Update: The ex and F got back together and so that’s the closing on this. This shouldn’t go completely quiet again but it may for a bit anyway here we are
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Update: The ex and F got back together and so that’s the closing on this. This shouldn’t go completely quiet again but it may for a bit anyway here we are
It’s your bitch herself back at it again! This is a small update? (Me and this man haven’t been able to hang out much since he’s busy with work)
So last time I talked about this I spoke on two firm handshakes, saying it was two touches but nothing like world ending..
Buuuut- we got to hangout for like an hour before Felix had to leave to do something after work- and without being asked he walked me back to the car where my mother was (with the POTs I cannot drive) and instead of a handshake? It was a hug. A HUG!
(Granted I had a cookie container in my hand that was decently sized but I was already carrying it in a way he could go in for a handshake so the hug was great even if I’m not usually a physical touch kinda person)
So, new person to talk about. Of course I will be using little letters to hide identities (maybe make up a fake name too just for this interaction)
{For your convenience: P/Penelope = Me, F/Felix = New Crush to be delusional about, FOEM = For once encouraging mother, FPOW = F’s place of work, POTS = Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, GFFW = Guy from F’s work}
P: *Walks into FPOW, sees no one in the reception area. Decides to text FOEM since she had to drive me as I have POTS*
FOEM: *Texts: Just yell hello, you’re just nervous. I can’t do this for you. Just be patient and don’t give up yet.*
GFFW: “Hello Ma’am, how can I help you?”
P: “Uh- I saw this guy that worked here at an event recently. He has black hair.”
GFFW: “Do you know his name?”
P: “No- I didn’t get it..”
GFFW: “Okay, well how about you come back here with me. We’re all here today.”
P: *Thinks: All here? I’m gonna have to do this in front of other people?! Welp-.* “Okay.” *Describes other things I noticed about said guy as we walk.*
GFFW: “This young lady is looking for a guy with black hair that went to an event recently.”
P: *Sees him almost immediately yet has no courage to call that out since I am already extremely anxious and nervous about this.*
F: “That would be me.” *He raises his hand*
P: *I walk over to him, shuffling a bit beside him even more nervous around all the people he works with.* “Hi, I just- I saw you and I wanted to say I thought you were cute and here’s my number.”
*Other Guys that work with him proceed to ooo.*
F: “I’m flattered, but I just got out of a relationship. But I did just move here so I’m looking for friends.”
P: “Yeah- me too..”
F: “What’s your name?”
P: “Penelope.”
F: “My name’s Felix.”
P: “Nice to meet you.” *Gets a firm handshake*
From there he was told to walk me out or suggested to him that I should be walked out and we talked.
F: “You from around here?”
P: “Yep, from *insert city name* lived here my whole life.”
F: “Nice- do you know of anything fun to do around here?”
P: “There’s a writing club I do at the library.”
F: “I’m not much of a writer but I do like reading.”
P: “I like writing.”
F: “What genre do you like?”
P: “Horror, thriller, psychological horror- that kind of thing.”
F: “I like horror- I just read Stephen King.”
P: “I can’t read much since I’m bad at sitting still that long- but I like the movies.”
F: “I’ve only watched IT, any other good ones?”
P: “I blank when I get asked questions- but I like Pet Cemetery.”
F: “I’ve heard it was good. We’re all about to get lunch.”
P: “Oh! Okay, bye.” *gets another firm handshake and then leaves nervously.*
So that was how it happened today- and it wasn’t our right rejection so I take it as a good sign!
Hey besties, I’m back and with some news on this blog.
So I have DID and so the alters who found out I am a secret simp also want to use this for themselves for their (also probably fucking delusional) crushes
Updates I suppose?:
Currently I am fully single
I still have a small crush on B
I will be trying to update again and have this active!!
here’s my delusional version of he’s a blue and she’s a red, and I’m pink! Who cares x2
B: “They’re my best friend!”
Me: “And he has a girlfriend.”
Miss R: “And you both have admitted to loving each other! Who cares!”
B: “They’re my best friend!”
Me: “And he has his girlfriend..”
Miss R: “And she’s not treating him well! Who cares?!”
I love B, that is very much been known but we have talked about loving each other, but he has her
i think B is genuinely in love with me-
AH
me and B at each other constantly <3
missing B with all my heart right now, hope he gets better <3
(He’s okay just busy with things and trying to figure things out right now and I am extremely busy so we haven’t had much time to talk and I blame the universe instead of the responsibility of both of us having to be in the real world instead of hiding in our rooms)
i should’ve never done it, gone through our old conversations, I was a stupid and blind idiot.
I could’ve had you, but I wasn’t able to admit what I wanted- you looked happier around others and I was a drag.
She makes you happier and I knew you would stay, why would I desperately hope yet not wish away..?
waking up in the morning, regretting ever opening my eyes only to find that you are calling..
it makes me feel happy to be awake, you needed me- or needed to say something- no matter how outrageous or possibly silly it was, it mattered to me.
i was who you wanted to ask, you wanted me to know, yes it was silly and with how i sound you concerned for me, but you needed to ask me and my opinion mattered, you are always in my heart
you asked me for advice randomly, something I expect, but when the advice came through the speaker I was confused yet excited
she was causing you pain and I have always wanted you to be happy, but now you are not, even after all the advice I’ve given you before with her and it’s not gone well so I gave you the best advice I could
Here I shall always be for you and I am one day hoping you shall see me the way I see you
you sit and listen to my tears, tears I would shed for you, but I don’t because you don’t make me wanna cry like they do, you make me safe and warm
I wish you would see me in the light I see you, they are making us both hurt- hurt enough to be sad- both of us- you check in on me more
I must be worrying you more than usual B, would you ever think to know that I’ve written this to you? Would you realize it’s about you?
You probably would, I never was completely good at hiding intentions, but would you know how much went into it?
The two of them make us suffer- at least- we always have each other..
I am scared, terrified, frightened, and many other expressions that mean much the same..
That I could lose you, that if I was to help myself be better, that I would lose you, you wouldn’t love me back-
That you would realize that I was never worth all the breath you used to speak to me or all those hours and days and weeks and months and years we have been friends
Would I lose you if I was to help myself? You would never lose me, not until you look at me and say to leave.. unless you wish me to leave I will always stay by your side
I love you B
~Sincerely P
Random calls in the middle of the night I’m too afraid to answer alone, scared you might hear my smile and happiness more than usual, hearing you be a stupid dork through the message you left me- making me wish I really would have been there, even if I could’ve sold myself out or even if you would’ve called me out.. I just want you and from what I can tell- you won’t feel the same </3
“You’ve come to find the best in me, in the past I’m scared to show..
Love, teach me all I need to know! ‘Cause you’re the giver, giver, giver!”
“So, hide your face! Smile at the people even if it's fake.. 'Cause they can't know your kryptonite!
Fly around the city, make 'em think you're fine, but you can't save them
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh
But you can't save 'еm all
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh..”
I think of you in songs, what you’ve done and what you’ve been through, do you think of me..?
I wanna say “Without you everything’s wrong! And you were everything I need all along!” I wanna say “I wish that I had never left” But instead I only wish you the best..