Umbra Lepus

Casually writing poetry and hoping maybe somebody else can get something good out of my bullshit thoughts.

[youlook-dead]

next time i write about you, i wont write about the blood or the grit; i won't write abour how your teeth bore into my sweet, soft skin and drained me until I was so scared to lose any more, I took over the blood-letting on my own. I wont let your violence scar me more than it has, or let your ugly, ugly voice run free in my head any longer. You are no longer in my veins, that was just something you told me to make me weak. Im running with a coldness pumping through me, a fridgidness to freeze you out. You are no longer my autopilot, my driving force, or my haunting. You are an empty casket that i never buried, because you dont deserve a resting place. You dont deserve to be remembered.

[fakesurprise]

I threw names into the hat for you to pick who I’d be tomorrow but you out the medication in and said: “please. it’s not funny anymore. please.”

[threeonameathook]

кости два

[threeonameathook]

кости

[maldarchive]

[threeonameathook]

Nothing's Real Shirt

Buy this shirt, show the world how edgy and cool you are. Challenge your friends to name one thing that is real or that matters. They can’t.

The goal is to sell 10! let’s goooo

[sickneglect-deactivated20230924]

it’s my only constant thought. I think I prioritize it, subconsciously.

white noise. the buzzing in the back of my head. back and forth, and back and forth,

heal my trauma by analyzing it.

taking the trash out at work today I thought to myself, loudly, “why was it me?”

like the way you screamed at me.

——————————–

I’m back inside and the timer on the oven fades back into my consciousness.

I’ve burnt my hand.

pain floods back in. I swear.

ouch.

where do I go when you take over my thoughts?

where do I go, go, go? am I truly gone?

[sickneglect-deactivated20230924]

I am alive. I am alive with the light your smile emanates. I am alive with the love you’ve poured into me. and I pour back into you, everything my small frame can muster.

I hold so much warmth for you, I’m burning up. I hold so much passion for you, it’s heavy in my bones.

I ache for you, but- you hold me and I’m well again.

[sickneglect-deactivated20230924]

HEROIN.

2 funerals in 1 year, and I’m sitting here thinking about how my father does it,

day in and out, he ushers patients to deaths door, and still comes home with the godly faith he walked out with that morning,

I always feel like I inherited that trait, his comfort with death, but I’m starting to think that I’m closer than comfort, death is a convenience, rather than an end,

his godly faith is strong, mine is null,

but death will swallow us both whole.

[youlook-dead]

can you really forgive and forget? can you throw your own darkness into the void and let it be gone forever? can you really live without regret? can you lose yourself in the moment, forge your sanity, and forget? I wouldn't know, I'm a crybaby.

[youlook-dead]

I cut off half of the very little hair I had left instead of cutting into my skin and I threw away all my wigs and anything that you ever touched and someday soon your memory will mean nothing to me

[youlook-dead]

giving you a name is too romantic, I can't even shake the dirty feeling of calling you 'my' anything. even if that's what you are, my anxiety, my anger, my pain; my assaulter, my rapist. you shouldn't get to be a part of me, and the only part of you I want is your devastation, your pain, your damnation.

[sickneglect-deactivated20230924]

The Greensburg 6 - The Murder Of Jennifer Daugherty

Top, Left to Right: Robert Masters Jr. (36), Melvin Knight (20), Ricky Smyrnes (23)

Bottom, Left to Right: Amber Meidinger (20), Angela Merinucci (17), Peggy Miller (27)

In February 2010, a group of six residents of Greensburg, Pennsylvania abducted a 30 year old mentally disabled woman, Jennifer Daugherty, tortured and killed her.

The victim was kept in their apartment tied to a chair where the group shaved her head and beat her with a towel rack, a vacuum hose, and a crutch; the victim was force fed medication, as well as ‘drinks’ containing urine, feces, and detergent. 48 hours later the group had a ‘Family Meeting’ where Smyrnes asked the group to vote on whether or not they should just kill Daugherty. They unanimously agreed and stabbed her to death, slit her throat and broke her neck, after forcing her to write a fake suicide note.

Afterwards Daugherty’s body was wrapped in Christmas lights, stuffed in a trash can, and left in the parking lot of Greensburg Salem Middle School during a snow storm. She was found by a man the next morning, the plastic trash can she was stuffed in stuck halfway under his pick up truck.

The Six were charged with criminal homicide, kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit murder. Because she was 17 at the time and therefore not legible for the Death Penalty, Marinucci was sentenced to life in prison without parole. Knight and Smyrnes were both sentenced to death in 2013 whereas Masters, Meidinger, and Miller were sentenced to 40-100 years in prison.

[youlook-dead]

I just wanna say that you are a great poet. I love your writing and I connect to it on so many levels. It feels really nice to read your work as it makes me feel a little less alone if that makes any sense. I especially like your "I can't smell menthol cigarettes or cheap beer without thinking about you.." Poem. Anyway just thought it'd be nice to hear some feedback!

wow thank you, thank you so much. I appreciate it and it makes me really happy that my words can relate to/help others. :)

[huffpost]

The Subtly Offensive Phrases We Need To Stop Saying

In a video created by SheKnows, a group of teen girls explained how micro-aggressions can be hurtful to their self-esteem.

[youlook-dead]

My body is not here to apologize to you.

it is not my job to make your sons environment woman-free enough that he can focus,

teach him to focus, teach him some fucking respect,

I've spent far too long apologizing for my body to give a second thought to your school board complaints,

I've spent far too long apologizing for my body to make myself uncomfortable again for your satisfaction,

I have spent far too long apologizing for my body when I should have been apologizing to it,

I should have been saying,

I'm sorry that I've hurt you when I was just trying to get free, I'm sorry for the razors, the bruises, I'm sorry I left you starving, I'm sorry I left you alone in that room with that man, when I should have grabbed you and ran,

but I was taught to shrink myself, I was taught that "sorry" was a word used only for others, never yourself,

my body is not an open apology for every man that decided it wasn't good enough, my body is not an apology for every dress that didn't fit quite right, my body is not an apology for the fact that I will no longer keep quiet

my body is mine, and I'm not sorry.

- S.G.

[sickneglect-deactivated20230924]

blood spit prince