amateur writer. tree hugging dirt worshipper. spider enthusiast. bear connoisseur. the boss, floatato, and 747 superfan. the source of dale cooper's lingering unease. love child of David Lynch and Wong Kar-wai.
AO3
masterlist
YAUTJA // JOE GRAVES // JOEL MILLER // PUPPY (RUINER) //JOHN WICK
the pitt
babyshark | drabbles, headcanons
Brendon Park, Park the Shark | fics, drabbles, headcanonslost cherry // crybaby
Jack Abbott | drabbles
Robby | drabbles
call of duty
John Price | fics, drabbles, headcanons
father figure // hands like barbed wire // my body sleeps on your boredom // salt on your lips (and the hands that god gave you) (dddne: incest) // sea fever // past and pending // baby blues // prairie wolf // when your need grows teeth // bury your teeth in me
Ghost | fics, drabbles, headcanons
dogmeat // caging a wolfdog // shadow monsters on wooden church walls // sea, swallow me // copper sutures, open wounds (dddne: incest) // blue collar ghost // dangle on the leash // appetite
Gaz | fics, headcanons
third hour of the night // fistful of ashes // lavender skies
Soap | fics, drabbles, headcanons
straw house, straw dog // infinity in the palm of your hand (eternity in an hour) // coorie
141/Ghoap | fics, drabbles, headcanons
body electric // on the flipside // down to the marrow // birds of paradise // kleptoparasitism // victory lap
people always talk about someone getting fucked stupid but what about a top going stupid while fucking someone? their brain shuts off and they just become a horny mutt with the only goal of getting off as hard as they can, breeding their sub. incoherent whimpers and moans of pure lust and desire. just a thought
I love your writing but the way you write smut makes me lk so uncomfortable 😭 bc why does it always have to hurt? Why are we always bleeding and being torn? Can't we just enjoy it and get off for once??
if it makes you uncomfortable then i think that just means i'm doing my job lmao but ahhhhhhh no sorry 😔
and the type of noncon i write is mainly: size difference (with big, ugly, scary looking dicks) + (reader is sometimes sexually inexperienced) + high stress situation where your life is often being bargained with in exchange for your submission, and a forced, undeserved (and unwanted) immediacy to your body to sate their pleasure + you're not turned on. you don't want this. you're being preyed upon and devoured by a man twice your size who could realistically kill you without a second thought + this is the first sexual encounter you've ever had with them, so it's never going to framed as them caring about your pleasure or your comfort—its just about staking their claim, collecting their prize/conquest, slaking their hunger and finally "devouring" their prey. any pleasure you feel in the moment is a byproduct and not deliberate action, and that's a choice i'm super comfortable making.
also!! the psychological impact of having the same hand that's hurting you also being the thing to soothe the ache—at the exact same time!!!!—is just my bread and butter. i cannot get enough of it. utterly delicious.
(and in their heads, this moment is owed to them (and maybe some of them even lie and tell themselves that it has to be like this. that there's this sense of urgency pushing them to sink themselves as deep inside of you as possible as means to (symbolically, metaphorically) anchor themselves to you (and if it's Price, if it's Ghost, then—something something, blood of the sacrament, blood bonds, blood as a cosmic currency, blood baptism, ritualistic sacrifice, carving something open, something something) before something comes and snatches you away.)
i am doing a little better! awaiting a call from the doctor tomorrow for more test results. my pain has decreased at least, which is good.
my last day of work at one of my jobs is this week, and my second job is too physically demanding for me to work until i am back to full health, so i'll be out of work for the foreseeable future which is a little frustrating.
i always hate doing this, but i thought i'd just plug my patreon if any of you are interested/able to perhaps toss a coin or two my way. it's been three weeks of nonstop doctors appointments, imaging, procedures and tests and if i think too hard about what the medical bill might be, i start to cry lol. i haven't been able to write in a long while but i do have some original works up on patreon, as well as a few chapters of an in progress simon riley x reader fic on there as well.
right now i'm just taking it one day at a time. thank you all so much for your kind comments on that other post, too. i don't have the energy to respond to them, but just know i've read every single one of them and i appreciate all of you endlessly.
Keepsake
previous - masterlist
Ghoap/female reader - omegaverse au
Your phone is missing.
You’ve unpacked the entire duffel, taken stock of everything that Johnny grabbed from your apartment, turned the bag inside out, and you still can’t find it.
You swore, you swore, you had it with you when you left. You thought maybe you shoved it in one of the pockets when you got on the plane, but you honestly can’t remember.
You’ve been traveling for days, and everything is a bit fuzzy.
But you know you had it.
Which means…
You eye the bedroom door. You haven’t surfaced from this room, the one Johnny says is yours, all day. You’re somewhere between hiding and avoiding, unsure which one you’re leaning more towards.
It’s not like it’s a hardship. This is a nice place. The room you’re in is huge, and it has its own bathroom. Cream colored walls and gauzy floor to ceiling curtains, it’s stocked with linens, towels, toiletries, anything you would need. The king sized bed is lined with the softest pillows imaginable, and there’s every kind of blanket, from weighted to wool. It feels… homey.
The entire house does. It’s not rundown with peeling wallpaper and puke green bathroom tile like the first place. It’s not small, or decrepit, or heavily shuttered. It’s modern, bright, and warm. It feels less like a safe house, and more like a home.
“Do ye like it?” Johnny asked as he finished giving you the tour, and you had stared at him in confusion.
“I thought safe houses were supposed to be… sketchy.”
“Aye, they are. But this one is special. Better for a long term stay.”
He didn’t elaborate, and you didn’t push, eager to create some distance, get away, try to clear the war zone that is now your mind. Two sides pushing and pulling, rationality and biology, instinct and anger, clashing again and again, trying to drown the other out. The omega inside of you is screaming, crying, desperate to claw her way out and drag you out the door and down the hall, put you right into their laps.
These men are dangerous, your relation to them might get you killed, yet your instinct only knows them as something holy, something safe. Protectors. Alphas. Mates.
It’s torture, being here.
And worse… you think it’s making you sicker.
Your suppressants and blockers are working overtime, overloading your system, trying to compensate for the distance between you and your mates, the one that has been so drastically shortened. There’s a new hollow feeling in your chest, one that aches, it’s emptiness like a wound that won’t heal. A scrape that won’t scab.
A craving that can never be satisfied.
It’s a complication you were hoping to google, with your phone.
That you can’t find.
You take a deep breath. You know you have to face them, see them, you know you can’t hide up here forever. You have to live, or at least try to, during this entire… situation.
And in order to do that-
you need your phone.
Simon is in the living room when you come down the stairs. He’s alone on the couch, looking down at his phone, and you try not to react to the way he’s sitting, thighs spread wide, sweatpants and sweatshirt clinging to his bulk. He looks relaxed, so at odds with the intensity you’re used to, the laser focus that never lets up.
It scrambles your brain for a moment. Basal need wins out and the room turns a little hazy, a little blurred on the edges, too colorful and loud, and you swallow against a rising tide of conflict, trying to keep your head above water, trying to maintain some sense.
You hear your name. He’s standing a pace away from you. So close his scent invades your senses, and you unconsciously breathe it in, trying to soak up the sea salt and leather just like a greedy omega would. “What is it?”
Stop.
What are you doing?
“Um, I…” You start breathing with your mouth to block him out. “I’m looking for my phone?” It’s not supposed to be a question. It’s supposed to be a demand, but it slips weakly from your tongue. You focus on a piece of lint in the middle of his chest, purposefully avoiding his eyes.
“I have it…” he says slowly, stepping back. He motions to the couch. “Sit.”
“No, I’m fine. I’m just…”
“Sit.” It’s not a bark, not quite. Just teetering on the edge, just enough for you to clench your jaw as you do what he says.
You practically sink into the couch. It’s oversized, overstuffed, too soft. It’s the kind of couch you could spend all day in when it’s rainy, reading or watching a movie. The entire living room is the same. There’s a large tv over the fireplace, and a smaller couch perpendicular to the one you’re on the now. It’s a big room, but somehow still cozy. It has that same homey, lived in feeling as the rest of the house.
“I have your phone.” He says, sitting a few cushions away from you, turned entirely in your direction. You feel warm under his attention, like you’re basking in the sun. It’s unbearable.
“Okay.” You wait, expecting more. Expecting him to say, I’ll go get it, or be right back.
He says none of those things.
“You’ll get it back once this is over and dealt with.” Your mouth drops open.
“What? No. I need my phone.” This feels very nonnegotiable to you. Very. But he only shakes his head.
“Your phone is not secure. It doesn’t take much for someone else to have complete access to it, see through the camera, know where you are. It’s a danger to you, to us, right now.” Your pulse pounds between your ears. “You can have it back as soon as we’ve sorted this mess and eliminated the threat.”
“B-but… my… I have to call work. And my friends, I have to tell my friends-”
“I already called the diner, and you can text, call, whatever you need to do from our phones.” You think of Sarah and Alex, the only two people you really have. You went no contact with your family years ago, and outside of a few casual friends from the diner, Sarah and Alex made up your entire social circle. Were they wondering where you were? Were they worried?
“No. No, you can’t just… you can’t just take my phone.” His jaw flexes, and some of that softness you noticed ebbs away.
“I can. I am. It’s for your safety.”
You hate him.
He abandoned you. He rejected you. He humiliated you.
You shoot to your feet. His scent spikes, worn leather turning sun kissed, soothing. You grit your teeth.
“I want it back.” You hiss, a wildfire of anger flooding you like molten lava.
“No.” He stands to face you. Relaxed. Open palmed. At ease while you’re practically vibrating with rage, the feeling so overwhelming that you can feel it in the tips of your fingers.
“Yes.”
“‘m not doin’ this with you.” You expect him to bark. To give you an order, but instead, he does something entirely different.
He moves.
It happens so fast, too fast for your brain to understand, too fast for the rational side of you to step out of the way.
Instead, his palm lands on the nape of your neck and it’s big, warm, secure.
Safe. Your instincts scream. Mate.
You lock up. Once you’re finally caught up, processed, you get caught between trying to take a step back and turning stiff as a board, frozen in his grip.
“Easy,” he rumbles, the tone of his voice turning into something a shade close to gentle, something you didn’t know existed. And just like that, just one simple word, blunts the sharp edge of your anger.
But it doesn’t stop there.
He makes a sound low in his chest, a warm, coaxing thrum that your omega knows before you do.
Subharmonics.
It almost brings you to your knees.
“Enough now,” he murmurs, guiding you in closer, “We’re not your enemy, dove.”
Alpha.
You’re slipping away, losing the fight to your hindbrain, to who you are underneath it all.
He moves backwards, taking you with him, one step at a time, guiding you, urging you to move with him without forcing it.
You put your hands up, hold them out like you mean to push him away.
No, that is what you mean.
You mean to push him away, tell him not to touch you, not to talk to you, not to… alpha you… but his body is warm under your palms and his subharmonic rumble is like a siren’s song, sinking into your bones and turning you to mush.
“Don’t.” You whisper. It’s more for yourself than it is for him.
Don’t do this, don’t be weak, don’t give in.
Your protest doesn’t stop him, doesn’t prevent him from pulling you inward, closer, close enough you’re overwhelmed by him, the blockers and suppressants doing nothing to drown him out, sea salt and tobacco, sun warmed leather invading your senses. Even holding your breath, he’s there,
“No.” You croak, but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t acknowledge your protest. His arms are rebar as they come around you, force you into his chest.
“Settle,” the pressure increases, around your body, in your head, the careful construction of your resistance, your anger, starting to disintegrate right before your very eyes.
It’s not fair.
“You don’t need to fight us,” he continues, “we’re jus’ trying to protect you.”
“I don’t want this.” You choke out. “I don’t want to be here, I want to go home.” Home, home, home. You’re stuck on it, stuck on trying to get back to a shit hole apartment in a shit hole town.
“That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is keeping you safe.” Nothing about this is safe. Being trapped in a house with mates who rejected you isn’t safe, it’s hell.
Simon’s stopped trying to soothe you now, pheromones and subharmonics dialed down to a low hum, something still present, but not as strong.
The floorboards creak at your back and you stiffen in response, turning to find Johnny watching you and Simon from the edge of the room.
He doesn’t look upset, or jealous, or anything you’d expect. Only mildly concerned, brows barely creased in the middle.
“Everythin’ alright?” You shake your head, but Simon nods.
“She was gettin’ a bit worked up.” You stare at him, incredulous. Worked up? Like you’re some hysterical omega who can’t control herself.
“Ah. We cannae have that.” Simon’s grip slackens, and you take the opportunity to step away, trying to separate yourself.
“I wanted, I want my phone.” Johnny nods. It’s sympathetic, and understanding, and you hate it. Like you hate him. Like you hate them both.
“Sorry dove. It’s not s-”
“Safe.” You finish for him bitterly. “Yeah I heard.” You pull all your resolve together and turn away, aimed at the stairs, seeking your escape.
Neither of them stop you. There are no protests, not as you climb back up to the second floor and run down the hallway, and not as you slam your door like a petulant child.
It’s only once you’re curled up under a heap of blankets that you finally let go, and bury your face in a pillow with a sob.
It’s late when the knock comes.
“Dove?” It’s Johnny, his voice soft and smooth on the other side of your door, patiently waiting. It wakes you up, something inside you alerting to his presence, even in your sleep.
You don’t answer. He sighs.
“Ye didnae come down for dinner, an’ we dinnae want ye to be hungry.” You drag the covers up over your head, sitting in silence until he breaks it. “I brought ye some food, I’ll just leave it outside yer door. Try to eat somethin’, please.” There’s a pinch in your heart, a chord struck. Alphas are hardwired to care for their omegas. Ensuring you’re eating is not out of the ordinary, and you wonder if they hadn’t rejected you, hadn’t left you, it would be different, you would enjoy Johnny bringing you food.
But you can’t. Even though your hindbrain screams and tries to drag you towards the door to him, you dig in your heels and resist with all you have.
He knocks again.
You meet it with silence.
Finally, after minutes, he gives up and leaves, taking the wave of cardamom and black tea with him, and you slip back into oblivion, closing your eyes to escape into sleep.
I feel it everywhere. It sort of runs through me in a way. It's like… dangerous. It is the best and the worst thing all at once. It's like the only thing. It's the only thing I've ever felt. It's like I'm fucking… high off of you or something. Chemically dependent. I don't know.
this scene was made just to piss me off, i think. his shoulders. the grey in his beard. that big meaty paw twisting around the grip of the gun. the intensity in his eyes. i've written about the way he looks at her(/you) hundreds of times, and being able to see it play out like this is detrimental to my health and wellbeing.
and the size difference?? i mean. come onnnnnnn. beating me with a tire iron would actually be less insufferable than taunting me like this with a man i can't get a lil violent with until it becomes foreplay.
price isn't a religious man. he rejects the notion that there's a detached yet benevolent hand arranging things beyond human understanding. but sometimes he looks at you and wonders what else he's supposed to call it. providence, maybe, but reward feels more apt. he's spent his entire life doing what was asked of him and more. the blood on his hands mortared into his lifelines. he never wasted much energy lamenting the absence of love and romance. it's not like those things are required for him to sate his needs. and then you appear, and suddenly he's forced to reconsider his beliefs or lack thereof.
someone, somewhere, decided that he finally earned this. earned you. you can resist if you'd like. in fact, he expects it. but if you're a good girl, he'll give you time and a loose leash on which to pace about, indulge the illusion of choice. but from his perspective, the matter was settled the moment he clapped eyes on you. there is no question of whether you're right for each other. the universe already rendered its verdict. you were placed in his path with all the care of a gift set upon a doorstep. now it's simply a matter of you making peace with that fact on your own, or him helping you hands-on.
similarly, ghost doesn't care whether it was luck or blind chance. things happen, doors open, doors close, you play the hand you're dealt. meaning is something people invent after the fact to make themselves feel better about circumstances beyond their control. still, out of everyone he could've crossed paths with, it's you. out of all the places you could've gone, you ended up here, right in front of him. he doesn't believe in destiny. he simply knows how to recognize an opportunity when it presents itself. and for whatever reason, the universe saw fit to place this one, this one lovely opportunity, directly in front of him. convenient, at least for him.
gaz doesn't see the point in forcing things. people either like him or they don't. at least that's what he tells himself. in reality, he knows you just need time to realize you enjoy having him around. he is very good at giving people time, and with people like you, he knows the power of a few honeyed words and patience goes a long way. he studies and learns and remembers the details nobody else does. makes you feel seen. he shows up when he's needed and always manages to make it seem accidental.
you tell yourself he's just a friendly and reliable man. you don't consciously realize how thoroughly he's embedded himself into your life to the point where he's load-bearing. and it doesn't feel like it's because he cornered you or forced your hand, but like you silently extended an open invitation, and you'd never think to rescind it. and well, if for whatever reason his meticulous planning falls through, or you see through him, he knows that given the proper motivations, you'll come around.
soap doesn't understand why you keep making things so complicated. you call it bad timing, incompatibility, or, flat-out, that you're just not interested. that he's reading too much into little things and that he needs to let it and you go. but soap is a bloodhound that will not be dissuaded from its quarry. he's seen and read those subtle tells of yours. the cues you keep sending his way. it's obvious you're playing hard to get. so what if you run away? prey runs. that's nothing new to him. so what if you tell him no? people get cold feet all the time. to him, the cure for fear is to plunge headfirst into the deep end. he'll toss you in and chase after. sooner or later, you will give up the fight. he's just got to wear you down first.
