Ways to Spot a Narcissist from Day 1
Yes, it’s true that the narcissist can be a braggart and full of himself—showing off his trophies, using a bullhorn to tout his successes—but he can also be quiet and relatively unassuming. At a glance, he may not seem as though he fits the bill and you let down your guard, reassuring yourself that this time, it’ll be different. Following are some more nuanced and subtle signs that, alas, you’re back in the same place.
1. Has life on speed dial
To echo the Simon and Garfunkel song, the narcissist moves too fast, which may seem thrilling to you and flattering as all-get-out but it’s really a sign that he’s in it to win it, and you’re “it.” You’re a prize he wants, not a person. Whether it’s love bombing in the form of gifts and flowers, text messages day and night, or a declaration of love when you hardly know each other, these are all signs that you are in deep waters. Getting to know someone is supposed to take time, and real connections develop from the ground up.
If you’re paying attention, you’ll see that much of that feeling of closeness is tied up in actions and a fast pace, not long conversations and the sharing of experience. Being swept off your feet is not a good thing.
2. Exerts stealth control
Dr. Craig Malkin, an author of Rethinking Narcissism, makes this point brilliantly because how the narcissist controls you may not be as obvious as telling you what to do or issuing directives or ultimatums. Instead, the narcissist switches up plans you’ve already made—whisking you off for a weekend alone when you’ve made plans with friends, for example, or deciding that a French restaurant would be so much more glamorous than ordering in—always under the guise of making things nicer or better. This allows him to run your life without your even noticing; in time, you’ll forget that you had your own wants and needs which is the point.
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