chocolategoblin

[yourfavechocolategoblin]

i live in constant fear that any children i might have are the same petty little shits i was

like when i was six my parents bought a donut for me. with jam (that part is very important) and i was only allowed to eat half the first day

so like any smart baby goblin i cut it in half and left the bigger half (that also had more jam) for the next day and when i wake up the next morning i see the ultimate betrayal

the. donut. was. gone.

the better half i had saved had been eaten by my dad!

and when i tell you i never forgot nor forgave.

it's been ten years and i'm still waitng for the moment to enact my revenge

[yourfavechocolategoblin]

broke: women are so emotional!!!

woke: nothing is more fragile than a man's ego

bespoke: we are all hunan and sometimes we act irrationally to express something we had no chance to show otherwise

but also

me, thinking nothing of it: sorry, i'm a bit busy right now, could you--

my mom, offended: well, all right then i know when i'm not wanted i'll leave now

me: whut...?

my mom: not in that tone young lady!

me: ???

[yourfavechocolategoblin]

when you and your bestie have been calling your classmates by nicknames so much that you forget their actual names:

me: and then robert was like--

classmate, who is not in the inner circle: who the hell is robert...???

[yourfavechocolategoblin]

i've been working in a lab for a few weeks and this is my favourite interaction I've had until now

person 1: and this is why microbiology and bacteria are so interesting! i find it fascinating that such a simple organism is capable of doing such complex things.

me, not thinking: like men