the sunset of dissolution

[yourshoulderastopover]

[yourshoulderastopover]

I feel steady for the first time since ever.

[yourshoulderastopover]

[yourshoulderastopover]

[yourshoulderastopover]

Just the idea of myself reading this book (underlining every other passage) makes me feel like an absolute JACKASS, and sends me right down some super meta cliché of a cliché shame spiral.

But fuck that. I got problems I need to solve. I’m going to be fifty in three months and I don’t want to keep repeating the same stupid destructive behaviors for the rest of my life, you know?

I quit drinking (11 f’ing years ago!), I can quit whatever this is.

[yourshoulderastopover]

Looking for a fresh pair of white summer sneakers but only have $15?

[yourshoulderastopover]

Q: Why did you take 20 mgs of Adderall at 8 PM?

A: I woke up from a Nap that I thought was a Sleep.

[yourshoulderastopover]

I’ve been preoccupied with redirecting this wayward arc.

Lamenting every misstep of the last three years, though I was only doing what I’ve always done, seeking connection for meaning and validation. Connection, for me, has been The Entire Purpose. And I was determined to die on that sinking ship.

I can’t pretend I didn’t know the system, which had kept me afloat for so long, was failing. I suppose I needed proof. And now my laborious research is complete. I’m no better and I’m no worse. But I did sever ties. Nearly all of them.

Perhaps, one day, I will possess enough strength to forge new ones, but I’m not betting the rent on it.

[yourshoulderastopover]

I am unacceptably sore from the repeated tossing of a 6 pound bowling ball straight into the gutter last night. While on my first date in nearly 3 years. I had two THC drinks. Which, historically, never had much of an effect on me. But I haven’t smoked in, like, a month? Longer? So I got super stoned and didn’t once stop talking for the last 3 of the 5 hours I spent with this Royal Tenenbaum lookin’ dude who is a stand-up comedian. We had a hot & heavy make out sesh in his car while parked in the back of the library. His whiskers rubbed my face raw.

[yourshoulderastopover]

Most nights I am plagued by vivid dreams involving various scenarios in which I am rejected.

[yourshoulderastopover]

Who needs extra credit?

[yourshoulderastopover]

The City of Atlanta tore down an encampment behind the building where I work. Six weeks later, they’re leasing the area to a film production company who has set up a fake encampment area.

[yourshoulderastopover]

this scratch off hurt my feelings

[yourshoulderastopover]

I’m still breathin’, y’all. Feelin’ better. Cute, but confused.

[yourshoulderastopover]

I refuse to change, and am shocked when nothing changes.

[yourshoulderastopover]

Foggy. Friday. Formatting.

[yourshoulderastopover]

This pigeon and I have similar body types. I love how he’s like, 👀.