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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@yingyings
❝ even in this irrationality ... there was life still blooming within me — ❞ established 31 / 07 / 22. novel predominate & heavily headcanon based ning yingying of scum villain’s self - saving system, blossomed by kiwi. please read law / dossier ; follows from @shenzuns.
hi i’m kiwi — 20, mixed, bisexual disaster, chaotic good ! i’m just here to have a fun time, not a long one, & yell about my fave harem stereotype & 80s horror. feel free to im / ask about anything. <3
↪ 𝑴𝑶𝑵𝑶𝑳𝑶𝑮𝑼𝑬 𝑨𝑻 𝟑 𝑨.𝑴 . ( a series of sentence starters from sylvia plath’s “ the collected poems ” . adjust phrasing as necessary .)
my mendings itch . there’s nothing to do .
what ceremony of words can patch the havoc ?
stop crying . open your hand .
it is a terrible thing , to be so open .
i am too pure for you or anyone .
it’s easy to blame the dark .
how free it is , you have no idea how free .
it must be one or the other of us .
it was a kind of marriage , being so close .
nobody sees us .
i couldn’t sleep for a week .
it is comfortable , for a change , to mean so little.
tell me i’m here .
your room is lousy with flowers .
now i resemble a sort of god .
nobody can tell what i lack .
i suppose it’s pointless to think of you at all .
i can stay awake all night , if need be .
this is not what i meant .
i can’t get it out of my mind .
when you kick me out , that’s what i’ll remember .
i wasn’t fooled . i knew you at once .
if the moon smiled , she would resemble you .
your clear eye is the one absolutely beautiful thing .
perfection is terrible .
i do not trust the spirit .
one day , it won’t come back .
they will wonder if i was important .
oh god , i am not like you .
there is no stopping it .
we have come so far , it’s over .
tonight will be , in every respect , like every other night .
that’s how you always talk before we start .
if i didn’t trust you at this , i wouldn’t trust myself .
at least i feel less dread of the world beyond ours .
i admit it : i’m afraid .
don’t be so smart .
i dreamed of doing it , and now it’s done .
earth is my haunt .
what manner of business are you on ?
perhaps you’ve late quitted heaven ?
i shall never grow old .
sugar can cure everything .
is there no way out of the mind ?
there are no trees or birds in this world .
this is what i am made of , this and terror .
why is it so quiet , what are they hiding ?
this is what it is to be complete .
is he wearing pajamas or an evening suit ?
the police love you , you confess everything .
is my life so intriguing ?
where are you going that you suck breath like mileage ?
you flicker . i cannot touch you .
if i could bleed , or sleep ! if my mouth could marry a hurt like that !
what did they know that i didn’t ?
you say you can’t stand her .
i’m doped and thick from my last sleeping pill .
you are ill .
you are so exhausted .
i can’t communicate .
we’re here on a visit .
where do you stash your knife ?
what sort of scenery is it ?
you know who you hate .
pure ? what does it mean ?
i am not subtle .
right now you are dumb , and i love your stupidity .
i know why you won’t give it to me . you’re terrified .
is it impossible for you to let something go and have it whole ?
must you kill what you can ?
there is one thing i want today , and only you can give it to me .
it won’t hurt .
do away with it altogether .
are you our sort of person ?
i have always been scared of you .
i didn’t call you . i didn’t call you at all .
there is nothing between us .
seven hours knocked out of my right mind .
i am myself . that is not enough .
i dream of someone else entirely .
we should meet in another life .
it was an accident .
you know what lies are for .
dying is an art , like everything else .
how far is it now ?
do not accept it . it’s not genuine .
i am so stupidly happy .
eternity bores me , i never wanted it .
i can never be normal tbh. went from ‘omg a gifset thats so nyy’ to ‘alright so she actually has a lot of complexes and here’s a detailed explanation as 2 why she’s really an open book and later has to nip that in the bud and it’s depressing for everyone’
LIKE AUH there really is a tragedy to be had, a symbolic tragedy here, bc while she is not the victim it must hurt to come to the eventual realization that you were the sole cause for many problems around you (because you refused to grow up, because you never listened, because, because, because) without knowing and internalizing that. having to live with the grief of everyone around you losing things precious to them, important to them, because of your own mistakes-
which also! isn’t necessarily her fault, there’s a lot of depth to it but it ultimately falls under sh.en j.iu’s trauma reverberating onto those around him, but still! she’s going to internalize alllllll of this. there is nothing but misery in both pi.dw AND in s.v.sss
but it’s like a very different misery in both you know. she just cant escape the trauma babey, the grief! it manifests around her and someway or another i think she’ll always have deep regrets even if she’s not entirely sure or has an inkling, they’ll be there.
NEW LIFE BEGINS 卿卿日常 (2022) TIAN XI WEI as LI WEI
fairy ning yingying⭐️
I have a side muse that is SQH would you be interested?
Sure! As long as u abide w/ my rules ( the main one being I only write w/ people who are over 18 ) then I'd love to!
Our best shijie needs more attention.
do you think you'll be open to rp with a shen jiu ?
absolutely ! i do have thoughts on their relationship, and w/ regard to her influence post marrying binghe & shen jiu’s imprisonment and her feelings on him as a whole bc it's battling those innate feelings of what she thought she knew of shen jiu ( her shizun ) and what she saw of his actions towards binghe.
she can't condone him but damn that's her dad boogie woogie woogie ! anyways yes, ofc we love shen jiu in this house !
hi is this blog still active 😭😭
it is ! i just rarely ever write on it i'm sorry, not many people are interested in beloved yinger </3 (also i've been on ffxiv haha) but ! please interact with my baby if we're following each other, i'd love to plot something and get writing on here again !
Huevember Day 1: Ning Yingying
best girl
EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE (2022) dir. Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert
its so hard i wanan rb cute things but i dont have any bonds on her yet ue ue ue
&. 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝, 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.
( you know that dynamic of the emotionally closed off one & the kind one they have a soft spot for? yeah, that’s the vibe. )
said from the lone wolf.
❛ you think you know me, but the truth is, you don’t. ❜
❛ going home isn’t an option anymore. ❜
❛ i’m fine. there’s nothing for you to worry about. ❜
❛ do you wish i was different? ❜
❛ i just, i don’t want anything bad to happen to you. ❜
❛ you deserve better than what you’ve got. ❜
❛ i guess we both lost something we were fond of. ❜
❛ i’m not leaving you out here alone. ❜
❛ you don’t have to keep me company, i’m fine by myself. ❜
❛ coming here to see you is the only place i could go. ❜
❛ i’m afraid of losing you, okay? ❜
❛ i know you probably hate me right now, and i get it. ❜
❛ what is with your weird fascination with me? ❜
❛ yeah, you keep on telling yourself that bullshit. ❜
❛ i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, i just have a lot on my plate. ❜
❛ you’re lucky you got away with only a scratch. ❜
❛ if i could be a different person, i promise you, i would be. ❜
❛ people like us don’t get to decide when we’re done. ❜
❛ i’ve never had anything good happen to me when i trusted others. ❜
❛ you won’t survive out there. they tear all good things apart. ❜
❛ i don’t know what’s the truth or what’s a lie anymore. ❜
❛ you got guts, i’ll give you that. ❜
❛ the more you know, the shorter your life will be. ❜
❛ for the first time in years, i felt something that i thought had been lost to me. ❜
❛ what you think you’re going through is nothing to what i have been through. ❜
said from the soft spot.
❛ you’re not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜
❛ how is it that you’re never scared? ❜
❛ you think i’m weak because i’m not like you. ❜
❛ you wanted to be left alone, right? ❜
❛ how do you make the pain go away? ❜
❛ you shouldn’t smoke, you know. ❜
❛ destroy what is destroying you. ❜
❛ i hope you find the peace you’re searching for. ❜
❛ you know my door is always open to you. ❜
❛ i look at you and my heart breaks because all i see is loneliness. ❜
❛ you’re avoiding the subject and you know it. what are you hiding from me? ❜
❛ you’re not at war anymore, you can come home. ❜
❛ it feels like you’ve been avoiding me. ❜
❛ what are you so afraid of? ❜
❛ you shouldn’t be out here by yourself. ❜
❛ why do you care? you could have just walked away. ❜
❛ i know you. how else do you think i found you so easily? ❜
❛ if it was the other way around, would you have come back for me? ❜
❛ i just thought you’d like some company. ❜
❛ are you jealous? want me all to yourself, do you? ❜
❛ i knew you had a heart. ❜
❛ can you look at me? please? ❜
❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜
❛ if you won’t take care of yourself, then who will? ❜
❛ you have something beautiful inside of you. it’s hard for some people to tell, but it’s there. ❜
𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐒 & 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒.
repost & tag away !
modern yingying & mingyan
*不要用我的画！！
*do not repost!!
see there’s such a careful balance between n.yy being Aware of what she’s doing, bc a majority of it she wasn’t? she didn’t quite understand, though as she grew up she did start to have more of an idea yknow, and her being Unaware. like i definitely think she’s more emotionally in tune with herself and others than s.qq is, but being as naive as she is, someone who hasn’t gone through the same hardships that l.bh or s.qq (either sy or sj bc theyve both gone thru their own problems, though sy less so definitely) she definitely doesn’t Super get her actions have consequences.
it’s also largely due to a faith in her shizun and likely bc asking questions wouldn’t have gotten her anything more than a fierce scolding and chores. she’s kind of the epitome of childhood hopes, the fragility of it all, but i just HMMM I ALSO THINK she’s cognizant enough to pick up that something IS her fault, even if she doesn’t Quite Get how she’s hurting l.bh (even tho it isnt really her fault to be specific bc she thinks she’s helping but in turn is warranting free punishment from the jealous disciples & s.j who just Doesnt Like Him)
AND YUEAH IDK IT’S A CAREFUL BALANCE IDK IF ANY OF THIS MAKES SENSE LMAOO (im trying to make sense of my own thoughts Myself) but i’m probably gonna make her more canon divergent here just in lieu of character depth bc we don’t get to see much of it in either version and i think it’s fair to say that she does have like... a strong intuition, suspicion of what’s going on, but u know.
also u will all have to bear with me as i find her voice flips hair
@junshang sought: 47﹕ sender is found sobbing by receiver .
❝ a - luo ! ❞
𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙻𝚂 ‘𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙴 𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝙰𝙿𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙰𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚂, voice lilting soft and clear, a clarity bell in the wake of her worry. footsteps pad light and quick against dark soil, lush greens, the shadow of summer hot on her heels as warmth falls low in the sky; an eventful day, a boring day. she was no stranger to luo binghe’s disappearances, crammed with far more chores than she’d ever have to experience, it was a nuisance — it heralded a sad truth, an unfairness she’d never known, and in spite of it she’d tried ! tried to offer her hand, the friendly bump of her shoulder into his with her ever quiet hopes of making him laugh ( it worked sometimes ! sometimes, she held onto them / he wasn’t smiling as much anymore ... ), but with every secret virtue the pendulum swung and she was caught.
𝙰 𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙵𝙵 𝙻𝙸𝙿𝙿𝙴𝙳 𝚁𝙴𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙳 from her shizun, a sharp warning, and in the wake of her subdued pleas, a lesser punishment ( surely shizun had reasons for this, he was shizun, didn’t he care ? she wanted to have faith, held onto it childishly ). she hadn’t seen luo binghe in the following hours, the following day, only brief slithers of ever familiar curly hair, scuffed uniform a stark difference from her own shining representation of qing jing peak, and the dark brown of wooden logs — heavy, she remembered the last time she’d helped, they hurt her arms but she had less than his.
𝙸𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝙰𝙽 𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙶𝙽𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝚂𝙰𝙳𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚂, she’d huffed in ming fan’s face the next he approached her, stomped off with an annoyed ‘ humph ‘, he’d been doing that a lot, she didn’t want to see him ! a cloying guilt coats her chest, loneliness she rarely felt, and sadness was far and few between, as the prized shijie of qing jing peak she was beloved by many — but many was near nothing when she’d seen hide nor hair of her best friend, and for a brief moment she wondered if it was her fault. where are you a - luo ?
𝚂𝚆𝙸𝙵𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝙰𝙿𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙰𝙲𝙷 𝙸𝙽 𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙴𝚇𝙲𝙸𝚃𝙴𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃 she barely catches the panic and jerky movements as she slows to a stumbling stop. joy all but torn from her at the sliver of red rimming his eyes, stiff arms jerkily rubbing at his eyes, and she wants to pretend. wants to act as if she hadn’t seen him crying, considers it for a moment, but she can’t help herself; she never had been great at control ( when was the last time she’d seen him cry ? it cuts through her in a way she’d rarely felt, and quietly ... she wishes he’d hide less ). with a trembling lip and shy fingers she leans down, stretches out an arm toward him just shy of touching him, the tips of her fingers barely brushing the tattered sleeve of his arm.
❝ a - luo ... ❞
𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝚅𝙾𝙸𝙲𝙴 𝙸𝚂 𝙰 𝚀𝚄𝙸𝙴𝚃 𝙱𝙸𝚁𝙳 𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙻, tender somberness envelops his name, and she wants to cry ( but she doesn’t, for a - luo she’d be strong ). without waiting for an invitation she’s careful to lower herself, back pressed against an ever familiar woodshed cold and hard, with feet tucked under her and delicate fingers tugging at the edge of his clothes. hardly pressing but she wished he’d look at her ! she was more than used to how quick his attention slipped away now, so lost in his thoughts, and a small guilt filled her every time she nagged at him to notice her but ... she could take being ignored, she could try ( a bittersweet lie ), if he never looked at her again though ... if she lost her best friend, what would she do ?
❝ ... was it something this shijie did ? i missed you, a - luo ... can we fix this ? this shijie will try to be better ... this shijie is sorry, a - luo ... ❞
