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@yingwritesherstory
Introduction
Starting this tumblr page just to express myself in ways I can’t in real life- that is through words, art and photography. I haven’t been able to find a proper platform that I really like to share a combination of my thoughts, art and photography so I thought I ought to try out Tumblr. I like to write, draw and take photos, just for fun.
how do you have unshakeable confidence?
hey loves! i know i've made plenty of posts talking about confidence, but after going through one of the worst mental health patches i've had, i've come back with a lot more to say. i've always been pretty thin skinned and after seeing the judgement that a lot of ppl were going thru, it made me feel like i needed to fit into an acceptable box, to please as many people as possible.
defining your beliefs. i think it's important to know what things for you are a non-negotiable. like find things that you believe in deeply and things that you wouldn't care being judged for.
setting your priorities. this really helps me- i think about what is really important to me and what is not. i'm not striving to be the smartest person on the planet, so if someone thinks im dumb then whatever.
having confident role models. some of my relatives from Massachusetts are like very stereotypical 'massholes' and they just all have so much confidence about everything, so i like to think about them. or chloe sevigny. honestly just anyone who is true to themselves and radiates that sort of vibe is good to look up to.
putting yourself in new situations. i've had so many instances where i worry about something, and then when it actually happens it's not even bad. and i think the more times this happens the more you realize how much we build up fear.
seeing the good in others. when you become a critic of everyone else, eventually you'll start doing the same thing to yourself. stop thinking that you would do better then someone in every situation.
i think of my faith in God. if youre not religious then you can skip this, but personally i remind myself that in the end it won't matter how people judged me, but how God did. stop pandering to people.
of course there's all the other things i've talked about. consistently thinking positive thoughts, taking care of yourself physically and mentally. all that put together will improve the way you see yourself.
Late night thoughts about love
What is love?
Love made me feel many things. Love makes me happy, sad, grateful, scared and hopeful.
Happy to spend time with you, happy to be yours.
Grateful to have you in my life, grateful that you’re mine.
Hopeful of upcoming days with you, hopeful of memories we’ll create together.
Sad when we disagree. Sad when you’re not here with me. Sad of unfulfilled promises.
Scared. Scared of losing you. Scared of getting too attached.
Scared of the unknown and perhaps of the biggest heartbreak of my life.
Scared of not meeting expectations.
Scared that I’m not the one that you want.
I don’t know why but I can’t help feeling this way. Have I perhaps grown too dependent and attached to you? It scares me how much you can affect my emotions sometimes. I used to be alone. Independent. Sometimes lonely yet enough. To have so much emotions… makes me scared. Like really scared. All the what ifs, what nots, whys and whens are making me overthink. I know you are your own person with many things to consider. Which is why, the right thing to do is to be supportive and understanding. To stop overthinking. To stop being scared. To be in the moment. To trust the process. To trust you.
“If you have unrealistically high standards, you will forever be creating reasons to see yourself as inadequate, as someone who needs endless improvement.”
— Baek Se-hee, I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokpokki
— Baek Se-hee, I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki
excerpt: i’m sad, but i’m alive, and living through it. / that is my solace and my joy.
24. Starting off my birthday crying, what’s new? I always feel sad on my birthday
“You often feel tired, not because you've done too much, but because you've done too little of what sparks a light in you.”
—Alexander Den Heijer, Nothing You Don't Already Know
Also, diet culture can go kick rocks.
celebrate everything you made it through and did this year. you deserve a big celebration for surviving.
I did well, here's to the new year. Let's celebrate every milestone and don't be too hard on myself
#16
If you don't mean it,
Don't shower me with flowery words,
If you don't mean it,
Don't light me with a sunshine smile,
If you don't mean it,
Don't make these butterflies grow,
If you don't mean it,
Don't be with the thorns that prick,
For my heart bleeds seeing from afar,
You, a rose, yearning an unworthy weed.
🖤💘
everything everywhere all at once is about intergenerational trauma. about depression and passive suicidality and the gravitational appeal of nothingness. about aging, getting older in your twenties and getting older in your fifties. about the specific hurt mothers can cause their daughters and daughters their mothers. about the harsh reality of the immigrant experience and the american dream. but it’s mostly about kindness and family and it’s about choosing to sit at home talking about taxes with someone who loves you, and it’s about telling your daughter that you’d choose her over the entire universe, and it’s about how even in the universes where life didn’t form, love can still exist. and it’s really all of that at once.
"Déjà vu. Déjà su. Déjà vécu.
Already seen. Already known. Already lived."
-V. E. Schwab, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue
@fictiondaily mission i: best reads of 2021
“ and it is sad, of course, to forget. But it is a lonely thing, to be forgotten. To remember when no one else does. ”
[The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab]
The Invisible Life of Addie Larue
Took me long enough to finish the book because the story felt stagnant and uninteresting but it gets better at the very end. At some point, it also gets very confusing as it skips from the past to the present. Overall, the plot was okay although I didn’t like how it ended. But I did enjoy the writing and there were many memorable quotes from the book.
The end of a chapter
We are at the final pages, with the last few drops of ink left to write our story.
How am I feeling? A mixture of relief, happiness, sadness and anxiousness, I would say.
Relief and happiness because I made it and will be graduating soon. Sadness because we’ll be leaving soon and we’ll all start our own new chapters. Anxiousness because of the uncertainty of the future.
It’s like a wave crashing, washing away the traces of time where 4 years have passed. We take things for granted and don’t realise it until we lose them. Many things have changed but I will cherish the memories forever, for it has been the best time, good times and bad times altogether for me. But these experiences are what that shaped my now. Thank you to those who stayed with me and forgive me for any wrong that I’ve done.
Will our friendships stay the same? Will we drift apart when we’re too busy writing our new chapters? Only time will tell. Please be kind, dear time, as my heart holds dear to this connection with all of you.
