you make sense project

approaching complex trauma responses with compassion and curiosity

[youmakesenseproject]

[mirithebrave]

I used to be active on Tumblr, but only for the ED recovery community. I’m not really active on here anymore, but I wanted to share this:

I’m almost 2 years in recovery after coming up on 16 years of dealing with a vicious eating disorder. I spent most of those years in and out of treatment. Compassionate, trauma-informed care got me out of that revolving door cycle to a place where I am doing Life, Capital L Life.

One of the things that I do in recovery is music. As some of you know, I write and sing. A few years ago, I wrote this song with a friend of mine (Alex Blue) about what the struggle was like — wanting to numb out the big feelings and be a ghost-girl.

We recorded this song recently and released it this past Friday.

It’s beautiful but not an overly cheery song (though I think there’s subtle hope in it) so please take care of yourselves first and foremost if you’re not in a place to listen to a potentially resonant but aching song.

Lastly, if you do listen and resonate a lot with this song, remember that I’m almost 2 years in recovery. If you feel stuck in the cycle like I was, I believe in your ability to get free. You don’t have to be a casualty.

Love you, Recovery Tumblr. 🤍

Linds

[mirithebrave]

“eating disorders are about control” feels like a surface-level analysis. I rarely see people talk in depth about other ways these behaviors can function & why it can often feel like life/death to give them up.

here’s part of my own story. maybe it will offer insight or resonate:

[mirithebrave]

I present to you: my official vetting process to finding a solid, worth-their-salt trauma therapist.

if it doesn’t sound like this would help you, just ignore it. But if it would help, feel free to use this however you need.

Mostly, trust yourself. You deserve safety and compassion. Anything less is not good enough. It is harder to meet ALL those criteria on my list in less populated areas, so go back to trusting your gut! Relational safety is everything in trauma recovery.

[youmakesenseproject]

some of my favorite therapeutic instagram posts, part 2.

[youmakesenseproject]

some of my favorite therapeutic instagram posts, part 1.

[youmakesenseproject]

some of my favorite therapeutic instagram posts, part 2.

[youmakesenseproject]

some of my favorite therapeutic instagram posts, part 1.

[youmakesenseproject]

instagram “compassionate therapeutic takes” photo dump.

[youmakesenseproject]

INTERDEPENDENCE: Maybe the goal isn’t to become completely independent and rely solely on self-regulation: In a talk Bonnie Badenoch gave called “The Myth of Self-Regulation” (available on Youtube), she talks about how societally, self-regulation has a sort of moral value to it, and people who need “too much” co-regulation are judged. We are told we need to be emotionally self-sufficient and therapy often focuses on that as the end goal. Western culture also emphasizes left hemisphere dominance and the individual rather than a relational, integrated culture. But get isolated from a “core source of nourishment” and our own neurobiology – relationships. 
Badenoch argues we can never be emotionally self-sufficient; we need others. That’s literally how we’re built! Even when we are self-regulation, we’re using internalized co-regulation (she talks about “taking in warm others” to be with us / accompany us, and layers of support within us.) 
“We are forever interdependent and that’s a GOOD thing.” https://youtu.be/nkI6s3rApXc

[youmakesenseproject]

be gentle. your brain is brilliantly trying to keep you safe.

[mirithebrave]

[youmakesenseproject]

starting to view coping strategies (substance use, eating disorders, self-harm, dissociation etc) as my brain’s adaptations to unbearable circumstances rather than me just not wanting to feel my feelings.

[youmakesenseproject]

[youmakesenseproject]

feeling activated right now & wanting to use eating disorder behaviors or substances or self-harm or [insert behavior] is super normal! how do you hold that with compassion and still move towards coping in ways that align with your adult values?

I’m a big believer that our old behaviors were incredibly adaptive at some point and likely helped us survive. Compassion & curiosity around the behaviors are more effective than self-judgment.

[youmakesenseproject]

the world can feel overwhelming sometimes, particularly for people with a history of trauma. it can reinforce that sense of, "see? I was right to never let down my guard. something bad IS happening - I knew we weren't safe." ⁣

PTSD tells us to always stay in a state of alertness, even when we are physically safe. we can never rest. but the truth is, staying hyper-vigilant doesn't actually protect us. it simply makes us *feel* less out of control. ⁣

but even in times of collective anxiety (ESPECIALLY in times of collective anxiety), we can learn to create internal safety for ourselves. we can begin to take our heightened systems down a few a notches, treating our anxiety with the care that we would a small child. ⁣

perhaps it's okay to set down your armor for a few moments, even if you pick it right back up after. perhaps it's okay to feel a sense of safety and not be on rigid alert every second.

[youmakesenseproject]

[from Understanding the Paradox of Surviving Childhood Trauma by Joanne Zucchetto, Simone Jacobs, et al.]⁣

⁣Disconnecting was a way of survival as a child, which may have looked like many things: dissociation, suicidality, eating behaviors, substance use, self-harm etc. Zucchetto explains that those behaviors were ways the brain found to “not know” the full extent of the trauma. To know would quite literally endanger our survival, which was dependent on caregivers.