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by Arseny Kashkarov

I’m tired………

I’m tired of feeling lonely.

I’m tired of being unhappy.

I’m tired of feeling used.

I’m tired of never smiling.

I’m tired of never laughing.

I’m tired of being sad.

I’m tired of walking on eggshells 24/7.

I’m tired of not being able to vent.

I’m tired of feeling like the enemy.

I’m tired of feeling unloved.

I’m tired of not being good enough.

I’m tired of feeling unimportant.

I’m tired of my needs not getting met.

I’m tired of being unappreciated.

I’m tired of being lied to.

I’m tired of being in my masculine.

I’m tired of asking for too much.

I’m tired of getting the bare minimum.

I’m tired of living with someone who doesn’t love me.

I’m tired of being manipulated.

I’m tired of being in the loneliest relationship I’ve ever been in my life.

I’m tired of not being anyone important.

I’m tired of this lukewarm love.

I’m tired of wanting to go back in time to change what I’ve walked into.

I’m tired of expecting the best but getting the worst.

I’m tired of regretting every decision I make.

I’m tired of giving more effort than what I’m receiving.

I’m tired of wanting alone time even when I feel alone.

I’m tired of begging for my feelings to be considered and validated.

I’m tired of broken promises.

I’m tired of the lack of consistency.

I’m tired of being depressed.

#i’m tired #feeling unloved #there is absolutely nothing lonelier #Spotify

As I lay here in bed, looking up at my ceiling clock, watching the number switch… I feel tears rolling down the sides of my face, past my ears and onto my pillow. I wonder how I got here. How did I let myself get hurt again. How am I back into this dark feeling. I hate it here. I have anger, resentment, disgust that I have built up inside me. I’ve been manipulated and I’m trapped here. I can’t sleep at night. Maybe because it’s the only time I have for myself. At night when no one talks so all I hear are my thoughts. For the past two years I’ve lost myself little by little. I haven’t laughed or smiled the same as I used to. I often dream about the my life before I had it taken away. I didn’t even realize it. I’m holding onto of what I have left. One day I’ll walk away and be the person I was once doing all the things I once loved doing.

#Spotify

Being alone doesn’t sucks. The feeling of being alone sucks. When you’re laying next to someone, feeling like you can’t even express yourself is depressing. Regretting moving in with someone who promised you love, peace and equality but turned out to be another abusive relationship is heart aching. But you can’t tell mom bc she’ll say it’s your fault and blame you for moving in so soon. When you have a loving, caring family but still can’t express yourself is heartbreaking. When you look through your contacts, trying to find if there’s anyone who you’d think would be okay to talk to maybe vent to but literally having no one, is really sad. When you have two bff calling girlfriends but one might be struggling with her own mental and the other might actually never really was your friend in the first place, is the worst. Literally just having your mind to talk to is the loneliest I’ve ever been. The only thing that makes me feel quite happy and distracts me from all this is my puppy Daisy.