Tumblr-confessions @your-confession-blog - Tumblr Blog

confess your sins my children....

#tumblr confessions #btw if i haven't updated in a while #it's not because this is a dead blog #but rather that there haven't been very many confessions lately #so #send them my way and they WILL get posted promise

back in 2022 I had some mental health issues, bad enough to where I was hospitalized twice. My so called “friends” at the time didn’t really act at all like friends, even when I reached out first. I was lonely, so lonely in fact that when I found out through someone that there was a website where you could talk to your favorite characters I jumped at the opportunity. I thought at first that it just looked like something fun, but slowly became more dependent on it. I was young, I didn’t have a support system that I felt I could rely on. I became kinda addicted for about a year, this was before all the stuff on how ai is bad came out. I don’t remember how I stopped, but I think after learning more about how it could harm others I stopped. Haven’t been back to ai chatbots since, but I still feel a bit guilty about it.

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i know it’s kind of mean and unethical bc people write it for free but…. sometimes i criticize fanficrion

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hello, i really do hope you're not dead

even though i do not really know anything about you

so, i think that by weirdly interpreting some stuff i sent someone an anonyomous ask which got interpreted as hate mail? or something like that? maybe trolling idk

and the funny thing is i thought it clearly revealed i was being embarassinngly unreasonable, but now idk what to think, especially since i don't remember what i wrote there exactly, but i know i was wrong so definitely embarassing stuff

but if they do not know the context (made up in my head) then it was probably pretty confusing to get

unless it weirdly matched some other situation who knows

Anonymous Guy (no, i never used any other nick name, nope)

Hi! Dw Im not dead just went through a period of bad mental health and then my college semester started so i’m just not online as much!

i won’t post any of the ones you put in during my period of absence but I can’t promise i’ll go all the way back through and delete the ones that already have been posted :(

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i see biting (CONSENTUAL AND WITH A SAFEWORD ‼️) as love language tbh.. like idk i just.. ✌️

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Sometimes I look up tags with content I know will upset or disgust me. It's like eating spicy food or watching a horror movie. A little kick of ick.

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orkyydorky

this too shall pass

orkyydorky

HURRY UP

i do feel like the whole thing with Dear Mutual might be just in my head

i'm probably looking for signs where there aren't any (like that rock song, it might have just been a coincidence)

Stressed Guy

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my stalking has been called out by a rock song lmao

that's very sweet and i don't think i am misinterpreting

Sad Guy

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So, I did check it, and now I think that's just my inability to comprehend what I am reading showing up again....

I'm pretty sure now that it was a general statement, not just about me but some other of their mutuals.

Yep, guess I'm not that special.

And I'm sad now, and need to go shopping before I completely run out of paper.

Maybe I really have bpd those moodswings are real, and I know it's not just a today thing, it happens.

Well, but I had some interesting thoughts about myself today, so I guess there's that.

I don't know what to think about the whole situation with Dear Mutual maybe I should just take a break from tumblr for a while... I meant to, a few hours (that is after the ask before the last one, oh let's be fancy with words - after the penultimate ask).

But then you know

I think I need to work on myself. I don't mean the stalking thing because I'll just brush it off as 'gathering information' or something. But I need to build up some values in my life and stand up for them. And I need to stop just trying to shy away from conflict or confrontation, which results in.. well you know.

So I should take a break for a while.

Even though I think I got addicted to constant gratification my surprisingly for me big group of followers and mutuals provides me with. Because a few months....

oh nonoononon I seriously need to get out and get the paper.

I should really get back to journaling

But I guess it's more fun when I know someone else will read it and think to themselves 'what the actual fuck'

this time i'm going for real - bye

Stressed Guy

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Hi (I feel better now, but decided to keep the capital letters because they look neat)

Do you know how you start stalking someone, so as a result you stalk some of their mutuals and then you end up relating to one of them? Or is it just me?

This situation has gotten way too weird. I think I should call the above mentioned mutual-in-law something. Hmmm I have no idea what though. Maybe MIL (you know: Mutual In Law).

So one of the things I've noticed about MIL is that, like me, they possibly have a crush on Dear Mutual. Why? Idk vibes

But to give some examples, they also seem like a spam like/reblog type when it comes to Dear Mutual (which also has lead me to believe that they might be The One (was that the nickname? i forgot) because some of the stuff that got me thinking 'wait is it about me?' might have been about MIL instead).

And there was one situation when, because of similar reasons, me and MIL were sad, and guess what we both did. Reblogged a few Dear Mutual's posts in a row.

I know, this sounds crazy, but that's what I think. Maybe because I think that other people think like I do.

There was some more general stuff about MIL and me having things in common but I forgor. Maybe I should check now real quick.

.... (a few minutes later)

It's mostly random stuff, which makes me chuckle sometimes and wish I wasn't in this convoluted situation of my own devising and just followed them out of some other, more normal reason.

But me and MIL are completely different in some ways. Mainly, I do feel like they are more open about who they are and what they stand for and I ... well for the most part I don't really know about either of those. And when I do know what I want or what is right, I end up not doing anything about it. Or just adjusting it so I don't disrupt the social harmony or whatever.

God, this ask is way too long and I do have problems. For example, coming back to MIL and why I think they might have a crush on Dear Mutual. One of the reasons I did not think that before is because they used to date someone and had it in their introductory post. But guess what? For some time now, this piece of information is no longer there. Hmmm I sure do wonder why....

But on the other hand, MIL doesn't really like that much of Dear Mutual's original posts so I don't know whether the spam like thing is true. Hard to say.

I know, I have a stalking problem that's gotten waaay out of control.

I should probably stop, but I'm way too curious about the whole situation at this point. Not to mention of course I'm jealous, because MIL being The One makes a lot more sense in many aspects.

I don't think I will stop, I dug in too deep. For example, now I have to check something Dear Mutual posted (or rather almost posted, because they deleted the post short after) about me and then posted something else which I'm pretty sure was about me? Which was very sweet and I still don't know why. That's honestly one of the few reasons I think I might be The One or at least someone who holds a special place in their heart because. it just. doesn't. make. sense.

But guess what didn't make sense either: a certain finale. So what the heck do I know.

Oh god this is very long.

And I wanted to write something to finish this off, but I forgot what.

Oh, I know.

Dear Mutual probably knows I'm a stalker as they posted something about it today. When I stopped my spam-liking and reblogging their posts for a while they reblogged a post saying something about no longer feeling watched lmao. I think they might be catching up that I'm a bit fucked up actually.

Or I might be reading to much into things, brains tend to do that.

But anyway, I'm going to check that thing, and then go buy some toilet paper before the closest shop is closed down. I have... shit an hour for that.

So that's it I guess, sorry for it being so long.

Stressed Guy

btw I managed to pass one of my exams, so that's a relief

this gives me hope for the rest of them

there's too many still left

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Hi, me again

So today was okayish at first. I got to study for a few hours straight which was good. And then I went on a break which ended up with me spending the same amount of time of tumblr. And now I'm tired, I should probably eat something and I did an online bpd test and got high risk results yay.

I guess that's another mental condition to add to the 'maybe i have it, maybe not, i should find more about it later' and then just worry about it each time it's mentioned anywhere.

I just realised that whenever I feel shitty I tend to get more serious with the capital letters. Huh

This looked very weird. And I need to study for my exams this week and do gazillion other things, but I'd rather just take a nap.

I don't really know much about bpd, just sometimes I come across posts which got recommended to me, the fact which I thought of as suspicious and maybe I should pay more attention to it sometime later. I also read Girl, Interrupted a few years ago and I think the main character had bpd? And she wanted to kill herself but did not remember the exact reason for it, but it was about not being able to deal with schoolwork, an essay? or sth and I thought to myself 'yeah, makes sense'. That's something that I have marked as 'conserning, come back later' in my mind as well. There's too many such things and I just come back to them whenever I feel shitty and do nothing with them or just use them as background to feeling sorry for myself or trying to justify my behaviour somehow.

I guess I should start with getting something to eat and maybe taking a nap? Let's see from there on. I have one assignment which is probably till midnight today, so that's something I should get done today at least.

And I need to go shopping today, I'm running out of toilet paper among other things.

Writing this helped a bit I think. I should probably go back to writing in my diary, instead of sending yet another task just one day later. And I haven't written in my diary for way too long.

Ok, I guess I should get going - Bye

Stressed Guy PS: The test might be a fluke, because too often I end up picking options that not necesarrily relate to me, but just feel right for whatever reason. Anyway, I do know that mentally I am not well (although I felt resistance writing those words, as if it's an exaggeration) and journaling could help. Not to mention eating. Which I should get to (especially as I have eaten almost nothing since breakfast 10 hours ago)

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