[cheekymoist-deactivated20230809]

[finnthebettertwin]

Finn Harries in New York, photographed by Emma Bates (2015)

[aflyingfinn]

south downs on film

[plateau-avatars]

[limsjaebeom]

Growing up, I was picked on a bit; I was pretty heavy-set, and then I was a theater kid. I just felt unpopular and uncool, so I think in my mind I had this idea of fame and being popular and how nice that would be. The reality of it is sometimes it’s not nice.

[perditisx-blog]

“Yes..” She whispered, nuzzling her nose on his. “I respect you for being honest; even when it was difficult for you to so.” Tugging on his lip, she smiled, her fingers getting lost and tangled in his messy brown hair. Sasha hummed with joy as he pulled her backwards and down against the mattress. It was like he’d never left. Everything seemed to have fallen back into place; and with just one single kiss. The temperature between them was building and she wasn’t sure exactly where this was going. Testing the water, she grazed her fingers under the hem of his top, dragging her nails blissfully along his skin. Her other hand, however found a comfortable position on the back of his neck making it easier for her to control how hard he kissed her.

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

He shrugged, not seeing that it was that big of a thing to do. “It’s just the truth. Nothing brave or respectable about it.” Finn missed this so much he wanted to be even closer even though they were pressed against each other. He wasn’t sure if he wanted this to go any further, feeling like they had to build their relationship back up again before they went there. But to do that it required self control that he wasn’t quite sure he had. He kissed her and moved to her neck, kissing softly down to her collar bone and back to her lips.”

[perditisx-blog]

Allowing him to take her hand, she smiled weakly, squeezing his hand relentlessly. When he opened his mouth to speak, she was expecting some kind of a ‘but’ to pass his lips. After all he had just said he loved her, this had to have been to good to be true. Right?. Sasha slowly sat beside him, examining the creases in his expression as he slowly began to explain to her what he had been holding back since he had known her. “I..” She breathed, squeezing his hand a little tighter. “That’s why you left..” Narrowing her eyes onto him, she could feel her body relax. It was almost a relief to know what had really been going on with him. For months she had been beating herself up over their break up. She locked her eyes with his for a few seconds, before moving in slowly to place a gentle peck on his lips. “It has….” She whispered “It’s changed because, now, I have am able to say you’re the person I respect must out of anyone…” Lifting her hand to his cheek, she smiled, gently brushing her finger over his cheekbone before pulling him closer to her again. “I missed you..” She sighed in pleasure, pressing her lips onto his passionately. She didn’t want to waste her time with him and she wanted to be as close with him as she could in this moment. 

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

Finn nodded, “I didn’t leave because I wanted to. Of course without a full explanation it seems like an excuse. I should have told you sooner, especially since I knew how you thought about it a lot.” He smiled sweetly at the peck, “You respect me most now?” He asked baffled. The boy put his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer. Tugging on her lip he pushed her backwards gently, getting on top of her before pecking her neck and going back to her lips.

[perditisx-blog]

Leaning her tiny frame into his, she sighed, not knowing what she should say. She knew he was right. He had left and given her no warning of his actions. “You are pretty lucky.. “ She chuckled, her voice gentle and smooth as the words passed her lips. “I.. mean..” She paused, running her fingers through her blonde curls before lifting herself off of him. “Okay..” She breathed, taking a moment before she opened her mouth to speak again. “I know people always say, exes are exes for a reason - but with you, it doesn’t feel like there was any reason.” The nerves were now setting inside of her as she heard herself speak the words she was saying to him. “I’ve not had a single day where you haven’t somehow crept into my head, Finn… you were the love of my life. Trust me, I tried.. I tried to move on from you; but it didn’t work.” Sasha could feel her eyes beginning to water as she was forced to remember how hard it was for her when he left. “I love you… and I guess what I’m trying to say is… I want… need you back in my life. You’re… my forever.”

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

Finn laughed, “I am.” He reached out and held her hands as she spoke. “Sasha. I love you. Am since you’re being honest with me, I have to be honest with you. Especially if I have any hope of this working again.” He sighed and took a moment to collect his thoughts. “So I’ve said before about my mental state how I left because I needed to handle my mental state and how I couldn’t care for myself. But I never flat out said what was wrong and what happened.” He looked her in the eyes and smiled sweetly, “So right, I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder a while back, before I had even been to the Clarity house. And while there, I didn’t exactly take care of myself as I needed, meaning taking my medication and calling my therapist to talk to her and all those things. So all the different things that I had done or had happened were as a result of that, and my fear of telling you.” Finn sighed and rubbed his forehead worried for what she was say and how she would react. “Please don’t let this change your view of me.”

[perditisx-blog]

Releasing a gentle sigh, she smiled, nuzzling her nose gently against his. “I don’t think that’s completely true..” She shurgged, her arms wrapping around his neck as she spoke. “I made mistakes, too. The arguments we had, I was too controlling with some things and I wish I wasn’t… because I lost you because of it.” Bringing her face closer to his, she closed her eyes, pressing her lips gently on his. Her lips lingered for a few seconds before pulling away. “I want all of it back..”

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

“We both made mistakes Sash, but mine were inexcusable. I didn’t tell you what was going on. I kept trying to hide it, even when I was deemed unable to care for myself. You didn’t loose me at all. I left, I couldn’t take care of myself and my problems and it put a lot of stress on people, especially the two that I cared for the most. I’m lucky enough to have you here... to be kissing you, holding you.” He smiled sweetly before kissing her deeply and then giving a peck. “You want to get back together?” He was shocked.

[perditisx-blog]

Sasha grinned, her lips smothering his. It surprised her at first that she would even risk such a bold mood. But it seemed to be working in her favour. Her legs tightened, pressing gently against his hips before she pulled his shirt up encourage him to sit so she could sit on his lap. “I’ve missed you..” She whispered, her lips separated from his for a few seconds but her eyes still remained closed. “I know I should.. but I don’t want to stop.” Her nose gently nuzzled against his whilst her fingers tangled into his hair like she always did. “I never stopped loving you, Finn.. "She confessed, opening her eyes slowly in hopes he was looking at her too.

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

Finn lifted himself up so she could sit in his lap. He grinned, “I’ve missed you as well.” The fact that she was physically in front of him was still baffling. As they leaned their foreheads together he gave her another quick peck on the lips before breathing out in contentment. With a grin he looked into her eyes, “Same here. We both know that neither of us has thought. Maybe we’ve strayed from it but we’ll alkways love each other. The only reason we aren’t together is because of me. Which I hope you forgive me for causing all of this pain that I’ve caused.

[perditisx-blog]

"It is pretty bad ass. I guess I have good taste, huh?” She cooed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she looked over at him. Covering her face she laughed at his comment. “I’m so glad I finally know what that means .. oh my..” Sasha gently glided her finger over the picture shrugging. “I don;t pose unless I need to. If I recall.. I .. posed for a few pictures that were.. rather private, if you remember?” She blushed, looking down. Suddenly the mood around them changed. This was the thing she was terrified of most. ‘yeah’ she had taken a huge step to bold;y say how she felt and that was all he could say. Biting her lip she was unsure of what to do next and without thinking she made her next and final move. Leaning back, she hovered over him, pressing a gentle kiss against his lips.

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

"I mean you loved me so of course you have good taste." He laughed and winked at her. Finn grinned at her, "Oh I sure do remember." He licked his lips and smirked recalling what her body looked like in those pictures. He waited for her to make the move, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. The brunette smiled into the kiss and held her head to pull her closer. Their lips moved in sync as she straddled him he moved his hands down to her sides. "God I've missed this."

[perditisx-blog]

"We wouldn’t want that now would we?" She chuckled, leaning back onto her arm as she looked up at him from his bed. "I’m happy you like it. But hey - filters are awesome. Don’t diss. We can’t all be super awesome photographers like you, Mr Harries.” Her blue orbs glowed as she looked down, hiding yet another blush from him. What was he doing to her? And how was he able to make her feel the butterflies that he always used to make her feel when they were together. Feeling him sit down next to her, she gave him a briefly nudge with her shoulder, her eyes not once leaving the pictures she held so tightly in her hands. “I don;t think I even had to pose for those pictures.” She admitted “Your facial expression alone made me laugh.” Flickering her eyes over the picture in his hand, she felt a lump in her throat. This was one of the only pictures she had hoped he hadn’t saved. Taking the picture from his hands, she could feel all of the memories rushing back to her. “I miss this..” She confessed, dropping it lightly onto her lap.

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

"I'm not dissing. I love filters as much as the next guy but come on, the camera's sick. You know I get like a half chub when I see old cameras like that." Finn laughed at his last statement with almost tears in his eyes. "You never pose for any of pictures I take of you. It's like posing is only for the red carpet but not Finn," he said shrugging. Pose or not she was still one of the prettiest things he's ever had the opportunity to call his. At her words the brunette sighed. He didn't know what to say. Obviously he missed it too but what was he going to say? Oh me too? He was just over thinking everything. "Yeah.." He sighed again and laid back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling.

[perditisx-blog]

Sasha’s eyes flickered to the ground at his words, not wanting to dwell on the topic any longer. She didn’t come all this way to confess her feelings for him - although if that happened she wouldn’t regret it. The last thing she wanted was to push Finn too far and make him uncomfortable so choosing to keep her mouth shut she just smiled weakly up at him. “How could I ever forget our memories?” She laughed jogging up the stairs. “It’s pretty unreal what we’ve been through together. A lot.. that was unexpected..” Stepping into his room, she grinned setting sight on the many camera he had lined up on a shelf; including the one she had bought him for him a year ago. “You still have it.” She pointed before ushering to his bed to sit. “Why would I want pictures of you?” She cringed before smirking. The blonde ran her fingers over the edges of the box, almost scared to look inside. It was hard for her to look back on the evidence of their past. A lot of it she wished was apart of her present and she knew looking photographs would only make it worse. Lifting the lid she reached inside pulling out a small photo booth picture set. “Remember this?” She whispered, almost struck by the pictures. 

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

"I'm not sure. I'd be slightly upset if you did." He opened the door and laughed, "Life is unexpected. Just gotta deal with it." Finn looked to see what she was talking about. "Of course I still have it. I love that damn camera." It was one of his favorites especially for when he wanted a legit vintage feel to the picture instead of using only a filter on it. "Oh hush I know you think I'm hot." He grinned and unlocked the box, revealing it's contents. His heart beat a little faster looking at the pictures and remembering the moments of which they took them in. Taking a handful and sitting next to her he flipped through the ones in his hand, he glanced at the photo booth set and laughed, "Oh yeah! That was so fun, I was surprised they had all those props and stuff." He went through more of the pictures in his hand. "Hey speaking of that camera look at this one. It's the first one I took with it." The first picture was of her sitting in the yard with the lights surrounding them on the picnic blanket. She was beautiful in the picture. He smiled and took a deep breath at the gloominess of the memory. "Here." Finn handed the picture to her to take a better look at it.

[perditisx-blog]

"I’ll have to stick around if you keep it up. Free coffee is definitely a reason to stay." She joked, crossing her arms across her chest. Hearing his words, she couldn’t help but cringe. "I put you through a lot, didn’t I. I mean, after you left.." She sighed, looking away from him. She was ashamed by how she reacted. He needed time and she didn’t want to understand that.  "They were amazing memories. I’ll never forget them. Even if I don’t have the real evidence there to show it." Tucking her hands into her back pockets she grinned. "You’re lying. It’s cute, don’t worry." Sasha nodded and began following him t his bedroom. 

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

"Damn I should throw all the coffee away. Wouldn't want you to come back. Like a raccoon or something." Finn chuckled before sighing at the next thing she said. "No. It was more me. I mean I didn't want to leave but you knew, I had a lot of problems that I had to deal with so everyone thought it would be best for me to leave. It had nothing to do with you, trust me. But I'm better now. No need to dwell on it." He shrugged. At the time his mental state was not solid, he had relapsed and needed to focus on his mental health before he could worry about others. "Ah memories are all you need. Sure photos are great but I feel like if the physical evidence was lost the memory of it will always stay." They walked up the stairs and stepped into the room, "I don't lie." Finn grinned before gesturing to his bed for her to sit on as he walked to the closet and went to the back of it to get the lock box full of things from their relationship and bringing it back out to her. "Take your pick. If you find a picture or whatever that you want take it."

[perditisx-blog]

"I would not" She laughed, hitting him once again before gulping the last drop of her coffee. "You know, you’re getting better at these..". Placing her mug into the sink she looked up at him, inhaling deeply as he spoke. "I’d love to.." She nodded, a smile slowly creeping across her lips. She had missed him, but it was something she;d never want to confess. He had moved on and after what he had been through to do so, the last thing she wanted was to ruin it for him. She missed so much. The way he brushed her hair out of her eyes, the way he’d sing all of her favourite songs and it never mattered that he got all of the words wrong. Somehow he had managed to stain a mark for him on her heart and there was no getting rid of it. "I’m glad you didn’t get rid of them - get rid.. of me.." Shrugging her shoulders she sighed softly, pushing her body away from the counter. "It’s work. It’s my dream. I’d do anything for it. Even if it’s tough." Sasha grinned, watching him as he spoke. "You still have your nose crunch. That thing you do when you’re excited about something.."

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

"I know. I've been working on it just in case you happened to show up to my house," he joked. Finn couldn't lie, this wasn't what he was expecting for his birthday but he didn't mind. It definitely made his previously shitty day get better. The brunette shrugged, "I couldn't. No matter how sick it made me looking at them, I still loved the subject of the photos." He watched her speak with great concentration. Watching the way her lips moved and how her eyes lit up when she talked about her passion. He laughed, "I don't do that! My nose was just itchy okay?" He smiled before taking her cup and putting it in the sink. "Shall we?" He led the way up to his bedroom.

[perditisx-blog]

"Would I ever lie to you?" She smirked, lifting her mug to her lips once again. "I.." She paused, biting her lower lip. "I remember that, too. I was forever shouting at you for taking them. I can imagine I look.." she laughed trying to find the words. "awful in those videos and pictures. God.” the blonde laughed again, shaking her head “Why didn’t you get rid of them?” Finn had meant a lot to her, he had always been the person she fell for the hardest and the only person she would never truly be over. “Yeah! I mean, it’s awesome. It;s just crazy to think it’s all still going. I never imagined the show to be this popular and.. now that I’m actually in it, in the present day.. it’s amazing. Mad was always your word for describing my crazy work schedule..” Sasha wrapped her tiny fingers around her cup, slurping her coffee quietly as she listened to him speak. “Oh… nice. I was born there, remember? It’s beautiful there.” She had to admit, hearing he had no girlfriend made her happy, but choosing not to show it she just nodded. “Yea.. me either. Well.. a boyfriend I mean..”

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

"Uh yes. If you thought it would make me happy. Yes" He chuckled. Finn shook his head, "Nope not at all. Actually you look a bit better in pictures than in person I reckon." He laughed, "No I kid but... actually do you want to see them?" He figured the coffee and small talk was still too formal for the pair. Shrugging he looked up at the ceiling, "I don't know. I just, have a hard time of getting rid of nice photos I guess." Finn put his cup in the sink after he took his last sip. "Well it's mad. So much work and sure what I'm doing is work intensive as well but yours is a whole 'nother level. I have other people working with me and while you do too it you who has to learn the lines and places you need to be and crazy shit like that." He was always in awe at how much work she had to do to keep at what she wanted. "I do remember. I've been there quite a few times but that was the most recent time. Jack went to South Africa a few weeks ago. It's so sick there. I love it." He smiled slightly. "Yeah? I'm surprised. I'm sure you have people after you, even I do."

[perditisx-blog]

"Oh come on. There’s nothing wrong with you." Offering a gentle smile she nodded her head slightly before turning herself to lean her lower back against the counter. "You do?" She questioned/ It surprised her that he remembered as much as he did about their relationship. To think she may have crossed his mind during their time apart surprised her even more. The blonde accepted the cup from his hands "Thanks. I .. have just been busy with work is all. We’ll be shooting out sixth season soon. It’s all be a bit .." She paused, sucking in her lower lip before speaking again. "How would you say it?… Mad?” Lifting the mug to her lips she took a sip before placing it down. “What about you? Uhm, anything new? Job? … Girlfriend?”

[yourproblematicfave-indie-blog]

"Sure." He grinned at her. Finn shrugged, "Yeah. Why wouldn't I? I have picture and videos of most of it." After they broke up he was a mess, which she knew. Drinking often, rarely sober. He wanted to burn and delete every bit of evidence of her to stop the hurt but every time he went to burn a picture he couldn't do it. So he just locked them away and as he got better he allowed himself to revisit the memories. She was the only girl he couldn't get over. "Busy is always good though. Sixth season? Shit. How do you feel about that? Mad would definitely be the proper word." Finn swirled the drink around in his mug. "Still doing freelance stuff. Some graphic design. Went to Africa recently to shoot some stuff with Jack so that was cool. Eh not really." He shrugged.