Facing Failure; Being Grateful.
Iāve recently graduated from Junior College, or as most of you would better know it, High School. Before I graduated, I, as with most people, had goals that I wanted to attain and my dream university which I was aiming to get into.Ā
Iāve always grown up wanting to study law, but to study law in a reputable university in Singapore pretty much requires straight As and I sort of knew that that was more or less out of reach for me. And so i set my sights on studying communications in the top university in Singapore. However, when results day came, my dreams literally crashed and burned right in front of me. I didnāt cry or scream, I just kind of smiled at my friends and family and I told them I would be ok and I would try to apply anyway.Ā
I applied. Got rejected. Applied to another school. Got rejected again. Applied for a literature course thinking I could probably get that because Iāve aced all my national literature exams. And then came another rejection letter. By that time I was emotionally drained and quite frankly, I was prepared to take a gap year and re-take my A levels.Ā
Not being the most academically inclined person brings difficulties especially when you live in Singapore where competition is high and everyone is (successfully) chasing their dreams of becoming doctors and lawyers and engineers. I constantly feel the weight of this pressure to be perfect and get straight As and to become someone respectable in the future. And while I was used to āfailingā, this setback really hit me hard. Iāve spent so many sleepless nights just crying because Iāve never felt like such a disappointment before. All my friends were chasing their dreams while I couldnāt even do well enough to get my foot through a universityās door.Ā
I finally applied to a smaller, private university and was offered to study a double major in communications and psychology. I was happy that I finally have somewhere to go and I knew that I could now get my degree. But I still constantly find myself regretting not studying hard enough or being too distracted before my exams. There are so manyĀ āwhat ifās that repeat over and over again in my head. What could I have done better to prevent such feelings of regret?Ā
Now and then I catch myself, quite frankly, wallowing in self-pity. Iāve come to realise that I need to wake up, grow up and accept my situation. Thereās no use holding on to the past, itās not going to get me into my dream university and itās sure as hell not going to reverse my bad grades and turn them into straight As.Ā
Only 40% of the people in my cohort get chance to go to university. And so many people around the world donāt even get the opportunity to receive basic education. And this is where gratitude plays a great part in being successful. Be aware of your blessings and be humble. Know how privileged you are to be in school, even if it isnāt your dream school. I have so many things to be grateful for. To be able to pay off all my tuition fees and not go into the working world with any student debt. To be able to study a double major in fields that Iām genuinely interested in. Thereās so many opportunities that life has to offer me and I canāt let my past failures negate how truly blessed I am.Ā
Edit: Sorry this was kinda long and incoherent. Just felt a little word-vomit coming my way today
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