[twitterlols]

i would cry if someone did this for me 😍💯

[sociallyawkwardphantasy]

Same

[moss-flesh]

reblog if youd say yes

[glumshoe]

my uncle

-is allergic to chocolate -is physically incapable of laughter (it comes out as a hiss, like steam escaping a pipe) -has weird long vampire teeth -once led a chemical attack on some college students who had bullied his high school chemistry class -named his bicycle Tom Bombadil -got hired twice for the same job as himself and his fake identical twin because his boss wouldn’t hire him full time -is the only member of my family to have shown me open and unconditional support -is a clean-cut nerd… who used to be a psychedelic Deadhead and follow them around on tour -enjoys snacking on an exercise formula called “goo”; his favorite flavor is “plain”. Plain goo. He gave me a box of it for Christmas once and it’s as gross as it sounds. -cannot touch mangos -teaches meditation seminars at his Buddhist temple -has begun studying magic -used to be obsessed with cults, especially Scientology, and would just… spy on their temples -is so fucking weird -used to drive a car that he’d covered entirely in plastic lizards, until someone stole it -is terrified of the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz and still has nightmares about them

[glumshoe]

-is sending me on a roadtrip to the National Radio Quiet Zone for fun and education

[glumshoe]

-showed up to a family outing downtown this morning, wearing nylon shorts and expensive leather Oxford formal shoes -cried himself to sleep as a child because he desperately wanted a pet alligator -has experimented with god knows how many psychoactive substances…. For Science -is a literal masochist, as discovered this afternoon, when he told me all about how he’s addicted to the “excruciating pain and unexpected pleasure” of physical therapy -has feet so long he has to get shoes custom made for him - they have, in the past, been mistaken for clown shoes -once took his girlfriend on a date to lick the St. Louis Arch, in winter, and later revealed that he only framed it as a date ‘cause he was afraid of going alone in case his tongue got stuck to the metal -told me that he loved how bananas made his whole throat feel tingly, was surprised to find out that bananas are not supposed to have this effect -was disappointed that I did not bring a book on demon conjugation to the family reunion, because he wanted to compare it to his own translation -got banned from going down a slide today because he was dripping wet and had clearly been swimming…. he was just really sweaty from climbing the stairs

[glumshoe]

-sent me a check but forgot my legal name and put my nickname on it instead (it can’t be deposited and he hasn’t sent another)

[glumshoe]

this is what he wore to a family outing downtown

[glumshoe]

He showed up to our Christmas Eve dinner wearing a dress shirt, fancy slacks, and flip flops. All he ate was a bowl of smoked oysters.

[thatcandleontheflooroverthere-d]

@bunsuh this was a trip from start to finish.

[hazardsoflove]

rip vine

[loraliah]

GHOST CREDIT

[stability]

[realitytvbitch]

[coolsuggestion]

the universe has existed for billions of years and by a coincidence we ended up living at the same time. that counts for something.

[burgertv]

[onlytwitterpics]

[477]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[deltasniper1000]

[jodiefoster]

she needs a hug (i’m she)

[blankslate]

[asian]

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741

The Trevor Project (LBGT+): 1-866-488-7386

[danger]

Walking away from the things you love most are never good. Sometimes you just have to keep moving forward and hope for the best.

(via danger)

[joner]

me, laying on top of my significant other: hey