Whiskey Confessions
Worst!Logan Howlett x F!reader
Warnings: mentions of alcohol and smoking, voyeurism, Fingering, alluding to smut, mentions of past toxic relationships, cannon level violence.
Summery: Wade was your best friend and your life forever changed when he came home from a mission with Dogpool and Wolverine in toe. After a night of drinking things are said that you can’t take back but you realize maybe you weren’t the only one feeling these things.
Authors note: I’m back! Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted, I needed to take some time away to deal with life stuff but I’m happy to be back with a fresh batch of stories! Happy reading. Not proof read
You’d gotten the message that Wade and Logan were back from there mission so you gathered up dogpool’s stuff to bring her back to her papa as he liked to call himself.
You’d know Wade for a longtime , he was your best friend. So you were delighted when he came home from a long mission with her, but even more so that he came back with Logan in tow. The Wolverine, you’d heard so much about him but nothing prepared you for meeting him the first time. You didn’t know whether to be turned on or scared of him. Logan was grizzled and buff, his hair and beard wild and unkept. His resting face could cut you in half.
He didn’t always have much to say which you connected with, you were more quiet than not, always observing and listen to people but often had trouble finding the right thing to say. But you warmed up to him quickly, surprising your self with how comfortable you were with him almost immediately.
Reaching the apartment door you knock and you can immediately hear Wades voice in the back of your mind, you have a key, just walk right in.
You can hear grumbling followed by heavy footsteps before the doors swings open. There Logan was on the other side wearing jeans and a yellow and blue flannel with the top four buttons undone. Fucking tease. His chest peaking out perfectly as you catch yourself staring. His chest burns at the sight of you taking him in.
“H-hey Logan”
“You have a key, why knock?”
“Jesus now your picking on me too? Look seeing Wades ass once was enough for me” you laugh As you enter the apartment and he closes the door behind you.
“Plus I don’t want to just barge in on whatever the hell you get up to unexpectedly”
“That wouldn’t be such a bad thing sweetheart” Logan says with a smirk as the finishes buttoning his shirt.
You can’t help the little giggle that bubbles up at his comment. Logan loved when you got playfully flustered with him. He enjoyed how you synced with him, how the smile and laugh you gave him was always different than the one you gave everyone else and he found himself often wondering if other parts of your body reacted to him the ways his did with yours.
“I’m guessing Wades not here, given the beautiful silence in here” you smirk
“Nah him, Yukio and Blind Al went somewhere. Who the hell knows where, theres probably a whole subway car of people being forced to listen to his reenactment of Wicked right now.”
There’s that fucking laugh again,she’s so beautiful when she laughs like that.
“Well I was just coming by to drop Mary Puppins off, I’ll let you get back to whatever the hell you were up too” you playfully tease heading to the door.
“You up for a drink? Was just heading over there now. If you’re comfortable going out alone with me?”
“Course I’m comfortable, a drink sounds great” you playfully swat at him, trying to keep your composer as your mind does jumping jacks.
Ok ok ok…be cool, this is it the moment you’ve been waiting for. Actual alone time with Logan without anyone else around.ahhhhhhh this is not a drill!
The crisp night air cools your heated skin as you both step out onto the sidewalk. Logan lights up one of his cigars, the two of you fall into a soothing silence as you make the couple block walk to the bar.
Just as you reach the start of the building you feel your phone buzzing in your pocket, pulling it out you see an incoming face time from stacey, one of your oldest and closest friends.
“Sorry do you mind if I grab this?”
“Go ahead” Logan offers shaking his head.
“I won’t be long, I’ll meet you inside. I’m just going to let her know I’ll call her back later.”
“I’m not leaving you alone out here. Take all the time you want” Logan replays as he leans his back against the cool brick wall of the bar. Turning your back to him you lean against the exterior with your shoulder, and leaning your head against the brick. Trying to shield him from the camera as not to bother him.
“Hey!”
“Hey! Where are you?”
“Oh I’m just downtown, I was dropping off Mary Puppins. We’re just going out for a drink now”
“Oh fun, you guys are out as a group! One day I’ll witness this for myself” Stacey laughs
“Any time, you can feel free to leave the farm and come hang with us cool people” you tease but Stacey doesn’t laugh, her eyes are narrowed like she squinting to see something.
“What are you looking at?”
“Bring the speaker up to your ear”
“What? Why are you being weird?”
“Just do it”
“There a guy creeping behind you” she whispers when you do.
You panic and whip around quickly to find Logan had moved and was mere inches from you.
“Oh no it’s ok, it’s just Logan” you can’t help the smile that dances across your lips when you say his name.
“Ooo so that’s the famous Logan I’ve heard so much about” she teases, which has Logan interested.
“Oh your talking to your friends about me?”
Logan inquired teasingly as he turns, his chest flush against your back, his beard tickles your cheek which pulls a giggle and a squirm at the sensation as he pushes into frame. This only makes him pull you in closer, grabbing you at the slop of your plush hip relishing in the way his hand fits there.
“No to be fair I talk about everyone” you quickly interject giving stacey your best girl shut the fuck up face. But she presses on indulging Logan’s questions.
“I mean yes that’s true but she talks about you and how safe she feels around you a lot. Which I have to admit makes me feel good. She’s been through a lot and I worry about her often. It’s nice to know someone’s looking out for her.”
“She’s always going to be safe if I’m around. If someone hurts her when I’m not around I’ll search until I find them and they will pay for it.” Logan growls as he’s squeezing your hip.
That’s all it takes for the last little bit of fighting how you feel about Logan to totally crumble, allowing your self to melt under his touch. He let out a low growl in your ear at the feeling of you relaxing your weight against him. He loved being out in front of everyone on the street and your friend like this, showing everyone exactly how he felt and that he belonged to you and you belonged to him.
The way you relax further against him as he wraps his arm fully around your torso as you continue talking to stacey has his heart pounding. Making him realize the lingering glances, the finding reasons to touch even if its a brief fleeting moment wasn’t just one-sided, you wanted this too.
Everything felt like a dream so much so you’d nearly forgotten you were on the phone. About the time that Logan dips his head down and nuzzles into the crook of you neck, filling his lungs with your scent that you hear stacey speak again.
“I understand why you stayed” this sentence snaps you back to reality so fast, panic spreading through your your body.
Logan didn’t know he was the reason you decided not to move out to the farm Stacey and Clint shared. Nor did he know you were even supposed to move in the first place and you wanted to keep it that way, not ready to have that extremely embarrassing conversation with him.
“I-I’ve gotta go, I’ll call you later” you breathe out in a rush to get off the FaceTime. Logan remains unmoving, if he heard her, which with his hearing there no way he didn’t he doesn’t comment on it. He remains nuzzled in the crook of your neck scenting you.
“Logan what are we doing?” You whisper. You turn your head towards him at the same time he lifts his head to respond causing your lips to brush his cheek. Panic and excitement fill your senses as you pull away from him.
“We-we should get those drink, it’s getting cold out” you word vomit out. Because in reality it wasn’t that cold out but In your panicked state you didn’t know what else to say.
Logan can hear your heart pounding, he can smell the anxiety in your scent but he doesn’t push, he only nods and follows you into the bar. Though he would never admit it, Logan’s afraid of loosing you. He’s kept everyone at arms length for so long, self isolating himself from the world and the pain of human connection. But then he met you, and you flip every wall he kept up around himself upside down. You made him crave social interactions and being around you. He had fallen so hard for you in the couple years since he had first met you and that scared him more than anything. He’d only ever loved one person in his 200 years alive but Jean Grey was never really his to love. Her and scott were soulmates and there was nothing he could ever do to change that. But he loved you. He loved you harder and deeper than anything but was sure there was no way you’d feel the same.
As soon as the two of you made it into the bar you be-lined it for the jukebox just like you did everytime.
“Hey make sure you play some stuff I like too this time”
“mmm maybe if your lucky” you teased over your shoulder as you flashed him that smile he loved so much.
“Logan! You bought a whole bottle?! We only do that when the whole groups here. Your gonna have to drag me home by my feet if we drink that whole thing” you playful exclaimed as you slid into the crescent shaped booth.
“Oh relax it’s only half the bottle” he smirks
“Still, what are you trying to get me to confess all my dark secretes? You know I’m a lightweight” you laugh narrowing your eyes at him”
“Don’t know, guess we better start drinking and find out” he shrugs, the devilish smirk still on his face.
For two people who didn’t talk a lot and didn’t really like most people you always fell into comfortable conversation and silence with each other.
“I gotta ask, what’s with you and Wade?”
“How do you mean?”
“what’s the appeal? Where you guys ever a thing?”
“No Wade and I where never together”
“You guys never smashed” he shrugs
“Oh my god, Wade needs to stop teaching you words that he thinks are cool” you laugh hysterically.
“No” you laugh again. “I’ve never nor have I ever wanted to fuck Wade”
“With Wade it’s different. We just met eachother at a time in our lives when we both needed someone. He was going through his breakup with Vanessa and I had finally gotten away from a bad relationship” Logan’s claws started to come out at the mention of your past. They always did when you talked about it. It made him so angry hearing about how people in your life have treated you.
“We just happened to be at the same bar alone one night and Wade just started talking to me. And it all just went from there. Is he overwhelming some times with how much he talks? Yes. Is he down right annoying sometimes with all his jokes? Yes. But he does mean well and cares a lot about the people he loves.”
Logan nods signaling you to continue so you do, because talking to him feels so good in a way that you can’t explain.
“With Wade it doesn’t matter how much or how little I say, he doesn’t treat me any differently. When my brain and the world around me is to loud, to overwhelming and I need to go dark it doesn’t matter how long I isolate myself for, he never skips a beat, like no time has passed. He let me crash on the couch for as long as I needed to while I looked for a new place to live when my apartment didn’t feel safe. And when said ex broke into his apartment to try to hurt him when he followed us after seeing us out somewhere Wade cut his head off with his katanas. Other than stacey I’ve never had anyone like that in my life.”
A long beat of silence stretches between the two of you as neither of you say anything and you begin to worry that you’ve said to much, gave to much info that he didn’t ask for.
“Soo. Sorry I can’t give you any juicy details about how Wade is In bed.” You shrug, teasingly. Desperate to try to lighten the mood.
“Gross. I don’t wanna know what the fuck he does in bed” Logan replies rolling his eyes.
Another long beat of silence.
“You know I’d do that for you right? Protect you at all costs” He says eyeing you intently. He needs to know that you know that.
“I know you would Logan. And I know theres not really much I could do that you couldn’t do yourself but I’d do the same for you and protect you at all costs”
“Y’help more than you realize sweetheart” Logan whispers as he slids closer to you in the booth.
Logan never meant to get attached to you. In fact he fought hard not to, to keep you at arms length and be indifferent. Because truth be told it terrified him how quickly he felt comfortable and at ease when you were around. How extremely protective of you he felt. He couldn’t explain any of these new emotions and he thought they all had to be one sided, his mind simply playing a trick on him. Why would someone like you want anything to do with him. He didn’t deserve to have someone like you care about him in any way he told himself over and over again.
But you seemed just as drawn to him as he was to you. You found comfort and relief in him too. And when the two of you established that physical touch was ok it opened the flood gates to moments like Logan found himself in now as he placed his hand on your thigh. The way you smiled as you leaned into his touch, cupping your hand over his and messaging the soft pad of your thumb between his knuckles where his claws come out.
Logan tightens his grip as he kneads the plush skin of your thigh, reviling in the feeling of the heat from your body seeping into his. The way your eyes flutter shut as you lean forward propping your head up with the back of your hand as you lean on the table makes him smile. Your ability to make him feel like he’s the only being left on earth with you is astounding.
“ what ya thinking about?” He leans forward as he whispers.
Your fucking smile.
“Oh it’s nothing, it’s silly really” you giggle as you open your eyes to hold his gaze.
Eye contact wasn’t your thing, it was very hard for you to maintain and often times makes you feel like your skin is crawling. But with Logan it’s different. Holding eye contact and being under his gaze is calming to you. It makes you feel like everything else around you including your mind is quiet.
“Well I’m all ears, I love a good joke”
“Well first I can’t stop thinking about how good a slice of pizza from Romeos stand would be right now” you laugh at the way he smirks at you, like he knew you’d bring up pizza. You always got him and Wade to get pizza when the 3 of you would go out drinking.
“What else?” He playfully presses
“I don’t know, it’s stupid” you try to shrug it off but deep down you know he won’t give up that easily
Logan lets out a puff of air as if he’s annoyed but he’s not, he could go back and forth like this all night with you.
You pull your eyes down to the table out of shyness. “It’s-it’s moments like this…that make me happier than I’ve been in a long time”
“ I take that seriously. It’s not silly”
You snort. “That’s just because you don’t want me to be hangry”
“Believe me, nobody wants that” he half smirks.
You finally bring your eyes up to lock with his again. Theres so much energy in the room in this moment, so many things left unsaid that the two of you are trying to get off your chests that you don’t dare to say.
“I’m gonna hit the bathroom, then what do you say we get you that pizza and head back to the apartment for a night cap?”
“I’d like that” you smile
As soon as Logan makes it into the bathroom he hears your heartbeat quicken as a guy approach’s you in the booth.
“Let me buy you a drink sweetheart”
“Oh, no thank you. I’m ok” you shift nervously in your seat.
“Oh come on what’s one drink?” The stranger presses.
“I’m sorry I’m here with someone”
“Yea I see you with that old man, why don’t you come have a drink with a real man”
“He’s more of a man than you’ll ever be” you gritt out. The alcohol giving you the confidence to say it as you try to get up to get away from him.
The man catches you by your elbow. “Apparently he didn’t teach you any manners” he spits, enraged by you not giving in to him.
“I wouldn’t do that if I was you, he won’t be happy about you messing with something that’s his”
“What the fuck is that old man gonna do?”
In no time Logan was out of the bathroom and throwing the guy up against the wall by his throat.
“She said no, what part of that didnt you not fucking understand, bub?” Logan growls
“Fuck you man” the guy spits only making Logan more angry.
Logan squeezes his throat tighter. “Apparently you don’t know how to treat a women” he says as he pulls the fist of his free hand back, ready to strike.
You can tell by the way the skin on his hand moved that his claws were about to come out.
“Logan come on let’s just go” you whisper reaching up to grab his arm but he doesn’t move.
“Please Logan this guys not worth it”
Logan lets out a growl at the tone of fear in your voice before grabbing his leather coat and you to exit the bar.
The two of you walk wordlessly to the pizza place, both unable to shake the feeling that you’d done something wrong.
“Im sorry” you both random blurt out while silently eating your pizza on a bench.
“didn’t meant to scare you.” Logan continued
“You didn’t scare me, I’ve never seen scared of you Logan. It was the guy who freaked me out.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I thought I upset you”
“I’m not upset, would love to of kicked that guys ass. But im not upset with you”
“I agree that that guy deserved to get his ass kicked. I stopped you because we’ve been drinking, Christ we drank a half a bottle of whiskey and if your claws came out like that in public someone would have called the cops. If the cops came and your claws were still out they’d think you were threatening them and they’d try to take you in. I know you wouldn’t willing go and that would make them really come after you”
“You were protecting me?”
“Yes” you whisper out into the cool night.
Logan chest warms at your confirmation of willingly protecting him. He didn’t feel like he deserved you going out of your way to care about him in anyway. But fuck did it feel good.
“Wade and the others are probably back by now. We can go back to my place if you want.”
“You want to hang out more?” Logan’s tone sounds annoyed to you but he’s not, he’s genuinely curious but that doesn’t stop youre mind from going into overdrive and start throwing up your walls again.
“Oh only if you want to. I just want to change after that guy spilled his drink on me. You don’t have to stay or we can go back to wades if you want”
“ No. I’d like to hang out at your place, just surprised I guess that you mentioned it”
With that you guys made the couple block walk to your place.
“Make yourself at home, I’m just going change real quick. The Whiskey and glasses are in the cabinet next to the fridge.”
Logan had been to your place a few times but he still liked to look around and see if you hung up anything new or if he could learn anything new about you when he realized you had been in your room changing for a while.
He slowly started making is way down the hall way to your room where he could faintly hear you talking over quiet music in the background. Logan knocked on the door quietly a few times but there was no answer, making him decide to push the door open slowly.
You’re in the middle of FaceTiming with stacey, trying to hold back more tears from streaming down your face when you hear your door click and slowly slide open.
Timidly you look over your shoulder to see Logan standing in your doorway with concern etched into his face.
“Really…I understand why you stayed, it’s not stupid and I’m not mad.”
“I-I have to go, thank you for talking. I’ll call you later.”
“Logan…I’m sorry I took so long” you say wiping your eyes and try to squeeze past him in the doorway. But Logan captures your wrist and backs you against the door frame.
“What’s going on?” He questions pulling your eyes up to meet his.
“No-nothing. Sorry I was um just talking to stacey”
“Why does she keep saying she understands why you stayed? It’s the second time I’ve heard her say that tonight.”
“Logan….please don’t make me say it” your voice is barely above a whisper. He can see you retreating into your self.
“You know you can talk to me. Why are you so afraid to tell me?”
“You’ll think differently of me”
“I doubt it, try me” Logan raises his eyebrow
“O-ok” you whisper nodding
“Stacey lives on a big farm in the middle of nowhere in a undisclosed location”
“Ok…”
“Her husband Clint is an Avenger so they are there for them and there kids safety. Over the years I’ve lived out there for varying lengths of time. In the last couple years there was several times I was supposed to move out there permanently, but i couldn’t go through with it.”
“Why not?” Logan questions as he leans further into you, his hand above your head holding himself up.
“Because I didn’t want to leave you or lose the bond we have.”
Logan’s just staring at you, his breathing becoming more uneven the more you speak.
“And The guy at the bar. You told him I wouldn’t be happy with him messing with something that’s mine”
Your whole body burns, you weren’t ready to admit your feeling for him to him and your desperately trying to spare yourself from the rejection that your sure will come.
“I-I don’t know why I said that”
“Now is not the time to be shy”
Taking a deep breath you say “I was stupidly allowing myself a moment to live in a fantasy where I was yours. But that’s all it is.”
“Why do you say that?” Hes presses closer to you, your chests almost touching.
Logan has learned over the years when he can press you about something and when he can’t. He’s desperate to know if you’ve felt the same as him all this time. He’s become so attacked to you and worries that you’ll slip through his fingers if he doesn’t do something about it. Because Logan has come realize that your his light at the end of the tunnel in a life that’s been filled with trauma, loss and anger. So much anger. You make him feel the man you see in him, that Xavier believed he was, was still buried deep down inside of him.
“Because you could have anyone you want. Why would I assume you or anyone would choose me? I’m a mess. I’m chubby, I have more sensory issues than I can count. I either say too much or too little, nobody wants that.”
“What if I feel the same?”
“Stop it Logan, you don’t have to do this.”
“Stop what?”
“You can’t mean that. We’ve both been drinking. That’s just the alcohol talking”
“I’ve thought about you every goddamn day since we met, so don’t tell me how I do and don’t feel”
Time feels as if it’s frozen as you and Logan just stare at eachother heaving ragged breaths as you both process what’s being said.
The years of yearning and mutual pining crashes down like waves against a rocky coast as the two of you crash together like two magnets in a frantic kiss. The kiss is all tongues and teeth . It’s messy and frenzied but it’s also beautiful. Logans head spins as you tug on the hair at the nape of neck, he could get off on the feeling of you pressed against him as you tug at his hair alone.
Logan cups your face as you pull back to catch your breath like he’s afraid you might float away if he doesn’t.
“You sure you want this?”
“I’m sure” you nod.
Logan stays still for a moment, searching your face for any signs that say otherwise.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve gotten off to the thought of you. I promise im sure.”
“What?” He growls deeply
Now painfully aware that you just admitted to getting yourself off to the thought of him all you can do is nod.
“Show me. I wanna see how good I make you feel”
“Ok” you say biting your bottom lip. Your belly burns at the thought of being under his gaze as he watches you touch yourself.
You slip out from under him into the room as he follows behind you, leaning against the wall watching you intently.
Logan’s had more meaningless hook ups and relationships in his 200 years than not. Incounters born from satisfying an urge and never real connection. But deep down longed for connection, to belong. To have someone choose him because they cared, because they genuinely loved him not just because they wanted to fuck the beast within so they could have a fun story for their friends.
The way you’re comfortable with him enough to share this level of intimacy and vulnerability makes his chest burn with pride.
“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful” he says with admiration as he stares at you before him in your bra and panties.
You reach up for his shirt but hesitate and pull away, being painful aware of your own inability to want to be touched sometimes.
“Can I take your shirt off?”
“Course you can sweetheart”
As you work to unbuttons Logan’s flannel he lets out a groan when your hands rake across his chest as you push his shirt down off his shoulders.
He would never tell you this but he longs for afformation from you. He needs to know he’s good enough for you because he wants to be yours as much as he wants you to be his.
You stand there silently racking you hands up and down his chest and torso. As you lean down and begin placing deliberate soft open mouthed kisses across his chest. And all logan can do is look down, taking in the sight of you being so tender with him.
“Because you can heal yourself, I can’t see the scares life has given you but I imagine there are a great deal of them here under the surface.
Logan lets out an almost painful groan at your tenderness with him. He’s so touch starved that this almost too much to handle, but he wants more. He needs more.
“Can you unhook me?” You shyly say over your shoulder as you turn baring you back to him.
As Logan pushed your bra down your arms to the floor, he trails his hands up the curves of you torso and over your ribs to cup your breasts. Your nipples pebble immediately at his touch, your weight melts back against him as slip your hand down the front of your panties.
Logan hears how wet you are the second your figures reach your clit. Your scent intoxicates him, clouding all of his sense. He needs more, more of your scent, more of your sounds, running on pure designer he extents one of claws and cuts the hip seam of your panties causing them to fall to the floor.
“Logan” your guttural moan at the action cuts through him like a dagger.
“Sit on my face sweetheart, I wanna smell your scent for days” Logan growls in your ear.
And with that the last little thread you had hold yourself together snapped, thankful it was only your apartment on top of the convenient store that night because you had a feeling Logan would keep you screaming all night long.
