"Do you need a reason to not want to lose?"

@tabsters' blog for their haikyuu fanfics

[yu-yu-ran]

☆ intro post ☆

hiya!! i'm tabs, or yuyu, or swan, whichever you like. this is my blog for all of my haikyuu fanfiction.

my ao3 account is flylittleswan.

my tumblr account for all other haikyuu posts is @tabsters.

[yu-yu-ran]

run, girl, run!

word count: 28.3K

Kageyama Miwa & Kageyama Tobio

So from then on, her brother practices volleyball all by himself. He runs his morning jogs by himself, and though he most certainly can outrun their grandfather now, Miwa’s unsure if he could outrun her. She was the fastest one in her grade, once, after all. He practices alone in the backyard, with their grandfather, while Miwa sits on the couch and listens to the music the girls in class talk about. He watches old volleyball matches on the TV while Miwa sits at the dinner table and does her homework. Tobio proudly announces that he wants to become a setter, because that’s the position that gets to touch the ball the most, and all Miwa does is scoff to herself and shake her head.  Miwa, once again, is all alone.  And so too is her baby brother. 

[yu-yu-ran]

don't let me in with no intention to keep me (jesus christ, don't be kind to me)

chapter 1 word count: 2.3K

rating: mature

Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Semi Eita/Tendou Satori, Shirabu Kenjirou/Ushijima Wakatoshi

 He doesn’t like being called an assassin or a hitman, or any of the ten thousand other terms that are frequently used to describe his job. Shimada says that there’s a distinction between the two, as both of them are considered contract killers, but assassins go after political figures. Which, well, Tadashi did snipe a politician once, if by complete accident, so he technically does count as an assassin.  But it doesn’t really matter. The end result is the same. People die, Tadashi collects his paycheck, and life moves on. He doesn’t really know how there can be so many movies made about this sort of thing, how people can glamorize taking another person’s life so much. In reality, it’s not fun. Not even a little bit. Tadashi shoots the guy, blood comes out, they scream, they die, and that’s the end of that.  It’s not like he feels much guilt about doing it, either. He used to, back when he first started, at the tender age of ten years old. But that was a whole decade ago, and he’s gotten over it. Mostly.

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 66 word count: 4.8K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

“So you’re—” The girl shakes her head, either at her brother or at something on her phone. As it turns out, it’s at her brother, because she turns off her phone and turns to look her brother in the eye. “I would love to come with you, Shouyou, I really would. But this seems…more like a solo mission, if I’m being honest, Shou.” She twists her hair tie around her fingers as she tilts her head, contemplating something. She takes her hand and places it on her brother’s shoulder, shaking it slightly. “You’ll be fine without me, Shouyou. I know you will be.” Hinata seems to contemplate something as well, as he pulls his legs up to his chest and wraps his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees. After a moment, something seems to click in the boy’s mind, and he slams his feet down on the floor, nodding his head aggressively. “Yes, Bokuto-san, of course I’ll go!” Hinata declares, punching his fist into his palm. “I haven’t been back home in Miyagi for a while, anyway!” He grins, and Koutarou sees that fire, that hunger in the boy’s eyes. “I’ll do you proud, Bokuto-san. When do I go?”

hinata's, akaashi's, and bokuto's moodboards for this AU are shown below!

[yu-yu-ran]

GREETINGS, TIS I, @tabsters. I HAVE FINALLY MADE A SIDEBLOG FOR ALL MY HAIKYUU FANFICS. i'm in the process of organizing everything so it might take a while for me to start using this consistently, but i just wanted to let you guys know. i will now tag all the people that i know read my fics. or at least i think you all read my fics.

@idonsson @asher-dear @kagstobioisthelightofmylife @fieldoforchidsandmoonlight @bananabreadbury @leechesontheroof @angelwat @anjelireal @unholyspirited @sketchy-karlitos @yourlocalstressedpoet @a-flux-uchiha @igrab @kodzukens-streams

okay i think that's all of you. anyway yeah that's it.

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 64 word count: 2.7K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

The memory hits him like a truck, the feeling of him nestled in his older sister’s arms, like a baby bird that has no clue what awaits him in the outside world. He was happy then, wasn’t he? With such simple pleasures, with no worries—yes, he was happy.  Is he any happier now? “Nee-san,” Koutarou says, and he is struck by how young he sounds. He is thirty-one years old, and he should have everything under control, but he does not. From behind him, he hears his older sister take in a shaky breath. “Don’t do this.” It is more plea than command, and when Koutarou speaks, he is not speaking as Bokuto Itsuki’s Head—he is speaking as her baby brother.  “This is goodbye,” Usuri says, grinning down at Koutarou, nodding towards Itsuki. This is it. This is goodbye. “Bokuto Koutarou.” 

[tabsters]

that's a kindness you can't afford

chapter 2 word count: 4.2K

rating: mature

Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi

Truly, Wakatoshi does not think that there is any force that is able to make Oikawa Tooru bend to any will but his own. He is like a river, constantly ebbing and flowing, constantly twisting and turning, a force to be reckoned with. In contrast, Ushijima Wakatoshi is like a stone, unyielding and stubborn—but even the mightiest of stones can be worn down by the water. He does not know why or how his feud with Oikawa Tooru started. He does not know if they would have become two entirely different people had they not met. He does not know if it is for the better or if it was for the worst that they met. Perhaps, in the same way a river’s course can change with a single stone blocking its path, their lives were changed irreversibly when they met, all those years ago.  He says that he does not think much of Oikawa Tooru at all, and truthfully—he does try his best to not think of Oikawa Tooru much at all.

ushijima's moodboard for this AU is shown below:

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 63 word count: 6.1K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

Konoha scowls, grabbing Keiji’s shoulders and flinging him against the elevator panel. “You’re too goddamn stubborn as well, when it comes to him. You’ve been breaking yourself down, all this time, just for his amusement. Just because it would please him." “You have no will of your own, Akaashi. Everything you do, you do for anybody else but you. And it’s too late to change anything—there’s nothing of yourself left, is there?” Akaashi Keiji is a pretty porcelain doll, so easily breakable, and hollow inside. If you were to shatter them, you would find nothing of importance within them. They are all empty air inside, no thoughts in their mind except for yes, Bokuto-san, whatever you please. There is nothing left of them. No will of their own.  So there is nothing left for Konoha Akinori or anybody else to try and destroy. There is no will for anyone to break.  And that, of course, means that there is no hope to destroy, either.

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 62 word count: 1.4K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

He doesn’t expect his little sister to come back soon—he doesn’t expect his little sister to come back ever, if he’s being honest. He wouldn’t blame her. He’s not sure what he would do in his sister’s situation, because he cannot ever imagine a situation where he is not the older brother and where Natsu is not the younger sister. He cannot imagine any other way for their life. Was there any other way for this to end up? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know a lot of things, but he knows that when he hears the jingling of his sister’s keys in the lock, he’ll come running. Shouyou nearly trips over his own feet, then nearly runs straight into the doorframe, then he ends up tripping over a chair and ends up falling flat on his face anyway. He yelps, pulling himself up to a crouching position, and lo and behold— “Hey, Shou.”

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 61 word count: 3.5K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

Hoshiumi, with Shouyou’s own blood smeared onto his face, his bright white hair glowing in the light, a crazed smile splitting his face—he’s certainly a sight to behold. He’s radiant, almost like a star, exactly like his name.  If he is a star, then Shouyou is the sun, and the two of them are one in the same. “You’re not tired yet?” Hoshiumi taunts, shoving his knee into Shouyou’s solar plexus and making Shouyou gasp in the process. “Damn, I definitely underestimated your stamina! Were you holding back on me, all this time?” “Nah,” Shouyou gasps out, slamming his hand on Hoshiumi’s shoulder and shoving him back, pulling in a circle and throwing him against the chainlink fence. “Nah, you’re just—pushing me to my limit.” He’s tired. He’s really tired. But he can’t stop fighting. Not now, not ever. Fight like your life is on the line. Maybe one day, it will be the last time he will ever fight, but that day— That day’s not today. Not even close. I’ll win this fight, and I’ll win the next one, and the next one as well!

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 60 word count: 3.3K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

Akaashi smiles, gently, and Koutarou stares into his eyes. His eyes are so pretty, as deep and as rich as the sea itself. He could get lost in those eyes for the rest of his life and probably be happy for the rest of his life. And then there’s a subtle widening of Akaashi’s eyes, and then a narrowing, and Koutarou knows, even without turning around, that Anahori has done what they came here to do. Akaashi’s grip on Koutarou’s wrist tightens, infinitesimally, and Koutarou hears the sound of Onaga’s voice thanking the other manager of the store, and he knows—they’ve succeeded.  It is not a glorious victory, there is nobody to shout in triumph or to wave their hands around in success, and it feels so terribly lackluster, but a win is a win.  Koutarou will take whatever wins he can get, at this point. 

[tabsters]

that's a kindness you can't afford

chapter 1 word count: 4.1K

rating: mature

Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi

For as long as he can remember, Oikawa Tooru has hated, loathed, and despised Ushijima Wakatoshi. It’s an entirely unwarranted hatred, and his sister has told him as much. The Oikawa family and the Ushijima family have had a long, illustrious history as Heads of two of the biggest Yakuza Houses in Japan, with both of them based in Sendai. There is no reason for Tooru to hate Ushijima quite this much. There are rivalries, of course, and then there is this.  If someone held a gun to his head and told him to start from the beginning, really start from where it all began, he would start from the moment he met Ushijima Wakatoshi at thirteen years old. It did actually happen then, but Tooru also likes to talk a lot, and this particular subject is certainly no exception.  It goes something a little something like this.

oikawa's moodboard for this AU is shown below:

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 59 word count: 1.7K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

“So, you’re saying you don’t believe in god because if he existed, we’d both be dead?” Akaashi is quiet at that. She obviously doesn’t want to say that Koutarou’s evil, but it’s okay, because he knows that he’s evil. Nothing he hasn’t heard before. “Yeah, there’s probably not any god,” Koutarou says, rolling his shoulders back. “What with all of the wars and the murder and the killing that’s been happening all throughout history. And plenty of bad people believed in god, but that never stopped them from doing anything! Hypocrites! All of them! I mean, if there is a god, then he doesn’t give a damn about humanity. We’re just like toys. He uses us when he wants entertainment, and then he throws them away.”  Koutarou thinks for a second, and he thinks about the insurmountable odds that they’re facing right now, and he thinks—well, there’s nothing wrong with believing in something greater than him, every once in a while.  “But—y’know, only a miracle from god could save us now. You believe in god, Akaashi?” Akaashi’s only answer is— “I believe in you, Bokuto-san.”

[tabsters]

anybody who knows me knows your name

word count: 3.2K

Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

His teammates don’t exactly know the identity of the person that owns Oikawwa Tooru’s heart, but they know his name, because anybody that knows Oikawa Tooru knows the name of Iwaizumi Hajime. His teammates used to chuckle, used to nickname Iwaizumi as ‘My Best Friend, Iwaizumi Hajime’, just because of how frequently Tooru would bring him up, and how this phrase always kept popping up. They have stopped doing this, but that may be because Tooru has stopped bringing him up. They know the basic details of the man—he’s Japanese, born and bred, same as Tooru, he’s studying sports science at UC Irvine, and he is Oikawa Tooru’s best friend. Well—was, not is, the difference is very important, but Tooru doesn’t think that there are enough words in any language that he knows, not enough in Spanish or Japanese to describe just how vast the difference seems to him.

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 58 word count: 4K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

Kenma exhales a shaky breath. “I’ve treated you horribly, when all you’ve done is treat me kindly. And you don’t deserve that.” Well, no shit. “What an astute observation,” Keiji says, their words as cold as the snow that is falling outside the window. “This is nothing new, Kenma-san. Do you think you will somehow absolve yourself of the guilt you feel about this by telling me about it?” “I don’t. It’s still a cruel thing for me to say, so fight back.” Kenma takes a step forward, poking a fingertip directly into Keiji’s chest. “I’m not like you, Akaashi. You never learned how to stand up for yourself. Ever. You let everyone walk all over you, and you let Bokuto walk all over you. I’ll keep doing that. I’ll keep—I’ll keep standing my ground, against Kuroo, because I know I know what’s best for Nekoma.  “You know what’s best for Fukuroudani. So tell Bokuto that you do. You are so very important to Fukuroudani’s success—you know what’s best for your House. Grow a fucking spine, Akaashi. Tell him what’s best.”

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 57 word count: 4K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

“I had to bring some guys along with me.” Shouyou awkwardly bites his lip, hoping that Natsu won’t ask exactly who Shouyou brought along with him. She’d call him out on his hypocrisy in no time. “Listen, Natsu, about you leaving—“ “If you try to talk to me about me leaving, then I’m leaving,” Natsu says quickly, already turning to walk away. “I can’t—Shouyou, I can’t do this with you right now—“ “No, wait!” Shouyou says, just as quickly, already reaching his hands out to pull his sister back. He is just a young boy, holding his hands out, trying to trap a butterfly in his hands, feeling it flap its wings against his palms. He is just a mere man, trying to fight against the inevitable. “Wait, wait, Natsu, wait, I’m not here to talk about that. I’m just…” What is he here for? He should really try to think before he speaks. What is he going to say that will persuade Natsu to come back? No. No, he can’t persuade Natsu to come back. That’s not his decision to make. That’s one that Natsu has to make, all by herself.

[tabsters]

you know better, babe (than to smile at me, smile at me like that)

chapter 56 word count: 1.2K

rating: mature

Hinata Shouyou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

“I tried to get in contact with Akaashi earlier, but it looked like he and Bokuto were really busy, and I didn’t wanna bother them,” Shouyou says, waving his hand around. “So, uh…here we are?” Hirugami arches an eyebrow, apparently disbelieving—which isn’t fair! Shouyou’s telling the truth! He always tells the truth! Well, most of the time. In any case, he really doesn’t want Bokuto getting involved, and— “Yo, is that Bokuto?” Hakuba calls, from where he’s standing near the window. Shouyou heads towards the window, finding that—yes, that is indeed Bokuto Koutarou and Akaashi Keiji getting into a car and driving off. They look like they’re in a hurry. Shouyou wonders if that has anything to do with how stressed Akaashi looked, the last time he saw him.  “Welp,” Hoshiumi declares, clapping his hands together. “Looks like we gotta make like them and start driving off into the sunset too!” And it is then that Shouyou realizes that—sometime soon, he will be stuck in a car with these three guys, and he thinks to himself— Well, I’m fucked either way.