a random collection of thoughts

my journey through 2020

[youraveragesorcerer]

something funny

my friend just texted me that she was reminded of me cuz she was listening to ‘i found a girl’ by the vamps and i used to listen to that all the goddamn time

how does she not suspect that im gay???

[eptck]

oh to be that teen who wears tacky, stained clothes. dirt on my shoes, a tattered backpack, smudged eyeliner, crazy, unkemt hair. i want to carry around that old stuffed animal that i just can’t stop sleeping with. i want to listen to my cringey music and not be ashamed of it. i hate that teens are expected to be perfect, have perfect style, listen to only the best music. tacky should be acceptable! messy converse and poorly made gloves should be okay to wear! who doesn’t like a bit of acne, or those eye bags that never seem to go away? embrace the unconventional! who gives a shit about looks anyway?

[youraveragesorcerer]

psa

i want a cat !!

I REALLY WANT A CAT.

thats it :)

[youraveragesorcerer]

sleep

this might sound stupidly obvious, but i’ve been getting enough sleep at night lately and holy shit i feel so much better? like i’m happier and *not* tired all the goddamn time. 

seriously, try it. i know there's a ton of romanticisation around being sleep deprived (think late nights, eye bags, tortured genius type shiz) but!! this is not a drill!! it’s your health!! adjusting might take time, but i’d recommend having some warm honey and milk if you really aren’t feeling like sleeping

exam season has stopped for a while for me - my big tests start around the end of april and finish in june so i’m going to savour the nights in bed i’m free to rest. give it a shot, would ya?

[rians--world]

me going to sleep surrounded by the love and warmth of my so:

[youraveragesorcerer]

me going to bed thinking about how pretty girls are

[youraveragesorcerer]

a dumb ramble

i just realized i’ve got another 80-ish years (hopefully) before i stop existing. it’s scary. it’s really scary. i’ve only considered this right now and i’ve come accustomed to joy; i do not want to lose it in death. logic tells me i won’t know when i *have* lost it (the ability to feel anything) so there isn’t really anything to fear but even so the thought of not-existing seems so bleak right now.

[youraveragesorcerer]

shout out to myself

I beast-moded today and it was great.

I’m talking hitting the books, hitting the mall and hitting the gym whilst having time to hang out with my family. Its nice to have a productive and chill day, especially when most of my days from now are going to be pretty study-oriented.

Now I’m kinda sleepy :)

[youraveragesorcerer]

10/01/2020

i cried for the first time this year today.

it was overwhelming; the feeling that everything was speeding towards me and so much change was heading my way. see, theres a chance i’m moving next year and i don’t know if i want to. i just moved a little over a year ago and i’m finally happy here. i have friends, goals, norms and a way of life. having to move, to rip all that down just to completely start anew sounds exhausting and i’m not sure i want to do it anymore.

it’s okay, though. i’m okay.

[youraveragesorcerer]

quick reminder

look for the good things in your day in every moment: your hot mug of tea, golden hour, ivy curling around the wall of that building. notice all the good things because lord knows there’s enough bad :)

its the little things, man.

[youraveragesorcerer]

the literal softest song in the freaking world

at this moment in time, only me and “sunkissed” by khai dreams exists

[youraveragesorcerer]

a few days of better than okay

I’ve been trying to do my best for a few days and I’m not going to lie, it can get hard. It’s so easy to stay in bed for five more minutes (spoiler alert - it’s never just five minutes) or forget about eating more fruits n veggies or simply neglect my studies, but I’ve been trying. I even went to the gym today! It was a little under twenty minutes but I’m still super proud! 

I don’t know if its eveyone around me or simply myself that has changed, but I’m feeling more settled and happy. Don’t get me wrong, further math is still kicking my ass and I have absolutely no friends in that class, but I’m trying. That being said, I’m going to make it a goal to participate in at least 3 of my classes a day just ‘cause I want my teachers to like me more. 

Cheers to personal growth <3

[youraveragesorcerer]

who i want to be

It’s 2020! A new decade, a new start, a new me.

I suppose I’m not bad at the momement; I would consider myself kind, funny and hardworking in between long bouts of laziness, but I want to be the best me. I want to be happier, healthier and more confident. I want to be smarter, kinder and more self-assured. 

I want to wake up with a smile. I want to feel secure in myself, in my body. I want to be so full of oppurtunities that I everyday I remember I am living in the present as well as the future. That doesn’t have to be far away.

On that note, my 2020 goals:

✧ Get all 8′s and 9′s in my GCSEs

✧ Do something for myself each day. A break from the routine of everyday life

✧ Eat more whole foods

✧ Spend more time with the people around me

✧ Physically, I want to be stronger and more toned

✧ Write! Especially when I’m feeling stressed, a chance to let my mind wander is always appreciated

✧ Talk to myself in a more positive manner

This year, I’m putting full trust in myself. I’m going to grow and become and become happier - last year I was sad too often and I’m done with that.

Good luck with your resolutions!