A slice of Roni's life

Just a potato finding her way through life. This is also a safe space/page for unsaid thoughts. Thoughts that are held back out of fear or somehow can't be put into words. (Photographer/Quotes/Random Thoughts) 

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[spartanlocke]

[yourstruly-roni-blog]

Since finals season is around for me, I would like to reblog this accurate representation of me at the moment. 

[yourstruly-roni-blog]

Fading Away

12/6/19

“This mask is running thin.” (-Amber)

I can feel myself falling apart all over again. I can feel hollowness seeping into this ragged heart of mines.

It’s deafening-- Depression and anxiety among all the other stuff happening keeps me bounded. I feel like I’m deteriorating; always tired or oversleeping or feeling swells of high and lows. I’m losing-- always. My senses. Purpose. Motivation. It’s a constant battle every day-- like I’m fighting against myself and for myself… what’s left of me that is. Every day is a drag. Sometimes I look at others and wonder, “How do they have it all together?”

I’m losing sight of who I am, where I am now, and if there is a foreseeable future for me or not. I just don’t know.

I pray each and everyday that I will make it. 

[yourstruly-roni-blog]

Say You Won’t Let Go

12/6/19

Time had stood still. It was a cold Halloween night, well below the 50s. Everyone had retreated back to their humble abode, not a single trick or treater in sight. It was time for the girl to leave and she was accompanied to her car by her “friend”. Shortly after her belongings into her trunk, she turned around to exchange goodbye hugs.

But it felt like something more.

They looked at each other for eternity; neither of them pulling away. As she stood in his warm embrace, she could feel her heart fluttering again. He looked at her with soothing softness. She looked at him as if there was a whole galaxy in his eyes. He hugged her longingly, she smiled so brightly. It felt safe to be in his arms. It was evident that there was chemistry, but even so, he felt so far away. There was an undeniable spark, but it feels as if something was holding him back. Was he afraid to move forward because of his past relationship(s)? Or was he afraid of the consequences of falling in love? She wanted to find out so bad; it was making her anxious and piquing her curiosity. However, at the same time, she felt that if she reached out, the bond that they have now would end. They would stop talking and grow apart from there. Maybe they would coincidentally run into each other out on the streets but not utter a single word.

Maybe they would turn from lovers to strangers.

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[yourstruly-roni-blog]

Don’t be afraid to be a little daring and sail to the horizon with such conviction. Sail with your dreams set in sight and be the author of your own story.  Yours truly, 

Roni

[yourstruly-roni-blog]

An Aching Soul with a Fictitious Smile

10/25/19

Her mind is in shambles, her heart in pieces.

She walks each day with sunken eyes and an aching soul. Each day gets harder to get by and she can feel herself withering away just like the petals of a flower.

And for each petal that falls is a piece of herself she loses.

She is confined by the familial and societal expectations and plaguing depression... altogether was a deafening imprisonment.

Yet despite the pandemonium she is entrapped in, she continues to wear a smile on her face.

She disguises her wounds with a fictitious smile and walks forward as if nothing happened. When asked if she is okay, she replies with “I have to be.” However, even as she is falling apart and tears stream down her face, she will still go out of her way and offer her hand to others. She’ll pretend as if nothing happened, break down behind closed doors, and move on.

However, her soul continues to shimmer; wearing sweetness and warmth on her face, sleeves, and bearing it in her heart. Truth is, it will continue to shine even if it’s pitted against endless darkness.