~alcoholic~ @yh-kawai - Tumblr Blog

Posts

I've had 3 Tumblr acc so far and I've never done one of those

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So for starters:

✷Minors + people in recovery don't interact✷

I don't think I need to explain why

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☆£d talk from now on☆

Stats:

✿ Height: 150cm - 4'9feet

✿ Hw: 63kg - 138lbs

✿ Lw: 44kg - 97lbs

✿ Cw: 46kg - 101lbs (47-103 on my period)

✿ Ugw: 42kg - 92lbs

✿ BMI: 20,4

(I'm at the weight half if not most of ed tumblr wants to be at and my BMI is still 20 bec I'm short AF life is so unfair)

Goals:

✷Originally I wanted to go lower, have a BMI of 18-17, look skeleton like✷

✷Now because of the groups I'm part of my priorities have changed and I need to gain muscle and strength (I'm punk and anarchist I need to be able to throw hands)✷

✷I'm not planning on losing any more for that reason (unfortunately) but I'm also not willing to gain, so now that my metabolism and hunger has stabilised and I eat whatever I want and don't gain, I'll try to focus the ed voices into exercise (which I've tried and failed multiple times while starving) and I'll satisfy my ed thoughts by counting everything once I start exercising)✷

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This is a safe space for all £ds, regardless of how sick U are or aren't, this ISN'T a safe space for recovering acc or kids. I've had anorexia since I was 11-12 so I get it but I'm an alcoholic that still drinks, I have bpd+hear voices and some other minor stuff

I handle those the same way I do my £d, I also smoke, drink and do drugs

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So this isn't a space for kids

I do periodically flex my pro ana accomplishments so if Ur triggered by that in a bad way dni

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I periodically post very low cal recipes that actually taste good, if Ur interested U can stay

Lastly I post rants sometimes that are annoying and boring to read, U have been warned

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That's all, thanks for reading

Had a fever for like 3-4 days, the day I started feeling ok I tried speed for the first time, i had an exam the next day in the morning, I went and the heating got to me since my body was weak AF and I almost fainted multiple times to the point I had to sit down every 2 minutes. Very obv the exam didn't go well but I don't really care

Took a taxi home and I STILL after 7 hours, cannot stand for more than a minute max without seeing black spots

My sensitivity to heat fucking sucks

Not ed related but I wanna vent and he has all my other accounts in other apps

My Fwb is being distant 🙄and it's annoying, we have been fcking for 6 months now and we talk everyday when we are awake

I don't have a crush (I'm aromantic) but I am very annoyed rn in a way that I can't express without coming off as clingy/having a crush and I don't want him misunderstanding this. So I'm venting here

Why tf is he not texting me the whole day until 7pm? He is working now ok sure, U are very tired when U wake up and go to work, I get it, U can't really text at work and U have other shit going on, I get it, U finish work and Ur tired, I get. But more than 2 hours go by after work and U can't even respond to a text?like fr? I don't get that

Bec yeah he's not obligated and I don't care when he text me, but I've seen him texting me under different circumstances and I've learned that as a person he can text regardless of how tight his schedule is. So what's happening?

And he isn't someone who talks about shit easily, I get it I also have a hard time but I try, is something bothering him? WHY TF IS HE NOT TALKING TO ME💀and I can't say shit bec he's a cis guy with a heteronormative friend group, if I say this shit he will think Im getting clingy and we started this with the premise that we wont get crushes and expect more

And I'm not but I'm not losing good dick bec he started thinking I have a crush💀

Anyways Im annoyed and slightly insecure about it bec I hate thinking I might have done something wrong, in general I mean. I'll punch him in the face if this keeps happening for more than 5 days(we are on day 5)

Haven't posted in like 6-7 months, broke my phone and got a new one and never got around to actually downloading Tumblr

Stop counting and I gained weight, originally I thought I gained a lot but the most I've reached was 48-49kg for a few weeks when I was really shitty mentally and very stressed from college

I still didn't start counting and it went down on its own, I'm at 46kg(47 if I'm on my period) for at least 3-4 months now just eating whatever I feel like eating so I've only gained 2 kg in total and it has stabilised

I'll keep this acc running but I really wanted to flex, I feel like I've won anorexia since my body now stays at that weight with no exercise and no counting what I eat (not even paying attention) my hunger just complied with my ed? Anyways let's see how this one will go

(for those wondering, no anorexia voices aren't gone they start yelling every day I'm slightly bloated or dont look good in what I'm wearing. But the other half of the time we are besties. We have been for a long time

((meaning any animosity I had towards it is gone and the degrading voices aren't there, now it's more depressing voices and I always approach it with compassion))

And now it's just there to make conversation periodically. This post is purely to flex about those things bec I feel like I've accomplished something but normies Def won't see it like that)

#anorexic #✨ving #skiny girl #model thin #diet #thinspu #daily thinspo #thinspo

Okk so today I have lots of things to do so we're starting the day Strongggg

900g of salad (lettuce, onion and boiled leafy greens with some egg cooked with tomatoes), in total that's 101 kcals

Honestly not the best, I had alcohol done hours before and tasting the lemon for some reason reminds me of the alcohol? Idk, this has also been sitting in my fridge for a day so it's not as fresh as I would like

For lunch I'll make some meat with .... something idk yet but anyways I didn't even finish this bowl so maybe I'll eat the meat with the rest of this( I ate like 500g)

But first I'll go to my grandma's and steal some money, I'll take my cat to the vet, I'll meet my mom and then lunch

And then exercise✨✨

Ana besties, if I can lose the weight(44kg/98lbs rn) SO CAN U

And to help u understand this I'll give u some examples

If I can boycott most companies supporting Israel even tho it's most stuff in the supermarket, if I can feed my cats the most expensive and good food I can find even if it means staying hungry and not having money for basic necessities, If countless women can follow their doctors instructions even when it's hard and goes against their "cravings", if u can sit down and study for school/college even when u don't feel like it, if so many people can go vegan for their beliefs, if I can risk my life in protests even tho I'm scared shitless when I hear cops running behind me, if so many athletes can follow strict diets and schedules, if literal kids can follow a schedule and rules even when they hate it

U can follow a damn diet!

decayingdogt33th

All cookie dough is “edible cookie dough” if you’re not a fucking pussy

yh-kawai

Bringing back my all time fav snack/meal

Yogurt with onion~

This time I made it with 120g yogurt (57,6 kcals) and half a small red onion(14,5)

I also added salt, black pepper and paprika (like I always do)

In total the calories this time are 72,1 kcals

(in case anyone else wants to make it, if u make it before u get hungry and let it in the fridge for a little bit, it tastes better)

yh-kawai

Had a little more of that but with more paprika(53 kcals)

My total cals for the day are 551 tho, I felt an extreme and sudden hunger so I decided to eat more than planned cause I knew if I tried to suppress it completely, it was gonna end in a Binge

I'm hungry again rn but hey it's normal hunger and I know I can control this without any problem

That's what I had

(if I hadn't eaten this my total cals for the day would have been 241 btw....but hey better listen to my body and take care of it before it turns into a binge)

Also the "cookeis" are some cookies I made myself with egg white, yogurt protein powder vanilla and chocolate powder. They aren't great on their own but with honey or marmalade they are pretty good(I want to also try them with Nutella)

I didn't post them/the recipe cause I don't think I have perfected it, I want to try making them again with different measurements and post them after I nail them!!! Anorexics deserve to eat tasty shit too

Bringing back my all time fav snack/meal

Yogurt with onion~

This time I made it with 120g yogurt (57,6 kcals) and half a small red onion(14,5)

I also added salt, black pepper and paprika (like I always do)

In total the calories this time are 72,1 kcals

(in case anyone else wants to make it, if u make it before u get hungry and let it in the fridge for a little bit, it tastes better)

Why tf are y'all still romanticizing ingredients spread out on a plate as ED inspo pics?🥹

Y'all know u can 1) cook u're food and 2) actually cook food and not separate ingredients and it will still be low-cal?

Also plz for the love of god start using spices why tf am I seeing blant Ingredients that are cooked with nothing but salt as ED inspo?? This sht makes me wanna go eat a burger

Make ED foods appetizing if y'all wanna lock in✨

Example: A cucumber with yogurt on the side can EASILY but mixed together with added spices and it tastes so MUCH BETTER

Chicken can be cooked with no oil and spices and it will be so much more appetizing and filling

Separate vegetables on a plate look esthetic but mixed together in a salad WITH SPICES and some lemon maybe IS EGEN BETTER

Low-cal breakfast + alternatives(102 kcals)<3

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• 1 egg-70 kcals

• 5g of butter with olive oil-25 kcals

• 2 mini tomatoes-7 kcals

+any spicies u want(I added salt, pepper and oregano cause I didn't have anything else and bec in the traditional dish this breakfast is inspired from these are the spices u use typically, but paprika, chili and a bunch of other things can work as well)

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U basically add the tomatos in a pan, add the butter and after the tomato "melts" u add the egg and cook it in low until to stops being "watery". Essentially it's an omelette but the texture is different and the taste is way better for me.

u can always skip the butter or add a low-cal version, personally I didn't mind it cause it was more for the extra taste and I didn't add a lot

Depending on how many cals u wanna eat u can always modify it

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Alternatives:

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1. If u wanna put it on toast or if ure on a very low-cal diet (50-300 kcals a day) I would advise to use:

• 4 mini tomatoes(14-15 kcals) or one normal tomato(22 kcals)

• 2 egg whites(34 kcals)

• skip the butter and add whatever spicies u want

-More Volume for essentially less calories {49-53 kcals} which is perfect if it's gonna be added on bread of any type or if u want u're breakfast to be under 60 kcals-

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2. If u want a way bigger portion, I would recommend:

• use normal tomatoes instead of mini, 2 big ones(44 kcals)

• 4 egg whites (68 kcals)

• completely skip the butter or add max 5g for the taste(25 kcals if u use the same one I used, there's always low-cal options in butter as well)

• obv keep the spices

-That's 112 kcals without the butter. If u wanna do it this way cause u need/want a big breakfast in volume but really low-cal then I would recommend eating it on its own but bec it's only 112 kcals u can add some of it on a slice of toast and eat the rest on its own and it's still gonna be really low-cal.-

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This is basically a dish we make in Greek that's called kagianas, I love it but it can be really high cal cause of the olive oil and eggs but if ure smart about it, it can be so low-cal and it's so gooodddd

Traditionally u put olive oil in a pan with garlic and onions, add tomatoes (usually u use a cheese grater to make it into the consistency u want, I didn't do that on my breakfast version, I just cut the tomato and tossed it in the pan) and last u add eggs and let it cook

I completely slipped the onions and garlic on my breakfast version but it still tastes good. U can always add them to urs but u have to be mindful of how u add them

U can toss a tomato in a pan and it won't burn cause of it's extra juices, garlic and onion need some type of butter/oil OR u will have to add them in after the tomato has somehow melted

Weight update & bodycheck~

I weighed myself at the pharmacy close to my house cause still no money for a scale, I was 45kg and the lady told me "oh it might show 1kg over u're actual weight" +#(@(@(#920#+@8 DO U PROMISE???

For now I will assume I'm 44,8 kg until I get to weigh myself in a more accurate scale~

Bodycheck of the day<3 I just love how my bones refuse to allow me to look smaller from the front:)

{I am obsessed with those pants btw}

Last pic is one my I took with my bff like a week and a half ago, I was still 46-47 then(my period made me 48 for a couple days this was taken in the last days of my period)

chop--suey

:( man I hate Pinterest

I like weighing myself after eating so I can see the heaviest possible weight I can be in my current weight range

It's easy and encouraging to weigh u'reself when u haven't eaten and have went to the bathroom, u get the number u will be at when u haven't eaten and went to the bathroom right after waking up

But what about throughout the day? Cause u can't keep eating 200-300 kcals just so u won't bloat, u will raise them to be able to maintain u're weight and shit(unless u choose the route of losing continuously until u die, this post isnt for u then)so yes if u want the most accurate number, weigh u'reself in the morning, empty stomach, after peeing and pooping

But if u wanna see the realistic weight u will be at(and the bloating u will have after eating) throughout the rest of u're day in u're current weight

Weigh u'reself after eating, even if it feels like shit

#need to lose more weight #tw weight #model thin #skiny girl #ana diets #proannna #anorexx

Am I insensitive/rude?

I have this friend that's obese and dude..... We are all (6 people) sitting on one big double mattress and he went and sat besides me and I had to move, he had to sit with his legs stretched out taking the space we had for laying out our cigs and phones and god I feel like a piece of SHIT for thinking this but my first thought was how can someone be ok with taking so much space like that?

Bec if u know u take space(in my head at least) and there's limited space, u can like...ask: hey guys can u move a little, hey can I stretch my legs or do u need the space? BEFORE U SIT! Not just sit and half sit on my leg and expect me to move or just stretch ur legs over our cigs and shit just bec

U can also like ask someone who's sitting on a side of the bed that has more space to change places

Am I rude/insensitive rn? Is this the ED talking or am I reasonable?

#pr0 an4