YJIDESIGNER @yjidesigner - Tumblr Blog

love, cheol 𑣲 c. seungcheol

SUMMARY: Your roommate has been in love with you the entire time. However, there has always been a barrier between you two, how long will he endure it before finally accepting whether you were ever meant to be with him?

PAIRING: choi seungcheol x f!reader

GENRE: drama, fluff, angst, college au, oneshot

WARNINGS: mild suggestive content, strong language (not really in this fic), reader has a boyfriend (no cheating, i promise), mixed signals, hurt w comfort, mention of family death, grieving for loved ones, breakup, emotional conflict, implied indecisiveness, slow burnnnnnnnn.

WC: 11.8k

ADD TAGS❦: roommate! seungcheol, sport sc majored! seungcheol, physiotherapy student! reader, unrequited love, one-sided love, domestic fluff (as roommates), platonic relationship, open ending, boyfriend! joshua, jeonghan as moral support, hidden feelings revealed, yearning! seungcheol omg, minghao (my love poetry shifu), no comedy because im not feeling funny today, reader uses she/her pronouns.

a/n: "if you don't have the confidence that you can make them happier than i do, please give them back to me." omg seungcheol what the fahhhhhh how about my mental healthhhhhhh. i will always love you cheol, you're the real man.

Why did the universe decide to bring him to you? It’s impossible for the two of you to become one. You were already bound by a promise.

You and him.

And not him.

When he first moved into the place he was supposed to share with another tenant, he hadn’t expected it to be a woman living there. If he had known, he would have chosen somewhere else. But it couldn’t be undone, he had already paid the deposit and everything else.

He just hoped his roommate would be okay with a guy staying under the same roof.

Surprisingly, you weren’t upset at all. If anything, you welcomed him warmly and politely. He guessed you were just being nice about it, maybe you weren’t capable of saying no. He figured you were probably a pushover, just like him.

One thing he found odd about you was how quiet you were. There was nothing wrong with that, of course. Like with most roommates he’d had before (except when he lived with Jeonghan), people usually didn’t talk much beyond their day, just brief “good mornings” and “how was your day?”

Still, a simple hey would’ve been nice. He thought you were just shy… or borderline rude, though not intentionally.

That was until one time. He stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped securely around his waist. Water droplets dripped from his damp hair as he dried it with another towel. Then he froze on the spot.

You were in the kitchen, holding a tub of ice cream, staring at him blankly.

He stared back, equally dumbfounded that you had caught him in such a compromising state.

You snapped out of it first, quickly retreating to the couch where your show was playing on the television, knees tucked to your chest, ignoring how your ears burned red.

When he returned to the living room, fully clothed this time, you were already gone. He shut his eyes, mentally cursing at how things had probably become awkward between the two of you.

The next two days were… normal. You didn’t try to talk to him, which wasn’t unusual, but after what had happened, he couldn’t help but feel even more uneasy with the silence. He had imagined he’d try to be nice, maybe take the opportunity to grow closer to you, but you made it harder.

Seungcheol wasn’t the type to give up easily. He did try to make small talk, but you always avoided him, not obviously, but just enough. Every time he thought he had a chance, you slipped away, as if the universe itself refused to let him reach you.

“Men of different principles don’t work well together.”

That’s what Minghao told him about his situation. Seungcheol nearly scoffed at that, not even bothering to ask what he meant. Sure, the two of you lived together, but that didn’t mean you had to get along.

Still, he insisted. He wanted to get to know his roommate.

You both respected each other’s privacy and space. So why was it so difficult to even engage, to maybe form a friendship? Even a little interaction would’ve been nice.

“TOGETHER WITH YOU IS MY FAVOURITE PLACE TO BE.”

The first time you actually talked to him was the day you discovered his shitty cooking skills. He had to admit, he was everything but a cook. He just hoped his future lover would never see this side of him, one he never wanted to be found out.

You stood there, staring at his burnt scrambled eggs, if that’s what he liked to call them. He nearly had a heart attack because of you.

“Looking at you makes me want to strive for better things.”

Seungcheol’s brows furrowed at that as he tossed the burnt pan into the sink. “What a nice thing to say. Why don’t you read me a bedtime story too, with a warm glass of milk?”

You simply watched him as he tried to clean whatever charred mess was left behind.

“Have you eaten?” you asked, standing beside him as he grumbled, scrubbing at the pan. “Dinner, I mean.”

“Well…” he said, pausing, “I was planning to, but my dinner burned, as you can see. Guess I’m not having it.” He let out a sarcastic scoff.

“I can see that.”

He stopped mid-scrub and turned to look at you, already not in the mood to deal with anything. He was still irritated. Mostly because Jeonghan had cheated during a card game, which led to him being punished by having to get rejected by the hottest girl on campus.

“It costs nothing to be kind,” he said, frowning. “Are you trying to make my day worse?”

His eyes then landed on the box of fried chicken in your arms… then back to your innocent gaze. He immediately realized he hadn’t meant to take his frustration out on you.

“Oh, okay,” you said simply. “I was thinking maybe we could have dinner together. I accidentally ordered extra.”

Now, he felt like an asshole.

That’s how the two of you ended up having dinner together, sitting across from each other as he devoured the food like there was no tomorrow. He might’ve been terrible at cooking, but he was grateful to have you. You even offered side dishes you had stored in the fridge, which meant he didn’t have to cook much, especially since he had agreed to pay half for the groceries. A deal the two of you had made.

It was safe to say you both started talking after that.

Sometimes, he would ask if you wanted to watch a movie with him, and surprisingly, you said yes. There was always a respectable gap between you on the couch, but despite the distance, he felt… comfortable. At ease.

Other times, after coming back from the gym, he’d find a warm meal waiting for him. You’d leave a small note before heading out to your part-time job. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t touch him—more than that, it made his heart flutter.

It slowly became a routine. If you didn’t have time to wash the dishes, he would do it. It felt fair.

You once mentioned that you loved peaches during dinner. He had no idea what possessed him to buy some the next time he went grocery shopping. You had told him you rarely bought fruit because it was expensive, so you usually left it off your list.

But he restocked it anyway, just because you mentioned it once.

And you were happy.

For the first time, you smiled.

It was rare, but seeing it did something to him, something that made him want to see it again.

So he tried.

Eating together became routine. He found himself not wanting to eat alone unless you were there. Movie nights on Fridays. Grocery runs together, waiting for you to finish your shift, brushing it off like he hadn’t adjusted his gym schedule just to match yours.

He liked this domestic life with you.

Seungcheol never imagined that something so simple would become what he looked forward to the most. Maybe it was because it was you.

Seungcheol liked it better when you were there.

“EVERYWHERE I LOOK, I AM REMINDED OF YOUR LOVE.”

At some point in your life, you become aware that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.

Seungcheol never bothered to find out about your relationship status. He simply never considered it, maybe because your life seemed so… normal. Going to class, working part-time, and, if you were feeling productive, doing your laundry and cleaning during your free time.

It was during one of your usual dinners together. By then, the two of you had reached a stage where personal topics weren’t off-limits anymore.

“You know, I used to have a crush on you last semester,” you casually mentioned, right in the middle of eating.

Seungcheol almost choked, quickly gulping down his water. “What? I mean—what happened then?”

“What do you mean?”

He blinked, swallowing nervously, his Adam’s apple bobbing slightly. “Oh, you know… what about now? Do you still…?”

He let the question trail off, trying so hard not to look too eager, the warmth creeping up his neck betraying him.

You laughed. A genuine one as you tried to hold it in.

He frowned.

“I’m sorry,” you said, still smiling at his sulking expression. “I used to, okay? I figured it was just a silly crush. I thought you were cool… charming, even. Well—let’s not go that far now.”

You continued eating, while he just stared at you.

You said everything… except the answer he was hoping for.

“By the way, I don’t think I’ll cook dinner tomorrow. I’ve got plans,” you added casually, as if you hadn’t just changed the topic on purpose.

“Why?” he asked. “Got a date or something?”

You didn’t reply immediately. Then, just as casually, you said, “It’s my boyfriend. I’ll probably be back late. I hope you’re not a light sleeper.”

Seungcheol froze, he watched you continue eating like it was nothing, but something inside him cracked. So you were in a relationship this whole time.

Oh.

The realization hit him like a truck. He had never even considered it. Maybe he was upset… or maybe just sad. He couldn’t quite tell.

It explained everything. That your hesitation, the slight distance at the beginning. You had been setting boundaries without ever saying them out loud, and yet, you still treated him with kindness.

It was stupid of him. Because somewhere along the way, he had developed a crush on you.

From the first day he moved in, he thought you were cute. Then the two of you got closer, and he found himself getting giddy over the smallest things. He thought that maybe, one day, you could become something more.

But he never considered this.

—

When he came back to the apartment that night, wasted and drunk after a party with his friends, he was mortified to find himself neatly tucked into the couch with a blanket.

Later, he received a message from Jeonghan apparently, he had run into you outside and helped carry Seungcheol all the way back.

The next time he saw Jeonghan, he was going to strangle him.

It seemed like you had taken care of him while he was a drunk mess. Painkillers and an empty mug sat on the coffee table. He buried his face into the pillow, probably one you had given him.

He didn’t know how to face you after this.

You were already in class by the time he woke up. When he saw the small note stuck on the fridge, he picked it up and read it.

“I made you some egg drop soup. Reheat it before eating. GWS! :3”

Seungcheol pressed his lips together as he reread it.

Your note.

His gaze lingered on the pot resting on the stove.

The headache was bad, but not as bad as the way he felt in class later. That’s when he started avoiding you on campus. What if he had said something he shouldn’t have the night before? He would never live it down.

Still, you found him anyway.

You approached him with a small bottle—something he assumed was for hangovers. “I figured you might not come, but you did anyway,” you said, handing it to him.

He smiled, taking it carefully. “Thanks. You didn’t have to, you know. The soup was great… sorry about that.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” you chuckled. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”

The only thing he was ashamed of was that you had to see him like that. He always wanted to look cool in front of you, but he failed miserably.

And that smile you gave him?

It should be illegal. Because it felt like he wasn’t allowed to receive it, not when you belonged to someone else.

Then someone called your name from afar. Both of you turned.

“Oh—I have to go. My boyfriend is calling,” you said, waving as you walked toward him.

Seungcheol watched from a distance as your boyfriend’s hand rested on your back while the two of you walked away together.

This was why he couldn’t hate you.

Even after everything, you were still kind to him. Maybe because he was just your friend, your roommate. Nothing more. It felt so natural when it was just the two of you, but now, it felt like his hopes had been crushed before he even got the chance to dream.

Someone beside him whistled, throwing an arm over his shoulder. “Damn, they look good together.”

Seungcheol rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“What?” Jeonghan shrugged. “I mean, it’s Joshua. Everyone likes him.”

Seungcheol didn’t respond. He simply walked away toward his class, leaving Jeonghan behind confused, but aware his friend was in a bad mood.

—

The rest of the day went by as usual.

He thought the crush would fade eventually, but it didn’t.

If anything, it only grew stronger. Of course it did, you lived together. You talked, ate, and shared a life in the smallest ways. Even after everything was revealed, nothing changed on the surface. You both respected each other’s boundaries.

It wasn’t like he wanted this to happen. Sometimes, you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

But for him… it wasn’t that simple.

The more he tried to forget, the emptier he felt. Even hookups left him hollow. Coming home afterward made it worse, he couldn’t stand the thought of you seeing him like that.

He didn’t want you to think he was that kind of person. How was he supposed to move on, just like that? When you were the one making lunch—not just for yourself, but for him too.

Meals together felt like something precious. On days when one of you wasn’t there, the dining table felt… empty. Sometimes he would wait until you came home from your shift, just so he could eat with you.

If the peaches ran out, he’d restock them immediately just because they were your favorite.

When he asked about your day, you always answered. No matter how tired you were, you never forgot to cook for both of you. And when he said he had only eaten snacks, you’d quietly make something for him anyway.

It reminded him of his grandmother, how she used to dote on him. That familiar warmth… that was what got to him. There was something about this quiet, domestic life with you that felt comforting. You weren’t much of a talker, but you listened to everything he said. Every word, every ramble. He wondered what it would be like if you were the one talking nonstop.

The only time he had seen it was when you mentioned baking with your mother before casually adding that she had passed away. He felt awful, trying to cheer you up when your expression dimmed.

He guessed that’s where your love language came from. So he changed the subject, told you that you should start baking again.

And you did.

The first thing you made was a bunny-shaped bun, which you shared with him. You couldn’t stop talking about your dream of opening your own bakery, and he let you ramble on.

That was probably the second time he had ever seen you talk that much.

“I’m sorry, I talked too much, didn’t I?” you laughed, setting aside your baking gloves. “Usually Joshua’s the one who listens to me. I guess I don’t do that with others.”

“Oh,” Seungcheol said, forcing a small smile. “So he’s a listener, huh? That’s nice of him.”

He didn’t want to say anything more. Because what could he even say?

He was here, watching you bake while your boyfriend wasn’t. He wondered if Joshua even knew another man was living under the same roof as you.

But he didn’t ask. It wasn’t his place.

You had the awkward tenderness of someone who had never been loved properly and had to improvise. And somehow, despite having someone else, you still found your way into his heart, without even trying.

Words didn’t matter when it came to love. He remembered a show he used to watch as a kid, Mr. Bean. He barely spoke, but he never left Teddy behind.

That’s what you were to him. Quiet, but always present. Filling the space around him without saying much.

He used to believe that happiness came from enjoying your own company. But how was he supposed to do that now? When you were the one who had touched his heart?

Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most space in your heart. Although he never planned to fall in love, it’s because of you that he decided to fall in love.

“FATES BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER FROM FAR APART.”

Seungcheol is a patient man. He always has been, but with you, he becomes even more careful. More attentive and more considerate.

Almost delicate.

And yet, you don’t seem to notice at all.

At first, he didn’t mean anything by it. When he first met you, he simply found himself spending time with his roommate. Then somehow, you both started talking more about small things, then about yourselves. He really tried to break it. Tried not to get attached to you.

There was something about you he couldn’t ignore. Not just because you lived together, but because you lived together, and he found himself wanting to know if you were okay. All the time.

The only thing he really knows about you is that you had a boyfriend, and that you were a physiotherapy student, working part-time somewhere downtown near your shared apartment. He was amazed that you managed to keep it up. He knew it wasn’t easy.

And yet, your life just seemed…

Peaceful.

For someone so busy, he couldn’t help but wonder how you even met your boyfriend. Like, how did it turn into something more? People always said no one is too busy for love. They make time for it. He supposed that was true.

Until one day, he noticed something. You were staring at your shoes longer than usual. Then you brushed it off, standing up like nothing had happened, ready to leave.

It only happened once, then it happened again. And again. Eventually, you started asking him questions, like what shoe brands were good for daily wear. Which, in a way, meant you were asking him to go shopping with you.

“Huh?” he looked at you, slightly dumbfounded.

“I was asking if you can help me pick out a new pair of shoes,” you said, showing him the worn-out pair you were wearing. The once clean white had faded, no longer polished. “I figured it’s time to get a new one.

In the end, he agreed to accompany you on a quick shopping trip (not date) for the rest of the evening. He didn’t think much of it at first. Still, a part of him kept wondering if this was really okay, him being out with you like this. But you had told him it was fine. It wasn’t like you were sneaking around or anything.

You were in public. You even asked why he was being such a worrywart about the two of you being seen together. He didn’t say much in return, just stayed quiet, because there was no way you were that gullible.

When Seungcheol thought about it, if he were the boyfriend… wouldn’t you just ask him to come with you instead of your roommate? He wasn’t trying to be dramatic. He was just putting himself in the boyfriend’s shoes. Of course he’d feel a little upset if his girlfriend didn’t ask for his help.

But from what he observed, you seemed completely normal about it.

You were calm. Too calm.

He didn’t want to assume that your relationship was… you know. From what he had heard from Jeonghan, Joshua was a likable guy. The kind of gentleman everyone admired. A dream, really.

And it wasn’t like your relationship with Joshua seemed strained. If anything, you sounded happy. Content. Maybe there were things he just didn’t know. Or maybe it was none of his business.

Damn it.

Why did he care so much? It was almost like he was hoping something would go wrong.

“I don’t know which one suits me,” you said suddenly, snapping him out of his thoughts. “What do you think?”

“How about this one?” he suggested, pointing at a pair of NB530s.

You shook your head. “That one’s expensive. I’m not spending all my money on that.”

“What’s your budget, then?”

You didn’t answer right away, hesitating.

Seungcheol caught onto that and didn’t push. “It’s okay. You can try a few first. We’ll figure out the price later.”

It took less than an hour for you to finally choose. But there was something he noticed. While he was at the counter, he glanced over and saw you trying on another pair. You stood in front of the mirror, turning your foot slightly, checking how they looked. It was such a small thing, but he found it… endearing.

Then, after one last look, you sighed, almost dejected. You handed them back to the staff with a quiet thank you. You clearly liked those shoes, but you didn’t buy them. Instead, when you joined him at the counter, you paid for a simpler pair, the same comfortable sneakers you had settled on earlier.

—

You both decided to take a break afterward, stopping by a café. You sat across from each other, each with your own drink.

“I was wondering,” Seungcheol started, “is it really okay for your boyfriend… for you to hang out with me?”

You sipped your mango smoothie thoughtfully. “I don’t think he minds that much. It’s not like I go out with people often anyway.”

He blinked. “So… he’s okay with it?”

You nodded. “Yeah. I rarely hang out. He probably thinks I’m just running errands—which is technically true.” You shrugged casually.

Seungcheol didn’t want to seem nosy. He just didn’t want to end up being that guy.

A homewrecker, to be exact. “Bros before hoes,” his friends always joked. It was stupid, really.

Your eyes met him again, pulling him out of his thoughts. “I meant it when I said I don’t really hang out with people,” you added. “This is actually my first time in a while… other than with Joshua.”

Now it was his turn to blink at you. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to go out,” you explained. “It just costs money. So I usually don’t join—I try to save instead.”

“I get that.”

You smiled at him, relieved he didn’t find it strange. “That’s why Joshua doesn’t really mind if I go out… as long as it’s not all the time.” You paused, then added, “But he did ask about my roommate. When I told him you were a guy… he didn’t seem too happy about it.”

Seungcheol swallowed. He had seen that coming.

“I told him it was fine—you’re nice and respectful,” you continued softly. “He even offered for me to stay at his place. His mom bought him an apartment.”

You paused, absentmindedly twirling your straw. “It’s not that I don’t want to live with him… it’s just… complicated.”

There was it again, that familiar look he once knew. That quiet way you kept things to yourself.

“Joshua comes from a well-off family,” you said. “I don’t want to feel like I’m taking the easy way just because he’s my boyfriend. Even if I’m supposed to feel lucky he chose me.”

Seungcheol listened carefully. This was probably the most you had ever opened up to him. He just wished you’d do it more often, stop keeping everything bottled inside. It was hard to understand you when you hid so much.

“That’s why I brought you instead of him,” you added. “He would’ve insisted on paying.”

Seungcheol thought for a moment before replying, choosing his words carefully. “He’s your boyfriend,” he said. “If he wants to treat you well, you deserve that.”

You let out a soft laugh, shaking your head. “You wouldn’t understand. He already pays for everything whenever we go out. I can’t ask for more. It would be too much.”

“There’s no such thing as ‘too much’ when you love someone.”

You didn’t reply to him, only smiled at his words. And somehow, that smile felt… distant. Maybe you wanted to agree deep inside in your heart, but reality had a way of reminding you where you stood.

Seungcheol wouldn’t understand it. Maybe one day he would.

—

Love is an illness to a woman with many goals.

There’s no exaggeration behind that. It’s not something bitter people say after a failed relationship. The moment you experience it, you understand it, and the weight of those words hits harder than you expect.

You’ve spent your whole life longing to be seen, but you’ve also come to realize that when people look too closely, they inevitably notice the ugly part too. To be in a relationship means you have to be vulnerable with your partner, it’s normal. Yet, you’ve never really been able to do that. Not until Joshua becomes your boyfriend.

It’s not that you’re incapable of being in love. Love takes so much energy, emotion and costs a lot of sacrifice to be one. You’re not sure if you’re mentally or physically ready for all that. For someone as goal-driven as you, it was easy to fall for him. Joshua made it easier for you, he never asks for things in return. Just you, unconditionally.

To Seungcheol, you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love.

He saw you that Wednesday at the café where you worked part-time. He waited for you to finish after his gym session, just so the two of you could walk back to your shared apartment together.

When you finally closed up and said goodbye to your coworkers, you spotted him waiting under a lamppost.

He straightened up, offering you a small smile. “Hi. Ready to head back?”

You smiled back, nodding as you walked side by side. “You didn’t have to wait. You could’ve gone back earlier.”

He hummed, hands tucked into his pockets as he glanced up at the night sky. “I can’t do that. It’s dark, and I saw you were almost done. We live together, after all.”

Together.

For some reason, the word felt… wrong. As if it meant more than it should, because you already had someone.

“So, how was your day?” you asked, breaking the silence.

“It was okay,” he replied simply. Then, after a beat, “It’s my birthday today.”

You stopped in your tracks, staring at him. He turned back when he realized you weren’t beside him anymore.

“No way.”

He smiled. “Yeah. Sorry I didn’t tell you. Nothing much happened—my friends celebrated earlier at some grilled place.”

Without another word, you turned and hurried back toward the café. Seungcheol blinked in confusion at your departure. A few minutes later, you came back out, holding a small box.

“Don’t tell me…” His expression softened as you smiled.

Back at the apartment, you managed to find a spare candle from the cabinet. A small cake sat between the two of you—white frosting, strawberries on top.

Seungcheol blew out the candle, while you clapped softly. “Make a wish.”

He chuckled, clasping his hands for a brief moment before opening his eyes again. “Any heartfelt speech for me?” he teased.

You thought for a second. “I just wish for your happiness,” you said softly. “That you stay healthy… and succeed in everything you do.” You gave a small smile, and that smile alone made him want to sigh.

Something about how pure you were—it got him. It was such a simple wish, but it softened him in ways he didn’t expect. He had to remind himself that you belonged to someone else, before he got ahead of himself.

Still, he appreciated you, respected you, and admired you for simply being… you.

He reached out something beside him, a paper bag and handed it to you. You tilted your head in confusion, before peeking inside. Your mouth parted slightly, to find inside were the same pair of shoes you had tried on before, the soft butter yellow and baby blue.

“I can’t accept this—it’s your birthday…” your voice softened, your gaze flickering between him and the shoes.

Seungcheol only smiled, watching the way your fingers traced over them. “Do me a favor,” he said gently. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy too. Just take them. Think of accepting it as your gift to me.”

You looked up at him, for the first time—it felt like you were really seeing him. That smile of yours grew just a little wider. And that alone was already too much for him.

Later on, you sat on the couch, trying them on. He offered to tie the laces for you, and after a brief hesitation, you ended up letting him. As he knelt in front of you, focused on tying them, you found yourself staring at the top of his head.

“I always wondered what it would feel like to have an older brother,” you said softly. “When I look at you… it feels nice having you around. Is this what it’s like?”

Seungcheol froze just for a second. Then he continued tying the laces. “Is that so?” he said lightly. “That’s nice to hear. But my brother’s pretty dull and quiet, so… it’s not that exciting.” He looked up with a small smile.

“Really? That’s disappointing,” you laughed. “I only have a younger brother and an older sister.”

“Why does it matter so much to you?” he asked, leaning back against the couch while sitting on the floor.

You hummed thoughtfully. “Nothing, really. It’s just… nice to be taken care of. You know what I mean?”

“What about your boyfriend?” he asked. “I’m sure he takes care of you.”

You laughed softly, swinging your legs. “That’s different,” you paused for a moment before continuing. “With you, it feels… more platonic. Maybe you won’t get it. It’s like a family. You’re just… there. Always caring.”

It was hard to explain. You couldn’t exactly say that the way he cared for you felt almost like something deeper – like something safe. Something steady. It was almost close like home. Joshua was affectionate, warm, everything anyone could ask for. But Seungcheol, he cared without needing to say much. Without needing to touch.

His affection was quiet and gentle. And that made it feel even more real.

You appreciated him for that.

For you, it was easy to be transparent with him, open up a little without feeling insecure about your situation. Because he felt closer like home. Somehow, without either of you realizing it, you had already become home to each other.

“A BROKEN LOTUS ROOT IS CONNECTED BY ITS STRINGS”

If you’ve ever eaten lotus root, you’ll know that when you bite into it, thin strands still cling between the pieces. Even when it breaks, it doesn’t fully separate. People are like that too. Even after a breakup, something always lingers, an invisible thread tied between hearts.

Seungcheol liked to believe that he was connected to every person in his life by an invisible string. His friends, his family…. and there’s you. It didn’t always have to be romantic. His last relationship had been… normal. Something he thought could become serious, but it ended anyway. Then again, what had he expected from someone he met through a hookup?

That was when he realized he wanted something real. After that, he stopped fooling around. And now… he wondered if this was karma. Falling for you, unrequited. Maybe this was him tasting his own medicine, if that’s what you want to call it.

He told himself that he shouldn’t get attached. But who the fuck is he kidding? He was beyond attached at this point. You were already in his head, running through his fucking veins, settling into whatever was left of his heart – whether he likes it or not.

Seungcheol thought it was already a win that you had started opening up to him. Except that he failed to notice one thing about you. You were loyal to the bone. Everything about you made it clear that your attention belonged to one person. The man you chose, and it wasn’t him.

He wasn’t angry. This was the boundary he was supposed to respect. Still, there were things he couldn’t ignore. Like the way you struggled to open a bottle cap but never asked him for help. You didn’t say anything, but your body language made it clear. You wouldn’t let him.

Or that one Thursday night, when you were having dinner together. Your phone rang, as you excused yourself mid-meal to answer your boyfriend’s call, leaving him alone at the table. Not that he minds, your boyfriend came first. Of course he did. Other times, he would catch glimpses of you on campus with him. And there, he saw it clearly—you let Joshua open the bottle cap for you. You let him do everything.

It wasn’t about the bottle cap.

It was the fact that you made it an exception. Everything about you—your attention, your care, the way you spoke about Joshua, it was all reserved for him. Exclusive and undivided, just for him. And somehow, that drove Seungcheol insane.

Because no matter how much he tried, he simply wasn’t him.

It only got worse when he realized your boyfriend probably didn’t like him. Or at least what it felt like. There was one time Joshua came over. Seungcheol hadn’t expected it. He had just gotten back from training when he saw him in the kitchen. You and Joshua went straight into your room. The door was closed but the voices didn't stay quiet. He didn’t mean to listen, but he heard enough. You were convincing your boyfriend, telling everything was fine. That staying here with Seungcheol was okay.

That’s when it hit him. You always make him feel seen, and then, just as quickly, remind him that everything you have to give belongs to someone else. Your life revolves around Joshua, and maybe that’s what hurts the most. Not that you love someone, but that you love him so completely. You always made sure your boyfriend came first, always reassured him, always chose him.

Seungcheol decides maybe it’s time to find a new place.

—

A knock on his door, as he opens it to see you wearing a soft yellow blouse, paired with baby blue jeans. For a second, he just looks at you. He had to admit that yellow looks good on you. Too good. He pushes that thought away.

“You look lovely,” he says instead. “A date, I assume?”

You nod, smiling, holding up a blue ribbon clip. “Can you help me put this on?”

Seungcheol has to quietly suck in a breath, he takes it as you turn around. You let him. That alone feels new. He’s never really touched you before—not like this. Carefully, gently, he gathers your hair. Clips it the way you asked, slow and precise. Like it matters more than it should.

You turn back around, fingers reaching up to touch it. “Does it look okay?”

“Oh, trust me,” he said softly, smiling, “you look very, very lovely.” The way your face lit up after that, it wasn’t for him. It was for the person you were about to meet.

Watching you like this feels… strange. Like a father trying to let go of something precious. Like trying to let go of something that was never yours to begin with. He knows his feelings didn’t start as romantic. He just… liked having you around. Just appreciated you. Found you endearing. Adored you, in ways he couldn’t explain. Loved you – in the same quiet way he loves his family, his dog… the things that simply mattered, something soft, something contestant, something that doesn’t need words. He hopes his actions were enough to show it, but no matter how much he wants to do more, he knows you won’t let him. Even if you never say it out loud.

—

The rest of the night, Seungcheol spent his time snacking while watching a romcom movie, one that Jeonghan had dragged him into watching every Saturday night at his place. It’s not like he had much else to do. Just a miserable single guy, knowing you were probably enjoying your date with Joshua… maybe even staying over at his place.

He didn’t want to think about it. He really didn’t.

What he wasn’t expecting was the sound of the door opening. He blinked in confusion as he glanced over only to see you rushing in, quickly heading straight to your room.

You didn’t stay over?

His eyes lingered on your door. He hadn’t caught your expression. Were you upset? Tired? Or something else happens.

The next three days passed.And maybe it was just his imagination, but… you seemed quieter. Yes, you were quiet, but not like this. He could sense it—something was wrong. He decided not to push, probably you needed space. He just didn’t know how to bring it up without you shutting down… or worse, pulling away even more.

(Not that you’d ever snap at him but still.)

Something must have happened. With someone or… with him. So he waited. Let you come to him instead.

“The lovers are finally together. All shall be well.”

That’s what Minghao had told him once, when he asked about couples fighting. Seungcheol nearly scoffed at the memory. Of course Minghao would say something like that. His previous relationship sucks, but what can do when he decides to date a shitty person? Not every relationship works like that. Not every fight is worth fixing. He should know that.

Seungcheol sat in the living room, staring at the TV. The movie was playing but his mind wasn’t there. His eyes were distant, unfocused. He didn’t even realise you had been standing beside him.

“What are you watching?”

He flinched slightly, then looked up at you. “Oh—uh… I don’t know. Some romance movie…”

Of course he wouldn’t admit he was watching it because he felt lonely, because he felt… empty.

A moment passed. Then you started to talk. “I didn’t talk with him,” your voice was quiet, pulling your knees to your chest, sitting beside him. “I wouldn’t call it a fight. It’s just… that night—I was supposed to stay over, but his mom came by. Unexpectedly.”

Seungcheol stayed silent. He was listening carefully. That explains why you came back early, but still… the look on your face that night, it meant more than that.

“His mom didn’t look pleased,” you continued. “I mean, she was nice… but…” you paused in between, “it’s just—her expression made it obvious she wasn’t expecting her son to date someone like me. She was polite, but you could still tell…”

Seungcheol turned his head slightly, looking at you. Your expression was small and quiet. It pulled at something in his chest.

“And I accidentally met with her again at my workplace,” you continued, letting out a small breath. “We had some talk and… she told me that she loved her son so much, she hoped that whatever Joshua and I had wasn't that deep and wanted Joshua and me to just… you know.” You didn’t finish the sentence. You didn’t need to.

You buried your face into your knees. “I don’t know… it just feels like the world is against me,” you murmured. “I’m confused, Cheol.”

That look on your face. He’s seen it before, and every time—it hurts. Seungcheol wanted nothing more than to pull you into a hug.

Just once. Just enough to tell you it’ll be okay, yet he didn’t. He couldn’t give you that.

“I’m sorry…” he said quietly. “Is there anything I can do? To make it feel… less heavy?”

His voice always softened when he spoke to you, gentle in a way the world never got to see. Like you’re something fragile. In the end, you didn’t need anything grand. You just stayed there, side by side. Letting the silence fill the space between you. Just... comfortable and somehow, that was enough.

For it to feel a little less heavy.

“I WANT TO BE YOUR FAVOURITE HELLO AND YOUR HARDEST GOODBYE.”

You never noticed when he started watching you more than he should. Only that his gaze always lingered a second longer than necessary. Seungcheol isn’t a fool. He knows you’re sad. The way your shoulders slump after coming back from work. That dejected look on your face like a solemn little puppy. The way you leave your phone lying around, not even bothering to bring it back to your room.

Meals are… still the same, except that you barely eat now. Just picking on your food—so quiet and distant. And he doesn’t try to start a conversation. Not when you look like that, so he just stays there. Even if it hurts. Because seeing you like this so quiet, so… unalive without saying anything about what’s going on. It tears him.

So when he sees you come home one evening, eyes glassy, tears already brimming and then slam your door shut. He freezes at the sight. That wasn’t like you at all.

He stands there for a moment. Hesitating a bit as he stared towards your door. He knows you need space—he knows that very well, but he can’t take it anymore. He hates this. Hate seeing you like this. So small, so broken and so quiet.

It wrenches his heart.

Slowly, he walks up to your door with a soft careful knock, “...hey.” his voice is low and uncertain, “...come on. Talk to me. What’s wrong?” He leans slightly closer to the door, worry already written all over his face and then he hears it.

Your sobs, it was heavy, you were already holding it back so much. And it makes his chest tighten instantly. Whatever it is, he knows it’s bad. Really bad, because you’re never like this. You, who always seems so calm, so composed, so… peaceful. Seeing you like this does something to him. Like this sudden need to protect you – to fix it and to take it all away if he could.

And he stays there. Right outside your door until you let him in. He’s not leaving you, not this time.

It took almost two hours before he finally got an answer from you. So he decided to take things into his own hands. He turned the doorknob and stepped in, quietly placing a plate of sliced peaches on the drawer. Seeing your back turned to him made him sigh.

He sat at the edge of the bed, close enough. “Wanna talk about it?”

You sniffled. Your voice came out small, flat. “We broke up.”

Seungcheol went still. He wasn’t expecting that, but right now he didn’t want to think about anything else. Just focused on you.

“It started with a talk… then turned into small arguments… it’s not even about that, it’s just…” You slowly sat up, your hair falling over your face as you tried to gather your thoughts. Seungcheol quickly reached for the tissue box, gently dabbing your damp cheeks.

“Hey, hey… it’s okay. Take your time,” he murmured. “…you don’t have to say everything at once. Just… let it out.”

You looked up at him, lips trembling. He panicked a little at the sight of your crumpled expression. Quickly, he handed you a fork with a piece of peach.

“Slowly… I’m here, okay?”

You nodded, taking a small bite. “I don’t know… I just… I kind of saw it coming, but I didn’t expect it to end like this.”

You continued, and he listened. “I remember when my mom passed away… three days after the funeral, my sister and I argued. I was never the type to get angry easily, but… our relationship was never good. Even when our mom was still alive.”

You paused, chewing absentmindedly. “I got so mad at her… she didn’t do anything when Mom was sick. I was the one taking care of her the whole time.”

Seungcheol nodded slowly, his hand finding yours. His thumb gently brushes over your knuckles.

“We almost got into a physical fight,” you continued softly. “We were teenagers back then… I didn’t know any better. Maybe I was just holding everything in.” You let out a breath. “Our uncles had to separate us. My sister went with my aunt… and I went with my dad.”

A faint smile touched your lips. “My dad was never really expressive… but that was the first time he comforted me like that. He asked me what was wrong, and I just… broke down. Told him everything.” You exhaled softly. “Sometimes I can still feel his hand on my head… the way he comforted me. That memory alone makes me feel so…”

Seungcheol smiled gently. “How do you feel now?”

“A little better… I guess.” you shrugged.

He nodded. “Then… can I ask what’s making your heart feel so heavy?”

You hesitated at first then looked at him. His fingers still softly tracing over your hand, grounding you. So you told him.

“When your mom dies… it leaves a big hole inside you.” You placed your palm over your chest. “I still have mine here. It’s… huge.”

Seungcheol’s expression softened. He knew grief didn’t just disappear. It stays—maybe changes shape but it will always remain there.

“The grief is still there… even after ten years,” you continued. “People say I’ve moved on… but I think we just learn how to live with it.” You breathed out slowly. “All I can do is live my life without regrets. Make new memories. I know my mom is still with me… here.”

His chest tightened. He felt himself getting emotional. Sniffing slightly. Before he could think too much, he leaned forward and pulled you into a hug. When life gets too heavy, he wishes you would always come to him. Tell him everything. The bad days and the good ones too.

His arms wrapped around you gently, one hand soothing your back, the other resting protectively at your head. And for the first time, you’d let him. You leaned into him, relaxed.

“The reason we broke up…” you murmured after a while, your voice softer now. He slowly pulled back, but stayed close. “…it’s probably me.” you sighed in between. “Even though things were… okay, he told me that he and his mom talked about us.”

You swallowed. “His mom gave us the green light. But the way she said it… she mentioned he’s a one-time kind of guy,” frowning slightly, “and I don’t know… it made me think—does that mean he’s only dating me until he finds the ‘perfect’ partner his mom actually wants?”

Seungcheol listened, every word you pour out.

“I’m like that too,” you continued. “I don’t just date anyone. If I love… I give everything.” Your brows furrowed, “but even if we worked out… I don’t think his mom would ever truly accept me.” your eyes looked down on your palms, “I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to walk on eggshells all the time.”

There’s a pause, then you continued, “My life’s already been hard enough. My family… my dad loves me.” Your voice softened again. “I don’t even want him to know I’m struggling like this.”

Lips trembled slightly. “I’m sad because… for the first time in my life, someone chose me.” A small, broken breath left from your lips, “…but I guess it was just foolish hope.”

—

Three months passed, just like that. The new year came and went. You didn’t really have any plans during the semester break. Your part-time contract had ended, and you were still considering whether to continue working there, especially with your clinical posting coming up soon.

For now, you just let it be.

Seungcheol had offered for you to join his family’s celebration. (though, notably, he didn’t invite Jeonghan, something about his whole family gushing over him.) It’s not like anything was exciting about going back to your dad’s house anyway. You’d probably just end up bed-rotting.

“Are you sure they won’t mind me coming over?” you asked, closing the car door as you glanced at his parent’s house.

“Yeah, I already told them about you,” he replied, taking your luggage out of the trunk. “Don’t worry about that pretty little head of yours.”

You followed him inside. The moment he stepped in, he was greeted warmly by his parents. And then, his mother’s gaze landed on you. Her smile paused for a moment.

“Oh.” That was the first thing she said.

You swear you could feel a sense of deja vu there, feeling it creeping in. Instinctively, you shifted slightly behind Seungcheol, avoiding her gaze.

“You didn’t tell me your friend is a girl,” his dad mused.

Seungcheol groaned immediately, grabbing both his parents and pulling them aside. You blinked, left standing there awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers.

“Okay, I can explain,” he whispered, like it was some kind of secret mission. “She’s just… going through something. She’s had a rough time lately. So—just help me make her feel comfortable, okay?”

His mother smiled knowingly. “So… you’re sure you’re just friends?”

He buried his face in his hands. “Please don’t start.”

Before anything else could happen, another voice cut in. “Oh my, it’s Cheol!” His grandmother came padding over, immediately squishing his cheeks. Seungcheol groaned in embarrassment, clearly not thrilled about being babied in front of you.

Then she turned to you, her eyes lit up instantly. “Oh my goodness!” she exclaimed, taking your hands in hers. “I never thought I’d see the day Cheol brings his lover home.”

Your eyes widened, her touch was warm and gentle. She cupped your face, brushing her fingers over your cheeks affectionately. You smiled without realizing it.

“Halmeoni!” Seungcheol whined, face flushed. “She’s not—okay, everyone, don’t make it weird. She’s staying with us for the week, so no weird questions.”

You remembered that he’s the youngest in his family. Which means, he’s the baby in the family, and you could totally see it. But more than that, it felt nice being here. The way they welcomed you, even in their own chaotic way. It felt warm like you were meant to be, like close to home.

The whole trip, his family welcomed you warmly. His mother prepared countless dishes, always making sure you ate enough more than enough. His family was loving, gentle in a way you weren’t used to. Especially his grandmother.

Now you understood where his clinginess came from. Cheol once mentioned that his mom had been expecting a baby girl but instead, it was him. It made sense, the way they adored him.

It felt… different. Back then, when it was just the two of you, Seungcheol carried this sort of macho charm. But here, that completely disappeared—replaced by something softer, boyish and loved.

And strangely, it made you feel that sense of deja vu again because Joshua was like that too. He’s someone important and precious to his mother.

You eventually let him go, not because you weren’t compatible but because you were too selfless. No matter how much he begged you to stay… you just didn’t have it in you. He was an only child, and the thought of his mother’s words stayed with you. You couldn’t bear the idea of taking him away for yourself. Like you were stealing something precious. When he asked if you ever loved him, you said yes. Because you did, but you loved yourself more. And you knew you deserved to be someone’s happiness. Someone’s precious person, not someone who had to hesitate.

That was it. Your story with him ended there.

You’ve always been alone independently. Everything should be fine. Just like it was before he ever came into your life.

The sound of water echoed softly. Seungcheol made his way down the small path toward the waterfall, careful with his steps. Then he saw you. Standing there alone.

“What are you doing here all by yourself?” he called out, approaching you as the cool breeze passed through. “My dad’s already grilling—I hope you don’t mind stuffing yourself again.”

You turned, smiling and that’s when you noticed it. His hair has got shorter with a clean cut. It suited him. “You look great,” you said. “Did you get it cut recently?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, fingers brushing against the undercut as he smiled shyly. “Really? I had to. I’ve been applying to be a trainer lately. After this trip… I might get posted somewhere for my practical.”

“Oh…” you trailed off. You didn’t expect that. “…you mentioned it before, I think.” there’s a pause. “How long?”

Seungcheol thought for a moment. "About five months.”

You nodded, quiet again. Your eyes drifted to him still standing there, hand lingering at the back of his neck.

“Do I really look okay with this?” he asked again, a little unsure. “Feels too short.”

“Yeah,” you said simply. “You looked handsome.”

His lips curved. “Really?”

“Very,” you added. “Very handsome and manly.”

That did it. His smile widened, the tips of his ears turning red. You didn’t notice it. He let out a quiet breath, trying to calm himself before he got too carried away. You really had no idea what you did to him.

“Alright,” he said finally, stepping down first and turning back to you. “Let’s head back.” He extended his hand for you.

You hesitated, just for a second.

He noticed it and smiled, soft, coaxing. “Come down, baby. I’m just making sure you don’t trip on the rocks.”

The nickname made you smile. Without thinking too much, you reached out and took his hand. Instead of just holding it, he lifted you. You stiffened slightly in his arms, caught off guard. It was quick and careful. And before you could react, he set you down gently.

“It’s dangerous,” he said casually. “Had to do that.” His hand came up resting on your head. The gesture alone felt soft and affectionate.

You swallowed. Something tight forming in your chest. Then you blinked, and started walking beside him not even realizing that his fingers had already slipped into yours. Interlaced, like it belonged there.

“WHEN I LOOK AT YOU, I SEE THE REST OF MY LIFE IN FRONT OF MY EYES.”

You heard a soft knock on the door before it slowly creaked open.

“Hi,” Seungcheol peeked in with a small smile, closing it gently behind him. “Sorry to bother you… were you about to sleep?”

You shook your head, shifting under the comforter as you sat up against the pillow. “No, you’re not bothering me. This is your room, after all… do you need something?”

He walked over, settling himself beside you on the bed. Close to you. His room had been your place for the whole week. It smelled like him. Felt like him too.

“How was dinner?” his hand found yours, like it was the most natural thing in the world, his fingers slipped between yours.

“It was nice,” you hummed, letting your hand rest in his. “I think I might gain some weight after this trip.”

“More of you to love, then.”

You smiled instantly. He always had a way with words. It was soft, effortless and almost close to dangerous. Everything he did made your heart flutter. Somewhere along this week, you had forgotten the heartbreak from three months ago.

“You should sleep,” you told him gently, still playing with your intertwined fingers. “Tomorrow’s going to be a long drive.”

“That’s exactly why I’m checking on you,” he replied.

You raised a brow. “Says the one who’s driving. Four hours isn’t a joke, you know.”

He chuckled, leaning just a little closer. “Call me ‘oppa’ first. Then maybe I’ll listen.”

“No way.”

You both laughed. It was light and easy. Like nothing in the world could touch this moment. And then it faded slowly. The laughter softened as well as the air suddenly shifted. He was still looking at you. He has been looking at you the whole time. You tried to hold his gaze but ended up looking away, suddenly shy. When did it become like this? Because when did he start looking at you like that? You never really thought about how you saw him. All you knew was, he was someone you grew to care for. Someone you chose to keep in your life.

“I really like having you by my side,” Seungcheol said quietly.

You looked at him again, and smiled softly. “...me too.”

You didn’t realize when it happened, when suddenly he was closer, much closer to you. You didn’t move. You just let him. Your fingers tightened slightly around his, breath hitched as his lashes brushed against yours. The tip of his nose touched yours.

So close. Too close.

Your heart was racing very loud and unsteady.

“I mean it,” he whispered. “I really, really like you… more than you think.”

Your eyes searched his. It was raw and honest, too real. He knew you were still healing. Still picking up pieces of yourself. And even if it took months or years, he was willing to wait.

You blinked. Trying to steady your thoughts, but that hesitation, it was there again. The same one he always sees in you. He wished you wouldn’t hold back. Just this once. Still, he didn’t pull away. He leaned in again—forehead resting against yours. So close it felt like a kiss was inevitable. You knew what this meant. So you chose to stay, but he didn’t close the distance. He just kinda stayed there. Letting the moment breathe, letting you decide.

“I like you too,” you said.

It wasn’t a confession.

Seungcheol pulled back slightly. Searching your face and he saw it. That look—the one he already knew too well. Not empty, just… not the answer he wanted. You liked him but not the way he loved you. That alone itself made his inside crack a little. He had seen this coming but walking away now would hurt more.

“Then kiss me.”

You froze. Then slowly, you leaned in just like before. Your noses brushed, lips hovered a breath away. He didn’t move, letting you take the lead. Just then you stopped. Lips barely grazed his, the soft, fleeting touch. It was not quite a kiss, not quite nothing.

It made his chest ache.

“I’m sorry, Cheol…” you whispered, lowering your gaze. “I don’t want to treat you like an option.” You looked back at him, eyes apologetic and honest. “I don’t want you to feel like I chose you just because I couldn’t have someone else. You deserve more than that.” Your voice softened, “…what we have now… I don’t want to lose it.”

Seungcheol gave you a faint smile, tired but gentle. Deep down he already knew that. He reached up, brushing your hair back, his hand trailing down to your cheek. The gesture was careful and affectionate.

“I know, baby. I know,” he murmured, resting his forehead against yours again. “I just… needed to know.” a pause. “You’re precious to me.”

His arms wrapped around you once more, holding you close and you let him. You felt it, his warmth, his scent and his love. Maybe that was the problem, you seem to incapable of accepting his love for you.

—

That morning, you and Seungcheol had breakfast prepared by his mom and grandmother. He didn’t ignore you, but he was… quiet.

The whole ride back was the same too. At least, when it was just the two of you. You kept glancing at him. Very carefully, trying to read him. You even brought it up last night, asked if he was okay. If things were okay between you. He reassured you and said it wouldn't be awkward, and claimed everything was fine. But even if he said that, his actions told a different story. He didn’t push you away, didn’t ignore you but you could see it. The silence, the way he kept to himself like he was trying to deal with it quietly on his own. It made you feel horrible.

Just like that, your clinical posting started. Days got busier and schedule got tighter. You and Seungcheol barely saw each other now even though you lived under the same roof. Still, whenever you had the chance, you ate together. It was only a small moment but familiar.

That day, you were on your way to collect your academic records. Still in your scrubs, rushing during your break when you accidentally bumped into someone. “I’m so sorry—” you quickly crouched down, gathering the papers that had scattered across the floor.

“It’s alright, I should be the one apologizing,” the other person said, handing you your dropped pen.

You looked up and recognized him. It was Jeonghan, Seungcheol’s friend. You gave him a small smile, murmuring a quiet thank you as you took your things back. You didn’t have much time, you were already in a rush. Just as you were about to leave—

“Wait.” You turned at him. “Since you’re here,” he said, pulling something out from his jacket, it seems like a pendrive. “I was actually going to return this to him, but…” he paused, then handed it to you, “I figured you could pass it to him instead. He’s leaving soon anyway.”

You took it slowly. A slight frown forming. “…what do you mean?”

Jeonghan nodded, like he just remembered. “Oh—right. You didn’t know?”

Your stomach sank.

“He’s leaving today. For his practical,” he said casually. “And after that… he’s planning to enlist.”

Your grip tightened around the object you're holding.

“…military service,” Jeonghan continued. “Pretty long too. He chose the marine department.”

Brief silence filled the air. You didn’t know what to say because you didn't know this. At all. Seungcheol never told you.

Jeonghan tilted his head slightly, watching your reaction. “I thought you knew,” he said. “You two live together, don’t you?”

You forced a small smile. “I didn’t,” pausing, “…but thank you for telling me.”

And just like that, you turned and walked faster. You needed to find him.

You hated it. You hated what you were feeling right now. The same anxiousness creeping into your chest like it would tear you apart the moment you realized you had lost something precious. You rushed back to your shared apartment, but he wasn’t there. There was no trace of him, no presence. Just an almost empty room, clean, quiet and gone. Your heart dropped.

Then you remembered. The train. He once told you where he would be posted, back in his hometown. You didn’t hesitate as you ran to the train station. Panting as you arrived, eyes scanning through the crowd. You came with nothing, just your jacket, still in your medical scrubs. The cold air bit against your skin, but you couldn’t feel it. Your fingers were numb. Your chest was louder. And then you saw him—that familiar figure, standing there.

“Choi Seungcheol!”

His head snapped toward your voice. He was both surprised and confused at your call, before he could react you were already running toward him. You crashed into him, arms wrapped tight. He stiffened for a second, caught off guard.

How could he just leave like that? Without telling you? After everything, after all the love he gave you and just walked away––leave you in the dark? What were you supposed to do if he wasn’t there anymore.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving today?” your voice broke. “Jeonghan said you’re going to enlist after this—am I really that unimportant to you?”

Damn Jeonghan.

Seungcheol blinked, startled, his hands quickly finding yours. “Baby, it’s not like that— I didn’t want to… I just…” He struggled, fingers tightening slightly around yours. “After that day… I thought it would hurt less if I left sooner. Time would pass anyway.”

Your eyes softened, but it still hurts you that he didn’t tell you that.

“Are you trying to forget me?” your voice dropped, quieter now. “…is that why you didn’t tell me? Just leave and take everything with you?” Your breath trembled. “Five months… and then military—it’s going to be more than two years, Cheol.” There’s a pause in between. “How am I supposed to live if you just leave me like that?”

Your voice broke into soft sobs. He cupped your face immediately. It was firm and gentle. “No,” he said, steady. “I love you too much for that.” He swallowed, trying to find the right words. “I don’t want to leave you like this… with a broken heart.” his voice softened. “Wherever you need me, I’ll be there. As long as you’ll let me.”

The announcement echoed. His train.

Your heart tightened. Time was running out. Your fingers gripped him tighter. “Cheol…” Your voice came out fragile, barely holding together. There was so much to say, too much and not enough time. All you knew was… you wanted him.

Seungcheol smiled softly, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “I’ll still be here, remember?” He took your hand, placing it over his chest. His heartbeat was steady and warm. It only made it worse. You weren’t ready for this. Not for him to leave.

You sniffled, leaning into him as he pulled you into a hug, his hand soothing your back. Everything suddenly hit you at once. The regret, the realization and the truth.

“I love you, Cheol,” you said, voice shaking. He pulled you back, eyes searching yours. This time, it was real. “I really do… I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. Not until you were leaving.”

His expression softened, he was relieved at that. Slowly, he leaned in and this time he kissed you. It was soft and gentle. Full of everything he had been holding back. And you let him, finally. When he pulled away, your noses still brushed. Very close. However, your chest still felt heavy, because he was still leaving.

“Please come back faster,” you whispered.

Seungcheol smiled faintly, resting his forehead against yours. “I will, baby.” he gave you one last soft peck. “By the time I come back… you better be doing well, okay?”

You nodded. His hand came up again, resting on your head, those familiar, gentle pats. He kissed your temple. Then, he slipped something into your hand. A folded paper, closing your fingers around it.

“Read it when you get home,” he murmured. “I don’t want you crying alone here.”

The announcement rang again. Final call.

He exhaled, reluctant. He stepped back slowly. Your fingers clung to his for a moment longer. Not wanting to let go, but eventually they slipped apart. You watched him board the train, your vision blurred with tears. As the train began to move, he watched you too. Getting smaller… further away, all alone.

“…shit,” he muttered, resting his head against the glass. “How am I supposed to leave her like that?”

And you’ll wait. And he will too, because when he comes back he knows he’s going to hold you together more than ever before.

By the time you got back to the quiet apartment, your hands slowly unfolded the paper he had given you at the train station. You were still trying to recover from the hollow feeling in your chest after his departure.

He had written you a letter. You weren’t sure if you were strong enough to read it at that moment. But you did anyway.

My lovely ____, I’m so sorry that you had to find out this way. I sincerely hope that all the words I failed to convey to you in person will, through this letter, finally reach your heart. When I try to approach you, it feels like a dream that slips away. What should I do? You, who brought so much light into my life. You, who gave me so much love without making me feel lonely. You, who live in my heart. I always find myself missing you today, tomorrow, and all the days to come. I can’t hide my growing feelings for you anymore. You have no idea how I feel every day. Sometimes I feel sick, sometimes I cry, all because of this love. I find myself holding my breath every time I look at you, as if the world has stopped. Like the passing wind even if you don’t see me, my heart always moves toward you. Loving you is such a painful thing. These feelings can’t be emptied. But my dear, please don’t forget this great love I’ve kept only for you. It hurts me to see how comfortable you are in the dark. I just wish you would lean on me more, tell me everything your heart has been holding for so long. Every day, I hold onto you, yet I can’t seem to let go. Deep down, I know I’m afraid. Your eyes… they look at me as if they understand my heart. Even when I try to distance myself, the memories keep calling me back no matter where I go. Us, who never wanted to let go. Us, who leaned on each other. I don’t want to lose that bond. But at the same time, I don’t want to live a life where you’re no longer there where you’ve found your happiness, and I’m not a part of it. And that’s the moment where my footsteps stop. This isn’t the life I wanted. I wanted to be by your side forever. Don’t go and leave all my love behind. Even if it’s a little late, maybe it’s still destiny—we will meet again someday. I hope that one day, I can love you the way I’ve always wanted to. Forgetting you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You are the only one for me. Wherever you are in this world, I will find my way to you. Thank you… for giving me a love that made me feel less lonely. Love, Cheol.

You were already breaking down, crouched in the empty, cold apartment where he no longer was. Your sobs echoed through the silence, tears falling onto the letter in your hands. You cried so hard, holding the paper close to your chest. There is nothing greater than his love for you, and you will wait with arms open. Just five months and you’ll be alright.

Love is just a word until someone comes into your life and gives it meaning.

FIN.

a/n: wow. the original ending was supposed to be a not happy one, but meh i changed my mind in the middle of it. i think i might be woozi yo. once again, thank uu for staying until the end, apples! big thanks to @ashlinxloves for witnessing my whole procrastination ride n i managed to finish it just as i expected.

taglist 𑣿:

@coupsarchive @weirdcatlover1 @gyublues @charlieshelves @joongtime @jaja-salute @tstosir @scoupscious @jinx05 @delusionalforjunghoseok @neotannies @drunk-on-lemonade @chisskaa @flvr4ane @unlikelysublimekryptonite @jeonfaa @vwintershire @scoupcherry94 @enchantingbarbariansublime @matt-sturnioloo @cuzyourmyflower @choppedballoondetective @junnhuisworld @mellow-wishes @authorscurse

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

YJIDESIGNER