The Talk

Welcome to the talk about death, dying, and grief. Read the about pages for more information!! *DISCLAIMER* I am not a professional therapist or doctor, but I will listen to you and try my best to answer any questions

[sheisrecovering]

[yesthetalk]

Hubby passed away 3months ago leaving me with 3 kids, youngest is just 2months old when he left. How to overcome the loneliness? I miss him everyday :(

Hi Lovely! 

Sorry if for the late response, but Let yourself miss him. Let yourself feel. 

<3 

[therumpus]

Before my father’s death I had never experienced someone close to me dying. For the novel, I just imagined into that experience as best I could. Now that the real thing has arrived it’s clear I had no idea. Everything that follows the unshackled cry (a state that left as swiftly as it arrived) feels like a betrayal. Talking about it, answering questions about it, all of it seems like a betrayal. And yet I don’t know how to answer a question as simple as How are you? without talking about my dad. Because not to talk about it seems like a moving on and I’m not ready to.

The Rumpus Interview with Bill Clegg by Rachel Newcombe. (via therumpus)

[yesthetalk]

I get to go back into the office tomorrow and this week for the Traditions Ball!! I’m so excited :)

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

What I have learned lately is that people deal with death in all sorts of ways. Some of us fight against it, doing everything we can to make it not true. Some of us lose ourselves to grief. Some of us lose ourselves to anger.

Carrie Jones, Entice

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

Setbacks, Aftershocks and the Recurrence of Grief Setbacks are the unexpected but inevitable frustrations and disappointments you’ll encounter in your efforts to rebuild following your loss. They can affect you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. They include statements from family members or friends which, intentionally or not, discourage your efforts. They can be your own internal thoughts, feelings and attitudes which have inhibited and debilitated you in the past: rigidity, closed mindedness, self-doubt, bitterness, anger, disappointment, and the temptation to quit. Or they can be external roadblocks stemming from natural occurrences or from bureaucratic rules and regulations you’ll encounter along the way. Aftershocks or “grief bursts” happen when some of the “down” feelings you’ve already experienced in grief come at you again several months after the death, or even after a year or more. Sometimes something acts as a trigger and catches you by surprise: a song, a place, a movie or a season, and it’s as if you’re confronted with the death for the first time, all over again. Painful emotions crash in on you, and it feels as if you’re starting the entire grief process anew. Recurrence of grief is common and normal, but disturbing nonetheless. Although the strong feelings of grief are not continuous, they can return at any time, whenever you are reminded of your loss. They may be especially apparent toward the end of your first year, as you approach the anniversary date of your loved one’s death.

Marty Tousley, Finding Your Way Through Grief: A Guide for the First Year

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

The anniversary date of a loved one’s death is particularly significant. You will have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as important to you as life itself.

Bob Diets.

I don’t know how we made it through this first year.

[anditiswithinwordsthati-live-de]

It’s like when someone dies, the initial stages of grief seem to be the worst. But in some ways, it’s sadder as time goes by and you consider how much they’ve missed in your life. In the world.

Emily Giffin, Something Borrowed

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

When someone you love dies, people ask you how you’re doing, but they don’t really want to know. They seek affirmation that you’re okay, that you appreciate their concern, that life goes on and so can they. Secretly they wonder when the statute of limitations on asking expires (its three months, by the way. Written or unwritten, that’s about all the time it takes for people to forget the one thing that you never will).

Sarah Ockler, Twenty Boy Summer

[littlefoible]

[yesthetalk]

i feel like im grieving my own death that hasnt happened yet. im waiting to die

Why do you feel like that darling? 

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

Source: https://m.facebook.com/SolosSurvivorsOfLovedOnesToSuicide?tsid=0.76517009944655&source=typeahead

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

I was tired of well-meaning folks, telling me it was time I got over being heartbroke. When somebody tells you that, a little bell ought to ding in your mind. Some people don’t know grief from garlic grits. There’s somethings a body ain’t meant to get over. No I’m not suggesting you wallow in sorrow, or let it drag on; no I am just saying it never really goes away. (A death in the family) is like having a pile of rocks dumped in your front yard. Every day you walk out and see them rocks. They’re sharp and ugly and heavy. You just learn to live around them the best way you can. Some people plant moss or ivy; some leave it be. Some folks take the rocks one by one, and build a wall.

Michael Lee West, American Pie

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

One of the grubby truths about a loss is that you don’t just mourn the dead person, you mourn the person you got to be when the lost one was alive. This loss might even be what affects you the most

Meghan O'Rourke, The Long Goodbye