in a vermillion and gold silk vest with a high collar and sleeveless. Her golden trousers and brilliant tangerine sash seemed different than the austere nun clothes she wears daily.
“Of course, I wouldn’t have suggested a scene tonight if I wasn’t. It's you who is unsure, it sounds like.”
“Juji is down below sleeping and the last thing I need is to wake him up with me howling.” A skein of blue rope landed in his lap.
“Then I guess you need to keep quiet then.” A grin as she pulled a few paddles which made Kavik squirm as she got ready.
This whole thing started a year ago when Yangchen had one of her dreams, it turns out one of her past lives liked rope-play and used it with his partner to blow off steam. He was an avatar that often was caught up in politics and rope was a way of getting some aggression but also to have some control with a loving partner who is willing to surrender and trust. The situation was very similar between her and Kavik. They have been in a sexual relationship about two years ago, after, it was a quiet loving affair one done in semi-secret. It was when Tayagum flat out asked them in safe house if they have been ‘fucking’ that the secret was know public knowlege. Once he got the answer, he pulled Kavik aside and told him if he needed anything to go to him and Akuudan. Jujinta threatened to castrate him, once he found out. With how sex repulsed Juji was, the two kept most of their play in the quiet spaces of their safe houses. Though, most of the party knew.
“Do you want the floor or the ceiling?” She pointed to the rigging above that Akuudan set up for them. The safe house in Bin-Er was the only place they did suspension. Rest of the houses weren’t very good for it and as much as Yangchen enjoys being a bit sadistic, she wouldn’t do anything to put Kavik at risk…anymore. Kavik for his part often was the one doing the rigging, but tonight they switched roles.
“Ceiling, You do like stringing me up like a bunch of onions.”
“Yes, but I am asking about what you want, not what I want.” Yangchen said working on making a few arm band ties and anchors to string him up, she made him strip to bare.
“Well I want to be strung up like a bunch of onions okay?” a little bit of exasperation. Yangchen took a woven bamboo ostrich horse crop and brushed it against the bare muscled legs of Kavik. He shivered.
“Easy with that tone,” She got him into a hog-tie position, legs spread and arms back. “Before we begin,the safe word is ‘Lychee nuts,’ if you need me to slow down it’s-” She paused so he could finish her statement.
“Whoa or Ease up, nothing stingy tonight we got a meeting in the morning and I don’t want my ass so sore that folks take notice when I try to sit.”
“You still want me to peg you?”
“Oh absolutely please fuck me tonight.” Said Kavik, smoke in his voice. Enough for Yangchen to feel the heat spark between her legs.
“Perfect, I am going to enjoy making you howl.” Once he was up in the air, Kavik's mind went blank. Weightless, boundless. He inhaled feeling himself in the space between moments. He was now completely in Yangchen’s hands, she was in control and was dizzy with the feeling of helplessness. It’s gonna be okay, we’re gonna be okay he felt his heart say. He looked up out of window to his left and saw the crescent moon beam down, it's grin almost knowing the trouble that he was going to get up to-
“AH!” A crack of a flat paddle was clear across his backside making him groan and shake a little. Yangchen watched him inhale again before giving him another smack. For her, it was Kavik’s devotion that made it sexy. She knew that Kavik trusted her completely when she let her tie him up and spank him. This quiet contract of give and take was vital for most of their adventures. Since they have been switching roles and doing this kind of play, a lot of their missions have gotten less complicated. One could depend on the other, especially if the night before was one with whips and chains. Since tomorrow was another painful business meeting, they needed to get in sync and follow each other’s cues. So, here they are now. Yangchen spanking Kavik, and Kavik with a full erection was loving every goddamn second of it.
“You’re doing so good for me,” Yangchen said dotingly, Kavik mumbled in agreement, blissed out from the pleasure/pain crossover. She walked to their little collection and pulled out a well carved dildo. It was uniquely made and fitted for her. She requested it when she visited the Southern Air Temple and saw Kunzang. She knew him years ago as a sister at the Western Air Temple. New name, but same person deep down. Kunzang was living his best authentic life now and still was doing ‘wood carving’. He made his own packer and binders. Yangchen approached him to make her something custom which he was absolutely willing to do. It was designed to be worn strapless; it was just for her. She showed him the peachwood dildo fitted inside of her and being held steady with the trouser opening. Kavik’s jaw dropped; he knew who made it.
“One of Kunzang’s creations huh?” He said with a smirk, Yangchen grabbed his brown hair and lifted it to her bespoke cock.
“Yes, I think he really outdid himself this time.” She said, but then she felt the other end move inside when Kavik took it in his mouth and started sucking. She looked down at his face seeing the light in his deep blue eyes. Nothing but love. They never said the words, but they already knew the language in their hearts. Tayagum told her once that she would know the meaning of love before she would ever hear the words, and it was true. Kavik tied and paddled and now blowing her was doing this out of trust and love. She pulled away, getting on her knees feeling the bulb in her shift. She lifted Kavik’s head, kissing him deeply. The waterbender’s lips easily parted, feeling once again weightless. Kisses became love bites, teasing and dominating. Yet, Kavik relinquished everything, letting go. Yangchen couldn’t help but feel honored that Kavik would allow this.
“Good boy.” She whispered as she walked behind him. Kavik for the most part was deep in his own mind, loving the feeling of emptiness. He could just live in this for a little longer. Though that changed when felt Yangchen teasing his ass, probing and playing with it, cool oil slick on her fingers as she opened him up, making his gasp and squirm.
“Oh fuck, yes.” He knew it was coming, once she found his prostate he let out and low grown squeezing tight around her fingers. She spread him again, her strap against his ass he was almost begging for it. His own cock dripping with pre. She slowly slid in, feeling the bulb shift against pressing against her own sweet stop, sopping wet she had to clench to hold it in. And the sounds he was making when she entered him was so good. She wishes she could record it, so she can listen to it whenever she wants to get off. She was huffing using the momentum to swing him onto her cock, everytime he pressed back she could feel the bulb inside rub against her g-spot, she bit her lip trying to keep quiet, remembering that Jujinta was sleeping downstairs along with the others. Kavik was having so such restraint, his own spot being drummed on and his voice huffing with each thrust made him dizzy. Yangchen wrapped her hand around his cock pushing foreskin back to play with head, dripping more sticky pre enough to coat her hand and stroke him towards completion.
“Yangchen…I’m…”
“Same, just-fuck Kavik.”She clenched tight, feeling him come with. Hot and white in her hands. Several heart beats later she pulled out and started the process of unbinding him. Kavik was still…lost in the sauce.
“I am sure Yingsu and the boys heard us.”
“That's tomorrow's problem Yangchen.” Kavik said, wrapped in blankets, still somewhere in subspace. Everything was cleaned up and put away, the moon hung like a voyeur watching.
“You should thank Kunzang, give him a winning review of that…cock.” Said Kavik.
“Oh I sure will, fantastic work like usual. He doesn’t believe in selling them as he is an air nomad, but he is so good at crafting them for yonic folks.” Kavik hummed at that, he laced his fingers with Yangchen’s. Sharing silence together. Kavik picked his hand up and kissed hers whispering a reply to what was unsaid.
Summary: After a sudden bought of illness, Yangchen is convinced she's on the road to recovery. Kavik feels a bit differently about her healing process - and what caused the illness in the first place.
Word count: 5358
Read on ao3
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It’s been a while since Yangchen’s body has ached like this.
Not long enough, though.
This kind of bone deep, body trembling, head pounding pain can only mean one thing, and Yangchen is loathe to open her eyes and face the reality of it. She knows she must have slept for a while, if the dryness in her mouth is any indication. Perhaps, if she keeps her eyes shut, she can get a bit more real rest before she’s forced to think about anything else.
And yet, the light streaming behind her closed eyelids beckons her to crack her eyes open, what feels like her entire being wincing at the effort. A groan of pain escapes her lips before she can choke it back, and her arms shake when she attempts to sit herself up.
Yangchen collapses back onto the pillows, head spinning.
Wait, pillows -
The last thing she remembers is standing up from the dinner table and nearly folding in on herself, clutching the corner for balance as her vision blurred. She remembers shouting. She remembers arms wrapping around her, holding her upright as her legs gave way.
But she does not remember getting into a bed. Which means that someone put her here, tucked her in, and cared for her for…
How long have I been away?!
Yangchen digs the heels of her palms into her eyes, as if she can bring the blank in her memory back if she adds enough pressure. All she accomplishes is making her vision spark.
She can hear her own pulse echoing in her ears, the thrumming noise of it a hammer on the inside of her skull. The room sways with each breath she takes, a threatening force should she dare to try and get up again.
Still, Yangchen refuses to be deterred. She knocked out at dinner last night, surely she must have slept through the night and now it’s the next morning. She can catch up on her work; she won’t be too far behind, she’ll just grab a cup of tea and that will push away the lingering pain and –
The handle of the bedroom door twists and clicks, creaking slightly as it opens with a soft push. Yangchen turns slightly to look, propping herself up on a trembling elbow.
“Oh. You’re awake.”
Yingsu’s normally deadpan voice carries a note of surprise, making Yangchen more confused than ever.
“Don’t get too excited about it,” She mutters sarcastically. Gritting her teeth, she manages to finally pull herself up to sitting, frustrated at the effort it requires.
Yingsu lets herself fully into the room, shutting the door behind her and walking over to the bed. “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to be up. I was getting kinda used to you being out cold these last few days.”
Wait. Days?
Yangchen can feel her stomach plummeting. When she speaks again, her voice comes out in a startled croak, “What do you mean by days?”
Yingsu’s reply is uncharacteristically gentle. “You’ve been asleep for three days, Yangchen.”
A shiver works its way up her spine, her breath catching in her chest. The blankets tucked around her suddenly feel too heavy, too tight, too restricting. She shoves them away, trying not to let the panic in her head overtake her heart.
“Woah, woah, slow down,” Yingsu urges, “It’s all okay, we’ve been taking care of everything.”
Yangchen slides her legs off the bed, ignoring the way she sways with the motion. “A lot can happen in three days. I need to look over my correspondence -”
“You need to go back to bed,” The larger woman insists. She places two hands on Yangchen’s shoulders, holding her in place. The airbender tries to swat her away, but her smaller, weakened hands are no match. She feels like a child being punished for throwing a tantrum.
Yingsu seems unimpressed with Yangchen’s glare. “Stay here. I’m going to let the others know that you’re up.” Slowly, she removes her hands, backing away. “Stay. I mean it.”
As though she has a choice. Her head is utterly swimming.
When the firebender shuts the door quietly behind her, Yangchen slumps back onto the pillows, attempting to take stock; of herself, of her surroundings, of the situation as a whole.
Build the bridge. One piece at a time. Build the bridge. Build it –
Yangchen digs her fingers into her own scalp, grimacing from the pain but grateful for the sensation nonetheless. There’s too much missing. She can’t build anything in this state.
Before her thoughts can spiral any further, a gentle knock on the door signals the arrival of more newcomers. Yangchen forces herself to sit up again, to meet the eyes of everyone coming to check on her.
They enter one at a time, cautious and slow, as though she’s some kind of animal they can’t afford to startle. Yingsu leads the way, then is followed in turn by Jujinta, Tayagum, Akuudan, and Boma.
Boma is the first to approach her, smile warm and comforting. “Glad to see you up and about, Avatar.” Yangchen accepts the hug he offers, appreciative of the warmth it provides. Her body can’t quite seem to decide if it’s hot or cold at the moment.
The others move in to provide their own well-wishes, but Yangchen is finding it hard to focus. Her gaze flutters between each of her companions, easily detecting the gap in their retinue. She glances up at the door, but the hallway outside is noticeably barren of the one person she really wants to see.
Boma’s hand settles on her shoulder, squeezing gently. “He’s on a supply run. He’ll be back soon.”
Her pounding heart slows down a bit. Everyone is accounted for.
“Are you hungry?” Akuudan’s deep timbre pulls her from her wandering thoughts. “You haven’t had a proper meal in days.”
The logical part of Yangchen’s brain knows that, yes, she’s hungry. Starving, practically. And yet, the rest of her consciousness rails against the thought of stopping to eat, of all things. There’s no time for that at all.
“I’m not hungry,” She replies, attempting yet again to swing her legs over the side of the bed.
Several arms move to block her way. “If you’re not going to eat,” Tayagum reasons, “Then you should keep resting. You need time to rebuild your strength.”
“All of you stop it,” Yangchen snaps, “I’m fine, and I need to get up so I can work.”
Her team retreats, chastised but wary, watching her every move. Still scowling, Yangchen removes the many blankets layered on top of her and settles onto the wooden floor.
She barely manages to stand for a few seconds before her knees buckle beneath her, sending her sprawling forward like a newborn wolf-deer. Only Jujinta’s lightning-quick reflexes save her from concussing herself on the bedframe.
“Back to bed with you,” Boma insists, ushering her back onto the mattress with a tone that leaves no room for argument. “You’re still feeling weak. Rest for a while longer.”
Yangchen purses her lips, trying to hold back the tears of frustration she can feel springing to her eyes. She can’t rest; she’s missed too much time as it is already.
However, much to her own displeasure, it seems her body is inclined to disagree with her mind. The headache she’s been attempting to ignore makes its presence known with a sudden throbbing pain, sending her reeling backwards with a choked groan of agony.
“Jujinta, close the curtains please,” Boma orders quietly. One of his weathered hands strokes soothingly across Yangchen’s forehead, the touch of a concerned grandparent. “I’m going to get you a glass of water, and then we’ll all leave you be. Please try and rest.”
All Yangchen can stand to do is nod.
She watches her team file from the room out of the corner of her half-lidded eyes, biting down on her tongue to try and distract herself from all the pain elsewhere. Squirming back beneath the blankets, she wraps herself up in warmth and darkness until it’s all she can feel.
The blankets muffle the sound around her, of Boma placing a glass of water on her nightstand, of the door clicking shut behind him, of the others talking between themselves downstairs. All she can hear is the sound of her own heartbeat in her ears, thumping in time with the throbbing in her head.
She closes her eyes fully. Sleep overtakes her before she even has a chance to recognize it.
~~~~
When she wakes for the second time, something is different.
Everything in her body is about the same. Her headache has subsided a bit, but the rest of her muscles are still filled with a low hum of pain. Additionally, she must have rolled onto her side at some point, because the shoulder pinned beneath her at an awkward angle tingles with pins and needles, springing yet another grimace to her features.
The prickling sensation dies down after a few moments, allowing her to truly assess what is different this time: the presence of another person sitting on the bed with her.
She can sense the dip in the mattress beside her, feel the faint warmth of another body close by. And distantly, through the blankets piled high around her, she can hear the faint scratching of a pencil. Smooth, steady, and unmistakable.
Yangchen slowly pulls herself from the blanket wraps, taking in the person’s figure illuminated by a single candle. Kavik is seated on the bed, hunched over a stack of papers in his lap, thoroughly and methodically circling important passages. There’s a smear of charcoal across one of his cheekbones, and his lips purse together in that familiar focused pout of his, eyes never once leaving his work.
That is, until he feels her shifting on the bed and turns to face her, pencil at last stalling its gentle scuffing.
“You’re awake.”
His voice doesn’t hold surprise, not in the way the others’ did. Instead, his lips twitch, the start of a smile, gaze brightening just at the sight of her.
For some reason, it makes Yangchen want to crawl back beneath the blankets and hide.
“I’m awake,” She repeats softly, carefully easing herself up to sitting. The motion doesn’t make her quite as dizzy as before, but it still feels like it takes five times the effort it should. Her body hasn’t stopped rebelling against her.
Kavik’s mouth opens slightly, as though he wants to speak, but no words form from it. He just sits and stares, unmoving as a statue.
Eventually, he swallows, managing to find his voice again. “How have you been?”
“Asleep for three days, apparently,” Yangchen replies dryly.
Kavik flushes. “Oh, right. Yeah, I knew that.” Shaking his head, he manages to correct himself. “I meant to ask how you’ve been feeling since you woke up. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see you with the others.”
“That’s not your fault.”
He shrugs. “Still. I wish I was there.”
“You’re here now,” Yangchen points out. How long has he been here, quietly working and waiting for her to wake again? Her internal clock is completely out of whack, and with the curtains drawn it’s hard to see the outside light to judge it.
Kavik glances at the papers in his lap. “I guess that’s true. Let me put all this away for now. Do you need anything?”
“I need to see those papers,” Yangchen attempts. “I need to get caught up.”
The stack of papers is quickly pulled out of reach, Kavik tucking the charcoal pencil behind his ear. “No way. You still need to recover. Don’t worry yourself with this, I’ve been handling it.”
An exasperated breath huffs between her lips. “Yes, you’ve handled it while I was ill. But I’m awake now, and I need to keep up my own correspondence.”
She reaches for the papers again, but Kavik whips them away, holding them above his head. He’s playing dirty now, and Yangchen isn’t in the mood for it.
“Give me my papers, Kavik.”
“You don’t need these. They’re just accounting reports I’ve been annotating.”
“Then get me that papers that I do need!” She hates how shrill her voice is becoming, but she can’t stand this, this treating her like a child who needs a time-out. “Letters, sales reports, world news. Those are all things I need to be keeping up with!”
“I’ve been keeping up with them,” Kavik protests, “And I’ll continue keeping up with them while you recover! You need to rest, Yangchen.”
“You don’t get to decide what I need!” She snaps.
Yangchen grabs for the papers he’s holding again, but this time Kavik launches himself off the bed and crosses his arms. His smile has faded, leaving only a concerned frown in its wake. “Fine. Prove to me that you don’t need more rest. Stand up, walk over to me, and come get the papers.”
She kicks the covers off her body and reaches for the nightstand to haul herself off the bed. There’s weakness in each and every muscle, but if she chooses her path carefully to support herself with the furniture she can –
“You jerk,” Yangchen hisses. But she stays put. He read her too easily.
Kavik sighs deeply, placing the stack of papers on her desk. He walks back to the bed, sitting down on the edge a few arms’ lengths away. Perhaps he thinks she’s going to throw something at him. Part of Yangchen wants to.
“I’m sorry,” He finally says, “but Yangchen, you’ve been pushing yourself too hard. That’s why you’ve been sick.”
Their eyes meet, and her anger begins to wilt underneath his concern and sadness. Kavik moves closer, until he can take a gentle hand to her back, rubbing in slow, soothing circles. “Why didn’t you tell me things were getting so bad?”
“I didn’t think it was this bad,” She replies honestly, hating the way her bottom lip is beginning to wobble. “I thought I was handling it.”
“Collapsing at the dinner table and then running a fever for three days is hardly what I’d call ‘handling it’,” Kavik adds softly. His free hand inches forward until the very tips of his fingers are touching hers. Warmth sparks from his touch, even at the barest hint of it.
Still, Yangchen is struggling to wrap her head around it. Three days. She’s missed so much. How can she catch up if she’s still being forced to rest for who knows how much longer?
“You need to take it easier, Yangchen,” Kavik sighs. “Not just while you’re recovering. I mean easier overall.”
She jerks her hand away from his. “That’s not possible. You know that, Kavik. I can’t afford to take it easier, not when there’s people who need me.”
“You won’t be helping anybody if you drop dead at twenty from not taking care of yourself!” Kavik snaps.
Yangchen’s eyes narrow into a glare. “Don’t exaggerate.”
“I’m not,” He insists. “You really frightened all of us.”
A pause. And then, much softer, he adds, “You really frightened me.”
How can she possibly respond to that? Somewhere, deep down, the knowledge that he cares about her so much places a seed of warmth and comfort. But on the surface, her hackles are raising, defenses shoring up around her heart.
“I’m fine,” She insists.
Kavik sighs in exasperation. “Aren’t you tired, Yangchen?”
“Of course I’m tired,” Yangchen all but spits, “I’m always tired. Of all of it. But that doesn’t mean I can stop.”
“Do you even hear yourself right now?!”
“Do you? You don’t get to tell me how to handle things, Kavik; I can take care of myself!”
“Fine then!” Kavik yanks his hand from her back as though he’s been burned, standing up and heading for the door. “Take care of yourself then! Keep on starving yourself and staying awake for days and drinking your stupid poison tea and punishing yourself for things that aren’t your fault! See if I care!”
Before Yangchen can attempt to form an answer he’s already gone, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him. The force of it rattles the bed, and Yangchen’s bones along with it.
She’s left reeling in his wake, shaking, tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes. She looks up quickly, breathing deeply, doing her best to hold off from a full-on crying session. Her headache is back.
Her efforts don’t work. When she wipes at her face her sleeve comes away wet. Another surge of frustration washes over her, causing her to grab the nearest pillow and hurl it at the door with all her might, biting her tongue to hold back her scream.
The pillow falls short. She buries her face against the mattress, muffling the scream she lets burst forth.
Kavik is always honest with her. Well, besides the one notable incident. Otherwise, in the years she’s known him, he’s been honest with her, more so than anyone else. Normally she appreciates it. Somehow, this is different.
Yangchen rolls back over, dragging her hands down her face and heaving a sigh. She’s fine. She can work. She can deal with… whatever just happened later.
Maybe after she cleans up, though. She hasn’t bathed in three days, and it’s becoming increasingly obvious the longer she lays here.
She hauls herself up to sitting yet again. If nothing else, that is getting easier. Sliding gently off the bed, she makes a hobbling pace for the door to her bathing quarters, holding herself steady on the furniture as she walks.
So what if she isn’t up to walking unassisted just yet? She doesn’t need to walk to answer letters. “What does Kavik even know?” She mutters to herself, “Who does he think he is?”
Yangchen stands at the entrance to her bathroom, clinging to the wooden doorframe as her vision steadies. The idea of a bath is a bit daunting, frankly, as she visualizes all the steps she’ll need to take. For a heartbeat, she imagines how much simpler it would be if there was someone to help.
She brushes the thought aside as quickly as it came. She’s Avatar Yangchen, for Spirits’ sake. She’ll be fine by herself.
~~~~
Although she no longer carries the same aroma as her beloved lemurs after her bath, that seems to be the only benefit. Her headache has only gotten worse, and the steam from the water made her woozy.
Her hair is still incredibly damp, despite having been dried with a towel. She would airbend it dry, but even the thought of it makes her weak in the knees. She just doesn’t have the energy.
Yangchen leans against the bathroom counter to catch her breath. Normally after a bath Kavik would bend the water from her hair, his precision with the element often surpassing her own.
Tonight, it’s just her.
She takes a deep breath, rubbing the towel over her drying hair once more. It will be frizzy in the morning, but that’s an issue for Tomorrow Yangchen. For now, she needs back in her bed until her headache subsides again.
Putting on her robes also feels like too much effort. Instead, she carefully maneuvers herself to the drawer she keeps her clothing in and pulls on a pair of flowing linen pants and a matching loose top. She wears these as sleeping garments – if she bothers to change into them to sleep. They’re looser, lighter, and far less suffocating than the many layers she normally wears.
Clothing sorted, Yangchen curls back up on the bed, knees tucked to her chest, trying to slow her pounding heart. Her body aches with every inhale. Somehow, sleep still eludes her.
She loses track of the time she spends like this, holding herself in the fetal position, too weak to even bother pulling blankets over herself to stave off the chill of the room. Her stomach begins to growl, and when she clutches at it her head throbs in response. It feels like she’s falling to pieces.
A soft knock on the door startles her from her bed of misery, and Yangchen peels her eyes open to look at the source of the noise.
Peeking through a crack in the doorway, Boma’s gentle, wrinkled smile greets her. “I come bearing gifts, Avatar.”
“Hm?” Yangchen’s throat is scratchy, as though she’s been crying. She honestly can’t remember if she has.
“Dinner,” Boma elaborates, stepping into the room. He’s carrying a tray loaded down with dishes, and Yangchen can practically feel the way her body perks up at the scent. “You’ve hardly eaten anything for three days, you must be starving.”
Yangchen’s stomach decides to answer for her, letting out an audible growl. Her cheeks warm in embarrassment, but Boma just keeps smiling, walking over to set the tray down on her nightstand.
“There’s churu, momos, shogo khatsa, shom-dae, lots of balep, and butter tea. Eat up, food will help you get your strength up.”
Yangchen certainly doesn’t need to be told twice. She dives in, not caring about how she’s slurping or chewing too loudly or anything else. Boma made her a traditional Air Nomad feast, and each bite tastes like home.
“Don’t choke yourself!” Boma chuckles, noting the cough she makes after devouring an entire momo in barely two bites. Yangchen, still coughing, grabs the mug of butter tea to wash everything down.
It’s after her cup is emptied that everything comes rushing back. Three days, missing from her memory. Her body, hardly functioning.
And Kavik…
“Boma,” Yangchen starts softly, taking small bites of rice pudding between her words, “Can I ask for some advice?”
Boma’s smile is warm and comforting, exactly like the food he must have spent hours preparing for her. “Of course you can, Avatar.”
Yangchen can’t quite meet his eyes, focusing instead on spooning as much of the cheesy churu soup into her mouth as possible. “Kavik and I had a… disagreement earlier. I don’t – I don’t know how to make things right again.”
Boma takes a sip of his own tea. “I knew you two had argued –”
Yangchen’s head snaps up. “What? Why? Did he say something about it?”
“Not with his words, no. But he was frustrated and upset after he went to see you, so it wasn’t too hard to piece together. He offered to help me cook, but he was being so rough when folding my momos I had to put him on butter-churning duty to get some of that frustration out.”
Well, at least she hasn’t been alone in feeling awful about it.
“What was the disagreement about, if I may ask?” Boma questions.
Yangchen’s voice is nearly a whisper. “He told me I needed to accept more help.” Saying it out loud only makes her realize even more how ridiculous it was of her to fight about it. Of course she needs more help; she needs all the extra help she can get if there’s to be a possibility of her life’s work succeeding.
“That’s all?” Boma probes with a pointed look.
“No,” Yangchen admits after a small pause. “He also kept telling me that I need to slow down and take it easier. But how could I do that, even if I wanted to? People all over the world are depending on me to make their lives better.”
“You can’t improve other lives by making your own a misery,” Boma offers sagely. “I agree with him in that regard.”
“But I – I’m not making my life a misery!” Yangchen protests.
“Clearly your companion thinks differently.”
“Why does he get to decide if my life a misery?”
“He doesn’t, not really,” Boma agrees, “But I am inclined to agree with his assessment. He certainly has better judgement in that regard compared to anyone else.”
Yanghcen’s brow knits in confusion. “What do you mean?”
Boma takes another sip of tea. “You didn’t see the way he cared for you while you were ill.”
“I thought you all cared for me together.”
“We did at first,” Boma confirms, “But it became clear rather quickly that your waterbending companion was… better equipped for the job.”
Understanding crashes over her in a wave. “My gift.”
Boma sighs heavily. “There was plenty of time where you were just… well, just ill, I suppose. But there were also many appearances from your past lives. Times you were up speaking nonsense half the night.”
The pieces of Boma’s point are falling into place one by one. “Kavik helped with the episodes?”
Another nod from her guardian. “He did. Better than I ever have, honestly. And besides that he just cared for you. Brought you water, made sure you were comfortable, stayed by your side. All of that, on top of keeping up with both your work and his own.”
And I just pushed him away.
Yangchen stuffs more potatoes into her mouth so she doesn’t have to keep speaking.
Boma carefully meets her eyes. “He cares for you, Yangchen. If he thinks you should ease up, let others take on some more of your burden…”
Yangchen places her spoon on the tray, no longer hungry. “You agree with him.”
Boma sets his mug of tea in his lap to join their gazes, expression serious. “No Avatar before you has shouldered their burden alone. Why force yourself to walk this path when you have people who want to help you?”
“I’m not alone,” Yangchen insists, “I have an entire team, I have you, Boma. That’s the opposite of alone.”
“Exactly. You’re not alone,” Boma agrees, nodding. Finishing his tea, he stands from the bed, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of Yangchen’s head. “Stop pretending like you have to be.”
~~~~
If he hadn’t stubbed his toe on the desk chair, Yangchen might not have known he was there. Kavik is good at sneaking, and he’s memorized the creaky spots on her floorboards. However, all the espionage skills in the world can’t prevent his misstep against the desk, and the pained hissing and cursing that follows that wakes her up from her nap.
“Kavik?”
He turns to her with a wince, face shadowed in the half-dark of her room. “Did I wake you up? Sorry, I just needed to grab a few things that I left in here.”
“What are you getting?”
He glances guiltily at the desk. “Some letters that arrived this morning. I was going to sort through which ones needed a response of some kind.”
“Okay,” Yangchen agrees, “But you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. You can stay and work in here.”
“I wouldn’t want to interrupt your rest.”
“You won’t,” Yangchen promises. She’s always found the sound of him writing to be soothing. If anything, she might fall asleep easier.
Kavik still looks unsure.
“You won’t,” Yangchen repeats, “I promise. Stay here and work. We can… talk for a bit.”
Carefully, each movement measured, Kavik pulls the chair from the desk and takes a seat. He spends a few seconds sorting through stacks of papers until he finds what he needs. Then he glances back over his shoulder, blue eyes somber.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
Yangchen lifts her eyes to meet his, heartbeat thundering in her ears. She holds his gaze, opening up every vulnerable part of her for him to see. “I’m sorry too.”
The apologies lift some of the weight from her chest, but now it feels as though they’re at a standstill. Kavik turns back to his papers, shoulders hunched.
“You’re right,” Yangchen blurts before she can talk herself out of it. That makes him pause. “And I’m sorry for making you worry so much.”
“I only worry about you because I care,” Kavik replies softly. He isn’t looking at her, instead fishing around in one of the drawers for a pencil.
“I know you care.”
Finally, Kavik turns around again, this time fully facing her. He tucks the pencil behind his ear. “I know you’re not used to having people care about you. And I mean you, Yangchen, not the Avatar.”
“Nobody has done for me what you’ve been doing since I lost my sister,” Yangchen affirms in a whisper.
“I’m happy to do it for you. I want to do it for you, care about you.” Kavik takes a deep breath. “But I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”
“It’s hard to accept help when you’ve had to do things alone in the past.”
“But you’re not alone now,” Kavik adds, in a nearly identical way to what Boma told her earlier. “Let us help. Let me help.”
Yangchen slips off the side of the bed, slowly making her way over to where Kavik is working. She’s steadier on her feet than she was earlier. The food must have helped even more than she realized.
Tentatively, she places her hand on his shoulder. His skin is warm, even through his shirt. It makes her want to get closer.
“I want to let you help more. Can you just… be patient with me? Please?”
Kavik places his own hand on top of hers, a tiniest hint of a smile curling the edge of his lips. “We can ease into it. Together. I don’t want this to keep happening, Yangchen, I want you to be okay.”
She squeezes his hand, feeling a smile of her own starting to break over her face. “I want that too.”
Something unspoken passes between them as they lean in at the same time, eyes closed, noses just barely touching. Yangchen can feel the warmth of Kavik’s breath for a split second before she closes the distance and kisses him.
His lips are gentle against hers, kissing her back with just the right amount of pressure. Yangchen breaks from it first, already out of breath. Kavik moves his hand to her cheek, tugging her closer with the softest motion to lay another kiss against it.
“You should probably get some sleep,” Kavik whispers, kissing her cheek again.
“I don’t want to sleep,” Yangchen laughs breathlessly. But as soon as she finishes her sentence, a massive yawn parts her jaws wide. She and Kavik lock eyes when it finishes, neither of them able to keep from laughing.
“I think your body might be disagreeing with you.”
Yangchen has to cover her mouth as she yawns again, this one longer than the last. “Fine, I’ll rest.” After a moment of thought, she adds, “You’ll stay, right?”
Kavik takes her hand and squeezes it, fully smiling now. “Of course I will.”
She hardly realizes she’s doing it, but in a swift movement Yangchen settles herself into Kavik’s lap on the chair, sitting with her legs across him and tucking her head against his shoulder. His breath hitches in surprise, but he just as quickly encircles her with his arms, rubbing a hand gently over her back.
“You can still work, if you want,” Yangchen offers quietly.
“Is this some kind of ploy to sneak peeks at your letters?” Kavik asks, though his tone is joking.
Yangchen shakes her head, nuzzling further into the crook of his neck. “It isn’t. I just like listening to you.”
Sitting like this, she can feel each time his chest rises and falls with his breath, every thump of his heartbeat behind his ribcage. Every part of him that’s alive, and real, and holding her close like she’s something precious.
Her eyes fall closed when he starts to write. One of his hands keeps circling over her back, spreading warmth with every movement. The other holds his pencil steady, scratching over the paper in perfect, precise marks. She could listen to him all night.
She’s too tired for that though, truly. When her own breathing begins to slow she doesn’t fight it, and when the darkness behind her eyes beckons her closer she lets it draw near. The last thing she remembers before sleep finally overtakes her is this – the sound of Kavik writing, and the feeling of being safer and warmer than she has in a long, long while.
The bird led Yangchen to a part of the spirit world she hadn’t seen before, or at the very least, an area she tried to forget. Dark clouds swirled between the trees; their stems as barren as the ground below. The stench of rotten fruit filled the air as she continued on.
rating: teen
warnings: violence, death
relationships: kuruk & yangchen
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Summary: Yangchen was neither the first nor last to act on the positive attraction between her and her closest companion.
But what is that feeling when that leap was recognized too late? Such a fate was written in Gun’s story.
Inspired by the potential of Gun realizing feelings for Mesose too late and the power of reincarnation
(inspired by this absolutely heartbreaking piece by thyinum)
trigger warning: dissociation, self-harm, grief, implied character death, hint at violent imagery, hint at suicidal ideation
"I thought... separating humans and spirits would make things easier."
"Hey... don't blame yourself. It lasted a while, right?"
Wan bites his tongue to keep his real feelings to himself. He's joined with the very Spirit of Light. How come he's doing such a poor job of letting it illuminate the world?
"People turning against people... why are they so eager to create enemies once the previous one is eliminated?"
A solid but affectionate pat on his shoulder is all the answer he gets.
"It's not your fault."
Is it not, though? Can Wan ever be truly sure of it?
Does he have what it takes to fix it?
Years pass in a blur; the work never ends.
Please, Raava. I need more time. I can't fail you.
---
A sharp pinch, twisting of fingers. When grey eyes are able to see again, the thin skin on the back of her hand is reddened.
---
She stares at the cataclysmic sight in front of her, palms empty of her native element, feeling like she'd rather have them charred to coal than see it dancing between her fingertips again.
So much death... and the blood spilling will only continue further.
She almost wants to turn to her side, where she always resides, an understanding smile, lips stretched around a well aimed advice. Perhaps too well.
She never saw it coming from her of all people.
She falls to her knees, the pain the only thing reminding her that she's still alive, still human enough to feel, wishing with all of her might that she never had to... that the burden of so many lives didn't indent her back with bloody lines.
A top knot drops to the ground, a delicate smattering of wispy black hair raining all around it. She shall never grow her hair out again.
---
When she comes to, her own body is positioned the very same way, the hand wrapped around her black hair. No blade was nearby to replicate the memory perfectly.
She forces her sight, hopelessly blurred, to accommodate on her surroundings, take in as many details as possible.
An incense stick fell from its place and burned the hole through the carpet. Yangchen didn't particularly mind the smell of smoke - the same couldn't be said about every lifetime.
She pushes her knuckles into her squeezed shut eyes, the pressure making her vision pulse with her own blood flow - anything to drown out the terrible sight. Hundreds of years passed, but Avatar Eiko rarely fell asleep with any other vision on her mind.
No wonder the details are still enough to make Yangchen's stomach turn.
---
Disasters tended to make people group tightly together - where there was bickering and pointless conflict, people pulled in one direction so that no one would get caught in the worst of it.
Crowds often completely disable any possibilities of distinguishing one particular person. Still, his gaze scans the crowd, looking for the features he's come to know better than his own reflection. Colors of his robes should be recognizable even thoroughly soaked in seawater.
Many faces meet his, and whatever expression rests there, it deters any unfortunate souls before they open their mouths pleading for more, more, more. Though by the usual standards, today's performance has been nothing short of a letdown.
Did he want it that way, secretly, in depths he doesn't even dare to approach, for the accumulated hatred for humans would surely tempt him to abandon his duties, if not take revenge?
His companion had a way of igniting a light to make the darkness easier to bear. Where on earth is he?
When every tent with survivors is searched through, his surety falters. The losses were... significant, though some fools still praise his intervention for saving as much as he did.
"Avatar," a woman approaches him, bowing as deeply as the murky seawater allows. When she raises her head, her sight shimmers with something hard to name that still makes his stomach clench with dread. She wordlessly gestures at him to follow her.
He waddles his way through the wreckage with her, robes hopelessly ruined by mud and drying salt stains.
A group of people covers the view of the body stretched peacefully on the ground, hands crossed on the chest. What he can make out of the robes is vibrant green.
He breaks into a frantic sprint, his body knowing before he truly does.
Were he any more hopeful and bright eyed, he'd plead with Spirits to reveal any other outcome than the one Gun feels with unshakeable, leaden surety down to his very bones.
Paleness of seawater doesn't become him. There's just enough of his friend left to make the recognition immediate and undisputable... the rest is lost, vanished, leaving Gun behind all alone to deal with what he was never properly suited for.
---
Avatar Gun did not cry upon learning of Mesose's death. His tears and desperate wails are spilled forth through Yangchen's throat, scraping it raw and bloody. The loss cuts so deep that even before Yangchen can truly learn what it means to grieve, her own tears push into her eyes when she thinks of the loss, the kind no history books provide records about, about the teetering on the edge and hesitating whether to take one more step, knowing that it would be in vain. He always comes back.
Or she does, or they do. The Avatar cycle will continue forever, or as long as their world is intact.
Maybe even once it shatters into pieces, they will be the one to pointlessly try to glue it back together.
---
"No, please! I'll do anything!"
Make it stop.
"Why is it up to me only? I can't do this on my own!"
Just... just some relief. That's all she's asking for; what she asked for no matter what body, time and era she inhabited.
"Do you think some friendships can last more than one lifetime?"
"What? Isn't one lifetime enough to drive you away from my cynicism, Se-Se?"
"I guess you'll see, dear friend."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know. I just... have a feeling sometimes, you know? That you're going to have to learn to go on without me."
"Don't you dare to quit on me. I'll follow you and drag you back if I have to."
"I expect nothing less from you, Avatar."
His green gaze is warmer than usual... a little sad, too.
Mesose has always had the talent to glimpse what others failed to - a visionary, an inspiration. Does he know something even the Avatar in all their cursed wisdom fails to?
---
A twist, a yelp. Yellow and orange. She's... an Air Nomad now. That narrows it down somewhat.
There's someone in the room with her - a kind, round face, twisted in concern. She recognizes her.
"Chomden?" she tries.
A broad grin, followed by a gust of wind, chill enough to make her alert instantly.
"Guess again."
It's obvious, as if there never even was a question to ask.
"Jetsun."
"Correct," she nods, still playful.
"At least it didn't take you five tries now. Maybe you'll get more decent scores eventually."
She always treats it like a play, these... failures to ground herself in time and space. Yangchen can't always tell whether she's sincere or lightens the mood for her sake.
Maybe it doesn't matter. Always preferable to the pitiful, frightened glances of others.
She becomes a person. A younger sister, competition to beat, little terror. No longer cacophonous echoes of the past concealed inside a child's body.
---
"You'll have to lift yourself up eventually. The world needs you."
How many times has she heard the same phrase? Were the current words uttered by someone Yangchen knew, or a reflection of the past? The nun standing in front of her might as well pass for any other, just like Yangchen's grief is nearly indistinguishable from those who came before. She's just one more round of this miserable, ever-repeating cycle - one gifted enough to know that no matter how it seems, things always stay the same.
Does having a name even matter? How much of her is true and real? How much of what she feels is her own, instead of just another lifetime floating uninvited into her consciousness, possessing her feelings, guiding what she should experience?
The cold seeps through her robes, making her aware of how badly she's shivering. Her mind might be a mess of tangled threads, as if some poor novice's attempt to weave an intricate fabric only to end up with something barely resembling structure, but her body is undoubtedly human - with human needs, limits, aches and pains.
She digs her hands into the meat of her arm, grips a couple strands near her shaved hairline. The pain is sometimes the only proof that she exists... the only break from haunting voices, regrets, losses of the past.
---
Everything about the sensation is soft and warm, her nerve endings set alight. Warm floods her being.
It's over way too soon.
"Again," she demands, breathless and wanting.
Her request is fulfilled - more than once, too, until she's gasping in Yangchen's voice, until Yangchen's legs tremble, until she hears her name spoken like the most precious gift, raw longing and desire, until Yangchen is drowning in pleasure, not unlike what she had in other lifetimes... but this is different. This is hers.
Foreheads touch softly as they catch their breath; ocean gaze meets her own, shimmering with feeling she doesn't need to recall from before to recognize it completely and fully.
