On a cold winter day, the beautiful winter snow was covered red. The breeze is slow, and the sun is out. I reach for my nose and look at my hands, just like roses they are red. It goes dark.
Why does life hurt? Why.. when I finally found something to hold onto it disappears. Life is unfair…Life is cruel and unkind to those who are succeeding. Let me tell you why.
My name is Sung Hana, I’m 21 but when I was a senior in high school I was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukemia which is a cancer to the bone marrow. The doctors say I got it due to my family's past having it.
Let’s get back to the story
I was walking down the hall of the college building when I got a nose bleed and felt dizzy. I hold onto the wall for support, but then my best friend Theo runs up. “Yah! Hana, I told you to take it slow.” he puts a napkin on my bloody nose “And I told you, I can’t control it.” I stand up straight, cleaning my nose.
“Let’s go to the nurse, you need to take your medicine anyway.” I scoff “You know you can’t heal this, It’s just an experiment to see if it works.” “But you can still be okay if you try, let’s go” we go to the nurses office. I take the medicine “See not too bad” “Better than having to go to the hospital and getting a needle into my spine. Then yeah not too bad”
We leave the nurse and go to class. The day was long and boring like usual. At the end of the day we head to Theo’s house. “Wah… I love your bed” I roll all over it. “I can tell,” he chuckles. “I’m glad we never stopped being friends, even after graduation, because if I stay’d friends with Stella my back would hurt all the time. Her bed was hard but yours is soft…” I lay my head on the pillow. Theo hums “I almost forgot Stella, I heard she got arrested for drug smuggling.”
“What really!!” Theo nods “yup” I shrug “And people say I like gossip” I side eye Theo “What, I just heard it, somewhere” I laugh and throw a pillow at Theo, which he caught. “Let’s go on a trip, a long one” I say to him. “A trip? When?” he asked “Tomorrow” I look at him “But we have class” I hum “Yeah, huh?” I agree “But we can do it soon, maybe after finals” he says while smiling and I nod
Months passed and once again I was hospitalized but I didn’t get to tell Theo. I get discharged and the first thing I do is visit Theo. “Theo!” I wave and I can see the surprise and concern with a bit of anger in his eyes. He runs over and grabs my shoulders “Where the hell were you!!” I smile “I left for a bit, but I’m back” He pouts “At least say something before leaving, and why didn’t you text or call me” I giggle “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t have time” I made an excuse once again.
Days pass and finals pass. I look at Theo “Should we go on that trip now?” I smile “Trip? Oh! Right, I’m sorry but I can't, I have work. I nod a bit disappointed “I get it, You're busy” I smile. He checks the time “Well, see you later Hana!” He smiles then leaves.
The time passes and I start to get worse day by day. Theo is always busy and never picks up the phone. Winter hits and snow falls, I look at the snow from my window enjoying how pretty it looks. I look outside and notice a familiar figure waving at me. Theo. I wave back and signal him to come inside. “Theo! What are you doing?!” I smile. Theo stares at me “Are you okay?” He asks worriedly. I laugh and nod, “I caught a small cold” I lie. Theo nods “I was going to ask if you wanted to play in the snow with me and Minho” he pouts a bit and I nod “I want to go! Wait here” I rush to my room “But you're sick!” he yells “I’ll be fine!” I finish changing and leave with Minho.
“Hana, How are you? Have you gotten worse or anything?” I smile “Do you always have to bring up my illness. We’re having fun.” he shuts up “Let’s go! I see Minho!” I grab his hand and run over “Minho!!” I hugged him. “Hey, Hana I haven’t seen you in forever” I see him smile. “I’ve been busy”
Lies, that’s all I’ve been telling. Matter of fact I have gotten worse. To the point I don’t even think I’ll wake up each day.
I smile and pick up a snowball. We play around for a while and I run across the field then I fall. My nose starts to bleed and I fall on my back. I sigh and look at the sun in the sky. Why today out of all days. Why today.
I can hear hurried footsteps but I don’t bother to look. “Hana!!” I hear muffled screaming. Over and over calling my name. My vision blurs and I see the world spinning. My hands full of blood from my nose and the snow around me turning red from them.
I remember all the memories of my life. Like a reminder of how good, how bad, how lonely, how fun it was. I smile as I remember the memories of me and Theo. I can’t recall a single bad one, only good. Funny, huh? How life can throw you such a great person but you can’t even live to see him longer.
I feel myself lift from the ground “I swear if you fucking die Hana!!” I hear Theo and feel his tears drop on my skin but I just couldn’t grab him, I have no strength and no energy. I hear Minho’s worried and loud voice “What happened? Hana!”
Then everything goes dark and for the last time I don’t wake up.
I should have gone on that trip. I should have forgotten work and hung out with Hana. I should have been there. I should have known and helped.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched “Hey, Theo” I looked up and saw Hana’s mom. “Ms. Sung” I bow “I’ve known you for how long. Call me mom, I basically raised you anyway. You and Hana were always causing a ruckus and making messes. I remember having to be there and apologize to so many people.” I hear the pain in her voice “Mom, I’m so-sorry..” My voice starts to crack and I look down.
She rubs my back “My son, I bet Hana would hate to see you like this. She was your best friend and she only wanted the best for you and she probably still does. She knew she was going to die yet she- she only cared about the people around her. That idiot” I chuckle “She really was” I wipe my eyes. “Keep your head up..for Hana…” She smiles “Don’t give up. Or I’ll beat you” I she laughed. I smile and hug her “Gosh..” I let out a shaky breath.
“Before I forget” she reaches in her bag and hands me a letter “She wrote you thing, as a…g-goodbye” I see the tears form in her eyes and I grab it. My hands tremble as I open it.
^My crazy but amazing best friend, Choi Theo.
Yah! Where is my bracelet you stole from me! I bet you are crying while reading this. ^
I wipe my tears laughing a bit “This idiot, I swear. I’ll get you the bracelet, I promise”
^ Sorry, this is supposed to be sad. I think…
Remember when I first met you. We were just little kids. I remember you sitting in the playground alone playing on the swings. When I went to say hi you ignored me. I’m still holding a grudge. ^
^ I’m writing this to say bye, but I can’t bring myself to do it. So, instead I’ll say hi. I want you to always smile and be happy, for me. I am going to watch you, so don’t worry about me. I will always be here for you.
I remember you asking me many times what I want to be when I grow up, but I always say I’ll let the wind take me. I lied, I have always wanted to be famous or a celebrity. ^
My tears drop down my jaw “I already had guessed, by your reaction to celebrities”
^ I hope one day you can forget me and live happily. I want you to live without regrets. I want you to find love. I only have one wish. Take care of my mom for me. Don’t let her isolate herself or be too sad. ^
I wipe my tears but they keep falling down, not stopping. “This girl. I can’t just forget you”
^ I say that I’m lucky, I got to see you smile till the end of my life, but I also apologize for breaking our promise. We were supposed to grow old together and never leave each other's side.
One day you’ll join me, and I expect you to have a wife, and I better not see you soon or I’ll be angry. Grow old and live your life well.
Your one and only best friend. Sung Hana. ^
I roll my eyes, “Still the same girl.” I hug Ms. Sung in tears “Oh, my poor baby. I’m sorry you have to go through this.” I look at her “Please, don’t act strong mom, you need to cry and let it go. She would hate to you like this” she looks away
She finally breaks down crying. We hug each other. I slept alone, actually alone, feeling alone and knowing I won’t see Hana again. I cried and cried for days I felt heavy hearted and sad but always ended up at Hana’s house with her mom, smiling and talking about how Hana was and acted.
Maybe life wasn’t so fair, but it showed me how to be truly happy and I enjoyed it while it lasted. Now it’s time for me to let go and live my own story. Hana will always be in a special part of my heart and will never leave it.