Synopsis- College au. A night to remember, y/n is a student and the ideal 'good girl', she hangs out at the club for the first time to destress when she meets a handsome stranger who turns out to not be such a stranger, in the end gets her first kiss- fluff
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âItâs your birthday, make a wishâ Aera sings as she places a cupcake with a candle on the table in front of Y/N, who then blows and makes a wish ârelaxation and no stress for at least tonightâ the candle turns off and Aera smiles while wiggling her eyebrows âsoooo! Whatâs you wish for!?â She smiles as Y/N puts her finger up to her lips as Aera rolls her eyes âwhateverâ she hands her a gift box as she opens it and sees the most gorgeous dress ever
âOh my god, itâs beautifulâ Y/N smiles at her best friend as she nods in agreement âyou should come later⊠Jaehyunâs gonna be thereâ Aera smiles innocently at her best friend as she knows sheâs liked him for the past two years âmaybe, Iâll think about itâ Aera huffs but she said maybe, not no "Its your birthday! Have fun! Maybe you'll even get your first kiss! Anything could happen!" She says giddily as she imagines for her best friend "or something might go completely wrong and I'll end up hungover, I've seen you a million times, its not pretty" Y/N teases as Aera is left with her mouth wide open "stopppp!" She says while blushing as they laugh together and continue eating their food
·:šàŒș â±âźâ± àŒ»Âš:·
They're in Y/N's dorm room waiting for Aera's boyfriend Johnny to pick them up as they are getting ready, Aera is busy applying her makeup as Y/N just came into the room while choosing what earring to wear, "those are so cute with your outfit!" Aera points to her star hoops as Y/N puts them on and smiles at her reflection "Are you ready!? I feel nervous, how do you do this" Y/N says while holding out her shaking hand "its gonna be great! Trust me when I say you will be the most beautiful girl there! If Jaehyun doesn't look at you, I will make Johnny punch him" Aera smiles at her best friend as she smiles back and they laugh
They hear a knock coming from the door as Aera goes to open for her boyfriend as Y/N waits a minute for them to greet eachother before coming out and seeing Johnny and some people behind him, she just waves at him as he nods and they leave the dorm, as she exits she sees a tall guy who's in her language class, his name is Doyoung, he strongly resembles a bunny, she sees his cousin Jungwoo, and their other friend Taeyong "No jaehyun" she thinks but they head out in Johnnys car, Aera is up front with Johnny driving, Doyoung and Taeyong are seated next to each other in the center and Y/N got stuck next to Jungwoo
It wasn't awkward per say, it was just silent, they were on their phones while having a large gap in the middle of their seats, Jungwoo would often glance at Y/N as she was busy looking at Jaehyun's story on instagram "there's something in your hair" he says suddenly to her making her jump as he giggles slightly "sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" he smiles at her
She smiles back and tries to get whatever is in her hair out as she looks at him and he shakes his head, so she tries again and he still shakes his head "I'll get it" he says as he moves closer to the seat in the middle and takes a fuzzy little piece of trash off her before the car comes to a sudden stop and he jerks foward as Y/N catches him by his waist as their faces as inches away from each other and he sees her glassy eyes as they blushes like crazy and he backs up immediately
"Everyone okay!?" Johnny asks from the front seat as they all say yes at the same time except for Y/N and Jungwoo who are still red from their time so close to each other
·:šàŒș â±âźâ± àŒ»Âš:·
They arrive at the venue as they all come piling out one by one, Doyoung and Taeyong has fallen asleep when they woke up Taeyong was sleeping on Doyoungs shoulder and decided to wake the other up by smacking him, they started play fighting with each other as Y/N just rolls her eyes, Jungwoo is giggling and motions for her to go out the car first as she just smiles and gets out of there quickly
"Wow" is all Y/N can say when she enters and sees so many people, the smell was unforgettable, it smelled like expensive perfume and good wine, not that she ever had any, she just knew the smell "go get your mannnn!" Aera says while wiggling her eyebrows at Y/N "yeah, yeah, whatever" Y/N says playfully as she looks around trying to spot Jaehyun
Y/N decides to get a drink as she's getting bored and Jaehyun still isn't here, she heads straight to the bar where she sees Jungwoo sitting and pouting like a puppy as she pulls up a chair near him before the bartender comes to her "what would you like miss?" A young man smiles at her as she looks at the menu "um can I get the strawberry sunday cocktail?" She asks uncertainly as he nods and turns around to prepare her drink
Half curious Y/N looks at Jungwoo as hes still pouting, although she doesn't know him, she feels bad for him, the bartender returns as she's caught staring at the pouty boy "here you go miss" he says twice before she realizes and thanks him as she sips some and gags at the strong taste, it smelled like strawberries but tasted like artificial flavoring and she tried to give it another go before deciding it wasn't for her, on the other side Jungwoo caught a glance of her as he sees her disgusted with her drink, he smiles at her cute reactions as he moves towards her
"Hello!" He smiles brightly as he plops himself right next to her as she's still trying to swallow her drink, Y/N gets surprised and jumps in fright as she starts choking and he pats her back to help her as she has a small coughing fit and after a good minute she stopped and they look at each other "sorry" he says sheepishly as Y/N just waves it off "its okay, at least I didn't die" she smiles at him causing him to perk up at Y/N's beautiful smile.
"I saw you didn't like the drink, this bar doesn't know how to make proper alcohol" he whispers the last part as he smiles and giggles, his infectious laughter and smile spreads to Y/N as she giggles along "It was my first time trying" she admits as he nods understanding "I was really bored, but now you're here and I'm not so lonely anymore!" He says while smiling at her brightly "I'm bored too, I was waiting for someone... but it looks like it was for nothing" his eyebrows furrow at the "someone" but composes himself as he smiles and whispers in her ear "I'm hungry, you wanna go get corndogs?" He smiles as she think about it "well, I skipped diner, so why not" she thinks as she nods and they leave the busy bar
They're outside and spot many food stalls as the wave of yummy food starts hitting them from across the street they smile before skipping to the nearest stall and see an old woman there smiling at the two youngsters "what can I get for this lovely couple!? We have a couple discount for 40% off with the couple special!" She smiles at them as they look at each other and care only about the food and wouldn't mind dating for a good minute for a discount "yeah we'll take the couple special please!" They say at the same time as the lady smiles at them before nodding and preparing them their food "you two are adorable!" She compliments them as they smile, Jungwoo gets a little flustered but Y/N is almost drooling at the sight of the food, the woman hands it to Y/N as she signals Jungwoo over and hands him a small paper ring and pats his back "take care of your lovely girlfriend" she says to the boy before he thanks her and walks over to Y/N as he looks over his shoulder he sees the old woman disappear and vanish as if she was never there in the first place
He shrugs it off before giving the paper ring to Y/N "oh! Thanks" she says a bit confused but still smiles "mhm, the woman gave it" he hums and then they dig in to the delicious food in their box, they look at each other wide eyed after taking the first bite "oh my god" they say at the same time as they look at each other and start laughing at their synchronization "this is delicious" Jungwoo says as Y/N agrees "that woman deserved an award, bless her kind soul" Y/N says while taking another godly bite as they smile in satisfaction at their food
They sit and eat for a good hour as they stay talking to one another, they get to know each other more, Y/N finds out things about his personal life, his sister, his mother, and his hobbies, he finds out Y/N's home life, her passions, and her hobbies
"honestly I had a better time being here with you than in there" Y/N admits as they're standing near a bridge and they are looking out at the horizon, he's standing so close, when she turns around she gets caught face to face with him, they get lost in each others eyes as time stops around them, their perfumes are intoxicating their brains, they want to get closer, he sees he lips, she sees his lips, and they connect and stay there for a good minute as it feels like magic for them both
"I like you" Jungwoo says as he is out of breath as they pull away "I've liked you for a long time, and seeing the way you stare at Jaehyun I thought i would never have a chance... I dont know if its the alcohol, but I really hope this meant something to you the way it did to me-" he gets cut off as Y/N connects their lips once again and as they pull away the second time she feels a little brave "you, me, lunch tomorrow" she says as they stay close to one another and smile at each other
you giggled as you bumped noses with mark lee. "wait no try again," his eyebrows were furrowed as he pulled you down in an attempt to kiss you.
you two were watching spiderman when your boyfriend exclaimed "dude that would be so cool to try" at the sight of the upside down kiss. so here you were, standing over the couch as mark was laid there.
"why can't you be the one standing," you had whined. "baby im too tall. i'll hurt my back." it was a lame ass excuse but you gave in anyway. you had been trying to kiss him for the last 15 minutes now, each attempt ending in you two knocking noses or you missing his lips entirely.
"babe you kinda suck at this," mark teased as he saw you get visibly frustrated. "fuck this dumb shit," you mumbled, quickly moving around the couch to climb on top of mark. you leaned down and kissed him desperately as you straddled his waist.
you pulled away and smirked at mark's dazed look. "can we try that one again?" he asked as he gave you a goofy, lovesick, grin.
genre/warnings: smut, angst, debatable morals, unprotected sex, brotherâs worst enemy, forbidden love, markâs dad is a cop for the sake of plot, mentions of drugs and drug-related death
summary: Your brother, Johnny, hates Jaehyun and has never told you why. Although you intend on leaving it alone, unforeseen events thrust you into a forbidden love affair with Jaehyun. In between hookups and stolen kisses, you have to bury your feelings for Jaehyun around your overprotective older brother.
word count: 27.2k (listen⊠i donât know anymore okay)
a/n: this one lowkey kinda hit different for me cause iâve had a forbidden love and it broke me. you can kinda tell by how long this is lol ya girl went all OUT. as always, feedback is appreciated!
âAbsolutely not.â
âDude, come on,â Mark whined.Â
âHell the fuck no,â Yuta barked firmly, crossing his arms. âThe last time we gave you shrooms, you texted Johnny to ask him where your phone was.â
âAnd?â
âYou texted him from your own phone,â Yuta deadpanned.Â
You snickered. Your best friend and drugs were an infamously egregious combination. Mark Lee sober was already full of shit, but Mark Lee high on whatever substance he could get his hands on? Indescribably bad. You couldnât think of a word to even explain it.
Mark gestured over to you. âBut you gave her drugs.â
Yuta grimaced. âFirst of all, donât say that too loud. Johnny will kill me. Second of all, she can actually handle her shit and what can I say? She's a loyal customer.â
You added, âPlus Iâm not doing fucking shrooms. Yuta just deals me weed. If Johnny ever found out I was doing anything else, he would have a fit.â
Mark huffed something under his breath about how shrooms were the softest of soft drugs there were, not that it wouldâve helped his case.Â
Your lips curled into a grin as you joked, âWhy donât you just chug Jenoâs notorious punch and call it a night? Thatâs what Iâm gonna do.âÂ
âIâve actually got plans with a chick whoâs been dying to chug my notorious punch. Iâll be back later. Save me a drink, dude,â Mark said, grinning from ear to ear at a text message on his screen. Probably from the aforementioned chick that was begging to blow him, or so he said.Â
You pretended to wince, but gave him a high five in celebration. âAye, aye, captain,â you chirped, saluting him.Â
After Mark made a break for the stairs, you abandoned Yuta to make a beeline for the drink bar. There was no such thing as a party with some of your boys without drugs and alcohol. Your brother was an overprotective nuisance, but even he knew it was impossible to keep you away from your shots and the occasional marijuana.
Plus it would've been hypocritical as all hell, so he let it slide. Not that you wanted to press your luck with something harder. On some nights you were a little drunk and a little high, and it brought out the worst in you. You were certain all of Johnny's friends kept blackmail worthy videos of you doing the unspeakable and you were content with never knowing what all those fuckers had on you. The embarrassment would be enough to kill.
You clocked one girl dry-heaving in the corner on the way and it was all the discouragement required to make you reach for a can of beer instead. To your surprise, it seemed like somebody had a similar plan, their hand coincidentally dropping on the same one.Â
"Oh, I'm sorry. You can have itâŠ," you trailed, glancing up to make eye contact with nobody less than the devil incarnate.
Ricky looked surprised to see you, though you werenât sure why. If Jeno was throwing a party, you were bound to be in attendance. âWhat up, baby? Long time no see.â
âRicky, you lost the right to call me that the second I caught you with your pants to your ankles in a closet with what's-her-face.â
More importantly, you were frankly surprised to see him there. Your stupid ex was many things, none good, and his audacity? It was out of control. Part of you wanted to commend him, because it took guts to show his face around your side of town after you yanked his trousers down in front of everyone and their mother.Â
And yet he took that retort in stride. âBaby, how many times do I have to tell you that Iâm sorry? It was a mistake and Iâll never make it again.â
âYouâre absolutely right,â you replied, bobbing your head in agreement. âYouâre a sorry motherfucker and youâll never make it again, because weâre done for good.â
But Ricky just couldnât take the hint that you were so fucking over anything that had to do with him and crept closer, continuing darkly, âDonât you know youâre nothing without me? Nothing!â
Having surrounded yourself with enough drunk and high people countless times, it was obvious that Ricky was under the influence, which made him extremely capricious. He looked a grand total of two seconds away from reaching out and seizing you by your arm.Â
Your eyes darted across the room for anybody you knew, but it was difficult when dancing bodies obscured them from your field of view. Yuta had probably wandered to snag more drug deals, Mark was getting his dick wet, and Johnny and Taeyong were nowhere to be found.Â
You were about to resign yourself to the fact that you were positively out of luck until you heard a deep baritone ask from beside you, âDo we have a problem over here?â
It took all of two seconds to recognize its owner. Jeong Jaehyun, sang the little chorus in your head. Your brotherâs worst enemy. The beef seemed more than a little one-sided, but you didnât ask questions. For whatever reason, the mere mention of Jaehyunâs name made your brother tense.Â
It was clear that Ricky was sizing Jaehyun up and he snapped with potent venom, âWho the fuck are you?â
âThe hostâs cousin,â Jaehyun said, looking tall and foreboding, as if he was daring somebody to challenge him. âAnd you are?â
âThe love of her life.â
You didnât know how he could confidently lie like that, though you wouldnât be surprised if he wholeheartedly believed it, which was downright terrifying. You learned the hard way that this boy was as self-centered as they came.Â
Jaehyun took one look at you, and the glaringly obvious discomfort on your face, and replied, "Yeah, I don't think she wants to be around you. If I were you, I'd get the fuck out of here and never come back."
Ricky chuckled. "And if I don't?"
Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Fuck around and find out," was all he said. His lips were drawn into a line and his gaze was fixed to your ex's idiotic face with a lethal stare. Not to mention Jaehyun had a couple of inches on him, which made you resist a satisfied little grin.
Obviously, Ricky wanted to stay and claim you as his pretty property, but even the lack of inhibitions didnât hinder his judgment at that moment. Like any wise person would, he made a beeline for the closest exit. It was common sense that Jeno and his associates were not to be fucked with.Â
Your shoulders relaxed when Ricky was gone. If anything, he had gotten off easy. He was lucky that you had no clue where Johnny was. You were positive he wouldâve knocked the sense out of him, if he had any, which was debatable.Â
âInsufferable prick,â you grumbled under your breath. Then, you glanced up to Jaehyun, who, to your surprise, was already looking at you. âThanks, Jaehyun. I donât know what he wouldâve done if you werenât here.â
Jaehyun still looked a little pissed, but your words seemed to make him soften. âYou donât have to thank me for that. Itâs basic human decency.â
âAnd some people donât even have that,â you replied, intending for it to be a joke, but it came out a little more melancholy.Â
If Jaehyun noticed, he said nothing about it.
Before he could even if he wanted to, something stitched your brows together and you mentioned, âHey, I didnât know Jeno was your cousin.â
âMe, neither.â
It took a second for that to settle in, but once you finally understood, amusement broke the confusion tensing your face and your lips parted in laughter. Jaehyun joined you. His bold-faced little white lie saved your ass, but ironically, that wasnât what you were focused on.Â
It was those deep, adorable dimples on both of his cheeks that somehow made him even more handsome.Â
Instantly, something in you chided, Bitch, donât check him out. Heâs your brotherâs worst enemy. Youâre out of your goddamn mind if you think youâre getting laid tonight just because heâs playing nice.
âI should go,â you said after a minute, finally grabbing a beer. âThanks again. I really appreciate it.â
You escaped before Jaehyun could tell you not to thank him. His eyes were fixed to your back, following you until you were obscured completely by partygoers. He knew you were Johnnyâs sister, but damn, you were kinda cute.Â
At least for now, Jaehyun wouldnât play with fire. Johnny almost kicked his ass one time and he wasnât exactly keen on getting his ass handed to him.Â
You were half tempted to stop by Jenoâs room to check if any of the guys were passing a blunt around in there, but the last time your curiosity got the better of you, you accidentally walked in on Jeno shirtless with some half-naked girl. Not a sight you wanted to relive, so you kept downstairs.Â
Your eyes scanned the living room for any familiar faces, but it was difficult to tell if anybody was there. There was a gigantic crowd dancing to Kiss Me Thru The Phone and you chuckled at a certain memory of Mark drunk-singing along to the lyrics.Â
âThere you are,â came a familiar voice beside you. Your gaze flitted to Johnny, whose face was stitched with concern. âTaeyong told me that he saw you with Jaehyun. You good?â
âIâm fine,â you hollered over the music. âJust heartbroken that Mark abandoned me to get laid.â
Any other time, Johnny wouldâve laughed, but his lips were pressed into a solid line. âHave you had anything?â
You rolled your eyes and exhaled a breath. âJust the beer in my hand, Johnny.â
He studied your face, as if he was attempting to figure out whether or not you were telling the truth, but ultimately decided to believe you. âListen, I just wanna look out for you. Youâre my little sister. If anything were to happen to you...â
âMom and Dad would kill you and dump your body in the woods for bears to find. Yes, I know,â you groaned exasperatedly, cutting him off. âI get it, Johnny. But I need you to get that Iâm not a little girl anymore.â
âIf you were a little girl, you wouldnât be here and we wouldnât give you weed.â
That comment wasnât even worth a roll of your eyes. You took a sip of beer and ignored it.Â
âWhy were you around Jaehyun anyways?â Johnny asked. It was obviously the question he was itching to ask. Probably wanted to make sure Jaehyun wasnât making any advances.Â
The memory of your bastard ex getting uncomfortably close to you after reaching for a drink he clearly didnât need, raising his voice at you in a way no woman should ever accept, made you shudder. âRicky decided to try and win me back. If you can even call it that.â
Johnny immediately perked up in anger. âWhat?â
âRelax. Jaehyun already took care of him. Thatâs why he was there. Nothing more, nothing less.â
âI swear to god, Iâm gonna kill that son of a bitch,â Johnny hissed, looking a total of five seconds away from giving someone a piece of his mind.Â
âRicky, or Jaehyun?â
âDoes it matter?â
You shrugged. Your lips parted to ask why he hated Jaehyun in the first place, but you cut yourself off. There was a reason why you didnât ask him months ago. Johnny mightâve been overprotective, but that was because he was your brother and he loved you. When he was ready, he would tell you.Â
The night dragged on. This one was a little more boring than usual, but that couldâve been chalked up to you still being shaken up about your encounter with your ex. You almost considered what wouldâve happened had Jaehyun not been around to intervene, but your mind dared not wander there.Â
Part of you wanted to know where he was camping out at. Surely, he had to be around here somewhere, but you werenât going to look. Especially not with Johnny on high alert. He was being extra careful, wanting to be there in case your ex was crazy enough to return.
You listed what you knew about Jeong Jaehyun. For one, he was fine as hell. That was undeniable. Secondly, he was lowkey, which was why you essentially knew nothing about him other than the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous.Â
Sure, he made an appearance at these parties every now and then, but most of the time he kept to a tight-knit circle of friends and if they werenât there, there was no way in hell he was coming. Sometimes his roommatesâ threw parties at their house, but he rarely went downstairs, preferring to linger in his room doing fuck knows what.Â
You honestly couldnât blame him. People sucked. Most of them, anyways.Â
Only one day later, you were gripping an overlook, peering down at little critters splashing in the lake from the bridge above. For a long time, there was nobody there to join you other than your little nonhuman friends. You liked coming here every now and then to clear your head. It was your safe place, your happy place.Â
The sky was cloudy but there was only a nine percent chance of rain this afternoon, thus you werenât too worried. You needed to go somewhere. Home was too isolating, but everywhere else was too open.Â
You could be happy here. There were no entitled assholes or overprotective brothers around to get on your nerves every five seconds. It was only you and the gifts of nature.Â
And somebody else.Â
âI thought that was you,â said somebody from your side.Â
Imagine your shock when you turned and saw Jeong Jaehyun jogging towards you. In the fucking flesh.Â
It was harder not to check him out this time. The man was practically drenched head to toe in sweat, his very exposed skin glistening with moisture. The shirt he was wearing hugged his chest and it was all you could do not to salivate.Â
Rather than continue to rake your eyes up his frame, you asked playfully, âAre you stalking me, Jeong Jaehyun?â
Jaehyunâs eyes twinkled with mirth. God, how come you never noticed how pretty and brown they were? âActually, Iâm surprised. I was cutting through here instead of my usual jog route. The weather looked pretty bad.â
You snickered, crossing your arms. âYou didnât check the forecast before you left the house? Itâs not gonna rain. Probably.â
Jaehyun furrowed a brow. âProbably?â
âThat guy on the news is an infamous liar,â you grumbled under your breath.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, coming closer to the railing where you were, but kept a safe distance between your bodies lest he made you uncomfortable. âI told you why Iâm here. What about you?â
Your nose got an instant waft of Jaehyunâs scent and it was godly, which was shocking considering he was literally sweating everywhere. âOh, you know. I come here from time to time to think, or to not think. Depending on what the situation calls for.â
âReally?â
You bobbed your head. âYeah. Why?â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNothing,â was what he said, but in reality, he was thinking about how he passed this bridge nearly every goddamn day and never knew if he took a detour, heâd potentially cross paths with a pretty little thing like you.Â
You bobbed your head. âYup, Iâm alright. Itâs just that Ricky approaching me has Johnny on edge, so now whenever I go out he and his friends are watching me like a bunch of hawks.âÂ
Jaehyun winced. âDamn. That must suck.â
âI get heâs doing it from a place of love, but fuck, sometimes I just wanna be left the hell alone, you know?â
Jaehyun nodded. God, did he know. And not only because he was an overwhelmingly introverted dude. âYeah, I know exactly what you mean.â
That caught your attention. âYou do?â
Jaehyun scratched the back of his head. âI mean, I donât have an overprotective brother, but I do have an overprotective mother. Itâs sweet and all, but do you know what it makes you look like when youâre on a date with a girl and your mom wonât stop calling you?â
Your lips couldnât help but curl into a grin. âAw, youâre a Mommaâs boy.â
âThis is exactly what I mean,â Jaehyun groaned.Â
âNo, itâs⊠cute,â you said, but it was impossible to control the giggles falling from your lips. âMost of the guys I know like that are sweethearts. Johnny, Mark. Maybe you.â
Jaehyun found that amusing. âYou think Iâm a sweetheart?â
You shrugged your shoulders. âMaybe. I donât know you well enough to decide, but seemingly, sure.â
âDo you want to?â
âDo I want to what?â
âKnow me better,â Jaehyun said, tentative. Almost as if he wasnât sure what he wanted.
That was the million dollar question. On the one hand, Jaehyun was cute and it most likely wouldnât hurt to spend a little time together, but on the other, there was the Johnny thing. You groaned. âGod, Johnny would have a heart attack if he knew I was with you right now. Maybe even an aneurysm.â
Jaehyun snickered with mischief. âWho said that he has to know?â
That response downright shocked you. You werenât expecting it from somebody like him, though then again, you knew virtually nothing about this boy and it only made you want to sate your curiosity. âOoh. Youâre trouble, Jeong Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun took that in stride. âIâm guessing you like that.â
Taking a step closer, you started to close the gap between you that Jaehyun had created for your sake. âHm, you know what they say.â
âI donât think I do.âÂ
âItâs always the quiet ones that deal the most damage,â you whispered sultrily, glancing into his gentle brown eyes.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered. That caught him off-guard.
Then, you backed away and waved him goodbye. âIâve gotta go. Later, Dimples.â
Dimples? That was new. Jaehyun was pleasantly surprised by the nickname and he was so stunned that it distracted him from his train of thoughts.Â
It was only when you were long gone that he realized that you never answered his question.Â
You needed time to think, to decide if Jaehyun was worth potentially losing your brotherâs trust. You didnât know why he hated him, but his less than enthusiastic reactions to him said more than enough. Jaehyun was cute, but you could easily find another cute guy whose bones your brother didnât mention crushing.
But damn, you were curious. And curiosity killed the cat. You knew one thing, though. You were starting to like Jeong Jaehyun.Â
You shook your head, ashamed of yourself. This is really whatâs itâs come to, huh?
Jaehyun thought about that exchange on the bridge every now and then for the next couple of days and chastised himself for even making moves on you of all people. Sheâs his baby sister, you asshole. Sheâs off-limits.Â
Not that it would really stop him, if you let him have you.Â
It wasnât like Johnny had to know. Jaehyun could keep a secret and he assumed that you had a handful of your own. People with strict upbringings tended to have a lot of practice with being sneaky and your situation was close enough.Â
He sat on his bed and heaved a breath, playing with a lighter.Â
Meanwhile, you were with your boys, listening to them chatter about disgusting boy things but lowkey too curious to abandon your spot on the sofa that was too comfortable for its own good. Nobody liked sleeping on sofas, but you swore you wouldnât mind on this one. Plus sometimes youâd gotten drunk here enough where you almost dozed off.Â
You made a gagging noise when Mark started to talk about his nth blowjob of the week. You werenât counting, but he definitely was.Â
âYour dick probably has so much chlamydia that itâll mutate into a different variant like Covid,â Haechan teased.Â
You grimaced, but you definitely agreed.Â
âYouâre one to talk,â Mark snapped.Â
Haechan nodded, grinning proudly. âOf course, I am. I always wear condoms and get tested regularly. Iâm clean as a whistle.â
You shook your head in amusement. âIâve never understood the saying âclean as a whistle.â Like arenât whistles actually contaminated from being in someoneâs mouth? Now, when you combine that logic with your dickâŠâ
Jeno burst into laughter. Yuta obviously found it funny from the smile on his face and Mark would never miss a chance to laugh at his friendâs expense.Â
Haechan dramatically rolled his eyes. âAnd what about you, little miss? How often do you get laid?â
âDefinitely not as often as you guys,â you replied, coming to a stand. Not that you wanted to kiss the sofa goodbye. âIâll be right back. Iâve gotta tinkle.â
Markâs nose wrinkled. âYou didnât think that was too much information?â
You almost threw the remote at your best friend, but spared him. There was no way this dude was talking about too much information when he was literally giving you all a play-by-play of his sex life.Â
âIf it burns when you pee, Mark gave you the airborne strand of chlamydia,â Yuta joked dryly.Â
You left too quickly to see Mark attempt to murder Yuta and it was a shame that you had to miss it. There was no doubt that Haechan would exaggerate the moment to make you regret not being there, but right now, you were concentrated on finding the bathroom.Â
And of course, it was when you finally made it upstairs through the groups of bodies that you realized you didnât know where it was.Â
You groaned, cursing yourself for being so forgetful. Youâd only been here a couple of times and never long enough to use the fucking bathroom, apparently. And you really couldnât fucking hold it.Â
You glanced around the set of doors upstairs, incapable of keeping still. Thank god nobody was here except for you. If I was a bathroom, which door would I be behind?
You set eyes on a random door and said, âFuck it.â You marched right up to it and knocked none too gently, seeping with impatience.Â
To your surprise, it was Jaehyun that opened the door, a pair of headphones slung around his neck. And behind him was a bed, not a toilet.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered with shock and he said your name. âWhat are you doing here?â
âOh, um, I was kinda looking for the bathroom. Iâm guessing this isnât it,â you said with a little humor, which was remarkable, all things considered. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI live here, baby.â
âOh.â You knew that, so the fact that it slipped your mind meant that you definitely werenât yourself when you had to pee.Â
Jaehyun had the audacity to laugh. He opened his door a little wider. âYou can use mine. Itâs that door over there.â
âThank you,â you said in relief, immediately darting for the bathroom.Â
You were even more relieved by the time you washed your hands and walked back into his bedroom, no longer fighting to keep still. Jaehyun was sitting on his bed where his headphones were now cast aside. God, how loud did you have to be knocking for him to hear you over those?
âYou sure were in a hurry,â Jaehyun teased.Â
You rolled your eyes, but a little laugh fell from your lips. You wholeheartedly blamed Jeno and his damn poisonous drinks. Sighing in relief, you glanced around Jaehyunâs room. For a boy, he was exceptionally tidy. He had vinyls organized on a shelf. âNo girls in here, I see.â
Jaehyun didnât know whether to be offended by that or not. âWhat do you think I am, a pimp?â
You snickered. âNah. Iâm just traumatized. Sue me.â
Jaehyun knew better than to ask questions that he didnât want to know the answers to, so he left it alone. âYou never answered my question the other day.â
âWhat question?â you asked. Obviously, you were playing dumb. You needed every second to think about what your response would be, although youâd had the past forty-eight hours and then some to contemplate.Â
Your damn brother was the only thing that stood between you and Jaehyun.Â
Johnny wasnât around this time for obvious reasons. There was no way in hell that heâd step foot in the house of his mortal enemy. He didnât want you to be there either, but you assured him that youâd steer clear of all things Jeong Jaehyun.Â
And it wasnât as if you had deliberately lied. It (kind of) wasnât your fault that you didnât know where the bathroom was.Â
âIf you wanted to get to know me better.â
You stepped over to his bed, sitting beside him and sighing. âJaehyun, you know my brother wonât approve.â
âI guess thatâs a ânoâ then,â Jaehyun muttered.Â
Your eyes glanced at his handsome face, then his beautiful, twinkling brown eyes, and finally his soft pink lips. And when they flitted so low, there was no looking back. You leaned in and pressed your lips to Jaehyunâs, waiting for him to kiss back, and when he did without hesitation your heart soared.Â
His hands flew to your back, eyes fluttering closed. God, he tasted as good as he smelled, and it was more than a little arousing. You made him fall against his mattress, straddling his hips and kissing him even deeper.
The change was welcome. His heart was racing just from locking lips with you and it took him to the sky. He grabbed a hold of your hips, which fit snugly in his palms, and listened to the soft sighs that slipped from your mouth in between the kisses.Â
Mark was probably downstairs wondering, Damn, bitch, how long does it take to piss?
You pulled back when a certain groan of his turned you on a little too much to be safe. Jaehyun was secretly disappointed, but he didnât complain, taking time to catch his breath. âIs that a maybe?â
You giggled and shook your head. âItâs a yes.â
Jaehyun sat up and grinned. He knew what he was getting himself into, but he didnât care. There was something about you that made him defy gravity.Â
Still straddling his hips, you threaded your fingers through his hair and leaned in to whisper into his ears, âWeâre playing with fire.â
âIronically, I thought the same thing,â Jaehyun deadpanned.Â
You chuckled. Well, if you didnât care, and he didnât care, nothing more needed to be said. You were really doing this.Â
Jaehyun realized that he already really liked holding you. You were warm and soft to the touch, and you fit perfectly in his arms. âHave you been drinking?â
âNope.â
âDid you do any drugs?â
âNot even a little,â you said, raising a brow at the question. Much to your chagrin, it reminded you of your brotherâs incessant worry. âWhy?â
Jaehyun said without hesitation, âBecause Iâve got weed.â
That was exciting. No wonder Jaehyun never came downstairs during his roommatesâ parties. The real party was in his bedroom. âGeez, Dimples. What are you waiting for?â
Jaehyun laughed at your enthusiasm and grabbed his lighter off his nightstand. You were flattered when he let you roll and even more when he praised your technique, which took years to develop. Thank god for your experienced friends.Â
The high had you hyper aware of everything. Jaehyunâs whole room smelled like him, to no surprise. As he said, he lived there, fuckâs sake. But it was pleasant and you were honestly forgetting that you even promised to return downstairs.
The guilt and pressure of keeping secrets from Johnny was heavy on your back a few moments ago, but after the marijuana settled in, you relaxed into Jaehyunâs side. He didnât seem to mind. Maybe it was the tree getting to his brain, but his hands got a little bolder, too.Â
And it also only enhanced your curiosity. âDo you do this often, Jaehyun?â
âYou mean invite girls into my room to talk and smoke?â
âYeah.â
Jaehyun took a drag and exhaled into the thick air of his room. âEh, not really. Iâve had girls in my room before, obviously, but it never really lasts.â
You werenât surprised. Any girl could see that Jaehyun was handsome as all fucking hell and you didnât expect him to be a total sexless loser. Matter of fact, if he told you that he was a virgin, you doubted that youâd even believe it.Â
âMaybe you havenât met the right girl then,â you suggested coyly.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. âMaybe.â
It was way too soon to ask if he thought you were the right girl, so instead you settled for asking where his interests lay. âWhat exactly are you looking for?â
Jaehyun knew the answer to that question in perfect detail because heâd thought about it countless times, being his typical hopeless romantic self. This was a boy that dreamed of finding his miss right before he went to bed. He was a simple guy. He wanted picket fences and kids. Perhaps a puppy.Â
But maybe it wasnât all too simple. Jaehyun wasnât searching for a housewife. He wanted someone to go to random old shops with and look at vintage items together. He wanted someone that didnât draw a lot of attention, but liked to go outside and explore. Money be damned. Thanks to his mother, he had ample cash, but no one to spend it on.Â
Jaehyun hummed, pretending to think about his answer. âGuess.â
You threw him a look. âAre you serious?â
Jaehyun bobbed his head eagerly, lips curling into a mischievous little grin. âIâll tell you, but I want you to guess first.âÂ
You sighed and glanced around his bedroom for clues, and fortunately enough, there were plenty. âVinyls from the nineties. Youâre an old soul and you want someone who fits your vibe. You smell like expensive cologne, so maybe you want someone to wine and dine, but you definitely want to be comfortable.â
Jaehyun said nothing, but you could tell that he was listening.Â
You looked at the pictures of him and an older woman framed on his nightstand and continued, âYou want the type of girl you can take home to your mother. And your mother wants the absolute best for her son, so she raised you to have high standards.â
âYouâre good at this,â Jaehyun muttered.Â
âIâm nowhere close to being finished,â you said, grinning from ear to ear. âJudging from the souvenirs on your shelf, you like going to different places, so you want someone curious and adventurous in nature. Appreciative and respectful of different peoples' cultures.â
Jaehyun was only smiling at this point. It was kind of funny and spooky being read like this.Â
âYouâve searched for love and havenât found something that feels right, so now you keep girls around for a good time, not a long one. And you love a damsel in distress, I think,â you said, concluding your investigation.Â
âWow,â was all Jaehyun said.Â
Though you already knew the answer, you pressed your lips into a smile and asked, âAm I warm?â
âYouâre on fire,â he replied, wondering how in the hell you got all that just from looking at his bedroom. âBut how did you know?â
âThat you love a damsel in distress?â
âThat Iâve looked for love and gave up on it.â
You almost rolled your eyes. You couldnât believe he was seriously asking that question. âNo offense, but you scream hopeless romantic. Plus youâre hot. You know your worth and what you want and I doubt itâs meaningless sex.â
Jaehyun had this melancholy look on his face for the briefest of seconds, but it disappeared so quickly you couldâve imagined it being there.Â
âI donât think you gave up, I think you took a little pause. You know sheâs out there, and when the timeâs right, youâll know.â Then, you abandoned the sadness and quipped, âBut youâre also a guy, and guys want sex.â
Jaehyun chuckled, but you had somehow penetrated his mind. You had part of him figured out and he didnât know what to do with that. It was too soon to get too deep.Â
You exhaled contentedly, but the marijuana had you thinking. You couldâve been wrong about Jaehyun. You had definitely been wrong before.Â
There was this tension in the room now that neither of you were equipped to handle. As standard when he was fooling around with a girl, there was a piece of him that wondered if it could be the real thing this time, but he didnât want to get ahead of himself.Â
It wouldnât have been the first time.Â
Jaehyun gave you back the blunt. âWhat about you - what are you looking for?â
âWho said I was looking?â you asked with obvious amusement.Â
That shattered Jaehyunâs former thoughts of possibly wifing you up one day. Of course you didnât intend on dating the dude your brother hated. It wouldâve been a very unconventional relationship. You could keep him around for fun, but it would have to end sooner or later.Â
So Jaehyun contentedly resigned himself to the fact that you would pass, just like all the other girls he brought up to his room, and decided he was fine with that. Maybe he had high standards, but youâd forgotten to mention the part that they came with moderate hopes and low expectations.
That way getting hurt was borderline impossible.Â
Then, Jaehyun started to grin like an idiot and reminded, âYou said that you think Iâm hot.â
âI literally said that ten hundred hours ago,â you groaned, exhaling a puff of smoke into the air.Â
You cried out in shock when he grabbed your hips and pulled you back onto him again, but instinctively leaned into his shoulder. Jaehyun was (usually) humble, but anyone who thought he didnât know he was hot was a fool. âAm I hot enough to kiss?â
Your lips tugged into a smile, and rather than directly answer his question, you went in for a kiss, holding the blunt away from his face so that he wouldnât get burned. Jaehyun effortlessly matched your rhythm and it was dumbfounding how he could be so excellent of a kisser.Â
You spent the better half of the night passing a blunt back and forth with Jaehyun, kissing and talking in between (featuring some inappropriate touches). Jaehyun was so fucking easy to talk to, the topics were boundless. Neither of you opened up much outside of your relationship goals and lack thereof, but you still got to know each other a little better.Â
Jaehyun loved music from r&b to jazz to soul, though you couldâve guessed how passionate he was after one look at his vinyl collection. He was flirty sometimes, but soft-spoken and very gentleman-like and he never once proposed for the two of you to have sex. Plus he was a bit of a goofball.Â
To say nothing of the fact that he could play the guitar. You didnât know why, but that somehow made him even more delightful.Â
It was pleasant to be in the presence of a guy that was simultaneously attractive and respectful.
Because it was far too late for you to drive yourself home when you finally started to get sleepy, he let you steal his bed and slept in the room of one of his roommateâs that was never home, according to Jaehyun.Â
Jungkook was what he said his name was. Apparently he basically lived full-time in his girlfriendâs apartment and Jaehyun didnât know why he still paid rent, but he didnât complain. It was going to be a sad day for his bank account when Jungkook finally moved out.Â
And that left Yugyeom. He was the one that threw all of the parties. You asked Jaehyun last night why he rarely came downstairs during those parties and his response was, âI donât like the attention.â
Morning had come loudly as ever. Birds chirped outside, singing sweetly. You stretched your arms above your head and yawned, unable to ignore the dark curtains that effectively kept the sunlight out.Â
The first thing you did was let a little light in. And the second thing was remember how you spent last night, memories of marijuana and laughter, and flirtatious behavior hitting you all at once. It seemed that Jeong Jaehyun was a promise of fun.Â
Grabbing your phone, you headed down the stairs and breathed a little in relief when you saw Jaehyun already awake, waiting by the toaster. âGood morning, Dimples.â
Jaehyun turned when he heard your voice and the smile that spread across his lips was instantaneous. âGood morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?â
âI shouldâve known that your bed would be as cool and collected as you are,â you quipped, rubbing your arms. It was colder without Jaehyunâs blankets to help strengthen the temperature.Â
Jaehyun shook with mirth and it was a sight you wanted to see more often.Â
âI couldâve slept on the sofa,â you said without complaint. âThe party was over by the time we called it a night and itâs the most comfortable sofa Iâve ever put my butt on.â
âIt goes against everything I believe in to let you sleep on a couch when thereâs a perfectly functional bed upstairs.â
âAw, what a gentleman,â you replied, coming to stand at his side. âI drew the curtains in your room open, by the way. I donât know how you live like a damn vampire.â
âWhatâs wrong with living like a vampire? Vampires are cool.â
âI donât think Vampires need Vitamin D. Humans do,â you retorted, arms crossed.Â
Jaehyunâs lips curved into a stupid little smile that reeked of mischief and you instantly knew where his thoughts were before he even said anything.Â
You rolled your eyes at his silliness and told him, âWhatever youâre about to say - donât.â
Bagels popped out of the toaster and the sight of food made Jaehyun forget about his previous shenanigans. He set both bagels on individual plates that already had food and said, âI made you something. Itâs not much because Iâve gotta go soon, but I didnât want you to be hungry.â
âThank you,â you said with gratitude, accepting the plate he handed to you. Plate in hand, you went to sit at the table, watching Jaehyun bring cups over.Â
âYouâre welcome,â Jaehyun told you gently. âNext time Iâll make you a real full-course meal as a treat.â
You gawked. âYou can cook?â
âA little bit, yeah. Why?â
âYou just got so much hotter,â you breathed.
Jaehyun grinned.Â
The time you spent together that morning was a duplicate of the night before except there were only the lingering overnight highs instead of the fresh ones. You were sad that you had to leave, but Jaehyun had to work and you needed to go home.Â
Sitting in your car, you checked your phone for the first time in hours. There had to be a thousand missed calls and unanswered messages from your friends and Johnny. Though it wasnât unusual for your phone to be on Do Not Disturb, it was definitely strange to not at least tell your loved ones that you were very much still alive.Â
You were just so hooked on Jaehyun that it completely slipped your mind to check your phone. There wasnât a dull moment upstairs in his bedroom and even when it was silent you were comforted by the sound of a vinyl playing quietly on his record player, which you were stunned that he even had.Â
You texted your friends to let them know that you were on the way home and called Johnny to get his usual tantrum out of the way before you got there, but it was safe to say that you werenât expecting to come back to Johnny and Mark waiting for you in the kitchen like two unhappy parents.Â
You reached into the cabinet to grab a glass and deadpanned, âUh oh. Am I in trouble?â
Mark snickered and he looked like mischief. âVery much so.â
Your gaze flitted towards Johnny, who was clearly the more disgruntled of the two, and asked, âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
âYou look like you had a long night.â
âThatâs probably because I did.â
âDid you hook up with anyone?â
You grimaced. âGross, Johnny. Do I ask you who and what you do with your dick?â
Johnny gave you a look that told you he was serious.Â
âNo, I didnât hook up,â you replied, filling your glass with water and hoping to find a way out of this situation so that you could shower and brush your teeth.Â
Johnnyâs lips were tugged into a frown. This older brother responsibility was far from easy when his little sister made it even harder to check up on her. âI worry about you. Is that a crime?âÂ
You exhaled a long breath. âYouâre right. I should have at least let you know that I was okay and I didnât, and Iâm sorry. I just got⊠distracted.â
That got Markâs attention and he butted in dramatically, âWhere did you go last night? I was this close to filing a police report, but it hadnât been twenty-four hours.â
Typical cop father response. That was half the reason why nobody wanted to deal him drugs. Thank goodness he had you to vouch for him. âAnd what would you do if I was off with a serial killer instead of some hot guy?â
âI wouldnât be too worried. Youâre annoying. They would return you on the front doorstep with a note that said âcome get your bitch back.ââ
You were tempted to roll your eyes, but you noticed Johnny laugh a little and it honestly made you feel somewhat better. He had been painfully uptight lately and you just wanted him to chill for once.Â
âIâm gonna go take a shower and brush my teeth,â you announced, discarding your glass in the sink and heading for the stairs.Â
Of course, Mark had more insults on deck and didnât hesitate to ask, âYouâre gonna need more than that for all the cum you had to have gargled last night.â
âFor the last time, I did not hook up,â you huffed in exasperation, marching up the stairs. âAnd get the hell out of my house - you donât even live here!â
You could hear Mark laughing from the overlook.Â
A lot of time was spent counting down the hours until you could see Jeong Jaehyun again. You learned that he was not the type of guy to sit around waiting by his phone. This was a busy man with business to take care of and he didnât have a lot of spare time.Â
You didnât mind, because he spent it talking to you, which was definitely an indicator that he was starting to really like you. With so few hours in a week, let alone a day, it was hard to believe he let just anyone consume the little downtime that remained.Â
Jaehyun let you crash some nights at his place when your brother was being a massive thorn in your side. It wasnât a crime, but it was easy to get away with, all things considered. Yugyeom never bothered either of you and Jungkook was rarely there, so you spent most of the time talking incessantly and getting high.Â
Maybe some kisses were shared in between, but nothing more. Jaehyun was content with just getting to know you for now. His usual invitees consisted of one-night stands and girls he hung out with for a couple of weeks, but you were different. You made him think, high or not, and it was rare a girl penetrated his mind so deeply.
And so quickly. It had only been a month, maybe a little longer. He was still afraid of being completely open with you, but the way the two of you touched each other was starting to get riskier and riskier.Â
Kisses lasted longer. More than once, he caught himself going after your clothes, but he didnât want to seem like an animal. You did seem a little eager too, kissing the breath out of him and getting more and more flirtatious, but Jaehyun hated having to guess.Â
He wanted you to tell him what you wanted in no uncertain terms. No room for uncertainty.Â
Yugyeom knocked on Jaehyunâs bedroom door, which was already cracked ajar, and asked, âHey, is she coming over tonight?â
âYes, so please be on your best behavior. No bullshit,â Jaehyun replied, getting a whiff of the trouble that was Yugyeom and wrinkling his nose.Â
âHave you guys⊠you know?â
âThatâs a personal question.â
âSo you havenât.â Yugyeom pressed, âMan, when are you gonna tell her youâve got the hots for her? You know what, Iâll clear the house and leave a bottle of wine out. Light one of your expensive candles. Girls like that shit.â
Like hell Jaehyun needed advice on how to set the mood, from Yugyeom much less. Plus he was none too pleased at being interrupted, especially because now he was thinking about having sex with you and it was doing things to him down there. âI think I know what girls like.â
âThen whatâs the problem? And donât tell me that you havenât thought about it. Weâre both dudes, man. Thatâs bullshit.â
âThere isnât one,â Jaehyun replied to his roommate honestly. Of course, he had thought about having sex with you. He mightâve been respectful, but like Yugyeom said, he was still a dude. Hell, the words had come out of your own mouth.Â
Yugyeom prodded, âThen?â
âI just donât wanna rush into it.â
Now that Yugyeom could buy. Jaehyun was sentimental like that. When he really liked a girl, evaluating her worth took priority over getting laid. Jaehyun had this wall of ice put up that even Yugyeom had to steadily break through. Ironically, sometimes it felt like he was still on the outside.Â
But he put two and two together. If Jaehyun liked you - as in really, really liked you - then that made shit even more complicated. It was no secret that Johnny had it out for Jaehyun and he obviously came to the same conclusion that Jaehyun had; shit getting serious with you was dangerous.Â
So Yugyeom left it alone.Â
Like clockwork, you were pulling into Jaehyunâs driveway only a few hours later. You discerned that the lot was empty save for your car and Jaehyunâs which more than likely implied that the two of you would be completely alone in the house together.Â
Slipping the spare key from under the mat, you unlocked the door and sang after locking it behind yourself, âDarling, Iâm home!â
âIâm upstairs,â Jaehyun called out from the second floor, his room door obviously open for once. The benefits of having the house to himself.Â
You didnât hesitate to make your way upstairs, not failing to clock the bottle of expensive wine on the counter when you passed by the kitchen, but you thought little of it when you came through the hallway and slipped into Jaehyunâs comfortable bedroom. âHey, Dimples,â you greeted.Â
Jaehyun smiled at you and waved. His room was dimly lit. The overhead lights were turned off, but the candles on his nightstand were ablaze and there was an old school classic going on in the background.Â
The second you came in, Jaehyun set his book aside, giving you his undivided attention. âCome here.â
You wasted no time doing as told, advancing towards the bed and giggling when he snatched you into his open arms for a handful of kisses. Your whole body was soothed from his slightest of touches, at ease in his arms. Jaehyun had quickly become your second safe place.Â
God, you had been waiting for this moment all week. Johnny wasnât on your ass any more than usual, but it got lonely in that house and it was even worse when you found yourself only craving Jaehyunâs company. There was something happening to you and you couldnât tell if you liked it or not.Â
Jaehyun drew back after a minute, taking a moment to breathe and brush a loose strand of hair behind your ears. âThings okay at home?â
âNew topic,â you groaned.Â
Jaehyun winced. That couldnât have been too good.Â
âYou smell good,â you purred, breathing in his scent.Â
âYou always say that.â
âBecause you always smell good.âÂ
âI just got out of the shower.â
âWithout me?â
âYou sound like a guy,â Jaehyun said in disapproval.Â
You snickered. You had definitely gotten that comment from a boy before.
Jaehyunâs eyes were fixed to your face, taking in how beautiful you were. Damn, it was like every time he saw you, you looked even more breathtaking.Â
You couldnât help but stare back. Jaehyunâs visuals were out of this damn universe and it was borderline maddening he could be this fucking fine. But deeper than that, sometimes you couldnât help but stare into his dark eyes and wonder what all he was hiding back there.Â
It was plain as day that Jaehyun wasnât the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, especially not when his romantic feelings were involved. In the time that youâd spent together, you had gotten to learn some things about him, but there was plenty that he filtered out as a defense mechanism.Â
When you wanted to get closer, Jaehyun shut down, which was totally ironic, because he was the one that asked if you wanted to get to know him. Now you had to fight for it?
Maybe he meant get to know his body and you were oblivious - and you wouldnât have minded one bit - but if that was the case, you shouldâve already had sex and been out of the picture. Yet he was keeping you twice as long as most girls lasted and for no apparent reason.
Sex made things more complicated. If you had sex with Jaehyun right now, and it was good, there was absolutely no telling how that would shift the trajectory of your entire life. But the way he was looking at you right now tempted you to risk it all.Â
Your lips found Jaehyunâs again, but the kiss was different this time. It was needier, desperate. It sent heat stretching through every bone in your body and straight between your thighs, and you felt like you were levitating. Your body scorched with desire, hands running down his chest.Â
Jaehyun kept up with your reckless kissing very well, but he couldnât ignore the nature of it and it made him ask himself questions. You were kissing him like you wanted him. Tired of wondering, he pulled back and asked forthrightly, âDo you want to have sex with me?âÂ
âIsnât it obvious?â you countered, quickly seizing the opportunity to return your lips to his.
All of this beating around the bush was getting on his nerves and Jaehyun took matters into his own hands. Literally. You gasped when he pushed you onto your back, pinning you onto his bed, and locked your wrists above your head. âI want to hear you say it.â
Now that was sexy as hell and your thighs involuntarily pressed together. âI want to have sex with you.â
That was all Jaehyun needed to hear. He was quick to catch your lip in between his teeth and seal your lips in another heated kiss, taking in your every trembling exhale. You moaned into his mouth, a little too enamored with how good it felt beneath him.Â
His hands released your wrists in favor of your waist, testing the waters. You were reactive to Jaehyunâs touches, hyper aware of his hands steadily falling lower, but not daring to touch you too intimately yet. Like he was waiting for something to happen.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes sank to your empty neck and something deep in the pit of his gut was set on fire. âAre marks okay?â
Making quick work of his shirt and tossing it over his shoulders, you nodded your head. âYeah. Johnny will notice, but heâll never assume theyâre from you.âÂ
It took absolutely nothing else for Jaehyun to connect his lips to your throat hungrily, leaving mark after mark on your skin in an effort to stake his claim to you. And all it did was turn you on further. There was a thudding between your legs, arousal spilling over.Â
Little soft sighs and curses slipped from your lips and you could feel the bedroom get hotter and hotter. It wasnât as if you and Jaehyun had agreed to be exclusive, but you hadnât been with anyone else in the time that the two of you had been hanging out, meaning it had been over a month since youâd last had sex.Â
And it fucking showed. You were aching for more, on top of your natural desire for Jaehyun. If you didnât fuck his brains out right now you were going to self-destruct.
âJaehyun, fuck me,â you groaned impatiently.Â
Instead, he grinned, too fond of the neediness in your voice and on your pretty face. Jaehyun looked you plain in the eye and said, âI want you to beg.â
You were too gone to roll your eyes, but not too out of it to retort, âMake me.â
âIâm gonna make you beg, alright,â Jaehyun said without question. He made a move for your shorts and tugged them off your ankles, repeating the gesture with your panties.Â
The only thing that kept you from being totally naked was your top but Jaehyun didnât look too concerned with getting rid of it yet. Instead, he focused his undivided attention between your legs, entranced by your glistening core and his mouth going dry with the desire to have a taste.Â
You watched the enthrallment on his face with satisfaction. Funny how his ability to conceal his emotions went out the window when pussy was involved. His eyes were dark as ever and Jaehyunâs voice somehow got deeper when he asked, âWill you let me taste you?âÂ
âFuck,â you mumbled, sensing that he was about to wreck the living hell out of you. âUh, yeah. Yes.â
No room for uncertainty. Now that he had your consent, Jaehyun gathered your legs in his hands, tossed them over his broad shoulders, and went to town. You gasped aloud at the first pass of his tongue at your clit and it couldnât have been further from tentative.Â
Of course this man went straight for your sensitive bundle of nerves instead of your slick folds, he knew better. Given how exciting the thought of Jaehyun dicking you down had been, you were already throbbing, but now you were tense and unstill.
There was something about the feeling of his lips sucking and licking at your cunt that made you squirm and cry out in an overwhelming bolt of pleasure. Jaehyun clamped his big hands onto your thighs to keep you pliant, holding them right where he wanted them, and kept eating you out.Â
It made zero sense how hot you found every little thing that he did.Â
âJesus, fuck,â was basically all that you could say. With how vigorously Jaehyun was sucking at your bundle of nerves, it was getting borderline impossible to think.Â
Jaehyun sure didnât seem timid. Matter of fact, the way he refused to shy away from in between your pair of legs, doing everything in his power to keep them separated at both sides of his head, said loud and clear that he was a man on a mission to make you unravel.Â
Not to mention that he was doing a damn good job. Your ears were hardly even working, the whole world fading to static, the only audible sound being the incessant throb of your pulse quickening by the minute.Â
The sheer opposite was true for Jaehyun. His ears were on full alert and he could hear everything from the increasing volume and speed of your breaths plus your soft moans to the gentle rustling of the trees' leaves outside his open window.Â
Jaehyun peered up at you, noticed the euphoria tensing your beautiful features, and his lips broke into a wide grin. âHow are you doing up there?â
No words would come. It took twice as long to even process the ones that left his mouth. Your eyes were drooping and misty, damp with moisture, and all that escaped you was a befuddled, âFuck.â
Jaehyun snickered. That was answer enough. âIt sounds to me like youâre having a fun time,â he started. âDo you want to cum?â
You obviously heard that and hissed, âDonât ask stupid questions.âÂ
âIf you want to cum, then beg me for it,â Jaehyun growled darkly. You appreciated the brief lull of peace, but of fucking course, it was that moment Jaehyun chose to press a long pair of fingers into your dripping pussy.
Your back arched and your soft cries filled the air. It felt like somebody had given Jaehyun the blueprints to your body with how he excelled at satisfying you in ways literally nobody had previously.Â
The answer was obvious. Jaehyun wanted you to beg? Fuck it. You would beg.Â
âPlease,â you said, your voice raising a few pitches. âOh, god. Please make me cum, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun didnât make a sound but you could feel his mouth on your cunt again and knew that he was about to take you there. Â
And then it came. The mind-numbing orgasm engulfed you in its fury and you were scarred with burns from head to toe, most of it pivoting towards your core.Â
Your hands desperately grasped locks of Jaehyunâs soft fluffy hair in an attempt to anchor yourself and you didnât release him from your clutches until every tremble faded. Jaehyun got so aroused watching you shudder with release that he swore his own mind went blank.Â
It took a good minute and a half at the least for your mind to start to clear itself and you sighed pleasantly as the wrath of your orgasm slowly began to die out. You peered down at Jaehyun, blinking a couple of times, and slackened your grip when you realized how tightly your hands were latched to him.
Jaehyun didnât seem to mind, contentedly watching you try to gather your bearings. âAre you back to earth?â
âBarely,â you rasped, still unable to feel your thighs.Â
âDo you want to stop?â
You gawked. âAre you kidding? I still wanna fuck you. If you still wanna fuck me.â
âI still want to fuck you,â Jaehyun said, pulling you in for another hot but reassuring kiss. It was hard to breathe, but so worth it. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and tasted yourself on his.Â
Kissing you made Jaehyun feel like he was ascending, but right now it also made his dick ascend and his patience was steadily dissipating into thin air. You could feel his hard-on against your naked thigh and it sent shock waves to your brain.Â
I think thatâs the best head Iâve ever had, you admitted to yourself, but not aloud. Your dating history wasnât top secret but you spoke little of it to Jaehyun. Did it matter that all of your exes were scumbags and rarely bothered to get you off?
Except for one. The sex was good, but it wasnât a fair trade-off for your heart. No man nor his cock was worth your sanity and you told that to yourself every time you engaged with one.Â
Plus you just got this weird feeling where nothing or nobody else mattered when you and Jaehyun were alone together. You didnât think of the various roots of the stresses in your life and calmness was finally an option.Â
You didnât want to ruin that, so you didnât get too deep.Â
But you were hoping Jaehyun was packing enough to be deep inside of you. Fuck that, you had felt it against your thigh. You knew that he was and it was exciting.Â
Your voice was weighed down by the thickness of your breaths. âDo you have condoms?â
âAlways,â Jaehyun replied, pulling a drawer open on his nightstand to retrieve one.
That was a relief. You had never done it raw before and though you liked Jaehyun, you werenât sure where his dick had been and what all it had seen. Youâd rather be safe.
Jaehyun gently pushed you back onto the mattress and crawled over you, drawing the condom between his teeth while he tossed your shirt and bra halfway across his bedroom, then whispered, âTell me how you want it.â
âHard and deep. Deep and hard,â you confessed sultrily, looking him dead in the eye.Â
Jaehyun smirked. âThat can be arranged.â
You watched Jaehyun shuffle out of his pants and put the condom on, but the bulk of your attention was set on that thick, girthy cock. Your mouth was watering. Maybe some other time you could suck him off, but right now getting it between your thighs was all you wanted.Â
It didnât seem as if he glanced up, but Jaehyun said, âYouâre staring.â
âSorry.â
âNo, youâre not,â Jaehyun said.Â
You giggled. âNo, Iâm not.â
The sound faded when you spread your legs apart invitingly and he penetrated you at an excruciatingly slow pace, sinking deeper inch by fucking inch.Â
You and Jaehyun made a sound in harmony when he finally filled you to the hilt, grasping your waist and using it as anchor like he was at risk of going dangerously deep if he made one wrong move and never returning to the surface.Â
Good thing it was only the two of you. You, keeping quiet when he was this good with his hands and presumably even better with his thick cock? There was no way in hell.Â
âOh my godâŠ,â you whispered, obsessed with the sensation of being filled.Â
Whatever you were thinking right now, Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. You made his brain grind to a halt and stutter. âDoes that feel okay?â
âMore than okay,â you told him, because it was the truth. Somehow the pleasure was only spiking. The ecstasy continued to build.Â
You looked so beautiful beneath the golden-yellow hue of his lamplight and Jaehyun knew he would be fantasizing about how your face tensed with pleasure for weeks, if not months.
Jaehyun especially liked the way you were tightening around his cock, gripping it for dear life as if letting go simply wasnât an option. You wound your legs around his hips and helped draw him into yours in spite of knowing it could ruin you, a telltale sign that your desire for more outweighed any rational thinking.Â
It just felt so good that it had to be illegal and though you knew that it wasnât, it was damn near close.Â
There was still music playing from the vinyl player in the background that soothed any and all nerves that you couldâve ever had. You took a moment and inhaled deeply, breathing in the musk of Jaehyun and the scent of the candles.Â
Your eyes fluttered closed. It was ironic that you were on a raging high even though you hadnât even gotten around to having your usual fill of marijuana. In legal terms, you were far from inebriated. But according to yourself? You were fiending for Jaehyun and found him lethally intoxicating.Â
His weight on top of you. His deep, guttural grunts in your ear between his jagged breaths. His perfect thrusts and the way he stroked you exactly how you wanted, all the while reaping his pleasure from your body.Â
It was fucking mind-blowing.Â
Jaehyun had a similar thought and it tore a noise out of him. His intentions in inviting you over tonight werenât to have sex, in spite of his roommateâs attempts at getting him to get laid when he was only trying to break you in, but it was an unregrettable decision.Â
âYou take it so good, baby,â Jaehyun said tenderly, but it barely scratched the tip of the iceberg of praises he had in storage especially for you.Â
Fuck, you wanted to hate how easy it was for him to kindle these rash flames inside of you, but your attraction to Jaehyun became undeniable the second you initiated the first rendezvous.Â
You were peering into Jaehyunâs soul, searching his whole face without knowing what you were looking for, and saw the euphoria fluttering his eyes closed and spreading his lips apart just enough for those heavenly sounds to slip through.Â
You guessed you found it then, because the tightening in the pit of your gut was at an all-time high and it wasnât skipping out on the extremes.Â
Combing your hands through his hair, you whimpered, âIâm so close.â
Jaehyun accelerated his pace, wanting to take you to the ends of the earth and back. You noticed, because you could feel his hard dick slapping against your hips with a purpose, and you swore to god your eyes rolled somewhere black.Â
The end was creeping up on you from behind. You could feel it. Jaehyun could feel it himself, the telltale twitch of his cock indicating that he was pushing his limits.Â
âI want you to cum,â Jaehyun growled in no uncertain terms, his tone dominant. âNice and hard. Can you do that for me, baby?â
âYes,â you choked out.Â
If you were being frank, he didnât even have to ask. It was impossible to hide the evidence of your impending orgasm, the heightened tremors in your voice and the shakiness in your body were more than enough proof.Â
All you could think about was how restlessly you were going after this orgasm and how terribly you needed it like it would fix every little thing going wrong in your life.
Your hands slipped from Jaehyunâs hair to his shoulders to finally his back, raking your nails down the flesh in a set of ministrations that were bound to leave red lines, and you rasped breathlessly, âFinish me.â
The hoarseness of your voice alone couldâve broken Jaehyun but he hung on for your sake, fingertips flitting to your sensitive, swollen clit again because he knew he wouldnât last very much longer.Â
You were even more restless than before and it wasnât long until Jaehyun granted your wish, your lips parting in a scream and your vision going totally black. Your toes curled into tight bends as you grinded your hips into Jaehyun, milking your release for every damn dime.
Jaehyun could feel you clenching rapidly and repeatedly around his cock and merely seconds after that it was game over. He came with the deepest, sexiest groan you had ever heard before in your life, hips stuttering as his cum filled the condom, and all you could think about was how this could not be a one-time thing.Â
The next few minutes were a blur. You only recalled Jaehyun peeling off you to dispose of the condom, the layers of sweat on your naked bodies keeping you connected, and returning to your side briefly.Â
Jaehyun scanned you for any signs of obvious discomfort. âAre you okay?â
Your mouth was hanging open, aggressive pants falling from your lips, but Jaehyunâs attention was no longer focused on your heaving chest - it was on you. âNo, more like incredible.â
That had Jaehyun in the first half, but he snickered in amusement and relief when you wrapped up your sentence. âDo you wanna shower with me?â
âThatâs kinda intimate,â you said, as if that was actually going to stop you. âHell yeah, I do.â
Jaehyun rolled his eyes, but there was a smile plain as day on his face. You cried out in surprise when he hauled you into his burly arms, hooking one of them under your knees, and carried you into his bathroom.Â
Your own individual toothbrush was in there on the sink counter squarely beside Jaehyunâs. It was only right that he let you keep one there, given how many late Friday nights you spent at his house instead of your own.Â
Plus some of your clothes were there, tucked into his drawers, but when you returned to his bedroom, you donned one of his shirts that was unsurprisingly oversized on you.Â
You sat on Jaehyunâs bed, memories of what youâd just done on his sheets still fresh, and watched him rifling through his vinyl catalog, but because he was shirtless you quickly got distracted by the view you had of his back.Â
At least until he turned around after setting the vinyl on his record player, apparently oblivious, and coming to sit at your side.Â
There was mischief on your face and you were struggling to stifle a giggle. It was obvious, and Jaehyun furrowed his brows. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
âOh, nothing.â
Jaehyun didnât believe you at all, but he didnât press.Â
You sighed contentedly, leaning into his naked chest. The little voice in your brain was thinking about how he smelled so clean and fresh, and good. Well, duh, she snapped. If you somehow werenât paying attention, he just got out of the shower.Â
But you were definitely paying attention, maybe a little more than you shouldâve. It wasnât your fault he looked like the leading role of every romance book ever. This was a man out of every little girlsâ childhood dreams and, more importantly, every grown womanâs wet ones.Â
As Jaehyun held you in his arms, you couldnât help but think, spotting little items in his room that screamed, I come from money. âJaehyun, is it okay if I ask you a question?â
Jaehyun hummed. You figured he mightâve been close to dozing off, but in reality, he was just captivated by the smell of your hair and hoping it lingered on his pillows.Â
âYouâre pretty well-off, but you live with two other guys. Youâre technically always alone, but you donât live alone. Why?â
Now that wasnât what Jaehyun was expecting you to ask him, but you were full of surprises. He took a moment to ponder his answer, finding himself reflecting. âItâs because of how I grew up, I guess. I was the only child, so it was just me and my parents in the house. I guess I kind of wanted to know what it's like to have brothers.â
You made a noise of content. âYouâre close then.â
âYup.âÂ
You could feel Jaehyun playing with your hair and it made you smile gently.
âWhat about you and your friends?â
âWhat about them?â
âWhatâs the relationship like? Have you fucked Mark?â
You were taken aback, though rather than be affronted, the ridiculousness of that question made you laugh. âNo way. I prefer my vagina itch-free,â you quipped.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. It was a shock that that kid got around town the way he did, but that was why Jaehyun had to respect the hustle.Â
Then, out of nowhere, you got a little sober. âOn a serious note, Mark is my bestie and heâs what I imagine having a little brother is like. Johnny really likes him too, so sometimes Iâll walk in on them hanging out without me.â
You didnât notice the way Jaehyunâs head bobbed along, but he was listening. It was believable. Mark was a social butterfly and impossible to dislike, no matter how irritating.Â
And he was only irritating to some. Those who didnât find him to be a thorn in their side probably wanted him a number of inches deep in their guts.Â
You continued, âYuta is more Johnnyâs friend than he is mine, but heâs laidback. Haechan is a little shit but heâs funny as fuck. And you know Jeno is chaotic as ever.â
You were fond of your circles of friends. Most folks assumed it mustâve been suffocating to be the only girl amongst a group of insufferable horny dudes, but it wasnât half bad. Jeno had tried to get into your pants before, but when you turned him down he took the rejection coolly.Â
Mark, like you said, was like a sibling to you and that went both ways. When somebody suggested the two of you hook up, his knee-jerk reaction was to hiss, âEw!â
Haechan was a slut like all of them but he knew better than to slut himself out to you and Yuta, though you already couldnât have been further from his type, was one of your older brotherâs closest friends. According to Yuta himself, the thought of being in a relationship with you was hilarious.Â
Never mind the fact that he admitted heâd actually do it, but strictly for fun. Pissing off Johnny was his full-time job and dating his younger sister? It wouldâve been the easiest way.Â
You and Jaehyun chatted until you couldnât ignore each otherâs incessant yawns and made the mutual agreement to crawl under the sheets together. A rare Jungkook appearance one weekend forced you into bed with each other and ever since that was how youâd slept.Â
Side by side, skin to skin.Â
The sun was brighter than ever when you woke up some hours later. You noticed that the curtains were open. And they had been since you likened Jaehyun to a vampire.
Speaking of Jaehyun, he was still sleeping like a rock beside you, completely still other than the gentle heave of his chest as he snored quietly. You crawled gingerly out of bed so as not to disturb his rest, the sight of him still asleep when you stood making you sigh out in relief.Â
After a quick wash-up in the bathroom, you headed downstairs for a snack. Your stomach was rumbling and you realized that you hadnât eaten since you left home.Â
What you didnât expect was to see Yugyeom half-naked in the kitchen though.Â
You werenât sure why. It was his house and if he wanted to walk around like he just went skinny dipping, then he had that right. Fortunately, he was wearing sweatpants, so you were spared from that unsightly picture.Â
Yugyeom heard your footsteps and turned. âOh, hey. Sleep good?â
âI only slept for a few hours,â you confessed, though you felt like you were quite well-rested. âBut yeah, I slept pretty good.â
Yugyeom chuckled. âI bet.â
You said nothing else. Yugyeom wasnât a total stranger, even before you started crashing at his house, but you werenât close by any means.Â
âI didnât think youâd be here,â you said after a pause, straddling a barstool.Â
âI mean, I do live here. Who do you think pays most of the bills?â
âJaehyun,â you chirped.Â
âOkay, thatâs fair. Who do you think pays the second most of the bills?â
âYou and Jungkook, but it wasnât always that way.â
Yugyeom threw in the towel, realizing Jaehyun had most definitely had this discussion with you at some point. Then, he started to laugh. Jaehyun was discussing their finances with you? There was no way in living hell.Â
Iâll be damned. Yugyeomed sighed in amusement. âYou know, youâre the first girl Iâve seen last this long with Jaehyun.â
âOh?â
âIâm not saying heâs a player, but I thought Iâd stop seeing you around here, like, two weeks ago. For a girl to survive a month with him, she has to really crank up his brain. And Jaehyun isnât easily impressed,â Yugyeom said.Â
It was obvious what he was implying and you knew exactly where this was heading. âIâm sure, but Jaehyun and I are just vibing.â
âI didnât say that you werenât.â
âYes, but you think that we arenât,â you replied, rubbing your arms. It was always cold the mornings after.Â
Yugyeom laughed. âNo, I donât. Not right now. I didn't even crack Jaehyun that soon. All Iâm saying is Jaehyun is a real gem and I think that you have a solid chance.â
âAnd you want me to take it?â
Yugyeom was strategically bouncing around, going from subtly planting ideas in your head to making them seem as if they were your own. âWhatever you do with that information is out of my hands and none of my business.â
Your lips parted to speak, but you were fortunately saved by the bell. Footsteps were heard from the hall and Jaehyun emerged from around the corner, voice deep from sleep, âWhat are you two talking about?â
Yugyeom lied without hesitation, âHow handsome you are, of course.â
Jaehyun didnât believe it for a second, but he stole the barstool beside you and gently nudged your elbow. âYou think Iâm handsome?â
âOh, the handsomest,â you deadpanned, but rested your head onto his shoulder.Â
Jaehyun let you. At least for a little while, but then he pulled you into his chest and mumbled groggily, âYou left me.â
âIâm sorry,â you whispered, your hands tangled into his dark hair. âIâll stay next time.â
âGood.â
Yugyeom was peering into the fridge, shaking his head, wondering if he was the only one that saw your fate.Â
The whole weekend was spent in Jaehyunâs arms, restless. If you werenât getting high on marijuana and chatting about whatever came to mind, you were dancing to one of his vinyls. If you werenât kissing each other breathless, you were fucking each other senseless.Â
It was two days of whimsical fun, ignoring the world and its insignificant little woes. In many ways, Jaehyun was like your oasis.
You were starting to hate Mondays. They were the days where you realized that nothing was forever, every time without fail. The days you had to finally face the world after a weekend of neglecting its existence.Â
Plus you didnât get a lot of Jaehyun during the other five days of the week, and though you understood your conflicting schedules, it was getting less and less easy to cope.Â
Finals week thankfully gave you less time to think about whatever the hell was blossoming between you and Jaehyun. You didnât want to think about it, because you were well aware that it wouldnât last. As perfectly as Jaehyun molded into you, there was no piece of him that fit the bigger picture.Â
But of course, you were pacing down your schoolâs courtyard with a bag slung over your shoulder when you noticed Markâs footsteps catching up to you. âWanna tell me why Johnny asked me if youâve been going out with somebody lately?â he asked.
You pretended to be oblivious, keeping your head straight and your steps quick. âWhy would he ask you that?â
âBecause Iâm your best friend and you tell me everything, or so I thought,â Mark hissed.
You groaned, weighing your options. You could keep this private love affair to yourself and let the guilt and pressure split you down the middle, or you could confide in your best friend and hope it took the edge off.Â
Pulling Mark behind a tree and scanning your surroundings for unwanted bystanders, you exhaled roughly and said, âDonât freak out, but I may or may not be sleeping with Jeong Jaehyun on the weekends.â
Mark was understandably dumbfounded by that information and screeched aloud, âWhat the fuck, dude?â
âI just said donât freak out!â
Mark shook his head, the total opposite of cool and collected. There was no way in hell he wasnât going to freak out. âAre you kidding? Johnny literally wants to kill him.â
âGod, I know,â you bemoaned, pressing a palm to your forehead. This whole situation combined with the stress of finals was giving you a splitting headache.Â
The shock was still evident on Markâs face, but he seemed to be cooling off. âShit, dude. This is crazy. Is the sex at least good?â
Your mind was fluttering with memories and it was hard to resist a smile. Getting laid right now would probably fix you. âJeong Jaehyun may be a scoundrel for whatever reason, but I can reassure you he is not lacking in the sex department.â
Or any department. It was strange that in the weeks the two of you had spent bonding and the like, you had yet to identify a single red flag of Jaehyunâs. Apparently, the weirdest thing about this boy was the amount of pictures he kept of his toes.Â
âOh my god,â Mark gasped.Â
âWhat?â
âThat night you went upstairs to pee and didnât come back,â Mark started, finally connecting the dots and displeased he hadnât seen the hints earlier. âYou were off screwing Jaehyun, werenât you?â
âActually, no. I was with him, yes, but we werenât hooking up then.â
Mark was baffled to very fucking his core. That had to be half a decade ago. This whole time, you were spending your spare time on Jaehyun and nobody knew?
Gripping Mark by the shoulders, you stared into his eyes and said sternly, âListen. You canât tell Johnny.â
Your best friend made a face of disapproval, but nodded his head. âAlright. Fine.â
âIâm serious. You have to promise.â
Mark groaned, âDude, Iâm not gonna tell Johnny that youâre fucking Jaehyun. No matter how bizarre and borderline batshit insane that is to say aloud. I promise your secret is safe with me.â
You released his shoulders and a shaky breath, relenting. âOkay.â
âBut that doesnât mean that I approve.â
âUnderstandable. I can live with that.â
âI donât see how,â Mark grumbled under his breath.Â
You frowned.Â
Months flew by. Christmas and News Year were a blur, two events you and Jaehyun spent at separate locations. Your parents were rarely home, but the winter holidays were a period of time that they always made sure to be around for. And Jaehyun paid his family a visit that week.Â
But then it was February, and the national holiday that was Jaehyunâs birthday came of nowhere.Â
âNo way you were born on Valentineâs day,â you remembered telling him a few months back after asking him about his birthday. Jaehyun had groaned, more than accustomed to how this conversation played out. This was far from his first rodeo.Â
Though it was rare that a girl made it to actually celebrate his birthday with him.Â
Idiotically, you found yourself scorching with nerves that afternoon, overwhelmingly anxious. Your whole body was tense and you paced around your room antsily for hours until it was time to get in your car and head out to Jaehyunâs house.Â
You had gotten him a gift and you werenât sure whether he would like it or not. Then again, you had spent weeks planning what you would give him based on every second of every little conversation youâd shared and you were half confident, half uncertain.Â
Jungkook opened the door to leave at the same moment you were preparing yourself to go inside, most likely heading to his girlfriendâs place after spending the morning celebrating his friendâs birthday, and held the door open for you. âUh, do you need a minute?â
âNo. Thank you,â you replied bashfully, catching the door and finally turning inside.Â
You took one more deep breath and paced upstairs while gripping the box in your hands so tightly it mightâve broken.Â
Jaehyun was sitting on his bed, his guitar in his hands instead of standing upright in the corner of his bedroom as typical, and glanced up when he heard your footsteps. âHi.â
âHi, birthday boy,â you greeted.Â
Jaehyun was smiling. You had already wished him a happy birthday at midnight on the dot which was a sweet gesture in itself.Â
âI, uh, got you something,â you said, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so nervous.Â
âI can see that.â Jaehyun set his guitar aside. There was curiosity in his stare, but he whispered, âYou didnât have to.â
âBut I wanted to. Youâre my⊠friend,â you told him awkwardly, handing over the gift before it made you say something stupid. âI didnât know what to get a guy who has literally everything he wants, but I tried.â
Jaehyun accepted the gift box graciously, peeling off the wrap, and said, âWhatever you got me is more than enough, baby.â
You sure hoped so. You didnât spend the past few weeks stressing over this very moment for nothing. You wanted to give him something thoughtful and memorable.Â
Anticipation made your heart sound like thunder. You fidgeted, twiddling your thumbs as Jaehyun slowly opened the box, retrieving a guitar strap alongside a couple of other items. The awe that tensed Jaehyunâs features was authentic and your heart was taut with giddiness when his lips tugged into a beaming smile.Â
A few words scribbled onto the guitar strap caught Jaehyunâs attention and he unhesitatingly pulled them closer to his face to get a better look. It was like a little note, but words only you would say. Play me till the end.Â
âWow,â Jaehyun whispered, feeling a thumping inside of his ribcage. âYou⊠I literally mentioned that I wanted one of these in passing.â
âWhen you talk, I listen.â
Jaehyunâs eyes met yours. âThank you.â
âYouâre welcome,â you murmured, straddling his lap and tossing your arms around his neck. âHappy birthday, baby.â
Jaehyun set his hands at your hips and kissed you restlessly, restraint taking the backseat as he absorbed every bit of your warmth and used it to fuel his fire. Your lips took him to the other side but your hands kept him grounded.Â
Things felt different now. Kissing Jaehyun had never not been spellbinding, but right now? The feeling in your chest was indescribably hot.Â
But it was dangerous and terrifying. It defied everything you told yourself to be true, and every principle you had laid out. This was deeper than building a relationship with the enemy. It was the intimacy that accompanied trusting another guy with your heart, and fighting the unshakable doubts.Â
You had built something of a friendship with Jaehyun. Friends that occasionally kissed and felt each other up and had hooked up more than once.Â
But what if you wanted more? What if you were really two star-crossed lovers that couldnât have each other? What if?
Jaehyun wondered if your feelings had gotten as tense as his were. Months ago, he was telling himself not to get too close to you because of who your brother was and your clear lack of romantic intentions, but no amount of walls he put up couldâve prevented his feelings from getting this deep.Â
You wouldnât tell him even if they had. What good would it have done for him to know that you loved him, but you couldnât have him?Â
When Jaehyun pulled back, he stared into your eyes, not at your lips. âLetâs go make hot cocoa,â he said after a pause.
You blinked in surprise, but Jaehyun was already tugging you along before you could even think.Â
The time in the kitchen together was a beautiful mess. You liked randomly bursting out into song and Jaehyun liked dancing, which ultimately turned into him tenderly cradling you there in his arms and mumbling into your ear, the hot cocoa all but forgotten.Â
You especially liked the toasty smell of a hot, creamy mug of hot chocolate. It was very Jaehyun-like. The winter seasons in general were reminiscent of his personality, not because he was cold (like some people assumed), but the sheer opposite.Â
Jaehyun was the warmest guy that you had ever met, in a way. Anyone who said otherwise didnât have the privilege of knowing him, but you? You liked to think that you had him all figured out.
Maybe there was a chance you did to an extent. Getting to know him over the course of these long months had definitely shifted your previous perspective. Jaehyun kept to himself because he was afraid of his vulnerability being used as a weapon, but when you broke those stubborn barriers, you saw that Jaehyun was just a guy that wanted a home.Â
He had one, metaphorically speaking, but no one to share it between. That was why you used to think he was shy, and why others thought he was cold. Jaehyun wanted to protect the home heâd built for himself and was reluctant to let others in, because he wanted it to be sturdy for the ones he would let stay. Â
A hopeless romantic to his core.Â
After making sure the kitchen was tidy, Jaehyun led you away to the infamous white couch that stretched along his living room wall. Your favorite spot in the whole house. Aside from his bedroom, of course.
Jaehyun, on the other hand, couldnât decide. Half of it was littered in a slew of memories of you and his whole bedroom smelled more like you than it did himself now. Picking a favorite would be an impossible choice.Â
There was a lull of silence as the two of you sipped from your mugs, but it wasnât an issue. The silence was always comfortable with Jaehyun, as well as literally everything else about him.Â
Though you didnât notice, the weird thing now was that Jaehyun was less secure. He didnât make it obvious, but he was remarkably nervous. Jaehyun tried to cloak his nerves when he said, âI kind of got you something, too.â
Your eyes went wide with shock. âYou got me something⊠for your birthday?â
âI mean, yeah. Itâs also Valentineâs day and youâre⊠important to me,â Jaehyun confessed softly, a tiny smile breaking out onto his lips.Â
âI am?â
âYou are,â he whispered, hurriedly reaching into his pockets for something. Imagine your surprise when he dropped a USB drive into the palm of your hand. âStick it into your computer when you get home.â
You nodded obediently, sitting it on the coffee table so that it wouldnât be crushed in your jeans, but your innate curiosity was never satisfied and you asked, âWhatâs on it?â
âA surprise,â was all Jaehhyun said.Â
You hummed. If Jaehyun didnât want to tell you, you knew it would be pointless to press.Â
But you would be lying if you said that it wasnât killing you.Â
Jaehyun knew that. He knew you were a curious individual, because he was drawn to your insatiable need to know. But he didnât want to be there to see your reaction. Just looking at you made his chest taut and rejectionâs brutal fangs still ripped him to shreds.Â
At least you couldnât tell by looking at him. Jaehyun had made sure of that. âTalk to me,â he said, squeezing your hand.Â
You smiled, because his hands were warm from the hot cocoa. âAbout what?â
âTell me more about yourself. Itâs been months, but I feel like thereâs still more to know about you. Talk to me about what you love. Your hopes and dreams.â
A little sigh left you. âWhere do I even begin?â That was what you said, but youâd already continued without affording yourself any time to pause. âI want to be an orthopedic surgeon. Iâm obsessed with anatomy and how our bodies function. Thatâs why Iâve been busting my ass for grad school.â
That much was obvious. Anybody that saw you on the party scene mightâve assumed you were merely another hopeless college student who only knew hooking up and getting shit-faced drunk, but Jaehyunâs first time seeing you was in the back of a library with a laptop and a heap of textbooks.Â
You were a hard-worker and no hangover stood a chance between you and your goals. But you were also just a normal girl who wanted to let loose sometimes. It was the perfect balance.Â
Jaehyun was a keen listener. âThat sounds tough.â
You fought a groan. âGod, yes. But itâs so worth it. Itâs my senior year and Iâve been waiting my whole life for med school.â
âYouâve wanted to be a surgeon for that long?â
âIâve always known who I wanted to be,â you exhaled contentedly. And for that you were endlessly grateful. âWhat about you?â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNo. Not always. First, I guess I had to leave home and do the whole âfinding yourselfâ thing.â
âThereâs nothing wrong with that. Itâs rare that people are born with an innate sense of who they are. We deserve to live life through trial and error. Thatâs freedom,â you said.
Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. Leaving home to explore his identity mightâve been the toughest decision he ever made, but also the best one. âWhat about love?â
âWhat about it?â
âDid you ever dream of that, too?â
You shouldâve figured he would go there. It was the essential question. The world of trauma beyond your control. âI used to,â you admitted, somber. âI just havenât had a ton of faith in it lately. Thatâs what happens when you grow up, I think. You realize lifeâs not like the movies.â
Funny how I call you a hopeless romantic when hopeless romantics are anything but hopeless. In spite of the pain and the betrayal, they refuse to accept that they might die alone one day. If anything, Iâm the hopeless one. Iâve fallen in love with the one boy I could never make mine.Â
Jaehyun frowned for a split second, but recovered quickly. âYeah, I know.â
You wondered who had hurt him, but chose not to ask. If he wanted to tell you, then he already wouldâve.Â
âYou didnât ask me,â Jaehyun started.Â
You glanced up at him.Â
âAbout my pain,â he continued shortly. âAbout her.â
âI didnât think you were ready.â
âDo you want to know?â
âI mean, yeah. Of course, I want to know who hurt you and how that made you who you are. I want to understand you. But only as much as you want me to,â you told him. The truth was that as curious as you were, you were afraid of overstepping. The same way that Jaehyun was terrified of oversharing.Â
He replied with total certainty, âI want you to know.â
You swallowed, feeling a lump form in your throat and unsure why. It was his deep, dark secrets being revealed, not yours. Plus you were positive there wasnât a single person in the county who didnât know your history with your one and only ex. âOkay. Take your time.â
Jaehyun heaved a shaky breath, preparing himself to share something that heâd never specifically told anyone. âBack home in Seoul, I dated a girl. I was naive and I thought she was the one. But she wasnât. She only wanted a guy handsome enough to impress her parents.â
You maintained eye contact to let Jaehyun know you were listening.Â
Jaehyun continued, âI guess we had different desires in life. She wanted a boy to show off and I wanted a girl who was my best friend at the foundation. We only talked about surface things. I couldnât be myself around her.â
You nodded. That sounded like the Jaehyun you knew.Â
âThen, I found out she was cheating on me,â Jaehyun added calmly, but he still recalled the trembles of anger that wrecked through his body. âAnd I left her then and there. I dipped. I mightâve been a naive idiot, but I knew my worth. She was my first and my last.â
You were shocked. That you shared the same pain - an unfaithful partner - and that Jaehyun hadnât had nearly as many other partners as you thought he wouldâve. âYouâve only dated once?â
âFor me, once was enough to figure out what I wanted in a relationship, and it wasnât a girl who I could barely trust or be myself with,â Jaehyun said. âI talked to other girls, but like I said before, nothing lasted, and Iâve obviously hooked up.â
Ironically, Iâve been hurt more by girls I never had than a girl that was supposed to belong to me.Â
âI harbored resentment for a long time, but what lasted longer was the leftover fear of trusting someone again. I only let people see what I want them to see. And because of that, Iâm a little lonely sometimes, but itâs okay.â
âDoes it get sad?â you asked quietly.Â
Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders. âMaybe, but itâs better than being heartbroken. Anyways, Iâve gotten better about inviting people into my life and having good judgment. Time makes it easier.â
You make it easier, was what he meant, but Jaehyun wasnât that bold yet. He might have been the one to approach you and attempt to initiate this private affair, but you sticking around was the last thing he expected. And that opened the door for the possibility that relationships didnât have expiration dates.Â
Reading between the lines, you were hoping that somewhere along them he wasnât hinting about a potential future with you. Jaehyunâs head was in the clouds, but you were grounded below the surface. Because you had already resigned yourself to the fact that you didnât have a future together.
But of course, that never stopped you from letting him undress you.Â
You were hyper aware of Jaehyunâs eyes staring into yours and it was beginning to unnerve you a little. âIs there hot cocoa on my face?â
Jaehyun shook his head with a cute laugh and finally leaned into you for a kiss, obviously done speaking and prepared to show. You let him take you down onto the couch, laid defenseless beneath him, on the edge of surrender.Â
You giggled into his lips, pleased at how silly it was that he tasted like the hot drink youâd shared. Your hands were wound through his hair and tugging him closer to you, wanting to be inseparable. You wouldnât be sated till his soul was tied to yours.Â
When it came to your body, you were more than inclined to let Jaehyun dominate you. But your heart was more than you had bargained for.Â
Jaehyun yanked at the waistband of your sweatpants and you swore you could sense your heart swelling with the exhilaration of getting laid by the only guy you wanted. You raised your hips, letting him take them and your underwear from underneath you.Â
You gasped loudly when his fingers ghosted along the insides of your thighs and unhurriedly traveled to your core, which was throbbing at the barest of touches. Jaehyun made you ache. Your body neglected every thought that didnât concern him when it longed for him to use it until you were sore.Â
Jaehyun sucked a slick pair of fingers into his mouth fleetingly before inserting them inside your pussy, making you verbally respond to the contact with a soft whimper, and stole the sound right from your lips with a hot wet kiss. You only tightened around his digits when he pressed his lips to you and it made his head spin quicker than ever.Â
You pulled back and panted, âSo, you wonât let me sleep on the couch, but youâll fuck me on it?â
âItâs seen worse days,â Jaehyun said, muting the sound of his own chuckle when he pressed his mouth to your neck.Â
You were torn between a laugh and a moan and the final sound was a breathy whimper of Jaehyunâs name. His mouth felt too good on your neck and you couldnât forget his hands between your parted legs. Gentleman in the streets, but a beast in the sheets.Â
Jaehyun was touching you impatiently. Your exhales were loud and jagged when he pulled back from your stained throat, and Jaehyun couldnât help but imagine the noises you would make when he was finally seated deeply inside of your pussy that was clenching around his long slender digits.Â
Deciding you were wet enough to take his cock, Jaehyun recouped his hand from between your thighs and asked, âYou ready for me, baby?â
âMore than,â you whispered, disgruntled with the emptiness but consoled by the knowledge that you would be full of him momentarily.Â
Jaehyun stepped out of his clothes without hesitation and got a hold of your naked legs, dragging you toward him and leaving no room for empty space. The two of you locked eyes when he finally started to penetrate you and he looked at you with need. But you glanced away. You couldnât stare into his soul as he captured yours. You couldnât do it.Â
You moaned when he pushed the head of his cock through your entrance and again when it went as deeply as it could enter. The stretch was so mad, but so good. You never knew how closely the pain could be interlocked to pleasure before Jaehyun took you for a spin on his big cock.
Jaehyun pulled out with a disgruntled groan, stealing the pleasure before you could really soak in the sensation.Â
You winced your eyes open and asked confusedly, âWhy did you do that?â
âI forgot a condom,â Jaehyun admitted bashfully, a timid little glint in his stare.Â
âGee, you sure chose a fantastic time to remember,â you deadpanned.Â
Jaehyun looked like he was a little ashamed and it amused the hell out of you. In the heat of your vice-like cunt, heâd lost track of all thoughts other than getting his cock inside.Â
You gawked when he stood and you caught an eyeful of his cute butt when he turned for the stairs. âWhere are you going?â
Like it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, Jaehyun replied nonchalantly, âTo get a condom.â
âSit your cute ass down,â you told him a bit too assertively. âYou can have me raw.âÂ
Jaehyun looked like his brain short-circuited. âFor real?â
You nodded. âYes, for real, you dummy. Just pull out.â
Jaehyun combed his fingers through his hair and groaned, âThatâs one hell of a responsibility, woman.â
You purred teasingly, âAre you scared you wonât be able to do it, or are you scared that youâll bust too fast?â
Jaehyunâs eyes fell to your gorgeous, spread legs, thickly swallowing the lump in his throat at the mouth-watering sight of you laid bare and exposed as you waited for him to take you. Fuck. Maybe both.
You snickered to yourself. Unbeknownst to Jaehyun, you were on birth control. And you had no intention of telling him right now. You wanted to gauge his restraint.Â
Jaehyun didnât reply, but he did return to the couch to slip between your folds again, and that was even better. Your pussy throbbed tirelessly, missing the way his thick cock stretched you out, and it drew deep grunts from the very back edge of Jaehyunâs throat.Â
You could feel every inch of him pressed deep inside your pulsing walls, flush against you. All of him. There was literally nothing to separate the two of you, exactly as you had wanted, only the heat and tightness of your cunt suffocating his cock relentlessly.Â
Jaehyun loved how you took him like a fucking champ. You sucked his cock back in like you needed it, like you needed him just as badly as he needed you. Your eyes winced closed and your lips parted as you sang his name in a shrill whimper.Â
You were rapt with ecstasy at his long, deep thrusts that took you to the moon. The pain and guilty thoughts disappeared into his slow yet steady rhythm, as if Jaehyun wanted to make sure you could feel every bit of himself that he had to offer.Â
Like he was making love to you.
âYouâre so beautiful. Iâm in love with your body,â Jaehyun whispered gently into your ear, hooked on you.
You moaned, oblivious to the fact that he really meant he was in love with you. When your naked bodies were bursting with heat and satisfaction, meeting each other in a wet collision, all else ceased to matter.Â
Jaehyun kissed you again. You swore he stole the pulse right from your chest in that very moment, your heart open to him. His hands were everywhere, tenderly cupping your breasts and thumbing your stiff nipples. This was pleasure. This was elysian. This was all yours.
You were breathless when the two of you separated and the minutes of your lips tangled together felt like mere seconds. God, Jaehyun made you insatiable. As you did to him. The two of you couldnât get enough, not of the sex and not of each other. It was lethally dangerous to want something as badly as you both wanted one another.Â
But you knew that when you laid eyes on him, when you indulged him. You knew that he was endless trouble and yet you crept into his arms anyway like a moth to the flame.Â
âGod, fuck,â you rasped, throat hoarse from how you were screeching his name. âYou make me feel so good.â
Jaehyun was so gentle and affectionate with you, tickling kisses down every bit of your soft skin his lips could access. It was times like these, when he completed you perfectly, where you welcomed the thought that you were made for each other. And only for each other.Â
Your mouth was dry, open with every halfway cry of Jaehyunâs name that you could manage. Your skin was damp and sticky with moisture, a thin layer of sweat keeping his skin adhering to yours. Of course, there was a similar glistening sheen dripping down Jaehyun, beading at his forehead and neck.Â
It made you lick your chapped lips. This man was abundantly mouth-watering. You wanted to give him anything he wanted and in this sex-induced haze, you knew that you would have.Â
Jaehyun noticed your eyes fixated on literally anywhere but his face and it made him chuckle smugly. He craned his head downwards to nibble beneath your ear and groan praises about how perfect and tight you were around his cock.Â
You tangled your hands in his hair again, desperate to ground yourself, before sitting them at his handsome broad shoulders. He had no business being this good at touching and fucking you. You were downright ashamed of the noises that left your lips but made no attempts to block the pleasure causing them to slip into the dense air.Â
âLike that. Fuck, Iâm gonna cum, Jay,â you whimpered, squeezing his shoulders.Â
The thought of you releasing around his bare cock made a shudder shoot through Jaehyun and he almost couldnât take it. You sensed his pace getting a little rougher, as if he was out to get you. Out to finish you. âLook at me,â he growled.Â
You did. You didnât have any other options. Not when it was him bleeding you dry, making your body dependent on his touches.
Looking into his dark eyes, everything stopped. The whole world was set on pause. You almost couldnât breathe. This was how it felt to fall with no anchor.
âI want you to cum on my cock,â Jaehyun said lowly, rutting into you at a dangerous pace.Â
You nodded. You were completely submissive to his desires.
There was a throbbing pressure in your gut that only got harsher with every wet smack of Jaehyunâs hips into yours. You wound your legs around his waist and pulled him into you, wanting to fuse together your limbs.Â
Your body felt as if it were on fire. The sweat cooling down your neck, the lack of oxygen in the air. The breaths Jaehyun snatched plain from your lips. It was more than enough to take you out.Â
Jaehyun watched as your orgasm finally seized you in its open arms, taking you by surprise. Your abs tensed viciously and you arched into Jaehyun with pleasure, sensing your eyes roll to the very back of your head and your toes curl into taut knots.Â
You were still sensitive from your climax but Jaehyunâs pace was absolutely unforgiving, rutting into you mercilessly through your release. The tightness of your pussy drew a thick groan out of his mouth, but he still wasnât done with you yet. And you were very keen on letting him use your body until he finished.Â
Jaehyun relented when you finally started to calm down after coming undone, kissing your cheeks and the corner of your lips as you went almost entirely slack. The only motion in you was the aggressive heave of your chest as you panted for breath.Â
You let Jaehyun thrust in and out of you, fighting the overstimulation for his sake. You were content to feel him brushing against your slick walls and hear those breathy grunts.Â
Smoothing your hands up and down his burly arms, you whispered, âJay, baby, keep going. I donât care how long it takes. Fuck me until youâre done.â
Jaehyun bit his lip to veil a pathetic moan at those words. After he took care of your needs, you were letting him ply you for his own pleasure. You were his vice, his ruining. Your fingers grazed across his back, gathering the droplets of moisture that were beading at the surface.Â
You could feel how hot his skin was, burning up in the heat of you.Â
Abruptly, Jaehyun pulled out of you and tore you upright, holding his desperate cock in the palm of his hand as he groaned, âGet on your knees.âÂ
You obeyed without hesitation, meek. Crawling onto the carpet floor, you took him in your palms and stroked his thick girthy cock gingerly, careful not to be too rough. He was victimless in your warm hands, needy and at your mercy, leaving you with total control.Â
Then it was game over for Jaehyun when you finally took him between your soft lips, gently easing him to the back of your throat. God, it was a struggle to fit his big cock completely into your mouth, but you somehow managed. You kept your cheeks hollowed, opening them for him to thrust.Â
âFuck,â Jaehyun moaned, head thrown back and eyes winced closed. You knew exactly what needed to be done to finish him off.Â
You liked playing with his cock, obviously, but you loved having it in your mouth way more. There was nothing like driving Jaehyun to the cusp of insanity, teasing him with your tongue and hot mouth, plucking those beautiful sounds out of his lips. He lost himself whenever he was inside your throat.Â
Jaehyun was in total bliss. Your mouth was no less impressive than your sheathlike cunt for all he knew, your lips wrapping around his stiff cock feverishly without a doubt in your mind that you could make him lose his own, and he almost didnât want to orgasm yet. He only knew you, and what you did to him. And he was too greedy to want it to end.Â
You had this boy all to yourself, wrapped tightly around your fingers with nowhere to hide. And you didnât have the slightest clue what to do with him, or yourself.Â
Aside from pleasuring each other in bed, or on the couch in this case. You were exceptionally gifted at getting him off.
Jaehyun could feel himself approaching the threshold of release and he did everything in his power to fight it off, to keep it at bay, but it was basically useless. He couldnât even help but fuck your mouth. You were working him too good and he was coming whether he liked it or not.Â
You were impressed that he had even lasted this long. Normally, when you let a guy hit it raw, they could barely resist emptying their load into you at the peak of climax.Â
Jaehyun ultimately couldnât control himself anymore and his jaw slacked with a deep, lethal groan as his hips came to a total standstill, painting the back of your throat with a streak of cum. Fuck, it was the sexiest noise youâd ever heard, and it aroused a throbbing between your legs.Â
You managed to gulp him down and it was the hottest thing Jaehyun had ever seen watching you swallow his cum like that. He pulled back, a misty gleam in his dark soulless eyes as he collapsed onto the couch, breathless. There was a layer of dew at your lashes and you dabbed at your eyes to wipe them clear.Â
Jaehyun looked like heâd just had the ground ripped from underneath him. âYou just blew my mind,â he said through jagged breaths.Â
You didnât miss a beat. âI just blew you.â
Jaehyun laughed, shaking the hair out of his face.Â
After both of you found your clothes and redressed yourselves, you decided to mention slyly, âBy the way, Iâm on birth control.â
Jaehyunâs mouth gaped open. âAre you serious? I was scared you might get pregnant.â
âThat didnât stop you from fucking me though, now did it?â you replied, crossing your arms.Â
âI wasnât that scared.â
You snickered. This idiot was a man you wanted to protect with your life, but you knew that you lacked the arsenal. âBesides, at least our baby wouldâve had the worldâs finest father.â
âAnd the worldâs finest mother. They wouldâve been beautiful,â Jaehyun flirted.Â
Your cheeks flushed with heat at the compliment and his obvious flirtatious behavior. âI meant that you wouldâve been a good dad, but sure. That works too.â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered in shock. âWhy do you think that?â
You shrugged, not thinking too hard about it. You didnât need to when the answer was right at the tip of your tongue. âBecause love itself is your passion. Youâre selfless, patient. Protective. And you fight for what you love.â
Jaehyun said nothing. He was mulling over your confession, suspiciously quiet the whole time, but you were so tired that you hardly noticed. Your body was spent and you wanted to go upstairs and climb into his bed.Â
You stretched your arms over your head and stood to collect the cocoa-stained dishes in your arms. Jaehyun blinked at the action, and wouldâve stopped you to do it himself, but you were already halfway to the kitchen by the time he noticed.Â
Jaehyun walked over and pressed himself behind you, draping his arms around your hips and resting his chin on your shoulder. You giggled, enamored with how it felt to be skin-to-skin with him, and when you finished with the two mugs, he reached over your head to set them down in the cabinets.Â
You dragged Jaehyun upstairs by his arm to his own bedroom and slipped beneath his silk sheets, but invited him to drape himself above you and rest his head on your chest like you were his fluffy pillow and he was the thick, cozy blankets.Â
It was comfortable that way. You liked Jaehyunâs weight on you, so close to you, crushed beneath the pressure. His arms would tangle around you and leave you little room to escape. But you wouldnât want to leave.Â
That was how you woke up sometimes. You used to be afraid that youâd accidentally rouse him and disturb his beauty slumber, but Jaehyun always slept like a ton of bricks. This boy could probably sleep through a hurricane and wake up wondering what happened to his roof.Â
You sighed, whisking your fingers through his dark hair and staring at his face. You expected his eyes to be closed when you looked at him, but they were watching you. The ache in your chest was unignorable, unbearable.Â
Those long nights and shorter mornings with Jaehyun were all you had, but you wanted something of permanence and you were finally admitting it to yourself. You knew these moments couldnât last forever and didnât attempt to deny it, but you were hoping and wishing.Â
Smoothing your thumb down Jaehyunâs cheek, you felt a piece of your heart crumble. I canât have you and I donât even know why.Â
âJay?â you whispered.Â
âHm?â
You hesitated, brimming with reluctance. A few months ago, you wouldâve thought it wasnât your place to ask, but dammit Johnny was your brother and Jaehyun⊠meant something to you. This was officially your business. âWhy does my brother hate you?â you asked.Â
Jaehyun sat up abruptly, surprised. You matched the shock in his eyes, startled by his sudden movements. âYou donât know?â
You shook your head. âNo. Johnny never told me. I assumed he would when he was ready, but itâs killing me and I need to know.â Because I canât make sense of why we canât be together, but ironically, it makes it easier to justify being here with you right now.
Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, looking particularly perturbed. No wonder it was so easy for you to climb into bed with him. Night after night, weekend after weekend.Â
You were almost afraid to ask, âIs this going to change my perspective on you?â
âIt shouldnât if you believe me,â Jaehyun said, but the truth was that he wasnât too confident that youâd take his side.Â
You peered up at him expectantly, resting your hand on his back while he sat beside you. You were partly terrified to know the truth, watching him nervously, but god, you were exhausted of being kept in the dark.Â
Jaehyun exhaled deeply. He didnât want to lose you, not before he truly had you, but he knew what he was, and more importantly, he knew what he wasnât. âYou knew Mike, right?â
You bobbed your head, lips parting in surprise at the mention of Johnnyâs friend, but let him continue.Â
Jaehyun explained, âIâm sure you know, but he was addicted to drugs and it was fucking up his whole life. I tried to help him get clean before he fucked around and killed himself. And he was, I think. Thatâs what he said.â
You recognized this story. Johnny had said something similar, but it was about his own efforts. You somehow never realized that Jaehyun and Mike were friends. âBut?â
âBut then he wasnât clean anymore,â Jaehyun said in the tiniest voice ever. âLast year, at one of Xiaojunâs parties. It came out of nowhere. He overdosed on fent and coke.â
You knew that too. And you hated that Mike was gone so soon, taken by a poison he couldnât stop once heâd gotten his hands on it. It was heartbreaking.Â
âThen some people started to say that I did it, that I gave him the drugs. And I was at the party only a room away when he ODâd, but I swear to god it wasnât me. But they ran with it anyway.â
You frowned, pausing your handsâ consolations at his back in shock. It was starting to add up now, why Johnny hated Jaehyun. Because he thought he was complicit in the death of one of his closest friends.Â
That was when he started to become a tad too overprotective of you and it didnât take a genius to piece together why, but you never knew it was the reason he loathed Jaehyun and didnât want you anywhere near him. There were so many nights where you went to parties at Jaehyunâs house and Johnny would ask if youâd done any drugs.Â
Because of Jaehyun.Â
âGod, to this day, I want to punch the bastard that gave Mike that stuff. And if I knew who he was, Iâd kick his ass. So, I can understand why Johnny wants to kick mine. But it wasnât me,â Jaehyun said, sounding broken.Â
You blinked, taking it all in silently. You were at a crossroads.Â
Though he was hesitant, Jaehyun glanced into your eyes, unsure of what your silence meant. It was killing him. âPlease tell me you believe me.â
âI believe you,â you said, because you did. You had no reason to doubt Jaehyun. Plus you hadnât known him to press his luck with anything other than weed in the time that youâd known each other.Â
âThank god,â Jaehyun sighed in relief. âDoes this change things between us?â
You shook your head. âNo. I thought you were a good guy before and I still think youâre a good guy now. Nothing is new.â
âThank you.â
âFor what?â
Jaehyun rested his head on your shoulder and mumbled with obvious melancholy, âTrusting me.â
You laced your fingers through Jaehyunâs, squeezing his hand. âIâll always trust you.â
That warmed Jaehyunâs heart and he sat there wondering what he had done to deserve you. It felt like there was a burden lifted from his shoulders.Â
The day went on, bleeding into night. You expected Jaehyun to want to go somewhere to celebrate his birthday, but he reassured you that he was more than content to spend it indoors with you.
Still, it made you a little sad and you tried your best to cloak your gloomy emotions with your affections. You didnât want Jaehyun to know, but you were thinking about how nice it wouldâve been to do something as simple as go out together.Â
Reasonably, you were shocked when Jaehyun said, âI want to try out this Japanese restaurant with you next weekend.â
You blinked. âYou want to go out⊠with me?â you asked, making sure you werenât mistaken.Â
Jaehyun nodded, enthusiastic. âIs that a bad idea?â
âWhat if we get caught together?â
Jaehyun shrugged. âThatâs a risk Iâm willing to take.â
âOf course it is. You donât have anything to lose,â you said, but your tone was humorous.
Jaehyun replied without hesitation, âI have you to lose.â
You were sold. Those five words were all you needed to hear.
There was a ginormous beaming smile on your face when you both finally decided to call it a night and you fell asleep with a certain soreness in your cheeks.Â
Jaehyun stayed up a little later than you had. Not on purpose, but it was impossible to rest his eyes when he was distracted by your sleep patterns. Your soft snores and the way your hand curled over his stomach.Â
It was the sheer opposite of annoying. It was intoxicating.Â
He was the one clinging to you when you roused from bed after sunrise. You felt bad for slipping away like a thief in the night, but in your defense, it was daytime and you had to be in your professorâs classroom for attendance.Â
After washing up and tossing on a spare outfit you had in Jaehyunâs room for events like these, you scribbled an apologetic note that he would surely find on his nightstand and quietly crept downstairs with a sadness weighing on you now that you had to leave.Â
And surely enough, Jaehyun woke up to the note and smiled like a dumbass when he rubbed his eyes and read it to himself.Â
Good morning, sleeping handsome. Iâm gonna miss you today, but I have an early afternoon class that I have to pass to graduate. You sleep like deadweight, by the way. I had to fight out of your arms and you didnât notice. See you next weekend. Call me.Â
Jaehyun crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower, but he could tell that youâd obviously already taken one with a single simple glance, and he was wishing you had invited him to join you.Â
Now he sounded like a guy. Which was fair, because he was one.Â
You raced home after class ended. Though you had more than enough exams that it wouldâve been a good idea to study for, the main thing on your mind was plugging in the flash drive Jaehyun had gifted you, because you still were dying to know what was on it.Â
It was safe to say that a song was the last thing you were expecting.Â
You froze on your bed, unsure of how to feel. Everything hit you hard. The wistful yet romantic lyrics, the softness of his voice. Jaehyun was pouring his heart out to you, opening up to you about his feelings the best way he knew how.Â
There was a ripple of emotions bursting through you. The lyrics were a little too sentimental for you to attempt to convince yourself that this wasnât Jaehyunâs idea of a love confession. Maybe youâd known all along, but you didnât want to accept it, because you knew that it wasnât written in the stars.Â
Now you had no choice.Â
You sat there and cried. God, it was a beautiful song and that only made the tears drip even harder. You were bemused and overwhelmed. Bemused that he had obviously taken a lot of time out of his busy life to sit there and record a song for you, and overwhelmed by everything else.Â
Jaehyun loves me. Jaehyun really loves me, you thought, admitting it to yourself. And it scared you to death, because you loved him too.Â
Then the day came for you to hang out at the restaurant. It was the first time you and Jaehyun actually spent time together outside of his house. The meetup on the bridge and the incident at Jenoâs house didnât count. Those were merely instances youâd happened to cross paths.Â
When Jaehyun came up behind you in a back hug while you were waiting for him (you were embarrassingly early), you didnât jolt or startle, relaxing into his touch without sparing him a glance first. Nobody else would be wearing his sexy ass cologne.Â
You didnât mention the song or acknowledge the obvious romantic tension between you at all, much to Jaehyunâs disappointment. But he knew you definitely took the flash drive back home. It wasnât on the coffee table when he went downstairs, meaning you had grabbed it on your way out.  Â
He couldnât help but wonder if you had listened to it and vividly pictured your reaction, but Jaehyun knew it would be pointless obsessing over the thought if he wasnât going to ask.Â
The truth was that you were conflicted. Your heart wanted Jaehyun, but you were rational and knew it was ridiculous. There was no point in setting yourselves up for more useless heartbreak.Â
But you had fun with Jaehyun in that restaurant. You didnât want to admit it, but it was the closest thing to a date you would ever have with him. You talked and held hands underneath the table like the pair of lovers you hoped you were in another life.Â
Your insatiable lovesick heart was aching for more. And the worst part was that Jaehyun was oftentimes right there in your arms but had never felt further.Â
It wasnât until you were unfortunately back home and walking through the front door that you read aloud the text youâd received from Johnny. We need to talk. Iâll be home in an hour. âWell, that cannot be good,â you mumbled to yourself.Â
âIt isnât.â
You jolted in alarm. You didnât know Johnny was home, though it had most definitely been well over an hour. Jaehyun was too interesting for you to even think about touching your phone once.Â
Given the familiar less than content glare on Johnnyâs face, you fought a groan, wondering what you couldâve possibly done now when youâd been on your best behavior lately. You lilted in the usual tone you used when you wanted to get out of trouble, âHi, my handsome big brother that I love dearly.â
Johnny, obviously not in the mood, snapped, âTaeyong saw you with Jaehyun today. You wanna explain that to me?â
That was the last thing you expected him to say and the shock was plain on your face. âWhat?â
Johnny shook his head, unsurprised that you were acting clueless, and though he was furious he tried not to raise his voice. âDonât play dumb. Are you dating him - fucking him?â
âIâm not dating him, weâre justâŠ,â you trailed in frustration, realizing that youâd been caught. âShit, yeah. Iâve fucked him and weâre hanging out.â
Johnny blew out a long, exasperated sigh. âI canât believe this. God, my own sister.â
Tears threatened. At this point, you were desperate. Your whole world was crashing down without warning. You wished you wouldâve at least seen the text and braced yourself. âJohnny, please. If you gave him a chance, I think you two would really like each other!â
âI could never like him,â Johnny replied viciously, face tensing in fury as if the suggestion was an affront to his entire existence. Â
You approached Johnny, somehow mustering the courage to come near him. âPlease listen to me, alright? He didnât do it, Johnny. It wasnât him!â
Johnny gawked. He couldnât believe you were defending Jaehyun and took a gigantic step back, wanting to be nowhere near you. He hissed, âOf course thatâs what the bastard told you. Did he give you proof?â
Frantic, you shook your head, and it came to you that you only had trust to back Jaehyunâs claims. âNo, but...â
Johnny grabbed his keys and interjected, âStop. Just stop. I donât even want to see your face right now.â
Your lips were agape when Johnny stormed towards the garage, full of purebred rage and disappointment.Â
After a few minutes, the shock started to dull away and you temporarily regained the ability to function, racing upstairs to your bedroom to be inert. You hated the brutal sting splitting you in half. While your thoughts were on pause and you were consumed by emptiness, it was the one thing keeping you from dissociating.Â
Sitting there on your bed, knees pressed to your chest and your arms curled around yourself, you couldnât even cry. It would come, but right now you were trying to process the pain. And in the meantime, you realized what needed to be done.
Two long days later, you were meeting Jaehyun at the bridge one final time. It took nearly forty-eight hours of gathering the courage to pick up your phone, but you had to let him know it was over. That this was goodbye.Â
You ran your fingers across the wooden overlook, taking in nature, but even the peaceful noise of your surroundings failed to soothe your heartbreak.Â
The sound of tentative footsteps barely drew you from your own head, and you didnât want to face your visitor. You knew it was Jaehyun. For more reasons than one.Â
Though you couldnât see, Jaehyun had his hands in his pockets. âAm I late?â
âNo, youâre perfectly on time. I got here early. I needed time to think,â you replied with a fleeting glance at your watch.Â
Jaehyun watched you with unease, a perturbed thud in his heart making it challenging to breathe. This was bad, he knew, and for whatever reason, that fear that he was doomed was unshakable. âWhat happened?â
âJohnny knows,â you began, finally whipping around. It was the least you could do, knowing you had to break his heart. âTaeyong saw us together. He snitched. Now Johnny wants nothing to do with me.â
Jaehyunâs heart sank. No wonder you hadnât texted or called him in two days. Aside from inviting him here, that is. âWhat now?â
âI canât see you anymore. Johnny already hates me now. If I keep seeing you behind his back, I wonât have a brother anymore. I canât live with that guilt. Thatâs why Iâve been running from it for months,â you said quietly.Â
Jaehyun stiffened, like a boulder. âWeâre giving up? Thatâs insane! Donât let him stop us from being together.â
You recoiled, surprised. âAre you asking me to choose you over my brother?â
âNo, of course not,â Jaehyun sighed, combing his hands through his hands as he searched for the right words.Â
You desperately wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, but you couldnât bring yourself to move. âYou should be with someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Someone you can hold and kiss outside without any worries. I canât give you that, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNone of that matters to me. I want to be with you. I donât care what compromises I have to make.â
âWell, I do,â you whispered sullenly, reminding yourself of everything you had to lose. âIt was never going to work. You had to know this. We arenât Shakespeare characters. Hell, even they donât get to be happy!â
Jaehyunâs chest was taut with pain. It was usually him that had to tell people the brutal reality of unfortunate situations. And this was how it felt to be on the other side?
Fighting the oncoming threat of tears, you continued, âIâve enjoyed these past months with you and weâve made special, unforgettable memories together. But enough is enough. We were gonna have to face the truth one day, and that day is today. It was inevitable. I hope that somehow we can still be friends.â
Jaehyun spat, âI donât want to be just friends. I canât be just friends with you. Why donât you understand that?â
Oh, you did. You really, really did. This was hurting you in ways unimaginable and nothing couldâve prepared you for the moment where you had to set Jaehyun free.Â
Not even knowing this day would come.Â
âI love you,â Jaehyun confessed for the first time, taking some steps closer to you. The gleam in his eyes killed you.Â
Those words were like ice in your veins. Your heart stopped beating. For half a minute, the whole world ceased. You shook your head, sensing a vicious pain returning to you. âYou canât love me.â
Jaehyun switched on a dime and hissed, âYou canât tell me how to feel.â
Denial still crept through your blood. Apparently, it was one of your many talents. Jaehyunâs too. âYouâre in love with the idea of me. You just want somebody to love again and maybe I made you realize that, but you donât love me.â
Jaehyun was trembling. You were trying to diagnose him and he wouldnât stand for it. âSaying that doesnât make it true.â
You were defiant. You needed it to be true. There had to be some way to get him to let you go and move on. You didnât want to resort to cruel methods, but you would if you were rendered optionless.Â
Jaehyun continued, âYou did make me realize that I wanted love again. But I also realized that I could have it all in you.â
Finally pushed past your limits, you shattered and screamed, âGoddammit, Jaehyun - you canât have me!â
You turned away, hoping he would let you leave. You didnât want things to end on even worse terms than they already were.Â
But you shouldâve known Jaehyun would be relentless. He was a fighter. You were what he wanted, what he loved, and heâd damned if he surrendered without a fight. âSo, thatâs it? Youâre just going to walk away?âÂ
You rooted in place and exhaled loudly, bristling with frustration. âThe fuck do you want me to do, Jay? Itâs out of my hands.â
âTalk to Johnny - you know that I didnât do anything!â
âNo, I donât know anything,â you grumbled, crossing your arms tightly.Â
That stunned Jaehyun. You didnât trust him anymore?
Jaehyun laughed, but it was humorless. Needless to say, he was pissed. âWow. You gave up the fight before it started, before it was over. You never gave us a chance.â
You walked away. You didnât have the strength.Â
Jaehyun kept prodding. You were unbelievable and he couldnât stand you right now. âI bet this isnât just about Johnny. I bet him being your brother is just a cop-out so that you donât have to trust another guy again.â
Now that stung deep. He was hitting you where it hurt, making sure you understood how badly you had wounded him, and you realized there was a chance he was right and you hadnât even considered it. You whipped around, snapping, âFuck you. I wish I never met you.â
Jaehyun watched you disappear behind the thick branches, simmering where he stood. God, he resented the fuck out of you right now. You were accepting defeat, throwing in the towel, and he hated you because of it.Â
The seemingly endless months of ignorant bliss were washed down the drain all because you didnât want to be a little more optimistic. You couldâve had it all together, had you not resigned yourself to being unhappy. You were so hell-bent on being realistic that you closed the door on other possibilities.Â
Almost the second you burst through the front door, your tears fell after what felt like an eternity of fighting them back. Johnny and your parents turned to face you with alarm when you paraded through the living room, but you ignored your motherâs questions and made a beeline for your bed.Â
Johnny didnât ask. He already knew, and he was only somewhat satisfied that you had done what shouldâve never needed to happen in the first place.Â
The days of the week started to bleed into each other. You didnât talk to Jaehyun for obvious reasons. Johnny, the man whose shoulders you thought would always be there for you to lean on, was ironically giving you the cold shoulder. And Mark wouldnât understand even if you explained, though you knew he was available.Â
Never had you felt so alone. You had no one to escape to. No one who could comprehend or justify the moral dilemma you forced yourself into. Iâve truly outdone myself. Iâve betrayed my brother, baffled my best friend, and lost my lover back to back. That has to be a world record.Â
Seven days marked the longest time you had gone without speaking with Jaehyun since the onset of this private love affair. He didnât call or text you either, which was understandable. Plus it was what you wanted, or at least that was what you used to think.Â
You werenât sure anymore. Cutting him off was the whole purpose of meeting him, but why did it make you feel so isolated?
It wasnât that long ago that you did it because you thought it was the right choice, or maybe because you thought it would make things better. But it hadnât. Now that you had effectively shielded yourself from the universe, you were less free and more lonely.Â
And time continued to fly by, days of leaving the house only to attend class and coming back to your room only to collapse into sorrow.Â
Johnny felt bad. At night, there were a couple of times where he hovered near your door and heard you sobbing, but he was too petty and spiteful to knock or check up on you. You had stung him too.Â
The difference was that when Mike died, you did everything in your power to console Johnny. You gave him the space he needed, of course, but you opened the door for him to talk to you if he wanted and lent him a shoulder to cry on. You bought all his favorite snacks and encouraged him to go outside, even if it was just the backyard.Â
Now, you were suffering your own loss, one of many but in a different manner. It wasnât like you were a bereaved wife, but the agony wasnât any less excruciating.Â
Mark came over whenever he had the extra time to spare every week to check up on you, reminding you that you werenât as alone as you thought you were, but you still didnât want to confide in him about your emotions. You were afraid he would unintentionally make you feel more stupid.Â
You were a little verklempt. Maybe more than. They said time was the healer of all wounds, but with every week spent without Jaehyunâs familiar musk in the air and dreamy voice in your ear, you felt less and less whole.  Â
What could you have done to keep him close to you, even if it was just for a little while longer? Maybe if you hadnât ended on such cold, distant terms, moving on would be easier and you would be happier. You couldâve contentedly looked back on the memories of your last time together knowing you had done everything in your control to make it better.Â
But you were worried that that was false. You were worried that Jaehyun was right and this ending was premature.Â
It doesnât matter, premature or not. It was going to end either way. Thereâs no point in delaying the inevitable, you reassured yourself in what you once believed was aggressively honest consolation, but you were starting to question how you could be so certain.Â
You told yourself that with the burden of your immoral secrets weighing you down, you and Jaehyun couldâve never been a pair. You knew it wouldnât last forever. Youâd always known. You didnât expect things to make it this far, but dammit you didnât expect to have your fun cut short so soon either.Â
It wasnât fair.Â
Sometimes you dreamt of what it would be like to hold Jaehyun in your arms without worries, without stolen touches and kisses when nobody was paying attention.Â
You sat in the nook at your window, curled up into yourself, thinking only about Jaehyun. If it wasnât for the stupid secret that unraveled far too damn quickly, maybe none of this wouldâve ever happened. Maybe I would have you, with nothing to lose. Nothing to fear.
Fuck, you shouldâve been happy. Given how unlucky in love you were, you doubted that you were intended to ever be happy. You hadnât smiled in an eternity. But Jaehyun made you feel your peak of happiness, as if you had never been more euphoric with anybody else.Â
More than once, you had been in love, but never like how you were in love with Jaehyun. Why did things have to become so complicated for the both of us? Why did reality hit like a fucking freight train?
If only you never fell for Jaehyun, never even gave him the time of day, then you wouldnât be hurting. Your heart was being tortured.Â
It took another day of stumbling into the kitchen with dark eye bags after yet another sleepless night of sobbing into your pillows, and Johnny ignoring your existence altogether while he poured himself a mug of coffee, but it finally occurred to you that you couldnât relive this agonizing cycle over and over.Â
You were sick of the pain and the dread. The insufferably cold distance when his bedroom was right down the hall from yours. You were sick of sniveling until you had no more tears left to weep, until you felt totally empty.Â
Something had to give.Â
To your surprise, and luck, Mark called you a few minutes after you strolled back into your room wordlessly, devising a plan you loathed yourself for not thinking of earlier. âHey, bestie. Talk to me,â he said. âHow you feeling?â
âLike judgment day came early for me, I guess,â you mumbled into the phone, collapsing onto your sheets.Â
Mark sighed roughly. âDamn. I was hoping you would feel a little better this week. Johnny said youâre the worldâs biggest hermit and itâs kinda depressing.â
That shocked you to your core, but you tried to play it off. âOh, Johnnyâs been talking about me?â
âWell, yeah. Iâve obviously been checking up on the both of you on the regular, and neither of you really wanna open up to me, but Johnny has less of an issue talking about you. Man, he still cares. Heâs your brother.â
Your heart was sore. You wished he would tell you that himself. In your own home, to your own brother, you felt like a stranger.Â
Tears burned your eyes, but you fought them and lilted playfully, âOh, my beloved bestieâŠâ
Mark knew that tone and interjected, âFuck.â
You fought a tiny laugh and continued, âWould you mind doing your best friend a teeny tiny little favor?â
The suggestion alone sounded like bad news and Mark was questioning what he was about to get himself into, because no matter what came out his mouth first, you were his best friend. Of course, he was going to tell you âyes.â
Mark huffed, âJesus. Ease up on the mischief. Johnny still wants to beat my ass too, you know? He asked me if I knew you were boning Jaehyun and of course I couldnât lie. Iâm a man of God.â
Because you didnât feel like disputing that statement, you ignored his speech entirely and asked knowingly, âYour dadâs a cop, isnât he?â
âI donât like where this is going.â
Your voice was maybe a little hopeful. âIs there a way that he can look into the investigation of Mikeâs overdose?â
Mark knew exactly why you were asking and even he was ashamed he hadnât thought of the little plan. There was a brief pause before he said, âIâll call you back.â And then he hung up.Â
You were a little tense sitting there on your bed waiting around for a phone call. Not because you were worried about Mark not doing it, which would be ridiculous because you both wanted what was best for Johnny. It was because you were scared of not having a solution.
Deciding it would be useless to sit around antsily, you took a well-deserved nap after a restless twenty-four hours of no sleep. It would only do you good. Even if Mark didnât have the answers you wanted, your grades would thank you.
Sleep came easy. Though they werenât Jaehyunâs, it was nice and peaceful bunched beneath your blankets. You flipped your pillow over to the side that wasnât stained with tears and let darkness take the wheel.Â
Johnny peeked inside your room after an hour or two, wanting to talk to you, but when he saw you comfortably snoozing in your bed and obliviously clinging onto a spare pillow for dear life, he backed away and shut the door. He knew you needed the rest.Â
You jolted awake when your phone started to ring vehemently beside your head, cursing yourself for not turning on Do Not Disturb before immediately remembering why you didnât, and quickly lifting the phone to answer gruffly, âHello?â
âGood news,â Mark started, sounding suspiciously chipper. âI had my dad pull some strings. And youâre gonna wanna hear this.â
Sitting up, you exclaimed in an impatient whisper, âWell?â
âJeong Jaehyun is not a suspect, for one. There were witnesses that confirmed him giving Mike his fix was impossible. But for two, the case reopened a few months ago and theyâre literally about to bust the guy that did it. Theyâre waiting on a warrant. Youâve got great timing,â Mark said.Â
You rubbed your eyes in disbelief. âWhat the hell?â
âIsnât this good news?â
âYeah, it is,â you whispered, too shocked to know how to feel. You didnât think the stupid plan would really work. âThank you, Mark.â
Mark was quick to reassure you, âYou donât need to thank me. Youâre my best friend and Johnny is like my brother-in-law in some weird way. See, that sounds weird. Anyways, when do you plan on telling him?â
You laughed at his rambling, but hummed when you thought about his question. âUh, would today be a bad time?â
âThe sooner the better.â
You sighed in relief. Then, you donned the loveliest tone you could muster, and asked sweetly, âWill you come with me please? I think your presence will really help.â
Mark retorted, âShould I bring the entire police force too?â
You rolled your eyes and begged, âCome on, Mark. Youâre my bestie and I need you. Heâs more mad with me than he is with you and plus you have the benefit of a credible father.â
âI was already on my way,â Mark chirped, jiggling his keys loudly before hanging up.Â
You giggled. What would you do without that boy? He was your ride or die.Â
Fifteen minutes later, Mark was pulling into your driveway and hopping out of the car. You let him in, locking the door behind your best friend and embracing him in the biggest hug of his life. You needed the comfort to wean off your nerves.Â
The last thing you expected was for Johnny to come trudging down the stairs within the very next minute.Â
You released Mark, turning to your brother, and you and Johnny said in unison, âHey, I really need to talk to you.â
Johnny blinked in surprise. It almost seemed like he was mirroring you. Mark snickered to himself, mumbling something about you two obviously being related, but Johnny was chill and said, âYou can go first.â
You heaved a breath. It was a shock that Johnny deliberately chose to speak to you for the first time, presumably without the intervening influence of your parentsâ rebuttal on your behalf. âI donât know how to say this, but first I wanted to tell you that Iâm really sorry for sneaking around with Jaehyun behind your back. It was a really shitty thing for me to do.â
Johnny nodded along, listening.Â
âBut I fell in love with him,â you said without hesitation. âAnd Iâm not going to ask you to accept us or anything. Thatâs your choice. But I thought there was something you should know thatâs bigger than Jaehyun and I.â
Johnny looked tense, but he encouraged you to go on. âOkay.â
It felt like the whole world was watching you with Johnnyâs eyes carefully set on your face, but you didnât let it stop you from continuing, âIt really wasnât him that gave Mike his supply, and yes we have proof. Markâs dad not only confirmed it wasnât him, but theyâre working on getting him into custody.â
Mark nodded, standing right behind you. Like he was vouching for you the same way youâd vouched for him all these years. âItâs true, Johnny. It wasnât Jaehyun. It was some random shady dealer that preys on addicts at these parties. He has a track record.â
Johnny fell silent for a long time. You could see him stiffening, penitent. âI donât know what to say,â he whispered. âI feel like shit now.â
You snorted. âDonât do that to yourself. Please. Iâve felt like shit enough these past few weeks for the both of us.â
âAbout that,â Johnny began, getting whiplash. The look on his face was gentle, remorseful, and he hated himself for being anything else to his sister. To the last person that deserved his misplaced frustration. âI wanted to tell you that Iâm sorry for freezing you out.â
âJohnnyâŠ,â you trailed.Â
Johnny shook his head. He needed you to let him say this. âI know youâve had a rough few weeks, and though I havenât exactly been pleased with you, youâre still my sister. The least I couldâve done was ask you âhow are you doing?â but I couldnât even be bothered.â
You sighed loudly. That was true. And youâd be lying if you said it didnât rub salt in the wounds.Â
âI havenât done a good job at showing it, but I care for you. Youâre my only sibling and letâs be honest, I donât think Iâll be getting another one,â Johnny said lightheartedly.Â
You snickered. Damn right. You knew your parents would vehemently agree if they were here. They couldnât be happier that all of their kids were adults. Well, maybe if you moved out.Â
Johnny breathed in some air. A lot of mistakes had obviously been made on both parts and he was ready to put it all behind him. âI guess what Iâm trying to say is that I forgot to do what was more important. Be your brother. And Iâll apologize for the rest of my life until you forgive me.â
âNo need. I forgive you right now,â you whispered, simpering.Â
Johnny stood there like a dumbass, hesitant. He didnât feel like he deserved your forgiveness and would be spending the next weeks repairing his relationship with you, doing whatever it took.Â
You took the lead, starting reluctantly, âListen. I know Mikeâs passing has been hard on you, Johnny. Thatâs why you want to protect me and everything else you love in your life, but Iâm an adult. You need to let me take care of me.âÂ
A cloud of melancholy hung over Johnny and it wouldnât leave. The grief was still fresh, as if Mike had died yesterday.Â
You stepped forward, placing a hand on Johnnyâs shoulder. âAnd youâre my big brother. Iâll obviously still give you a call when Iâm going through a rough time. But you have to respect that Iâm my own person.â
Johnny nodded. âYeah, I know. Iâm sorry about all that too. Iâll be better.â
âI will too,â you said, because the truth was that it was time the two of you started making efforts.Â
Johnny grabbed you in his arms and pulled you into a gigantic bear hug. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close, and breathed easier in relief as weeks worth of wounds vanished.Â
Wincing your eyes closed, you let yourself be content in your brotherâs loving embrace for the first time in a while. You needed this.Â
You could barely feel yourself breathe when Johnny started to hug you so tightly you thought he might accidentally squeeze the life out of you. âAlright, chill, Johnny. I think I might die,â you wheezed.
Johnny released you with a chuckle. You gasped for breath, shaking your head. Though the bone-crushing hug was appreciated nonetheless.Â
Mark was content to be in the background and cheered in awe, âIâm so proud of you guys. You overcame your differences and reunited like real siblings. I knew it would happen eventually, but dude, this is refreshing to see.â
You nodded in agreement. One less broken relationship. But you had another one to salvage before it was too late.Â
Then, Mark remembered Johnny was none too thrilled that he was complicit in you getting away with your sneaky little secret and asked, âYo, Johnny, are we good?â
âNo.â
Mark gawked.Â
âIâm kidding,â Johnny said with a teasing lilt. âWeâre good, man.â
Mark exhaled in relief. âThank god.â
You smiled to yourself. You were happy, but you couldnât shake the feeling that something was missing from your life.Â
Johnny clamped a hand onto your shoulder and said, âGo get him.â
You gasped, but you didnât question how he knew. He just did. It was a sibling thing. âYou mean it?â
âYes. You said it yourself. You love him, and I have no reason to come between that anymore. You deserve to be happy after dating asshole after asshole,â Johnny told you (sort of) kindly.Â
You snickered, and grabbed your keys from your pockets. âPray for me. Heâs not gonna be thrilled.â
Johnny shook his head, disagreeing. âYeah, he will. Tell him that Iâm very sorry, but the threat to kick his ass still stands if he fucks with you.â
âIâll be sure to let him know,â you deadpanned, heading for the door.Â
The drive to Jaehyunâs house was inexplicably anxious. You could still think, but every thought went by at the speed of a thousand miles per second. And it didnât help that you were overthinking the entire situation, dreading the endless amount of âwhat ifs.â
For fuckâs sake, you didnât even know if he would be there. You were showing up unannounced, uninvited. What if he had already found another woman to keep him company in your forgettable absence?
Then, you were at his front doorstep. And you had no time to vividly imagine every possible scenario, because Jungkook answered your knocks and you could only barely see inside.Â
You politely greeted him in a small voice and asked, âCan I come inside?â
Jungkookâs eyes narrowed and he didnât waste any time in snapping, âWhy should I let you in after you broke my friendâs heart?â
âBecause Iâm sorry and I want to set things right with him,â you said, matching his lack of hesitation.Â
Yugyeom hurried over and took the lead, widening the door for you to enter and whining dramatically, âOh, god. Please come in. Fix him. Do your womanly magic and bring him back to life. Iâm sick of his brooding ass.â
You wanted to laugh, but you hated the thought of causing Jaehyun all this suffering. If it was anything like the kind youâd been through lately, you knew he was in a tough spot.Â
Thanking Yugyeom, you made a beeline for the stairs, rushing up them like Jaehyun would somehow know it was you approaching them and slip away before you could get the chance to apologize.Â
You knocked on Jaehyunâs door, but you guessed he really wasnât expecting you to come over, because he shouted exasperatedly, âJesus, Yugyeom. Fuck off.â
âItâs not Yugyeom,â you called back. âItâs me.â
All you could hear was silence. Then there was a shuffle, and a few moments later the door clicked unlocked and Jaehyun was standing before you in all his glory. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI walked to talk,â you replied timidly, struggling to maintain eye contact.Â
Irritated, Jaehyun huffed, âWe already had a conversation.â Though the truth was that he was glad you were here, standing in front of him again. He was borderline miserable without you in his life.Â
The reminder of your final exchange with Jaehyun made you wince in shame. âI know, but I wanted to apologize. Wonât you at least hear me out?â
Jaehyun turned to return to his bed, reminding sharply, âYouâre the one that walked away. I was willing to at least try to make us work, but you didnât even want to do that.â
âBecause I thought it would be useless,â you admitted, giving chase and shutting the door behind yourself. âBut I donât anymore. You were right. I shouldâve fought for us and I regret not doing it earlier.â
Jaehyun mightâve acted like he wasnât listening, being totally dismissive, but he definitely noticed your specific use of language. âYou said âearlier.â What do you mean?â
You had a beaming smile on your face as you admitted, âI mean, I talked to Johnny about us. I managed to get him to listen to me and proved your innocence. Thank god Markâs father is a cop.â
Jaehyun softened. âYou did all that? Why?â
âBecause youâre worth fighting for,â you whispered tenderly, looking at Jaehyun like he was your entire universe.Â
Jaehyun was so close to accepting that he would never have anyone look at him that way again. After a heartbreak, the feeling of being unlovable always loomed over his head and you were no different. But dammit if he wasnât tired of the doubts.Â
Tentatively, you came towards Jaehyun completely, sitting beside him on his mattress that you missed almost as much as you missed him. âI didnât mean it, when I said I wish I never met you.â
Jaehyun almost laughed. That was the least hurtful thing to leave your lips. âI know. You were upset. And you had every right to be.â
You frowned, suspicious of how calm he was. You half expected him to lash out. âStop being understanding.âÂ
âIf youâre expecting me to be angry, I canât do anything for you. Iâve already spent the past few weeks in that stage of grief.â
You blinked. It was as if he could read your mind. âWhere are you at now?â
Jaehyun was totally indifferent when he told you, âBargaining.â
âFunny. Me too,â you sighed. If only you had been more open-minded, you could have spared you and Jaehyun all this worthless misery.Â
You noticed that Jaehyun said nothing, but he looked a little in his head. And he was somewhere up there, scolding himself for letting him be a fool for you, then thinking, I couldnât resist loving you. Sue me.Â
The emotion was finally surfacing on his face. You could see all of it now. The distress and the love and the heartache. You smirked, thinking to yourself, Heâs my little damsel now.Â
The grin on your lips was fleeting and it disappeared by the time you grabbed Jaehyunâs hands in yours and he peered down at you in surprise. âIâm sorry,â you told him softly. âI thought you were crazy and hopeless for thinking we could be together. Now, I see that you didnât want to quit until youâd exhausted your resources. And I forced your hand. Iâm sorry.â
Jaehyun squeezed your hand. âItâs okay. I understand where you were coming from. You were trying to make things as painless as possible because you genuinely thought we didnât stand a chance against fate.â
âAnd somehow I made shit ten times more painful,â you murmured, ashamed.Â
âLike I said, I understand where you were coming from,â Jaehyun said, being gentler than he shouldâve.Â
You shook your head. That meant nothing. âBut do you forgive me?â
Jaehyun gazed into your pained eyes. It still broke him, but he was starting to lick the wound clean. Things were changing. âYes. I forgive you, baby.â
Your heart softened at the pet name. You never expected to fall for Jaehyun. Not Jaehyun or his precious smile and adorable face. Not the little things heâd say that made you feel as if you would burst with love.Â
But you did fall for him, and all those little things that made him himself. And you didnât want to be without them ever again.Â
âIâm tired of loving each other behind closed doors. I want to be seen with you. I want to go to museums and look at really abstract paintings that youâll tell me are meaningful for whatever reason. I want to explore the city with you and visit shops Iâd never think to go to otherwise.â
Jaehyun was sporting a beaming smile. âYou said you love me.â
âI havenât said it before?â
Jaehyun huffed, âNo. Not even once.â
You held his face, cradling it just shy of yours, and confessed, âThen, I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Jaehyun. I donât know what to do without you.â
âI love you too,â Jaehyun said, leaning in to mumble the tiny confession into your neck, and reminded of how desperately he craved the warmth of your skin.Â
You were grinning so hard your cheeks were hurting.Â
âDonât leave me ever again. Donât ever let me go. Never,â Jaehyun instructed you sharply, and although it was partly muffled, you heard him loud and clear.
âI wonât,â you told him, kissing his forehead. âIf you play me that song you made me on your guitar.â
Jaehyun blinked up at you in surprise. âYou liked it?â
âI think Iâve cried to it, like, a million times,â you admitted unabashedly.Â
Jaehyunâs jaw went slack for only a split second, then he quickly recovered and leapt up to grab his guitar from its resting position in the corner of his room.Â
A smile danced onto your lips as he held the guitar, strumming to the beautiful song heâd written with only his insurmountable adoration for you in mind, and the pining nature of the lyrics made you realize that the yearning was over. You were Jaehyunâs. And Jaehyun was yours.Â
Losing Jaehyun, one of the few people you loved depthlessly, was like losing the last person you had. You didnât know how to be without him. And you didnât have to learn, because you never would be without him again.Â
You watched him attentively, beaming from ear to ear, taking in his beautiful smile and soft voice, and familiar heady cologne. And you thought to yourself, Thereâs nothing to dislike about this guy.Â
Genre: street racing au, action, drama, romance, slow burn, smut
Word Count: 28k (I just can't write short stories, I'm sorry)
Summary: The moment you find yourself hiding in the backseat of a sports car that's illegally racing through the city, you just know this story will finally catapult you to the top of your journalism career. But there are a few things you haven't reckoned: How personal this story will eventually turn - and the driver's sheer insatiable craving for lollipops. And for you.
A/N: I started this after Jaehyun admitted he would have liked to become an F1 racer if the idol-path wouldn't have worked out for him. I spiraled and this is the outcome - I hope you have fun reading it as much as I had writing it!
âItâs been three years since Iâve started working here, and-â
âUnfortunately, this doesnât matter, miss.â
For an entire week, you had prepared yourself for this meeting with your editor-in-chief. You had written down all your achievements from when you were an intern to your current position.Â
And he had the nerve to tell you it all didnât matter?
It had been three very long years with too many nights spent in the office to meet a deadline you were not responsible for, trips all across the country on your own account for stories that hadnât even made it into the magazine, and work meetings where no one had bothered listening to your ideas and input.
After all the hard work and sleepless hours you had poured into your dedicated passion, it was unfathomable to you how he didnât even bother bringing up the slightest interest in what you had to say, and it showed all over face in the form of widened eyes and slightly parted lips.
âOthers have started prior to you and theyâre in the exact same position,â your chief editor said, swaying in his chair. The cityâs skyline spread behind him like a painting as the sun was setting, and more than once had you already imagined yourself in that spot. âWhat makes you think youâre better than any of them?â
An imaginary note popped up in your head. You got this, you were prepared for this. âIâm one of the firsts to go and one of the last to leave, I wrote the most clicked article on our website - to this day. I offer input to everyone who hasnât got something going on, my personal and professional network that Iâve built throughout the past years is wide and strong. Iâm the first one to take on suggested topics, the number of articles I publish per month is the highest out of all editors, Iâm always up-to-date, I live for this job.â
The middle-aged man leaned forward and propped his elbows against the glass table, inspecting you thoroughly while you were bracing yourself to elaborate every bullet point. But he only said,Â
âNo, I donât think so.â
You were flabbergasted. âPardon me?â
âI donât think you actually live for this job,â he explained calmly. âFor that, it takes more than research and cranking out as many articles as possible just because your writing is good. It is, trust me, but the stories lack emotion and graspable actions. Right now, youâre only sitting in front of the computer, writing from your imagination. You donât live the stories, youâre not in them.â
âI take trips across the country to attend events, I participate in every press conference possible, I-â
Again, he interrupted you, âHara got in contact with a designer and walked for his show as an amateur model. Dal went to the rooftop of the highest building in this city and took pictures that even made it into television.â
âBut that is illegal,â you commented. âHara smuggled herself in when one of the models fell sick and Dal nearly got caught by the police.â
âAnd we wouldâve bailed for all of them.â He sighed deeply as if annoyed by repeating himself. âSee, this is what Iâm trying to say, miss. The writing that youâre delivering is clean and conformable to law. When I read your articles, Iâm well informed, but nothing sticks in my head. Weâre a magazine, not a newspaper. Nobody wants to read about the opening of a new restaurant when they can read about things they will never be able to experience themselves. You have to dive in the story, be in the story to make people believe theyâre in them too when they read it.â
You were quite taken aback as you noticed he remained polite when all he wanted to say was, âSo, my stories are too boring, not sensational.â
The editor-in-chief let out another long sigh and fell back into his chair. âYou have a trademark, but you have to get out of your secure shell to actually go somewhere, otherwise youâre going to get stuck.â
You were a goody two-shoes was what he tried to tell you. You were on the top when it was about writing, grammar and quantity, but your stories didnât attract anyoneâs interest, and if that wasnât the case, then you could write as many perfect articles as you wanted - you would never get a higher position.
You inhaled deeply. âSo, what do you suggest Iâd do?â
His answer was clear, âLook for a story that will change lives. Write a story that will leave people breathless, and youâre getting the position of a senior editor. Because miss, youâre one of the most capable journalists here, but you donât only need to be capable, you need to be a storyteller. If you can do this, propose the topic to me next week. If itâs what I expected, it will make headlines in the next issue and secure your new position.â
If only it were so easy.
____
You were sitting in the fast food restaurant with your notebook opened in front of you. Every single page was blank even though you had been there for several hours already, the ballpen in your hand having barely moved ever since.
âDo you want to order something else?â
âIâm good, thank you.â
You could only imagine the eyeroll the waitress let out when she turned away from you after not getting another order for two hours. But you were already short of cash this month and wouldnât get paid for another week.Â
Another reason why you needed the senior position: as a regular editor, you could barely get by. Why were journalists underpaid anyway when they were the source of daily news and this connected the world? You had never understood.
Many ideas had flown into your head, from working a day in a job that was notorious to interviewing an infamous inmate, but none of these were exciting or extraordinary enough like it was expected of you. The topics that you came up with didnât immediately peak interest when you researched about what your fellow editors had ever written about. And what you found left you nearly speechless and doubting yourself.
Yes, you had always been tame, reserved, a goody two-shoes. That was why your mind was also not expanding to the way it was expected of reporters. Perhaps, you were not made for this job as you could also not quite learn how to do it right.Â
Should you perhaps change to newspapers after all? But the open positions were always so rare and you had wanted to start at your current magazine because it was the most famous in the countryâŠ
âWhere are you going after this?â
âIâm going to watch the race, Falcon against Antelope!â
âTheyâre set for tonight? I didnât know!â
âPscht, not so loud!â
Since you already lost focus and let other peopleâs voices into your mind, you could also pack your things and go home. You were already so done for the day.
âCan I come with you? Itâs been so long since the last time I went.â
âSure. Theyâll start at midnight, so we have to hurry.â
You zipped up your handbag and threw a few bills on the table, already with one arm up the sleeve of your jacket when you perked up your ears.
âFalcon will make a comeback, so tonight there will be a lot of cash flowing!â
âWow!â
You cleared up your throat and walked up to the two young women on the nearby table whose conversation you had been partially involuntarily listening to for the last minute. Despite your attention only shifting to them much later, you got the gist of the entire story.Â
It was about illegal street racing, you had read an article about it a few months ago in which the alias Falcon had also been mentioned along with another animal that you had forgotten.Â
The Falcon was only stuck in your mind, because there had been an accident caused by him, and ever since then, the police were paying even more attention to these kinds of illegal activities. The fact that there would be a race tonight must be a well hidden secret.Â
âExcuse me, I overheard youâre also going to watch the race?â you feigned knowledge and quickly made up a story that would get them to talk. âCan you tell me where exactly theyâll start? I was going to meet my friend here whoâs got all the info, but sheâs not arrived yet and Iâm afraid Iâm gonna be late.â
They looked at you in wonder, then in amazement. One of them, apparently the better informed one, then nodded eagerly before describing the exact spot to you. âI guess itâs going to be quite full since itâs the first one with Falcon since the⊠incident. So everyone wants to see him. Theyâll start at the industrial park at midnight.â
You nodded. âThank you. Maybe weâll see each other there.â You waited a bit until they had left the restaurant and then pondered whether to join or not.Â
There had already been many articles written about the Falcon and street racing in common, but since the most controversial racer would make a comeback, this race would be a special one, perhaps even kept secret to a point where no other media outlet knew about it. There was a slim chance that you were going to be the only reporter, so regardless of your current struggles, you had to take this opportunity.
Yes, an article about the Falconâs comeback was good, but that was by far not enough for the story of your lifetime. It was better than nothing though, a beginning. And who knew what could come out of it.Â
As a journalist, you had learned that you were better off going and had something expected to write about rather than not going and missing on unexpected happenings.
So you headed to the industrial park.
____
When you arrived at the destination, you spotted a crowd that had formed in a wide, clear space between two buildings. There were about fifty spectators that had gathered, divided into different groups of various sizes, lights coming from the street lamps all around the place.Â
Through the gaps between the cliques that all seemed too engaged with each other to notice how lost you were, you discovered a group of men that marked themselves off everyone else.
It wasnât particularly the way they were dressed as they all wore black leather, but rather the presence they radiated. But you couldnât deny the fact that all of them were equally overly handsome, just in a way you wouldnât be drawn to. You werenât intimidated, you were scared to the bones, and you immediately wanted to turn on your heels and run right back home.
You werenât much informed about the topic of illegal street racing aside from the few articles you had read. You only knew that it was one of the most dangerous underground activities that had cost a few lives already, of drivers and passerbyers almost equally. It was macabre that articles like these gained the most attention, clicks and sales.
Although you werenât quite passionate about this kind of topic let alone approved of it, it was the best that you could come up with for now. You wanted to prove to your editor-in-chief that you were willing to take risks, willing to leave your comfort zone for the job - even if this wasnât going to be the final story.
But now that you were right in the middle of this happening, you were getting cold feet. This wasnât right. If you were caught as a spectator, would the police detain you too? And would your boss truly bail you out?
âPlace your bet!â
You flinched when a young man popped up right next to you with a tablet in his hand, looking at you with expectant eyes.
âPardon?â
âPlace your bet!â he repeated. âFalcon against Antelope.â
âOh, I only came to watch,â you waved aside. âBut thank you!â
âYouâre here for the first time, am I right?â The guyâs eyes narrowed. âPlace. Your. Bet. This is how weâre financing this all. No money, no races.â
This wasnât a question anymore, this was a demand, and you figured that if you were going to remain undercover, you had to play along and pretend to be like everyone else, even though you didnât know the rules to this game. The guy was scanning you from head to toe, and it took you everything to restrain yourself from shaking when you took the tablet into your hands.Â
You had changed your mind entirely by now. You just wanted to be out of here as fast as possible, no matter what the editor-in-chief might say about this lost opportunity. It just wasnât worth all this stress and fear. After all, you were quite attached to your life and a clear criminal report. It wasnât that bad to be a goody two-shoes.
Still, you had to place a bet before you could vanish so that the guy would stop bothering you, so you scanned the display laying in your palms.
There were two columns, one belonged to the Falcon, the other to the Antelope. Each column was divided into different cells with the name and the amount of money one betted. No one had placed a single bet on the Falcon.Â
What was there to lose when the money would be gone from you one way or another since you were going to leave right after this anyway? You wouldnât win a single penny.
So you placed a fake name and 70.000 Won for the Falcon, which was ironically the lowest bid for the Antelope. You noticed that most of the other people had betted much more, making you wonder about the total amount the winner could collect. But 70.000 Won was already very much for you, so you stuck with that.
âThe Falcon, huh?â The guy grinned. âRisky, but I like the way you think. We only accept cash. Today itâs 20 million won so far for the winner, and ten percent of it gets split between the right betters depending on their bets. Maybe youâre lucky tonight and win ten percent of the entire amount yourself.â
You were holding yourself back letting out an audible gasp as it truly sounded tempting, and instead reached into your bag and pulled out your purse. 70.000 Won was a small price for your life, and you couldnât wait to finally leave and never turn back. How high were the chances the Falcon was going to win anyway when nobody believed he would?
The guy grinned when he collected your money. âInteresting. Itâs going to be an interesting race today. Good luck!â
He then went on to bother someone else all while you checked your surroundings for a hidden, but secure exit. Since you had used a fake name and only one person had seen your real face up close, it would be easy getting away unnoticed.Â
And you did.Â
Sliding along the buildings with your back pressed into the outer walls, nobody paid attention to you since the race was about to begin and a turmoil broke out shortly after your bet. You had been weighing yourself in safety, currently hiding in a blind, dark spot in the entrance of a different building with the street to freedom in sight when you suddenly heard male voices speaking up.
âReady, Jaehyun?â
âMore than you are.â
You froze on the spot when you saw several tall figures coming in your direction, their bodies illuminated by the street lamps, and you recognized the intimidating men dressed all in black leather who had been right in the middle of the crowd shortly before.Â
You couldnât go back or forth, because either side was illuminated and would set the spotlight right on you, and flight forward would mean running directly into their arms. You could only push the door to the building behind you open andâŠ
You found yourself standing in some kind of huge factory hall where only two cars were parked, the rest was entirely empty. Who in their right mind would rent a whole factory building for only two cars? Yes, they were expensive sports cars from what you could tell, the kind of ones that would catch everyoneâs attention on the streets because of how luxurious and tuned they were⊠but an entire hall?
You were still processing and connecting all of this new information when the same door through which you had entered got pushed open again, and in walked all men that you had run from shortly before.
Your heart suddenly lept, and you feared that this was what a heart attack might feel like, yet you were very much still alive as you were able to desperately look for a spot to hide again while they hadnât discovered your presence yet, but lingered by the entrance with the focus on two of them talking.
Out of reflex, as one of them turned into your direction, you fell to your knees and hid behind one of the cars - the matte black one -, suppressing a gasp the moment this exact car unlocked with a sound and flash from afar.
âIâm not afraid of you. I pity you.â
You needed a new spot to remain hidden with footsteps approaching this vehicle. Right now.
âAnd why would that be, Jaehyun?â
You had to think of something safe, but there was barely time anymore.
âBecause youâre going to lose the race today.â
No way in hell.
There was no way in hell these were the racing cars! But of course, now everything made sense as to why those cars were being kept here, you just had been in too much of a panic to have connected the dots.
How you found yourself inside that matte, black car at this moment of realization, you couldnât tell. Just like you couldnât tell how you could have hoped to get out of this situation unnoticed all while hiding in a crouching position in the backseat with the only way to escape being visibly passing by these men.
If only you had stayed behind the car or under the car if you were to be discovered anyway, you could have somehow talked yourself out of this situation. But how were you going to explain you had actually sneaked into a racing vehicle? Out of all the dumb things you had ever done, this made it to the top of your list.Â
You flinched and threw yourself down into the small legroom between the driverâs seat and backseat, when you heard the door in front of you open and a figure seated himself behind the steering wheel.
No way this was your situation now!
Everything was better than ending up inside one of these cars, hearing it start and rolling out of the hall.
This⊠this situation couldnât be real.
If you just stayed crouched in the legroom, not giving away a single tone or making a single move, maybe you still had a chance to survive this ride unnoticed. How you would handle this situation when you returned and had to reveal yourself if you didnât want to be locked inside that car until you died of thirst⊠that was something you didnât want to think about yet.
After a few feet, the car came to a stop in the clearing among the spectators, and you made yourself even smaller in case someone might want to get a look inside. By the way the crowd cheered and rejoiced, you hoped that the racer was the Antelope for god knows which reason. They were both racers with the intention to win by all means.
The noise got louder, went from muffled to clear, and you realized the driver had pulled down the window.
âEverything ready?â A male voice.
âIâm ready,â was the driverâs dry answer, a deep voice with a calming, soft undertone.Â
The engine was raving up, and you were tucked between the passengerâs seat and the backseat in a hole that was too tight, but because of that it was also the safest spot for the ride as there was no room to move anyway. Turning your head against the window at the opposite of you, you only saw light that flooded in and nothing else.
Dear god, you found yourself praying for the first time in your life, please let me live.
âJaehyun, do you hear me?â
You flinched when you heard another voice.
âClear and loud.â
âOnly ten seconds left.â
âOkay.â
Was he communicating through a two-way radio with someone? You hadnât expected this race to be so well-planned and coordinated. Was it always like this? This was an interesting and not widely known point. You only hoped your memory would keep all this information saved as you for sure wouldnât be able to take out your notebook and write everything down now.Â
This was the journalist inside you taking the upper hand again. If you were already in this situation, you were going to write the hell out of it. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity you would never get again, the exact situation your editor-in-chief had talked about.
This was going to be your headline story. You only hoped what he had promised was true and your company would really bail you out if it came down to this. Or pay for hospital bills. There was no way you would be able to leave unscathed, physically and emotionally.
âThree!â the crowd yelled that you could also hear in the car as though you were standing among them.
âTwo!â Your fingers gripped onto leather and something metallic, you couldnât really tell.Â
âOne!â You closed your eyes.
âGO!â
How equally unlucky and lucky you were to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or right place at the right time, it depended.
____
You were absolutely not safe in your hiding spot as expected. You got tossed and flung into every direction possible, and if it werenât for the narrow space in which you had tucked yourself in, you believed that you would have been hurled into the seat right next to the driver already.Â
But you were gripping hard onto the cushions like your life depended on it just to prevent this from happening as the car sped through the streets and took every curve with such a sharp edge, you were amazed the vehicle didnât drive on one side only by then. In your location, you werenât quite able to catch the carâs speed, but only guessed by the street lights flashing by in less than a single second, which was, in your non-existent experience, quite much.
While the driver was talking to the person at the other end of the radio who was giving him directions and tips, navigating him away from police controls and crowded locations, you started to feel a bit braver with no more sharp curve having come in miles anymore. Most likely, you were on the highway now.
So you slowly arose and got on your knees. Curiosity eventually had gotten the better of you, and you wondered what the world outside looked like. In the end, no matter how you would come out of this, you had to make sure it must have been all worth it.Â
You had to come to the conclusion that if you moved a bit higher to look out of the window, he might spot your head from his position if he looked in the rear window. With a muted curse, you crouched back down, but instantly got hit by another idea. Dragging the phone out of your handbag was quite an act when you barely couldnât move, but once you had managed to do so, you inwardly hyped yourself up.
You turned on the camera and pressed the record button, then imperceptibly motioned the phone over your head and let the upper part peek out of your lair with the camera facing out of the window. If he would look, then he would barely see anything, probably mistake the black edge of your phone for a shadow or a part of the carâs interior.
When suddenly a ringing tone broke through the silence inside the car though, you nearly let your device fall with a gasp. You thought you had the ringtone silenced for the entire day already, how was it possible?!
âHello,â the driver suddenly greeted, and only then it took a load off your mind. It wasnât your phone that had rung.
âJaehyun, when will you come home?â The female voice sounded playful, childish. A kid? Perhaps a teenager even?
âWhy are you still awake?â The driver named Jaehyun chided with feigned sternness, of whom you still didnât know what he looked like and whether he was the Falcon or the Antelope. âItâs past midnight and you have school tomorrow.â
âI was waiting for you to come home.â
âBut I wonât be home for another hour. Itâs going to be late tonight.â The driver sighed, and he sounded very regretful. âIâm sorry.â
âJaehyun, are you currently racing?â
Silence followed, and suddenly, you felt like you were going to overhear something no one else was supposed to eavesdrop. Like an intruder - which you technically and obviously were since this was obviously a conversation between two family members.Â
The driver repeated, âIâm sorry.â
âItâs okay, I wonât tell mom. Iâll tell her youâre studying in the library again.â
A yawn followed on the other side, and suddenly, you heard the driver snicker. Somehow, it didnât fit his attitude that you had gotten a glimpse at earlier. Even his responses to the person at the other side of the radio had always been short and curt. But to this young person, he was entirely different.
âI will wait for you. Mom said I shouldnât, but I cannot sleep if I donât know youâre home.â
âIâll come home safe.â
âPromise?â
âPromise, sis. I will always come home safe.â
Your arm that was holding the phone quietly slipped back into your lap, and you stayed silent for a very long time after they had hung up. This was so wrong. You had signed up for an adventure, not to listen to an intimate conversation between siblings that somehow also warmed your heart.Â
If you had learned anything from it, then it was that the driver was indeed a kind person deep within. It didnât matter what he did, for what he did it and who he was in the end, Antelope or Falcon. They were people with stories, and if you were the journalist you claimed to be, you needed to look at both sides of the coin and bring out everyoneâs own perception.
Wasnât this what your editor-in-chief wanted? A headline that didnât go âIllegal street racer makes a comeback! We are the first ones to interview himâ but rather âHe risked it all for his little sister, and now heâs back - read here about the tragic backstory of one of Seoulâs most dangerous men!â or something along these lines.
After you had gathered yourself again, you looked at your phone while the roads started to turn bumpier now. You assumed you had reached the outskirts and were hopefully on the way back to where it had all started. Gosh, you prayed for that, even though you hadnât come up with a plan to explain your situation at all yet.
The video on your phone showed you exactly what you had expected to see: nothing but a blur of whites and black. Great. It was useless. But what had you even expected?
âWe have a problem.â
You perked up your ears as you heard the other familiar voice through the radio.
âWhat is it?â the driver grumbled. âNot long and weâllâŠâ He paused, and even with the missing eye contact, you sensed how the mood had suddenly shifted. âI havenât seen him in a whileâŠâ
âExactly. There is an undercover police car underway, the informants have just told us, and itâll stop right where you have to pass through. The Antelope apparently knew about this and already took another route.â
Antelope?! You knew you didnât want to judge, but out of all possibilities which was 50/50, of course you would have ended up in the Falconâs aka Jaehyunâs car, the very same person you had mindlessly betted on. What were the odds?
The Falcon snorted. âNow, will you tell me he didnât set this up himself?â
âNo accusations now. Letâs think about whatâs best to do. Weâre currently in Gangdong-Gu, you somehow have to leave the highway.â
âThere is no possibility,â he growled back. âItâs a suburb, there is no way I can pass through it on time and unnoticed for me to win the race.â
âIâll navigate you the best I can.â
âDonât be ridiculous. The streets are so short and narrow, it will take too long and is too complicated.â
âYou canât get caught by the police, Jaehyun. And theyâre almost right in front of you. Itâs better to-â
âDonât!â he cut the person on the other end off. âI wonât give up. Not this time again. I need this win and money, you know that. Itâs my comeback and reputation that I have to restore.â
âBut what your family needs is you, more than money or your reputation.â
Silence. Your front teeth sank deep into your bottom lip as you were quarreling with yourself in silence. You knew what was right and what was wrong, what was legal and what was illegal, and what you were currently doing with the driver was far from being within the law as a matter of fact.Â
But his little sister wanted him to come home so that she could go to sleepâŠ
âHEY!â you screamed and suddenly appeared from behind his driverâs seat.
âWHAT THE FUCK?!â
The car swerved to the left, hurling you out of your lair and right into the edge of the backseat with a dull pain that shot from your stomach right into every limb. You gasped for air.
âWHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?â Despite you still not being able to face him, you got a glimpse of his face when you looked at it through the rear window. Clear anger and also shock was written all over it. You couldnât blame him. âANSWER TO ME NOW!â
âDonât⊠have time,â you breathed and rubbed your back, getting on your knees and slowly rising from your position. âGangdong-Gu⊠thatâs where I grew up. I know this place inside out. Iâll navigate you.â
âJaehyun, who is that with you in your car? Thatâs a rule violation!â
âI donât fucking know who this is!â he yelled again, but not as loud as before, and before he could react to your actions, you had already crawled over the expensive interior and settled yourself in the passengerâs seat. âWho are you?!â
With a click, you fastened the seatbelt and looked out of the window. You knew exactly where you were now. âTake the second exit from here. We will pass by within the next two minutes. You will have to drive through a part of the neighborhood to change highways, but youâll be fine at this hour. Once you have changed motorways, youâll even reach the destination quicker. Is that a rule violation too? Taking a shortcut through the suburbs?â
You tilted your head and met his flabbergasted expression as he was staring at you with equal intensity where also curiosity was mirrored. âUhm⊠usually we avoid that to not accidentally hurt any passerbyers. ButâŠâ
âItâs not a violation of the rules,â the person on the radio jumped in quickly. âItâs just unethical and something we would not like to risk.â
âOkay, thanks radio-guy.â
âWelcome, uhm⊠intruder-lady?â
âI did not intrude!â
âWell, how the fuck would you call this?â the Falcon interrupted.
âI donât have time to explain now.â Your arm shot up and you pointed at a sign. âTake this exit! Right now!â
From the corner of your eyes, you clearly saw him struggling whether to trust you or not. Fair enough. You were a stranger that had hidden in his car and were now only popping up when it was about winning or losing. If anything, you could have been smuggled in by the Antelopeâs team as well. No wonder he was doubting whether he could trust you.
âScrew it.â
You got thrown to the left when he suddenly swerved and left the highway according to your instruction. With your right hand, you grabbed the handle under the window for stability, once again questioning all your life choices. But you had thought long and clear about this. Having decided on helping him would result in the best outcome for your situation.
âThree rules,â he suddenly said when he drove into the neighborhood.
You shook off all your fears, speaking confidently, âIâm listening.âÂ
âFirst. No word to anyone about whatâs happening and what youâre doing right now. Nobody can know youâre in here.â
Why did he sound so intimidating? âGot it.â
âSecond, you will lead me through this neighborhood without any incidents. Slow, steady and clear, youâll be the navigator, the guy at the other side helps you from afar. One wrong turn, one accident or even the danger of one, and one late instruction, and Iâll kick you out of the car right there and then.â
No pressure, no pressure at all, you thought ironically to yourself. âGot it.â
âAnd third,â a voice on the radio chirped, âDonât forget to have fun!â
âShut up, Taeyong.â
âThird,â the Falcon repeated, âwhen weâre back at the venue, youâll stay hidden inside here until someone comes and gets you.â
What would happen after, you didnât dare to ask. Surely, they wouldnât get rid of you⊠right? Either way, your fate had been sealed the moment you decided to come watch the race, so you gulped silently and gave a final nod.
The car came to a halt in front of a very familiar street. Everything was dark, empty and quiet. You took a deep breather and the Falconâs head snapped in your direction. When you faced each other the next moment, you took a spare second to study his face.
He was just a normal dude under all these leather clothes that made him appear very tough, emphasized by this constant scowl on his face that was - admittedly - very handsome. After years in your field of expertise, you could read people very well and only seldomly were you wrong.
âReady?â he asked, not breaking eye contact.
Neither did you. âReady.â
The adrenaline flushed through your veins the moment he hit the gas pedal.
____
âDidnât you sleep much last night?â your co-worker asked when you yawned for the nth time that morning.
What were you supposed to answer?Â
âI only got home at 4am last night, because I was street racing?â
So instead, you said, âI just couldnât fall asleep, donât worry.â
Nobody would believe you. And yet, these were the stories that everyone sought after. But only one ride was not resourceful enough and didn't contain enough substance for a decent plot. You needed the people behind it, the backgrounds and the experiences.Â
But after you had gotten out of the car, these people have made it very clear to you that you shouldnât appear in a race ever again, not even as a spectator, and that your lips needed to be sealed for eternity. The fact that they had let you go without any consequences was only out of mercy because you had contributed to the victory - with a violation of rules though.Â
You had learned pretty quickly though that most of the time, they ignored these rules as long as nobody got hurt as physical incidents that included innocents were the highest breach of violation - just like the Antelope who had apparently cheated like the Falcon had assumed. But since nobody got proof, there hadnât been more consequences than a few verbal attacks. As long as nobody had seen you inside the car and could prove it somehow, you were fine.Â
The only person that had thanked and had been nice to you was the Falconâs navigator, Taeyong. He had even looked very sorry for what you had been through when he had opened the door to the car and you stepped out of the hideout between the backseat and passengerâs seat with shaking legs.
The Falcon hadnât even looked at you twice when you walked out of the building - with all the money. Yes, surprisingly, they had still given you ten percent of the prize money. It was all rightfully yours since you had been the only one betting on the Falcon. Your bet had been officially registered and you had won, so it was fair and according to the rules that you would get what you earned, Taeyong had explained.Â
Deep down, you sensed that he only didnât want to admit they wouldnât have won without you, and this was them paying off their debt. After all, you hadnât given out your real name, so they could have just said the betting person vanished. But you didnât push the topic and saw it as hush money that you luckily needed anyway, and accepted it. Racers had a very high sense of ethics, you had learned by now. A thank you from the Falcon wouldnât have hurt though. But instead, he had said you should never appear in front of his eyes ever again. What a rude man.
âOkay,â your co-worker said, âshall we go through the index for the next issue and compare the page numbers? Two pairs of eyes work better than just one.â
âSure! Let me get the notes about what the editor-in-chief said. There were some important points he mentioned that had changedâŠâ
You reached into your handbag to look for your notebook when at that moment, the telephone on your desk rang and showed the lobbyâs shortcut number.
âThere is someone waiting here for you, miss.â
âAlright, Iâll come downstairs.â
You wondered whether you had actually missed a meeting or an interview that you had set up for a story, but nothing actually came into your mind when you took the elevator and rode downstairs to the lobby.Â
At the front desk, you asked the lady where your visitor was waiting since you hadnât spotted a familiar face as you passed by the waiting area. When she pointed at a figure sitting on the couch, slumped on the cushion, you needed to blink twice to match the face with your memories.
âYou?!â you then called out when you stood in front of the young man.
He wore a snapback, glasses, joggers and a loose long sleeve. Between his lips, he carried a white stick, and you already wanted to call him out that smoking was not allowed in here when you realized that the stick was too thin to be a cigarette. It turned out to actually be a lollipop. When your gaze fell to his feet, you were able to count every single naked toe as he wore slippers. You were right. He normally didnât look like this nighttime-self at all. During the daytime, he was just a normal guy who appeared to have just gotten out of bed.
When the Falcon arose from his seat, he didnât even greet you. Instead, he took the lollipop out of his mouth, round and red, and just thrusted a notebook into your hands. Your notebook - the one you had wanted to fetch from your handbag earlier and which you needed for the meeting with your editor-in-chief later. You had been so sure that it was in your handbag this entire time!
âThis was still in the backseat of my car. Take better care of your belongings. And donât put your business cards everywhere. Itâs not everyoneâs business where you work or what your contact information is.â He then shrugged, made the lollipop disappear between his lips again and turned aside to walk past you, but you held him back by his arm.Â
âWait!â
Slowly, he shifted his head back to you and asked lazily, but clearly despite the sweet in his mouth, âWhat is it now?âÂ
He shook your grip off, but you just bluntly asked the question that had been on your mind this entire morning, âLet me ride with you one more time, please?â
He drew his brows together as if you had just asked the dumbest thing a woman your age could ask a man. And apparently, judging by his answer, you had done exactly that.Â
âAre you nuts?â
âYou see, Iâm a journa-â
âYou people really think youâre superior,â he scowled, and you were taken aback. âMaking money off of peopleâs personal stories, arenât you guys embarrassed? I shouldnât have returned your notebook at all. Youâre all just selfish bastards.â
With a lowly look at you, the Falcon put more distance between you two, and although you were frozen on the spot and dumbfounded at first, you didnât want to let him leave like this. Clearly, he had a prejudice about you journalists that you had to resolve.Â
âIâm not one of those journalists that make money off other people!â you told him when you had caught up with him, but by then you were already outside on the streets. âI tell real, verified stories, and only what people allow me to write! Only the truth!â He didnât reply, but just continued walking, and you decided to follow him. âIâve never lied or done anything without consent to write my stories. And that is what my editor-in-chief is always criticizing since this apparently holds me back from getting a promotion. In his eyes, Iâm a goody two-shoes who doesnât take any risks. But the truth is⊠I canât do that, Iâm fine that way! I want to tell the stories with people, I donât want to tell stories against people! And I think you guysâ story is one very worth telling!â
Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and you nearly ran into him from behind. One a few inches separated you from each other when he turned around to you and dropped his head to lock gazes with you. âI donât think what happened yesterday with you breaking into my car was something a goody two-shoes would actually do, but a ruthless journalist.â
You let out a desperate cry. âI told you over and over again, I just wanted to watch the race, then changed my mind and wanted to go home when you guys appeared, and then I panicked! That wasnât planned, and regarding how close I was to dying, I would choose to not do that again. Which is why Iâm asking you formally for permission.â
The Falcon remained silent and inwardly, you raised your hopes up. If you could tell a great story in cooperation with him under an alias and his other friends, that would definitely secure your promotion.Â
âNo.â
Then, he continued his way.
âBut why?â You quickly caught up to him again. âI wouldnât tell you guysâ real names and only write what you want to have written.â
âI donât have a story to tell except that we like racing.â
âBut there must already be a story to that, right?â you tried again, keeping up with his steps this time. âWhy did you start? How did you start? How did you learn all this, how do you feel when youâre in the car, how does this whole teamwork function, do your other friends and family know and what do they think about it⊠I have so many questions!â
âNo word about my family,â he interrupted you, the candy now in his hand to speak more insistently, and it didnât sound like a warning at this point, it sounded more like a threat. âWhatever you heard in the car, you better forget about it.â
A soft spot - you had already discovered that. It was none of your business if he didnât want to let you in as a stranger, but you also couldnât stop wondering. âI already got that memo yesterday. But-â
Again, he cut you off. âGreat. And if I still catch you publishing an article on what happened yesterday or what you eavesdropped⊠well, I know where you work and live thanks to your negligence. Goodbye.â
He put the lollipop back into his mouth and disappeared in the crowd. You were tired of chasing after him again, and truth to be told, you could understand his point. Taking a deep breath in, you settled with the fact that you had to change your topic, the promotion gone from your sight again.
Of course you could have written the article without any additional info or the reveal that you were in the car yourself, but then it would only be that, an article. But you wanted a story.
_____
You were scrolling through the internet, looking for new jobs.
You figured that if you were to stick with your old position, you could as well try your luck somewhere else. Perhaps, there were open positions on the same level as your missed promotion for which you could prove that you were qualified or that didnât require you to do illegal and unethical things.
There were only two days left until you had to hand in your proposal for the story that would cover the next issue, and you still hadnât come up with something else.Â
By now, you could also pack your things and leave the city since living in the countryside didnât sound so bad after all. Sitting by the window all day, watching nature? A dream. But you had chosen to return and to stay in the capital on purpose, a quiet, secluded life didnât suit your current ideals. You were a writer after all, always seeking for new stories to tell, and you believed Seoul told endless ones.
The ringing doorbell had you spin around on your chair. Your room was small, but it offered enough space for all necessities that only one person needed, which was why you rarely had visitors. And as far as you remembered, you hadnât invited anyone over.
âWho is there?â you asked carefully as you approached the door.
âItâs me.â
You furrowed. âWho?â
âMe.â Pause. âJaehyun.â
The Falcon. Lollipop-dude. What could he possibly want after your last argument?
You opened the door, and there he stood in front of you, hair slicked back and donned all in black leather - a stark contrast to a few days ago, safe from the lollipop spinning in his mouth.Â
He peeked through the halfway opened door. âItâs tiny in here.â
You snapped, âWell, nobody asked you to come.â
âCan I come in anyway? We need to talk.â
âI didnât write anything!â
He rolled his eyes as you opened the door. âI know, thatâs not why I came here.â
You closed the entrance door behind you and watched him standing in your room, a bit too big for your furniture, and also a bit lost in this environment. You struggled biting down a snicker, because this picture was just so surreal.
âWhat is it?â he grumbled.
You folded your arms in front of your chest and shrugged. âNothing. So tell me, what do you want from me that even made you come to my home?â
The Falcon turned around to your desk and stretched out his arm, taking something into his hand that must be your notebook he had returned to you. Holding it up, he showed it to you with his back still facing you and asked, âYou still want to write this story of yours?â
Perplexed, you could only nod, but as you realized he couldnât witness your confirmation, you quickly agreed vocally, âYes! Yes, of course!âÂ
âThree rules,â he then started before slowly shifting back into your sight, the lollipop still in his mouth, and you noted that everything for him came with terms and conditions. How exhausting, three rules again. âYou wonât use anyoneâs real names. You will only write what I allow you to write. You wonât mention my family or my background. I am allowed to read the entire thing before you publish it.â
âThose are four rules tho,â you remarked, and his eyes narrowed.Â
The lollipop stopped spinning in his mouth. âIâm outta here.â
âI agree, I agree!â you corrected yourself. âI agree with all the rules!â
âFine.â He handed you over your notebook. âNow get dressed, weâre going racing. I hope you have black clothes and a leather jacket, because thisâŠâ He pointed at your light pink pajamas in which you had changed into as soon as you came home, âis not it.â
Your eyes widened. âNow?â
âNow,â he repeated.
You hesitated.
âYour last chance,â he pushed.
âIâll get changed.â
____
âI thought I was going to be in the car.â
âDidnât Jaehyun tell you?â Taeyong asked with a cocked brow.
âTell me what?â
âThat guyâŠâ He touched his forehead and pointed at the seat next to him, urging you to sit down in front of the three monitors standing on the desk. âWe need you to navigate.â
âNavigate what?â
âWhat did you two talk about on your ride here?â
You heaved up your shoulders and let them down again. âActually nothing.â
The ride in the Falconâs car to this suburb had been quiet with him focusing on driving and you concentrating on what you could make this story revolve around. No, you had barely talked and had each lived in their own mind.
âYouâre going to navigate the race. Basically be his co-driver, but from here, not from inside the car like last time,â Taeyong explained thoughtfully with a smile. âBasically, youâll do my job, Iâll only be your co-navigator and the teamâs manager fully again.â
âNavigator? Eh? I thought I was only going to stay here, writing. Maybe even get the chance to be inside the car again, but since itâs against the official rules, I didnât even think of that.â
âWait, he really didnât tell you anything?â You were both equally confused.
âSo Iâm not just⊠observing?â
âAbsolutely not.â Taeyong determinedly shook his head. âTo be part of the team means to contribute something, and for you to write this story about us, you will also have to do your part. Actually, no outsider is allowed to be with the team during the race, because the risk of cheating and manipulation is too high, so this was the only option. Jaehyun has already fallen out of grace, we cannot allow something negative to be associated with him again when his reputation is just getting repaired.â
You wanted to know why the Falcon had fallen out of grace in the first place, but you came to the conclusion that it was not your time to ask just yet.Â
âAnd why me then? Arenât you guys enough?â You tried to conceal your rising panic. âI can just sit here and write if Iâm not allowed inside the car. Maybe do some cleaning of the vehicle before you start or do some promotion work. Something I can actually do. Nobody will notice I donât have a fixed role in the team. Besides, I donât even know how to navigate.â
Taeyong tilted his head, his smile growing wider. âBut youâve done an exceptionally good job last time. It doesnât matter who navigates, the person just has to be good.â
You felt your cheeks getting warm by this compliment. âI barely did anythingâŠâ
âAnd yet, it was enough for him to win after such a long time and have people start betting on him again. He really needs the money, so you better help him win as many races as possible in return for getting a good story.â
Why did it sound like a threat despite his sweet smile?Â
You sighed. âWhat do I have to do?â
âTake this.âÂ
Taeyong handed you a headset and instructed you to wear it which would connect your voice to the radio in Jaehyunâs car. Through the first monitor, you had the dashcamâs point of view, which gave you the feeling of being directly in the passengerâs seat, that was not bad. The second monitor showed the carâs location in the city with all streets and buildings through a GPS while the third showed another map but with different red dots spread across the screen.
âThose are police stations and control points.â Taeyong let the tip of his index finger glide over the screen. â... of the ones we know. Spotting cars following Jaehyun as well as unplanned control points popping up will be another challenge. And these devices are police scanners. As you can guess from the name aloneâŠâ
At first, you had been excited, but as you got everything explained and shown, it dawned on you how close the driver and the navigator actually had to work, and that the driver had to trust the navigator literally with his life. You didnât feel very comfortable with that much responsibility weighing on your shoulders. What if something went wrong and he got caught by the police? Would you land in jail then too?Â
âToday, itâs going to be a cannonball run with two others, meaning Jaehyun will start here, but finish at the other side of the city where most of the spectators are waiting. Thatâs why there is barely anyone here right now. Of course they want to see the winner. As opposed to last timeâs run, this is about time rather than bringing as much distance between the cars as possible. And you know how much the sum is that you can win?â Taeyongâs sweet smile got replaced by a wicked grin. â40 million won.â
âI canât do this, Iâm sorry!â
You jumped out of your seat and ran towards the door, opening it up. The starting point was somewhere in the suburbs where you had never been before, but you didnât care as you pulled out your phone once you inhaled fresh air that filled your heated lungs, ready to call a taxi.
âHey, what do you think youâre doing?â
A huge figure blocked your way, and it only took you one look to first smell his lollipop, then recognize him. Damn, did he ever finish that sweet or did he have an entire stash in his pockets?
âIâm going home!â
âAnd why would you do that?â
âBecause you lied to me! I canât do this!â
Instead of talking you out of it, the Falcon raised his brows, then laughed, revealing his teeth between the red lollipop. âI knew it. Once a chickenshit, always a chickenshit.â
âA what?!â Your mouth stood agape, wondering whether you had heard right. âHow can you say that?â
âIâm only speaking the truth. The first time, you also wanted to escape had it not been for us coming in your direction and forcing you to get into the car, right?â
You faltered. âHm⊠okay, yes⊠butâŠâ
He tilted his head and shrugged. âYou dream about big stories, but this is what they will always stay for you: a dream. And you know why?â The Falcon leaned in, and you felt the sudden urge to withdraw, but you were completely petrified. âBecause you donât have the courage and the will to actually make your dreams come true. You're a big talker, a dreamer to put it nicely, but youâre not a doer, someone who gets shit done. I, in comparison, get shit done. And this is why I'm doing what Iâm doing and youâre only watching from the sidelines, not being able to type down this story of yours like the goody two-shoes you are. Ever thought about the fact that you wonât get this promotion because you donât deserve it?â
You werenât aware that you had been holding your breath the entire time. Only when he approached you further and whispered in your ear, âNow go home, we donât need someone like you here, we can do it without youâ, you were able to exhale again, blood irregularly pumping through your veins while you clenched your fists.
With a fierce gaze thrown at him, you spun around on your heel, opened the door to the hall and yelled, âTaeyong, give me the headset and tell me what to do. For this round, I feel more comfortable with you next to me.â You threw one last look behind you at Jaehyun before you continued, âAnd next time, Iâll do it all myself.â
The door fell shut behind you, but you could have sworn that you saw the Falcon smiling.Â
This time though, genuinely. And perhaps partly relieved.
____
You were still shaking when you found yourself sitting in the Falconâs car again, heading home in the middle of the night after your first race as a co-navigator. The other team members had brought you to the finish line in their car with them to celebrate, but there was not much reason for you to do so as of now. The shock was still sitting deeply with you.
âEverything okay?â the Falcon asked, but it still sounded like coming from another planet as your ears were ringing. âWhat are you even upset about? We won.â
âWhat Iâm upset about?â you called out. âThere could have been so many instances that could have gone totally wrong!â
âBut nothing went wrong. Why are you always such a scaredy cat?â You didnât look at him but straight out of the window. His eye roll was very visible in front of you though. âJust calm down, itâs irritating me.â
âI know everything ended well, but just imagine if a police car had suddenly pulled up. Or if someone had crossed the streets. Inside the car, it was exciting, but as an official navigator, you have so much responsibilityâŠâ
âJust enjoy the victory and the amount of money weâre going to share with you. Isnât that what you wanted?â He murmured something about goody two-shoes again, but by now you were good at ignoring that. âGeez, did you ever have one single day in your life that you could freely enjoy without having a stick so far up your ass? Your poor boyfriend.â
It was the most nonchalant way in which you had ever witnessed the Falcon talk, even though he had mostly said nonsense.Â
âI donât have a boyfriend.â
âYeah, I wonder why.â
You gasped. âExcu-â
The next moment, you tasted something sweet on your tongue. âClose your mouth and suck.â
Instinctively, you did as you had been told as you didnât know how else to react. The Falcon kept driving the car through the city with his eyes fixated on the road in front of him as though he hadnât just pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and nearly shoved it straight down your throat.
âSugar helps me calm down and the motions I need to make distract me from unwanted thoughts,â he admitted, and his voice suddenly sounded so vulnerable that you didnât dare to respond. âI think you need that now too.â
You slumped back into your seat, suddenly very quiet. You tried not to think much about the fact that his saliva was now in your mouth too, and that you didnât feel repulsed at the thought at all. He had been right after all. Your hands were not shaking anymore.
âThe fact that I participate in those races is because I need the money,â he continued and you somehow sensed that he was currently glad that you werenât able to look him straight in the face in case you caught his true emotions mirrored there. âAnd I wanted you to be my navigator, because you had done a very good job the first time around. During the races, you appear to be panicked and disheveled, but you are actually calm and collected, always knowing what youâre doing and never doubting yourself. From the first moment on, I saw much potential in you, and I needed someone like that to strengthen my team.â
â... to win the races,â you finished what he probably thought to himself in silence.
âExactly.â
âSo to you, itâs all about winning?â Your mouth tasted sweet with each syllable, and only now you recognized which flavor that was: cherry. âYou wanted me in your team, because you assumed I could contribute to your series of wins?â
âThatâs my only life goal. Winning as many games as possible for the money.â
You didnât know why his answer bothered you. Werenât you also only on board because you needed to write about this experience to ensure you climb the ladder of success which would eventually also result in money and fame? You werenât much different from each other. He probably was only a bit more reckless in money making than you.
âI understand,â you agreed when it eventually clicked. He was trying to fool you again, so you corrected yourself, âNo, I donât understand. The way you spoke to your sister⊠itâs not only about money for you.â
The Falcon scoffed. âWhy do you feel the need to peg me as some kind of deep character? Because I donât fit the narrative of your story?â
This stung. Most likely because he was right. People wanted to read about deep characters, if not about a hero, then about an antagonist who told them how he had become an antagonist. But nobody wanted to read about a greedy, selfish person.
âSo the main character of my story is only after money,â you concluded dryly.
âYes, this is something you can mention in your story. The person you write about is a selfish jerk who only thinks about money.â He let out a laugh, but it rather sounded rather bitter than genuine. âI know itâs not that very deep of a story, but never told you that what you would get was interesting.â
The lollipop clicked against your teeth as you replied, âNo worries. Iâm a professional.â
He wanted to make himself fit his very own narrative, and you needed him to fit your own narrative. Right now, there was no character to your story.
At home, despite the ungodly hour and your clash of interests, you typed down a summary of your story and handed it in the very next day, even before the deadline. This would be your story, one way or another. You were going to make the best out of it, with the Falconâs cooperation or without.
____
âHe is very popular,â you remarked.
âOh, he sure is.â Taeyong thrusted a drink into your hand. âHe just doesnât like this attention at all.â
You watched the Falcon getting approached by both men and women who were desperate to talk to him while you watched with your new team from the sidelines. After another race together that the Falcon had won, Taeyong had invited you to something like an after party in some other team memberâs big house. You had to work the next morning and didnât want to stay long, but you supposed you had to do it for the experience and more substance for your article. The more you had to write about, the better.
âCan you imagine that only a few months ago, it was entirely different? Everybody hated him.â
âHm?â You snapped your head to Taeyong. âBecause of the accident he was involved in?â
The look in his eyes was impenetrable, but it softened when he watched his friend. âYes, but the details to that⊠Iâm sure heâll tell you himself when he feels the time is right.â
Admittedly, you knew quite a bit already by just going around and talking to people, you were just keeping it a secret since you didnât want to come off to the team as too nosy or pushy. But none of the spectators you had come to have a short conversation with knew exactly what kind of accident that had been. You had tried really hard to gather all the information, but they just differed too much from each other.
When one assumed the Falcon had hit someone with his car and drove away, the second guessed he had run into someone, but brought them to the hospital. And the third option, and that was the worst, those people believed he had killed someone in that accident. The newspapers that had reported on this case hadnât mentioned anything more. Just the fact that the Falcon had caused an accident in a suburb that involved an innocent passerby. And that was still enough to fall out of grace in this community, that was how high their ethical standards were.
You wondered why, with such an incident happening that involved all kinds of trope that would make people drawn to it, there hadnât been any follow-up reports by newspapers and magazines.
Taeyong had once let slip that Jaehyun had only been able to make a comeback after this incident because he had challenged the Cheetah. Apparently, nobody ever did that. And now you were even more curious about the Cheetah, the Falconâs biggest opponent.Â
From what you had heard, officially and unofficially, he won all the races and was nearly untouchable. He only challenged someone just to show off how remarkable he was, but nobody ever challenged him. That was an unspoken rule - except for when you wanted to set yourself up for humiliation. And the Falcon had done exactly that.
You looked at your team which was already top notch with a driver who was nearly impeccable. You couldnât imagine a team that was better. Apart from the one you worked the closest with, Taeyong, there was Johnny, the mechanic, and the one which they call the investigator, though you just believed that he was a hacker in reality - Yuta.Â
You had seen and worked with them before all the time, but getting to know them privately in peace made you realize one thing: These were all just normal guys who knew each other from university with a not so legal side hustle. They were splitting the winnerâs entire sum equally among all of them, and even if they didnât want that much as the Falcon was the one driving and inheriting the most dangerous part, the latter always insisted on it, claiming they werenât a work environment, but friends.Â
The fact that you were now a part of this close knit group, made you feel a bit awkward as you didnât know them that well yet, but the other fact that they had welcomed you with open arms, safe from the Falcon so far though, and already saw you as one of them, warmed your heart.Â
Even though the money had sounded very tempting as well and you surely always got your fair share of the work that paid more than a few bills, you were surprised how little it meant to you in the end. You couldnât really pinpoint it. The races with the team⊠the preparation, the process, the talks in between, the shared laughter, the banter⊠you enjoyed this way much more than holding the money in your hands by the next day. It meant so less when everything else hoarded a much bigger feeling that was still so unfamiliar to you, but very overwhelming.Â
âAh, there he is,â Johnny whispered to you and pointed at a tall guy, surrounded by other young men and a woman. âThe Cheetah and his team.â
âThatâs the Cheetah?â you asked. âThe one heâs challenged?â
âThe best racer out there and someone Jaehyun could never beat, someone no one usually challenges and beats.â There it was. Now, you didnât need to feign lack of knowledge anymore. âHopefully, until now. Itâs about a lot of money and the people are already anticipating it. Itâs gonna be the race of the year. Maybe, Jaehyun will take his crown.â
You hadnât known it was going to be this big and anticipated. Now, you also understood why people had welcomed the Falcon back despite whatever everyone imagined the accident to have involved. The best and most popular racer against the underdog who had fallen deep, wanting to rise again? That surely made a headline.
âThe woman in that team, is she also a navigator?â
âYes.â Taeyong nodded. âWomen are mostly navigators, there rarely are female racers. As of today, I only know of two who are still active. But itâs really hard to recruit women for your team, no matter which position.â
âBecause the job is illegal and hard?â
He nodded again. âWomen usually donât want to be involved in illegal activities.â
â... I can relate.â
All eyes now landed on you and you shrugged. âI just really need this promotion, you know that, guys. Just once in life, I want to be fortunate and successful.â
You were glad you could be totally open with them and not get judged, because you all were here for the same reason. This illegal sport benefitted all of you in some way.
âJust like I need money to finance my studies,â Taeyong said.Â
And Yuta added, âI really want to found my own company in the future.â
âAnd one day, I really want to move back to the US,â Johnny finished.
You were only people with dreams and ambitions. If you did things like these with all the precautions and didnât hurt anyone, no matter how selfish or selfless, then was it really wrong to chase after your longings? You still gave the Falcon the benefit of doubt over the incident. Your team was fair and good, you wanted to believe so hard in every single one of them.
Knowing his friends and what they did for each other, you now were a hundred percent sure that there was a deep reason the Falcon always put his life on line too, and that he wasnât as reckless and as money-hungry as he had first made himself out to be. None of them were.
Taeyong studied to help out his family, because his father couldnât work anymore. Yuta wanted to open up a company, because his family got robbed of theirs. Johnny wanted to go back to the US to take care of his mom.
âI first thought it all boiled down to money, that glued you together,â you thought out loud. âBut I was so wrong.â
It was way more than about money. It was about friendship, family and dreams. Of some things, you had only ever heard of and never experienced yourself - and most likely never would. And as this thought settled, you realized that you were the one doing all this solely for fame. You were the selfish, money-fixated person in this group. You were the one wrong here.
âIt all comes down to trust in the end,â Johnny complemented. âWithout a tight-knit team that doesnât trust each other, you cannot make it.â
âBut why me?â You frowned. âI didnât do anything to earn your trust. Iâm just here, because you caught me.â
âOh, but you did win our trust!â Taeyong then objected and Johnny and Yuta nodded along. âWith the way you helped Jaehyun when you were stuck in his car, that was the first race he had won after a long while and which has restored his reputation. You didnât help him because of the money, I heard the entire thing.â
They trusted you? Why was your chest grabbed by a feeling so overwhelming like it was going to explode at any moment? Perhaps, at this point, you could imagine being friends with them too eventually⊠if they wanted to still have someone as selfish as you around.
âI didnât want to see him lose,â you reluctantly answered. âAt that moment, I didnât think about a story. I just cared for his sister⊠and for him.â
Because you never had had the experience of being in a real family, you wanted to protect everyone that still had one. You remembered the phone call the Falcon had made, that he had promised to always come back to her. Basically, you still knew nothing about him, but what you knew was that he was way more than he made himself out to be.Â
You didnât need to invent a story about him to fit your narrative. He had fitted it all along. You saw it clearly now.
âOkay, enough with the long faces, guys!â
Johnny threw his arms around all of you and huddled you all together.
âYouâre suffocating me,â Yuta complained, though the playfulness clearly stood out in his voice.
âPeople are looking,â Taeyong worried, but you couldnât help but to chuckle.
âSo what?â Johnny let you all go again and shrugged. âHow about a round of drinks for us? I think we all need it now.â
âIâll get the drinks.â
You all shifted your head in unison and saw the Falcon having moved to your group, no sign of other people anymore, although you could have sworn he was swarmed by them only a few minutes ago.
âWhat about your fans?â you wanted to know from him and joked, âThey all got an autograph already?â
His reply was dry with a gaze just as similar, âI told them to leave me alone.â
âJeez, Jaehyun,â Taeyong complained, âwith a behavior like this, no one is going to bet on you in the future.â
âThey shouldnât bet on whoâs the nicest anyway.â
Yes, the Falcon wouldnât be the winner of a be-nice-award. But when he volunteered to get the drinks and naturally included you, you figured that he didnât need to voice his kindness. He rather showed it.
____
âWhy will you drive me home? Didnât you drink?â
âBecause itâs late and dark, and I need to go home too. And of course I didnât drink alcoholic beverages this entire time, are you nuts? Now, get in.â
You looked out of the passengerâs seatâs window when the car started rolling, lights flashing by in a blur as you drove through the streets at a normal speed, and yawned. âThe party was just getting to be fun, you didnât have to leave with me.â
âJust take this free ride, will you?â
âOkay.â
You listened to the Falconâs lollipop clicking against his teeth when he moved it in his mouth and you yawned again.Â
âI spotted the Cheetah earlier tonight,â you said. âWhatâs the deal with this big race thatâs coming up?â
âSo the guys told you, hm.â The movements of the lollipop stick stopped. âOur history runs deep. To sum it up quickly: I can win against anyone, but never against him. I need to break this curse.â
âI get it,â you declared and leaned back in your seat. âYou never beat him, so the rage waves just get stacked on top of each other, and the more races you lose, the more you want to win. Just like we journalists fight to have our stories be headliners every month and there is always this one person who snatches them the majority of the time.â
The Falcon sighed. âA weird and out of place comparison, but I guess youâre not entirely wrong.â
You seamlessly continued, âWhen was your first race against him?â
âI guess when I turned 21. Thatâs when I started racing.â
âWow, so many years and no win against him? It must be frustrating.â
âYeah, just rub more salt into the wound,â he muttered, a bit offended, âbut as I said, this is going to end in a few weeks. He wonât be Kind of the Streets anymore. It will be me who will take the crown.â
âKing of the Streets?â You asked. âIs that the official title?â
âJust a label we throw around in the community every now and then, but nobody gets literally crowned, if you know what I mean. Heâs just been inheriting this title forever, and Iâm sick of it.â
âDid you only start because you wanted to win the title?â
âWhat? Of course not! I started because my fa-â He stopped. âHey, I know what youâre doing!â
You giggled. âDonât worry. I didnât ask you as a journalist, I ask you as your teammate, your navigator. We have made rules and I will stick to them. Is it too much to ask for, getting to know you? We spend so much time with each other, we trust each other, donât we?â
He became silent. You got him. âI guess so.â
This reply surprised you very much as you hadnât expected it. But you regained your composure very quickly despite the feeling still lingering in your chest. âHow many siblings do you have... Jaehyun?â
It was the first time that you vocally said and thought about his real name. You had been avoiding it, but you couldnât keep calling him the Falcon. He was human too, although he would remain anonymous in your story.
Jeahyun paused, but eventually replied, âYou already know of my younger sister. Sheâs the only one. I live with her and my mom.â
âHow old is your sister?â
âSheâs fourteen.â
âSo, in middle school.â
âExactly.â
Where was his father that he had nearly mentioned? You wanted to ask this and much more, but the way his voice had changed by the end, you knew that this was it for today. And it was okay. He should only share what he felt like sharing. Instead, you decided to tell him more about yourself.
âI live alone. My parents divorced when I was a little child, and since my mom moved abroad with a new man directly after, I stayed with my dad. But he was addicted to booze. I had to grow up fast, because whatever role a parent usually played, he wasnât in the position to take over it. One day, when I was the same age as your sister, he didnât come home.â
Jaehyun breathed in deeply, and you sensed that he was about to drop a comment, but held himself back from doing so at the last second. You were unsure whether this was a sign to continue or not, but you did anyway.
âHe got caught in a hit and run accident. He was the driver. Despite me telling him every day to cut out on the booze or at least never get into the car with alcohol in his system, he always did. And on that fateful day, he took an entire family with him.â
Having this story sealed in your heart for such a long time, you didnât expect the syllables to fall from your lips so smoothly as though you were retelling someone elseâs past and not your personal one. After all these years, you felt nothing anymore.
âYour question from before we got into the carâŠâ Jaehyun started, but refrained himself from ending the sentence.
âIf you had drunk something, I wouldnât have gotten in the car with you. And If you had drunk something during a race, I would have quit right away.â You smiled mildly. âIâm relieved your addiction is lollipops.â
âWhy had you agreed on being my navigator?â was Jaehyunâs next question. âYou should resent people like me.â
âI canât resent the world just because I resent my father. I want you to always come home to your sister like you promised her.â
He fell into silence. Perhaps, you had crossed a line, perhaps not. But you wanted him to know that you cared. You collected stories every day from different people and they all affected you, every single fate, more or less. But for him, you didn't care like a journalist for a subject. You cared like a friend.
âI want that too,â Jaehyun eventually responded. âAlways coming back home to her.â
You smiled. âThen letâs work together well.â
____
With every race, you got calmer and more professional, and even though you had lost two races so far - as constant wins were an exception anyway except for when you were called the Cheetah - Jaehyun won with you, his team, almost all races, and he rose to the top again, shining as the Falcon in all his glory.
You still werenât able to shake off your nervousness and slight panic entirely, but you got better in managing those feelings and most importantly, you didn't let it seep through the headset for Jaehyun to feel.
Through the next races, your connection only got stronger as you figured out a way to work silently and peacefully with each other. You even bonded over unfunny jokes and small conversations you held in the car when he drove you home, which he always insisted on - most likely because you were a woman and it was usually the middle of the night.
Jaehyunâs car was his safe space, because he knew whatever you talked about, even though most of the time it wasnât even something important, it would never leave his vehicle without his permission.
âI never drink alcohol,â he suddenly told you on one of these rides home when you both got out of the car as you had decided to make a short stopover. âI never know when my sister or mom will need me since my father is not here anymore.â
It was the first time in a long while you talked about something other than the races, teams, your job and other trivial things. You had rarely talked about his personal topics ever since that one time. You were happy to hear that you finally reached this point again, and the conversation was even opened up by him.
Jaehyun seated himself on the carâs hood and you carefully crawled up to him. He made space for you and reached out his hand when you teetered, securing you while you settled right next to him. After having taken your place, you followed his gaze and encountered a view that you hadnât seen before.
He had wanted to drive out of the city after this race just to clear his head, and you had complied despite this late hour. Now, you were watching the sunrise from the top of a hill on an early summer morning, wondering how a moment like this, that you had never dreamed of before, was suddenly making you so happy.
âWhere is your father?â you finally dared to ask, because the moment felt right.
âIn prison for fraud,â Jaehyun deadpanned. âHe committed a huge tax evasion crime with his own company, not only taking the business down, but all of our savings as well along with the familyâs reputation.â
You were shocked. âI donât know what to say⊠Iâm so sorry, thatâs horrible.â
âHe consciously did that, knowing exactly the outcome of his actions, what itâd cause us, what it would make of us.â His blood was boiling, it was palpable. âAnd now, my mother is working two jobs just to make the ends meet and pay off the debt because of this selfish, money-hungry bastard.â
Jaehyun⊠was he racing to support his family too, just like his friends? Because a son who described his father as a selfish, money-hungry bastard couldnât be one himself.
âI guess we both grew up with father figures we couldnât really rely on.â
On top of the car were sitting two people with inner children that had been abandoned by their parents at some point. But you both had learned to make it through life without them. Screw them, you were going to make it better than your parents.
âI donât want my sister to grow up thinking all men are like our father. Iâm not the perfect example for an older brother, but I would do everything to give her the life she wants, such as illegal car racing just to open up the possibility to her of enrolling into her preferred university.â
So that was why and always, it was about winning races for him. Even though he had claimed otherwise in the beginning, he was not someone superficial who only cared about fame, you had always known. He cared about his family, and friends. And, as someone who hadnât grown up with the first, it was pretty touching that a brother would do that for his sister. Nobody had ever done that for you and you didnât have someone who would even consider doing this for you, too.Â
âYou sister must be really proud of you.â You smiled. âYouâre a good person, Jaehyun.â
Suddenly, he turned cold. âEasy for you to say, knowing only this side of me.â
These words hurt you after spending quite a lot of time with each other.Â
You had gotten to know his friends and now some of his backstory. You knew you were in no position to feel this way considering that he didnât see you as his friend yet apparently. Still, it stung somehow.
âWhen I was your sisterâs age, I would have loved to have an older brother by my side who cares so much about me. I was all alone, but your sister has you. Whether you see yourself as a good person or not, Jaehyun, it doesnât matter to your sister at all. Youâre good in her book, thatâs enough.â
âI appreciate you saying that.â He was being sincere, judging by his voice. âMy sister doesnât endorse my⊠side hustle. But she accepts it without a complaint, because she knows thatâs what gets us through. My mom on the other hand⊠You know how moms are. So we keep it a secret from .â
No, you actually didnât. And Jaehyun only realized that when he saw how your face fell. âI shouldnât h-â
Yet, you tried to overplay it with a shrug and a wave. âItâs okay. It slips off most peopleâs mind, because having a family is something we suggest everyone has. I donât blame anyone for thinking the same about me.â
âItâs not okay, Iâm sorry for speaking so nonchalantly,â Jaehyun replied determinedly, taking you aback. âI will pay more attention to what Iâm saying from now on.â
Nobody had ever reacted that way to such a sand trap. You were really surprised how understanding he actually was.  âItâs not like I grew up not knowing what a family should be like,â you continued. âI saw it in the foster family that took me in until I left high school. I saw it in my friendâs family who I spent most days with. I saw it walking through the mall passing by parents with their happy children. I know exactly what it should be like having a family, I just never had one of my own.â You dropped your head, tilting the corners of your lips slightly upwards. âBut one day, I dream of having one and do it all better.â
The silence that followed made you realize how bright outside it had already gotten, and also that you had just confessed your deepest wish to someone who didnât even consider you his friend. It had something slightly embarrassing, but also comforting, because you knew he would understand you nonetheless.
But Jaehyun didnât say anything back directly, and you felt a bit lost. It wasnât like you didnât feel validated or overlooked, the gaze in his eyes reflected nothing but understanding after all. Perhaps, he just wasnât as good at expressing his thoughts as you. And that was fine as you were a writer after all. As long as you could comprehend what seemed to go on his head, you were fine with the way you communicated. It was this fine bond between the racer and the navigator.
âGet up, weâre getting breakfast,â Jaehyun eventually prompted.Â
It sounded great after a good race so you didnât complain. âOkay!â
Jaehyun was already back on the ground while you still struggled getting off the hood without slipping. That was until you felt two strong hands gripping onto your sides and heaving you up as though you were as light as a feather. You could have sworn when you got inside the car, his hand lingered on your waist a bit longer than it needed to. But it could all have been in your tired mind as well.
____
You hadnât known breakfast would be taken in Jaehyunâs house.
âPlease come in and eat, dear, we have enough!â
His mother was a cordial person whose smile brightened up the entire home upon entering. You instantly felt welcomed by her cheerful personality.
âItâs very nice to meet you,â you greeted her back and kind of awkwardly followed her into the kitchen where she had already set up the entire breakfast table for four people after Jaehyun had called her from the car to inform them they would have a guest over.
Different main and side dishes were presented, and you didnât know where to look let alone what to eat first. You could tell Jaehyunâs mother had gone beyond and above to prepare this breakfast as he had given you a heads up that she usually left very early and came home late just to sleep the little time she had remaining. Yet, she never failed to eat breakfast with her children or at least make food for them every single day. That was motherly love.
You suddenly felt a wave of warmth spreading through your body. She wasnât your own mother, but right now, you felt very much like part of a family you had never gotten to experience yourself. And Jaehyun had wanted to show you.
Tears welled up behind your eyes as you took a seat at the opposite of him, and you tried to hide your sentiment, yet still sneaked a look at him. His soft gaze, he hid behind his long fringe. His caring demeanor, he hid behind his rough words. His apparent worries, he hid behind a long scowl. But this was all a facade for what he truly was: a loving son and brother and so much more than a money-hungry, selfish racer.Â
âDid you guys study hard for the exams the entire night?â Jaehyunâs mom asked and you tilted your head in confusion.Â
âYes, mom,â Jaehyun replied. âBut sheâs not a student anymore, I just picked her up on her way to work.â
She turned to you. âReally? What occupation do you inherit, dear?â
You looked into Jaehyunâs direction for approval, but he remained silent and nodded, so you told the truth, âIâm a journalist.â
âReally?â She clapped into her hands and laughed. âJiyeong wants to become a journalist too!â
Before you could ask who Jiyeong was, a female voice already asked, âWhatâs with me?â
She didnât look much like her brother. In fact, from the moment you saw her, you thought she was the spitting image of her mother, both very beautiful.Â
âJaehyunâs friend here is a journalist, Jiyeong. Isnât that amazing?â
âReally?â Jiyeongâs eyes started to sparkle and she approached you, seating herself right next to you. âIâm editor-in-chief at our schoolâs newspaper! Where do you work? I read almost all newspapers and magazines on a daily basis.â
While you were explaining to Jiyoung what articles were written by you of which she indeed remembered one or two, their mother placed rice in each of your bowls along with Jaehyunâs help.
You now knew why he had wanted specifically you and came back to recruit you not only once, but twice. The first time, he had most likely not thought about involving you yet. With his sister being into journalism, he knew how important your notebook was to you and genuinely only wanted to return it. The second time, he actually came around and wondered why not combine your talent for navigation with your occupation and get at least something out of your deal, not only for you, but for him - and his little sister - too.
âMy dream is to attend Ehwa Womanâs university,â Jiyoung told you when you all started eating. âWhere did you study?â
You smiled. It had been your dream to go to Ehwa too. But you didn't have money or relatives who could have supported you, so you attended a university far away from Seoul that was cheap in comparison. âI went to Chonnam University in Gwangju.â
âAnd you came back here and made it so far! I really look up to you!â
You flushed as you had always felt inferior to your colleagues who had attended the big and popular universities in Seoul, but Jaehyunâs sister not judging you by that but complimenting your actual skills touched you very much.
âNow, let her eat, Jiyeong! She hasnât even come to touch her food yet! Please dig in, dear before it gets cold!â
It was your first breakfast together with loving people in many, many years.
When you stood outside with Jaehyun, waiting for his sister to get her backpack for school so that he could drive her there, you told him, âThank you for introducing me to your mom and sister. I know why you did that.â
Because he wanted to show you what it felt like to have an actual, loving family. Because he wanted to show you that your work was never for vain. He had eventually become your friend, and you his. Yes, friend. But you didnât speak it out.
âWhen I found out that you were a journalist, I immediately thought great, I need to introduce you to my sister!... But journalists also destroyed my life by writing articles not only about my dadâs crimes, but also about me,â Jaehyun explained, and you nodded, knowing it was about the mystery incident he had yet to tell you. âMy sister never lost focus of her dream though. She told me she wanted to be one of the good ones, no defamation, always after the truth. So when you told me you were one of these people too, I thought that maybe, I can trust you after all, even with my life.â
âAnd you can!â You touched his arm in a gesture of comfort, and although his eyes widened, he didnât pull away. âI stand by what weâve promised to each other. I wonât publish anything without your consent. And if there is anything in the past that I have to clear up for you and your family, I will do so too.â
âMhmm.â You saw him struggling through his mien, but he didnât respond, apparently still needing to make his mind up. If so, you let him.Â
âSo, what do you study? You never told me.â
âNothing.â He heaved his shoulders and slowly dropped them again.
You frowned. âBut didnât you-â
âI dropped out last semester right after the incident.â
âBut your mo-â
â- doesnât know. Neither does my sister.â
You didnât want to judge, that was not your job, as a journalist and as a friend. So you asked, âWhy?â although you could most likely already make out the answer.
âWe canât afford it as of right now, so Iâm postponing my graduation. I definitely want to return, but as always, it boils down to money,â Jaehyun clarified. âI want to do it better than my father. I want to found my own company too and provide to my family the life they deserve. Even if the path to this aim might not be all legal, I promised to myself to leave this part of me behind once Iâm there.â
â...And I will do everything in my might to win every race for as long as weâre working together, Jaehyun.â
âFor my sister? Or for your story?â
âNot only for me, but also for your sister,â you repeated, âfor your mom and for y-â
You swallowed the last part, but the way his features softened suddenly, he might have understood nonetheless, and it made your heart flutter. Perhaps, in his eyes, you were now friends as well.
____
âThere is nothing personal in this story.â
You felt defeated. You had hoped, with handing in your first draft, your editor-in-chief would be totally invested in the story as well, encouraging you to continue and maybe even compliment you on the premise. Instead, while reading through all the pages with you sitting anxiously in front of him, his facial expression had fallen more and more.
âWhat do you mean?â
âThe beginning is very intriguing with you sitting in the car, racing with him. Itâs perfect, the reader gets thrown right into the story. But after that?â He shrugged and threw the papers back on his desk. âNothing. No feelings, no emotions, just scenery description and a lot of theoretical stuff. Nobody cares about how the navigation system works or how the cars are tuned.â
âOh, I thought it might be interesting to read how the team stays connected and what makes the cars so special.â
âNobody cares,â he retorted dryly. âThatâs not the stories people like to read. They can google all that stuff.â
Although it hurt your feelings, you had to silently admit that he was right. You hadn't given much away in the article about how Yuta worked behind the scenes or what the navigation system was really capable of according to Taeyong, but had to google a lot of things yourself too. You had wanted to give as little personal details away as possible, but apparently, it was too less. Your article was just boring.
âThere is no common thread,â he criticized sharply. âDo you want to write about yourself being involved, about the sports in common or about the Falcon? Because right now, itâs all of this and nothing at the same time. If youâre that involved, write about what you do, how you learned it, about your feelings during the races. If you write about the sports, interview other teams, the spectators, dive into the history. If you center the plot around the Falcon, whatâs his background, what does he race for, whatâs his aim?â
You exactly sensed which direction he wanted to push you. âIâll write abo-â
âI think,â he cut you off, âif you want to make it a headliner, you have to focus on the Falcon.â There it was. âWhy did the Falcon really pause for so long? Is it true that he had caused an accident during a race? What really happened back then? How did he regain his fame? What made people change their minds? And most importantly, is he going to win and what will he do with the prize money? These are the questions that intrigues the reader. They want emotions, passion, they need to feel something while reason. Right now, everything Iâm feeling is my hunger since itâs almost lunchtime.â
You purposely overheard his subtle taunt. âThose are very personal questions that he doesnât want to talk about.â
âWell, then make him.â
You kept it to yourself that you already knew most answers. âAs journalists, we also have to respect the peopleâs privacy and opinions.â
âThen make the entire story anonymous with all the personal information gathered,â he proposed. âItâs not less personal, but no names are given away.â
âI already plan on doing that.â
âSo whatâs the problem?âÂ
âPeople will still know, thatâs how known he is. I cannot reveal things he doesnât want me to reveal.â
Either way, anonymous, with his alias or even real name written in the article - it would hurt him all the same. It was his personal story, his family, his friends. It made him beautifully human, but also painfully fragile. It was his story to tell when the time was right, when he decided to do so, not you.
âVery well.â Your boss got up from his seat and took his jacket. âYou can publish it like this if you want. I guess for a nice closing story at the end of the magazine, it's enough.â
For the first time in your life, you were having a clash of interest. There it was in front of you, your dream job position, so close if you were only selfish enough. And behind you stood the man whose trust you had just gained, begging you to respect his past wounds. What would you do?
____
It wasnât easy, balancing racing by night and working by day. Oftentimes, you didnât get more than four hours of sleep, spending time at home after work just to shower, change and then leave for a race again. You didnât complain. You never did, because you enjoyed it very much. The newly formed friendship between you and Jaehyunâs team was something that brightened up your day as you had never experienced this kind of bond before. But you also didnât leave your aim out of sight.
With Jaehyunâs rising popularity though also came people who voiced out their doubts about him even louder. You had just finished this nightâs race and were waiting for Jaehyun to take you home, already looking forward to a bit of alone time with him, when you overheard a group of young men passing by.
âI donât care what others think or whether heâs popular,â one of them said. âAs long as heâs staying silent, heâs guilty in my book.â
âIn mine too,â the second chimed in. âWhy has he never said anything on that topic? And now, only because heâs winning so often and challenged the Cheetah, everybody seems to have forgotten about it? Bullshit.â
Your fingers clenched by the time the third one commented, âDonât worry guys, heâll fall out of grace as far as he has fallen. Itâs always like this.â
âHey!â Now, you couldnât listen to this conversation any longer and stepped out of your dark corner. âDo you feel proud, talking like this about a person you donât know?â
They stopped in their tracks and turned around to you. âAnd who are you?â
âOh, I think sheâs their navigator!â
One of them stepped in front of you and grinned. âThen, you must know the truth if youâre in the team and fight for him so desperately, right?â
The other two followed suit and laughed in unison. âOr are you in love with him and would defend him even though heâs guilty?â
You realized that you actually didnât care about the truth anymore. You didnât care when or whether Jaehyun would tell you one day at all. But that didnât withhold you from defending him like your life depended on it. Someone who loved his family and friends so dearly, who always paid much attention to the street and passerbyers, who had to talk you into taking a detour just because there was a crowd of people he had to race by⊠you would always defend your racer.
âThe truth is none of your business,â you said confidently. âDo I ask about what mistakes youâve made? A person I do not know personally? What has this got anything to do with his performance anyway? Either you bet on him or you donât, but nobody forces you. He doesnât need your dumbass opinions to win, he doesnât even know who you are.â
âHeyâŠâ
You couldnât tell who had spoken up, but you didnât care much as you just hit your stride. âHow about you get in the car and try to do the things these racers do? I bet you wouldnât even last a few minutes on these streets. It must be so peaceful, watching from the sidelines with your big mouths as long as youâre not the ones in action, am I right?â
âHey!â
Little did you know that the voice had come from behind you. Only when you felt an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to a chest whose scent smelled very familiar, it dawned on you that no one in the group had tried to speak up, but it had been Jaehyun who was standing behind you, most likely all this time already.
But he wasnât mad, even though your cheeks were burning. âListen to my girl. If you dare to raise your voice against her again, youâll be the ones the newspapers will be writing about the next day. Understood? Now, good riddance.â One opened their mouth to retort, but Jaehyun didnât let him. âI SAID GOOD RIDDANCE!â
They were out of your sight quicker than you could process, and Jaehyun let go of your shoulder the same moment.Â
âCome,â he urged you, and you silently followed him to the car. âI have to show you something.â
After you were driving for a little while all in awkward silence, you finally dared to ask, âWhere are we going?â
âIâll show you the truth.â
From the way his lollipop clicked against his teeth, you could only sense Jaehyunâs anxiety, and you wondered what got him so worked up even though he had won the race. You could only think of one reason. Perhaps, today was the day.
âDoes it have something to do with what happened back then?â
âYes.â
âDid I say something wrong earlier?â
Immediately, the clicking noises stopped, but he gripped the steering wheel even tighter. âYouâve gotten everything wrong.â
Your stomach dropped and you suddenly felt so nauseous. âJaehyun⊠what was wrong about it?â
He was visibly upset now. âHow can you say all these things about me?â
âThese.. things? What did I say that was wrong? I donât understand. I meant every word and I donât care whether you heard them or not, because they are the truth.â
âYou donât know the truth.â He added, âYet.â
âEven if⊠There was nothing wrong with what I said. You donât need them to win, you donât need spectators and betters. You only need yourself and your team. Everything else doesnât matter.â
He didnât reply, but kept his eyes fixated on the street in front of him. Not much talking, but many kilometers later, you suddenly came to a halt in a narrow street under a light post in a quiet neighborhood in the suburbs. To your left and right were single family houses and nobody was in your field of vision at this ungodly hour.
âIs thisâŠ?â
He took the lollipop out of his mouth and inhaled deeply. âThis is where it happened.â
âOh. JaehyunâŠâ You had been prepared to be taken here, but now that you were actually at the location, you didnât know what to say.
âThis is the spot where I collided with a pedestrian.â Even though he didnât stutter or pause, you still realized how much mental strength it had taken him to not only bring you here, but to also speak about the incident - probably for the first time ever since it had happened. âHe didnât die on the spot. He survived, actually. That much, I know after I asked around in the hospital. I donât know who he was, where he was going, whether he had family or other people who cared. I just called for an ambulance, drove my car away and remained hidden until they arrived. Then, I fled. This is the truth.â
You couldnât deny that you were relieved he didnât do a hit and run. You were also relieved that nobody had died and that the truth behind the accident was something that wouldnât shake your friendship to the core. Of course it was bad, and he knew it himself. Heâd always known and deeply regretted it, every single day. You saw it clearly now.
âI believe you.â
In moments of panic, humans were indeed most likely to do things they were not proud of, things totally wrong they wished to change later if only they could travel back in time. Things, they would have handled differently if they hadnât panicked or were too scared. Jaehyun wasnât an exception, although the baggage he had to carry was heavier than most elseâs.
Humans were not perfect. For him, it all started with his not so perfect father and the not so perfect life he was living, leading him to do not so perfect things to save what was still salvageable.Â
âFor one hot minute,â Jaehyun continued, âI really thought about leaving him there and fleeing as fast as possible. I couldnât go to jail like my father and leave my mom and sister all to themselves, dropping them entirely too. I couldnât get caught, so I did my best to prevent this.â He laughed, bitterly. âAfter all, I am what people think of me. So your words mean nothing.â
âMy words mean nothing?â It hurt. âItâs easy to tell someone how to behave when the incident has already taken place. But at the end of the day, we can never be sure how we, ourselves, would have reacted or what we would have thought at that moment. You thought about your mom and sister, but you thought about the accident victim too. You wanted to do the best for both. So you reacted accordingly to what was best in your mind.â
âStill, Iâm not the person you painted me to be. I nearly killed someone in a race. And you know why? Because I thought taking a shortcut through a neighborhood would make me win the race back then. Itâs not forbidden, but this is the reason we racers usually never do that.â
That was why he had been so reluctant to go through your neighborhood at your very first accidental race together. And he still wouldnât, no matter how much he trusted you. What had happened back then was still sitting deep within him - justifiably.
âI am running illegal races with you,â you started. âI have always known that you wouldnât work with the law. And I am neither! So what does that make us?â
He sank his head and placed his hands on his lap. âYou speak so highly of me, but in reality, I am a very bad person.â
âYouâve introduced me to your sister and mother, Jaehyun. If this is where a bad person grows up, then the entire world is rotten and beyond the point of saving. But people like you give me hope.â
âWhy would a person like me give you hope?â
âBecause, despite your situation, you still have so much love inside of you that expresses itself in so many forms. Thatâs why youâre loved too, by many people.â
Silence engulfed you, and you thought that Jaehyun would drive away after sometime again, but he didnât, so you accompanied him in this quietness as long as it helped him process the past.
âYou know why I wanted to take this shortcut?â he eventually spoke up quietly, and you shook your head. âBecause I wanted to end the race abruptly and rush home⊠That night, my sister got very sick and my mom wasnât home. I already announced that I would drop out before it happened.â
That was something the newspapers and no one else had ever mentioned. Of course, people always focus on sensational facts. It was easier to tell a story and transfer emotions when the main feeling an article would lure out was hate against someone.Â
It still had been a crime, this was a fact. And he could still go to jail for that. But you believed that the man who cared about his family so much and who was able to care about strangers too, was still very much haunted by his past, far more than he wanted to let slip through his facade.Â
If he hadnât had a family to take care of, things would be entirely different. But he trusted you enough now to tell you all this and not fear that you would go behind his back.
My girl⊠you remembered. Had he truly meant it? Had you proven to him your undeniable loyalty just earlier?
âJaehyunâŠâ
Slowly, your hand wandered to his lap on top of his. Against your expectations, he grabbed yours and squeezed it tightly.
____
When Jaehyun wanted to drop you off at your building much later, the tension between you was still palpable, and you didnât know how to make it vanish.Â
Perhaps, only time was needed - for him to believe that nothing had changed between you, and for you to settle with the fact that the guy who caused your heart to jump, just only a little bit, had done something grave in the past that you had to work through as well. After all, it still had been a crime.
âJaehyunâŠâ You wanted to end the night on a positive note, but he didnât let you finish the sentence.
âOur ways will part here and now.â
You thought you had misheard. âPardon?â
âI canât demand a goody two-shoes like you to help a criminal like me,â he said coldly and stiffened in his seat. âAnd I surely wonât help a goody two-shoes like you write about my criminal record anymore now that the truth was inevitable to come forward with. So it ends here. Now.â
You knew where this rooted from: doubt and guilt. But during your entire career path, you had dealt with a lot of people who suddenly changed their minds on a topic or got cold feet.
âThat wonât happen, Jaehyun,â you claimed. âYou donât have another navigator as good as me, no one and nothing can come close to the connection that you and I have.â
âItâll be fine,â he obliged. âNow, go.â
âNo,â you refused. âI will stay.â
âI SAID GO!â
âAND I SAID I WILL STAY!â
âGosh!â he yelled. âWhy canât you be obedient for once towards me and leave before I hurt you too?!â
You both froze when it dawned on you what he had just said. You almost didnât dare, yet you had to make sure that what he had said was indeed real.
âYouâre afraid to hurt me?â
âI deceive my mom when it comes down to my activities and my studies. If she ever finds out, sheâll be hurt. I hurt my sister by not always being there for her whenever she needs me. I hurt my team for expecting them to be there for me although they have their own struggles. And I hurt you, because I cannot be the person you expect me to be. I only hurt the people I love.â
You took a deep breather and waited a few heartbeats in case Jaehyun wanted to chase you away again. But he didnât. He just sat there in the driverâs seat, shoulders slumped, bangs messily falling into his eyes and the lollipop stick not moving a bit.Â
âYou want to protect your overworked mom from more worries, you want to provide a good future for your sister, and you split the win evenly among the team for them to help their families too. If I donât expect a friend to be exactly like this, then what else?â you confessed.
But Jaehyun didnât like this answer, it was written all over his face. You were scared that you had said something wrong.
âFriends?â he suddenly croaked.
âYeah, friends,â you repeated slowly. âArenât we⊠friends?â
You had seen him as your friend all along, though one who made your cheeks warm when he called you âmy girlâ and your heart swell when he touched you. But now, it hurt you that he had never felt even the slightest of the same connection. Fair enough, everyone needed their own space, and with Jaehyunâs past, it was his own right to decide whether to ever make friends again.
You had just hopedâŠ
Cherry.
That was the taste of Jaehyunâs lollipop, he never chose another flavor.
Though, it tasted different from his own lips than from the candy directly.
You were asking yourself how this sweet taste could calm him down when all it did to you at this moment was making your heart race and nearly jump out of your chest. Perhaps, because this time, you tasted the lollipopâs sweetness on his tongue rather than in your own mouth, and he made sure that you experienced every taste bud this flavor had to offer.Â
Lollipops were very sweet already, and although Jaehyun was a fast and restless street racer, his kisses were much sweeter than candy. Admittedly, you hadnât expected him to possess this side, but now that you thought about it, the signs had already been there whenever you observed him eating the candy.
Jaehyunâs fingers curled on your back when you motioned forward, away from your seat and more into his welcoming hug. The dashboard between you hindered you from embracing fully, causing you both to giggle at some point, but you continued kissing with your arms slung around his neck, for very long even after the cherry taste had vanished.
You werenât hurt anymore over the fact that Jaehyun didnât see you as his friend. You had never been friends. You had always been more than that.
____
Jaehyunâs victim had been a 45-year-old party chairman - that much you had found out through your connection to different journalists and a few demanding calls. The fact that after the incident, only silence followed and no details were revealed, not even about the gender and the age of the victim, had gotten your alarm bells ringing. And now you knew why.Â
A famous politician involved in a street racing accident, but no one had mentioned his name? Something was not right with this story, you didnât need to be a professional to recognize this.
âI need his record,â you then said at the hospitalâs reception.Â
Your editor-in-chief had given you this employeeâs contact, assuring you she was more lenient in data protection when she saw the right amount of money. And your boss had been very happy to pay her the requested amount the moment you told him what you were after.
âThis is exactly the kind of story I was looking for,â he had complimented you. âGood job. Now, go after it.â
You had left the building right away, making your way to the hospital the chairman had been admitted to after the accident.
âHere is a copy of his record,â the woman at the reception whispered to you. âAll is well, he got out after two weeks. There is one interesting thing though⊠but look for yourself.â
âThank you.â
You took the papers, and too excited to drive all the way back to the office, you looked through them right then and there after having found a quiet spot in the waiting room.
There was nothing abnormal at first for a car accident. It had left him with deep grazes, a dislocated arm, two broken ribs and a concussion. It sounded quite bad, but very mild for the fact that a car had hit him, and not at all life-threatening. So the accident had not been that severe as Jaehyun had made out to be in his panic.
Perhaps, that was the reason the party chairman had never been named in the news. But on the other hand⊠newspapers got to write articles about important politicians all the time, and just this once, his name had been left out? This didnât sound like something a newspaper would do under these circumstances.Â
The more important the name, the more clicks and sales the news generated. They must have been bribed to keep his name entirely out of all news revolving around this incident. You were wondering yourself why. Given all facts, no matter how macabre it sounded, this kind of accident would even play into the partyâs hands.Â
A very important politician who got hit by a street racer and admitted to the hospital with fractures? It would even be a headliner with the conclusion to go harder after such illegal activities.
Everything just doesnât sound right. Something was being kept buried that no one should know about and could possibly threaten the partyâs reputation. That much, you were already sure of.
⊠but what could it be?
You gasped when your eyes passed the passage that gave you a single answer to all your questions.
Patient was heavily intoxicated.
Whether it were drugs or alcohol, you didnât know. But you were going to find out soon as you returned back to the office and made a call to the police.
____
âHow high is the possibility that this program is actually a virus?â you asked and looked over Yutaâs shoulder who was currently typing something into his laptop.Â
âVery low, but itâs still new, so we never know what will happen anyway,â Taeyong answered on his friendâs behalf and stretched out on Yutaâs bed in whose home you had all gathered today. âCanât you detect it if itâs one?â
âWhat do you think Iâm currently trying to do here?â Yuta rolled his eyes. âIâm a programming student, not a wizard.â
âOkay, sorry? Jeez.â
âDoyoung said that with this program, you will also get the coordinates of all cars in your ten kilometer radius that use a GPS, so you can plan the route and the carâs speed even more predictively,â Yuta explained instead. âIâm still trying to figure out how.â
âThe race is in two weeks. You should hurry.â
âI know, Taeyong. You think these last weeks Iâve only been sitting around?â Yuta gave his friend a scowl. âIf itâs a new program, even used before its beta phase, itâs not so easy.â
âYeah, but-â
âOkay, enough guys!â you interrupted their bickering. âTaeyong let Yuta work and peace and rather go through the city's plan for next week with me to mark all new construction sites, okay?â
In unison, they both said, âFine.â
Taeyong turned to you while you started your own laptop to leave Yuta alone, and Jaehyun and Johnny were currently outside to maintain his car. You felt so included like never before in your life.
Youâve always said you didnât grow up with a family. But sometimes, a family wasnât something that you necessarily grew up with. Family also didnât need to be bonded by blood. Sometimes, you lost family along the way, sometimes you gained one. And everyone would always welcome you into their family.
In your case, you gained a family in the form of a strong friendship that you had never experienced before in your life. Sitting here, analyzing maps with Taeyong while Yuta was silently typing away and Johnny and Jaehyun would soon come upstairs to talk about the next race after which you would all order food and then watch a movie togetherâŠ
This was your own definition of family. This feeling of being cared for, trusted and loved without expecting anything in return, so much that it almost felt like your heart was going to burst. Your team was your family.
âI want to show you a place,â Jaehyun said when you were sitting in his car when all the work was done later that evening.
âDonât you need to go home as usual?â
âMy sister is having a sleepover at a friendâs house.â He smiled. âSo I think my mom will enjoy a little more alone time to rest better.â
âOkay, then letâs go!â
Jaehyun stopped the car only much later after you had driven up a mound with a path so narrow, you feared the vehicle wouldnât make it despite all its tuning. But against your expectations, you arrived at the top in that very same car, and the view over the entire city was splendid.
âI didnât know such a place existed!â you called out and ran around the viewing place. âJaehyun, I can see the entire city, and weâre not even on a mountain!â
âDo you like it?â he asked, following suit.
âI love it!â
âAnd I-â
âHm?â You turned around to him with the biggest smile on your face. âWhat is it?â
He shook his head with a soft look on his face. âNothing.â Then, he stepped close to you and hugged you from behind. âIâm happy you love it. Itâs my favorite place. After the incident with my father happened, my sister and I came here a lot, because it made us forget reality for quite a while.â
âThank you for sharing this special place with me.â You felt him kissing the nape of your neck and you shuddered pleasantly. âIt really means a lot.â
The true meaning of it was revealed to you by him right after, âI spent most of the time here before my comeback. I wanted to give up on racing entirely. One night, I didnât come home and my sister went to look for me which took her all night. I lost track of time, and I probably felt so ashamed returning to my family. When My sister found me here at the early hours of dawn, looking like a ghost and having cried all the way to this place, I knew that I had to do everything to protect my family. Thatâs when I dropped out of university and decided to race again. One day, I donât want to do this anymore. One day, Iâll be free.â
You loosened yourself from his hug, shifted around and embraced him now from the front, body to body. âYouâll be one day, Jaehyun.â He gently brushed his fingers through your hair. âOne day, you can provide your family the life they deserve and can finally live the one you have dreamed about as well.â
âBut do I deserve it after everything that Iâve done?â He sounded full of doubts. âIâm not sure.â
You responded, quite confidently, âYou do.â
âActually,â Jaehyun changed the topic, âThis car was my dadâs. He owned two, a big, elegant one to show off at work, and this one for his free time. Itâs the only thing that was left, because it was registered to my momâs name before I changed it to mine.â
You were curious about one topic. âWhy did you never sell it? You only started racing after his arrest, right? Why have you never exchanged it for money?â
âI thought about it, a lot, in fact,â he clarified. âMaintaining a car is a very expensive hobby, after all. Apart from the fact that races became my source of income as it makes money fast and much, I think a part of me canât also fully let go of my father.â He chuckled, but rather bitter and full of regret. âIsnât it ironic? I think of it like my father repaying the debts he caused. It's satisfying.â
A wicked thought, but you liked the way he thought about it.
âHey,â you then said, grinning, âdo you want to get back at him once more?â
____
âClose your mouth and suck.â
This time, Jaehyun didnât mean the lollipop he had put into your mouth, but something entirely else.Â
Luckily, the front seats of his car were able to be raised back all the way, so he was now lying almost flat on his back, his hands gently but determinedly having guided your head to his loin while you were sitting between his angled legs. You did as you had been told and sucked him off like a lollipop.Â
Your arms were propped up against the edges of the seat with your head bobbing up and down in a regular rhythm, but your tongue did the most work whenever you paused your neck movements just to indulge him with your proficiency.
âJesus Christ,â Jaehyun cursed and put his forearm over his face so that his facial expressions would be hidden from you. It was like he didnât want you to know how much control you had over him, but this was for no avail anyway as his swearing gave it all away, âNo fucking wayâŠâ
It was certainly not your first time sucking him off, so it wasnât like you didnât know what he looked like enjoying this kind of pleasure. You found it rather cute how he still thought he could hide this side of him from you.Â
Your tongue rolled over the tip of his dick, leaving a trace of saliva where it passed. Making sure you covered every angle with your motions, you halted them when you opened your mouth entirely and slowly took in the majority of his length until you felt like you couldnât do more.
Jaehyun let out a groan that made you smile inwardly, and it only got louder when you let him pass by your lips, but didnât let him slip out entirely. Instead, you sucked on the tip like the cherry lollipop he often offered you.Â
You made sure to alternate between sucking and taking him into your mouth almost entirely, and when your left hand wandered to his warm thigh, you felt how tense he had become due to the arousal you made him feel. Instead of letting your hand go back though, Jaehyun stretched out his own to grab your fingers and intertwined them.
His nails dug into your skin and his thighs became very tense, closing around the sides of your face when his release was near. He came in a long spur directly into your mouth, and you swallowed it all down, including cleaning him up - with your tongue of course.
Jaehyun reached out to your face while you were licking over your lips, and you smiled at each other before his own gradually grew more wicked.
âYou know what?â
âWhat?â You wiped with the back of your hand over your lips.
âI also never had sex in this car. Wanna change that?â
He didnât need to ask twice.
Although it was still very narrow in the vehicle, Jaehyun had swiftly managed to change your positions so that you were now lying underneath him and he was kneeling in front of you in a crouched position. You giggled amusedly when you watched him taking off his shirt as he tried to do so without bumping into anything, but this had been an impossible task from the very beginning. Luckily, you had undressed yourself before already, so that he didnât need to take care of that part too.
You assumed Jaehyun still needed a bit of time until he could go in fully again, but what would come before that, you had never expected. Your fingers were desperately gripping onto the door handle while your other hand was holding onto the seat belt that slowly dug into your flesh. But this slight pain passed by you almost unnoticeably when another feeling had taken control over your entire body and mind already.
You had already experienced how skillful Jaehyun was with his tongue whenever you kissed, which was long before indicated by the way he played with lollipops in his mouth. Of course he would put this skill into use elsewhere too.Â
But that he would be this good⊠You shuddered again when you came the second time in the span of a few minutes after Jaehyun had draped his hot, wet tongue all along your folds, causing your back to lift off from the seat and moaning his name over and over again.
And even then, he didnât stop. He came to face you after cleaning off his mouth, and kissed you for a long time until you had entirely calmed down before he crawled back to his original position and squeezed his fingers into your bum again to bring it closer to his face.Â
With the tip of his tongue, he searched for the sensitive bundle of nerves, and you indicated that he had found it when you let out a light squeal. His lips enclosed the bud and you felt all your blood vanishing from your face when he started sucking on it. Oh god, you thought to yourself, you were surely going to pass out.
But he didnât let you cum this time. Before you released, Jaehyun stopped and flipped you onto your stomach as swiftly as the narrow space allowed him to. Instinctively, you had already brought your bum up to give him better access, and you bit down into the flesh of your arm on which you had your chin rested when you felt him sliding into you from behind in one long motion.
The sound of his groin slapping against your cheeks mixed with your moans filled the car, and luckily, you had been the only ones on this view point at such a later hour. You had only had sex with Jaehyun once in your home, and you had never defined what that was between you. Maybe, you were too dense to speak it out and too naive to actually believe it, but you loved him.
Ironically, you only realized that when you decided to change positions and Jaehyun was constantly bumping his head on the ceiling and you got on top. You were settled on his hips, his length buried deep inside you, but you didnât move yet.
You let your fingertips wander over his chest, taking your time, and he suddenly grabbed them, led them to his mouth and kissed the tips. When you gazes locked, you were sure.Â
Yes, you loved him. With all his flaws, his burdens and his past. Perhaps, you had never experienced this kind of love, which was why you had always been reluctant and unsure, but if this wasnât love, you didnât know what was. You just hoped that at one point, he would come to feel this way about you too.
âWhat is it?â he asked with worry when you made no intention of continuing. âIs something wrong? You want to stop?â
But you shook your head. âItâs just⊠I donât want this moment to pass.â
Even in the semi-darkness, you encountered Jaehyunâs smile. âI feel the same way.â
Slowly, you raised your hips and slowly came back down to his groin. Jaehyun tried very hard to remain in eye contact with you, but when you did that several times more, he lost his composure again. You propped your hands up against his hard chest and picked up your pace, slamming onto him over and over again in a fast pace.
When you ran out of breath, you alternated the fast motions with sitting on his lap and just letting your hips rotate in different directions and forms, which very much pleased Jaehyun as well by the way he didnât stop moaning at this part as well.
With time though, your stamina gave in, you slumped over him, eventually let yourself fall onto his chest, because you were too exhausted to go on anymore.
âWant me to finish?â he asked and stroked your shoulder to which you could only give a slight nod.
He kept you locked to his hips with his hands holding onto your sides very tightly and started thrusting upwards. You felt like he had knocked all the air out of your lungs, that was much much power he still possessed. Luckily, for you, you didnât need to do anything anymore.
He was holding you as you laid on top of him, biting into his shoulder as he thrusted in and out of you with much force, which you really liked. Your thighs tensed around his sides and you whimpered gibberish into his ear, so close to cumming again.
Jaehyun let you release yourself first with a suppressed scream that partly still found a way to escape your lips, and your entire body shook as you felt your high flooding to every fiber of your body. He himself didnât take much longer and you held him while he experienced his own orgasm, pressing you so close to him as though he was afraid of being parted from you ever again.
When you were getting dressed, he suddenly dropped, âI could get used to it.â
âDoing nasty things in your dadâs old car?â you joked.
But his expression remained serious. âNo.â
You didnât know what he meant.
____
You had written two different versions of Jaehyunâs story.
The first was the one he had read himself and approved of. There were only a few details and personal information sprinkled in here and there about the Falcon while you were trying to fill the emotional gaps with anecdotes and quotes from the other team members under an alias that they were willing to share. You were even successful in interviewing a few spectators and it would include the outcome of the race.Â
Overall, the less personal and official version gave a good overview over this illegal sport, and you were truly satisfied with this tame version. It was sufficient enough, intriguing enough and informative as well as emotional enough. At other magazines, the story would have made the headlines, you were sure of that. But for the magazine you worked for, enough was only good enough. You had to be better than enough, you had to exceed.
With this version of the Falconâs story, you certainly werenât. It wasnât headline-material like your editor-in-chief expected after all the work you had put into it.
So you had written another version of this story.Â
One in which you talked about the Falconâs past, his family, what had really happened back then before his career arose again and the relationships between you all. Yes, even between the two of you. And you had even come forward with the truth about the politician after hard research. This version of the story was personal and vulnerable, and it was the truth.
Jaehyun had gotten to read it as the first and only one.Â
âIt wasnât.. entirely my fault?â he had asked in disbelief when you gave him the story to read.
You had wanted to wait until you had gotten your facts straight, had enough proof, and then came over to his house to lay it out all in front of him. First, you were unsure whether he would like it, to have had you dig deep into his past.Â
But if he came to hate you and started to hate himself less instead, then it would have been worth it nonetheless. From one moment to the other though, you clearly saw in his eyes how much of a burden got lifted off his shoulder. Sure, the fact that the politician had been intoxicated didnât change the fact that Jaehyun was way over the tempo limit, but he hadnât been the only one at fault.
The politician had been intoxicated with drugs to the point of not being able to walk properly and had remained in the middle of the street, too far gone to think and speak straightly when Jaehyun had passed by.
âNo, it wasnât entirely your fault,â you assured him.
And with that certainty, you both decided to move past this as this case - to both parties luck, fortunately - had long been decided to be buried under the rug anyway.Â
Jaehyun didnât come to hate you, you felt it in the way he hugged you close and never seemed to let you go after this revelation. He was, in fact, utterly grateful that you had never let go of this topic.
It was a step closer to him being free. From the very beginning, you knew which version you would publish after the race against the Cheetah. You had begged your boss to postpone the release for another month for you to include this race, and he had happily agreed - even to hold off the senior editor position.
____
âAre you nervous?â
You looked at Taeyong who took the seat next to you. Somehow, you werenât nervous at all, even though tonight was Jaehyunâs big race against the Cheetah with so much money involved unlike ever before.
Later, you would also finish up the story with the outcome of the race and send it over still this night for the entire country to read. Perhaps, you were more nervous about this than the competition itself since you fully trusted your gained skills and Jaehyun himself. You wouldnât treat this other than all the races before.
âIâm cool so far,â you said. âI just donât know if itâs good or bad.â
âI hope itâs good. Jaehyun is probably more nervous than he lets slip.â
âI can hear you.â It was Jaehyunâs voice through your headsets.
âGood!â Taeyong exclaimed. âThis wasnât supposed to be a secret.â
You giggled just in the moment Yuta came over to you and put a usb on your desk. Just a few days before, you both had figured out how the new navigation system worked.Â
âJust plug it in and do as I told you.â
You nodded and reached for the stick. There were only ten minutes remaining. You had never seen this many people wanting to watch a race before and the tension was sizzling, not only between the teams, but between the spectators too. As far as you had heard, the bets were almost equally split as though no one could decide who would win in their eyes. The Cheetahâs team was in another building, and you wondered whether they were still nervous with the amount of times they had already won so war.
âHey,â you suddenly heard Jaehyun through the headphones.
âYes?â
Apparently, he had muted himself for Taeyong since he didnât respond, but typed something into the computer and then turned around to talk to Johnny and Yuta.
âIf something happens,â Jaehyun spoke, âno matter what, will you be with me until the end?â
âOf course.â
âNo, I mean it.â
You frowned. âMean what?â
He sighed deeply as if he was struggling inwardly trying to find the right words. âWill you be with me⊠until the end?â
âOf course!â you replied happily.
âNo! I mean... shit.â
What did he want? âI donât get it.âÂ
âI love you.â
You were stunned.Â
It was the first time he had said this to you. The first time someone had said this to you. For how long had he been feeling this way already? Was there a chance heâd been in love with you for as long as you loved him too? You were long lost for words and before you could even inhale to say something back, Taeyong was by your side again.
âYou guys ready?â
âYes,â Jaehyun answered quickly as though nothing had ever happened.
âThen get ready.â
____
The moment the race started, you got to witness with your own eyes why the Cheetah was called the Cheetah. Jaehyun was already a remarkable racer, but his rival was immaculate.Â
You wouldnât be Jaehyunâs navigator though if you hadnât grown together throughout the past weeks. You were his additional eyes, ears and mind. Whatever he lacked or hadn't perfected, you carried out together, making him even stronger so that as of right now, he could easily take it on the Cheetah. You were going to win, that was how much trust you had in you both.
Midway through the race though, which was a real head-to-head contest that had eventually shaken off a part of your tranquility and replaced it with a bit of nervousness because of a few instances from which you quickly recovered nonetheless, Jaehyun started to panic.
âShit, we didnât see this coming!âÂ
He complained about a construction site that had not been on your screen, but only popped up now. As of this instance, he was in advance, being in front of the Cheetah. Now, it was on you for how long he could hold that position.
âDonât worry,â you tried to calm Jaehyun down while your heart raced almost as fast as the car itself right now. âI got you.â
âWhy didnât the new navigation system that Yuta gave you see it coming?â It sounded almost like an accusation and Taeyong shot a meaningful look at you from the side. âThere are construction vehicles all around it!â
âHey.â You didnât raise your voice, you just wanted Jaehyun to snap out of his mental deadlock since he was too into it. âStay calm.â
Sometimes, this happened. And if he was too panicked, heâd lose focus and make mistakes. That was why you were here. By now, you knew how to handle them and not let him irritate you or vice versa.
âIâm sorry.â Jaehyun had instant regrets. âI just want to win, I need to win.â
âI know. But to win, you have to trust me.â
You could only imagine his fingers gripping onto the steering wheel like his life depended on it, the knuckles first turning red, then white.Â
âI canât lose,â he breathed and repeated like a mantra, âI canât lose.â
On the screen, you perceived that he wasnât as fast and sharp with his driving anymore, the Cheetah drawing closer to erase the remaining meters between the two cars. The vehicles appeared on the screen as dots on a map, the two that represented the racing cars now almost melting into one. Your entire team had gathered around you and were listening to you speak, only you and Taeyong knowing the details of your driverâs panic so far.Â
âYou wonât lose, because Iâm here with you, Jaehyun,â you assured him slowly, aware that in such kind of situations, you had to pretend to be calm to keep the driver at peace, even though you were tense as hell too. âItâs me, okay? I love you too, and I will be with you until the end. I know the meaning of this now, and of course I will.â
Silence - not only on the other side of the headset, but also in the hall among your team.
âPlease say something,â you addressed to Jaehyun while ignoring all the other membersâ grins. âThis is kind of really embarrassing now.â
âI-I⊠I canât,â he stuttered. âIâm⊠too happy.â
You smiled. Even though you were only connected via voice and there were other people standing behind you, you felt more connected to Jaehyun like never before.Â
âAre you ready to win this game with me now?â you asked him.
You felt his confident grin in every fiber of your body, it had given him the boost he needed. "Absolutely."Â
âHey, weâre here too!â Johnny interrupted you. âWhat about us?â
âGet lost.â Jaehyun returned back to his grumble, but everyone knew that he didnât mean it this way.
When you all broke out into a laughter together that lifted off the tension, even just a little bit, you finally felt like you had long reached the finish line. Not in terms of the race, but in terms of other things.Â
Trust, friendship and even love.
Because even if you had been among them only for a few weeks, you couldnât imagine a better feeling than the warmth they caused you to experience right now with Johnny putting his hand on your shoulder in a comforting gesture, Taeyong smiling at you as he pointed at something on the screen, and Yuta rolling his eyes, seemingly not minding, but silently enjoying the entire situation.
This was it. This was your family. There was no deeper connection than you had with your team. You were going to win.
____
And you did.
Jaehyun crossed the finish line first.
Jaehyun won against the Cheetah.
Jaehyun was crowned King of the Streets.
âŠ
But he didnât last on the throne for long.Â
Only eight hours.
____
âKing of the StreetsâÂ
⊠was the headline of your story that you finished late at night and sent over to your editor-in-chief so that it could still be printed for next monthâs issue with the intention to be published the morning after.
____
âCongratulations.â
âPardon?â
You were sitting in your bossâ office, the same chair, the same desk, the same window and the same view in sight. A few weeks ago, this had meant everything to you. You had wanted this, so badly, and you would have done everything for it. Now, it meant nothing anymore.
You hadnât seen the new issue yet, that was not why you had come here. In your hands, you were holding a notice, but it had got nothing to do with what you had handed in the night before.
ââKing of the Streetsâ? I couldnât have thought of a better title.â Your boss the issue in front of your eyes, but you rarely paid attention to it. âItâs great that you went with the way of leaving out the guyâs real name and even the politicianâs name. Honestly, if I didnât know who it was myself, I wouldnât be able to guess. Now, people will get invested and do some digging. Congratulations on your promotion to senior editor!â
âPardon?â you repeated.
You hadnât written about the politician as agreed on. In fact, you had left out the entire storyline about the incident. That was why you had been so sure the story wouldnât make headlines, and in your hands you were actually holding your resignation notice. You didnât want to become senior editor. You wanted to quit.
With trembling hands, you reached out to the newest issue and looked at the headline. Indeed, this was your title âKing of the Streetsâ with a stock photo that showed cars by night in front of a skyline. Your breath shortened when you searched for the right page and you felt like the air was being cut in your lungs when you stumbled over the story and started reading.
This was not your article. At least not the one that had been supposed to get published. It was the one only Jaehyun had gotten to read earlier, his very own, personal version. You felt sick in your stomach. How was this possible? Had you been hacked? Had someone secretly gotten access to your laptop?
âI⊠I sent you this?â Your voice shook with each syllable.
The editor-in-chief nodded. âOnly a few minutes before the boring, second one. Of course I went with the first one. Who wouldnât?â
âI didnât send you this!â you nearly screamed. âHow could you have published this?!ââ
âPlease calm down, Miss. This was sent from your very own email.â
âShow me,â you demanded and smacked the issue back on the desk. âShow me the mail!â
He sighed deeply and murmured something about short term memory, but you didnât care much about his shenanigans anymore. Either way, today was the last day youâd ever interact. Youâd just leave, what could he possibly do about it?
When your ex-boss shifted the desktop into your direction, you directly noticed, âThis is not my work mail.â
It was your usual mailing name from a random provider, but neither your work mail address or your private one. Everything was similar except for the domain, indicating that someone had made this up on purpose.
âYes, but I figured you might be using another mail, because you werenât at home or didnât have access. It was the big competition, so it was possible, right? Aside from that, this is your topic and writing style, even signed with your name. How could I have doubted it? I mean⊠this is your story after all, isnât it?â
âIt is.â
There was nothing you could say to defend yourself in front of him. You had written this all yourself, and the fact that it had gotten leaked wasnât his problem.  But someone elseâsâŠ
âI have to go,â you said.
âWell, when will you come back? We have to talk about your new positionâs details.â
You laughed bitterly and didnât forget to drop the letter on his desk. âI wonât come back.â
You didnât care about your belongings. You just grabbed your bag, jacket and laptop and left the office without saying goodbye to anyone. The only thing on your mind right now was that you had to talk to Jaehyun and explain everything to him.
The more surprised you were to find him already sitting in the lobby. You were stunned, but as you continued your movements towards him, Jaehyun looked up, and your blood froze. He wore the biggest scowl on his face, and hidden behind it was the one emotion that hurt you the most: disappointment.
âJaeh-â
âHow could you?!â he yelled and arose from the coach, but he didnât approach you. âI trusted you!â
You were assured it wasnât because he was afraid he'd lose himself. He just couldnât look you in the eyes as disappointment came forward more and more, revealing his true feelings. He couldnât keep the angry facade up for much longer upon meeting you, the person he loved. But you still saw. Jaehyun was utterly hurt, and it was caused by this very same person.
You didnât need to explain yourself, it wouldnât change anything. You had betrayed and disappointed him like his father had, and there was no excuse for it. His entire past and deepest conflits had just been revealed to the country, and even though it wasnât you who had published the story, you were the one who had written it.
Telling Jaehyun that it hadnât been sent in by you wouldnât change a single thing. The deed had already been done and there was no going back. You were just another person he had entirely lost faith and trust in, and there was no way for it to be restored. At least not right now, not immediately.
Jaehyun clenched his fists and pressed through gritted teeth, âYou promised to me, I trusted you.â
Every syllable he directed at you pierced directly through your heart. You shouldnât have written anything in the first place, it should have just stayed between the two of you. What had you thought while writing all of this? That you were doing him a favor? For what? No, it wouldnât change anything, and it wouldnât make him less sad and disappointed if he knew that you werenât the person who had published it.
So you simply said, âIâm sorry, I should have never written this story.âÂ
âIâve always known you journalists were selfish bastards after all,â he hissed.
No heartbreak that you had ever experienced before came close to what you were feeling right now. At this point, you thought that you had been left by so many people in your life that you would need to entirely shut down.
Jaehyun didnât speak it out, but you certainly sensed that he was going to leave you now, too. This was what you got for always being so nosy, for wanting so much and giving everything for it. In the end, when you reached your aim, everything didnât matter when you lost every person that meant the world to you along the way.
âGet lost! Keep out of my sight and donât ever dare talking to me again!â
When Jaehyun turned around without looking at you one more time, it felt like you were dying. So many people had walked out of your life already, and the man you loved the most being one of them hadnât been in your book before. But now, it was very much real. It felt hurtfully real.
âMiss, are you okay?â the receptionist asked when she was approaching you.
You hadnât noticed how your notebook had fallen on the floor, paper flying around everywhere. You were still looking after Jaehyun, petrified, while the young woman started to collect the sheets by your feet, but you barely noticed her. How was one to function, when they had lost what they loved the most?
Not much later, the receptionist was holding your arm after you had broken down crying in the middle of all your belongings. There was no one else anymore who could have emotionally supported you anyway, so who did it now was irrelevant to you.It didnât help one bit though.
____
âJiyeong?â
âCan I come in?â
It had been two weeks since Jaehyun had walked out of your life and you quit your job. Every minute of the day, you were hoping that he would come by to talk it all out. Not once had you hoped that his sister would do so instead of him.
âSure.â
When she took off her shoes, walked past your small entrance and into your room, her eyes widened. âWhy the many moving boxes? Are youâŠâ
âIâll be going away.â
âWhere to?â
You smiled, but remained quiet, and Jiyeong immediately understood.Â
You didnât want her to know and no one else either. Not because you were afraid that she or someone else would tell anyone, but because telling anyone at all would open the possibility of getting haunted by your past again. And this time, you just really wanted a clean cut.
âWhen are you leaving?â she asked instead, not even mildly offended to your relief.
âNext week.â
âI wish you all the best.â
âThank you, Jiyeong. I really appreciate that.â
âPlease donât say this so easily.â Her expression changed into a pained one. âYouâll hate me from now on.â
âWhy would I possibly hate you?â
She didnât reply immediately, but nervously stepped from one foot on the other. She barely dared to look into your eyes, kneading her fingers nervously. âBecause it was me.â
You were confused. âWhat?â
Even a bit quieter, she confessed, âIt was me who sent the story to your boss.â
You were lost for words and still in hope you had heard wrong. âYou sent the published story to my magazine that night?â
Slowly, Jiyeong nodded. âYes. I found the story still open on my brotherâs laptop when I went into his room to look for a charger. I couldnât look past it, I really needed to read it. And it was so beautiful. My brother is just so deeply misunderstood, I was so relieved someone else saw it. So I wanted the entire country to know too.â
It was a lot for you to take in, and you still couldnât believe this was real. âDid you create a fake mail account in my name and send it to my boss this way?â
âYes. The mail from you with the article was still open, so it was easy to secure a similar address. I just acted on my personal intentions and disregarded your and my familyâs feelings. I didnât know what I would cause by doing that. I didnât know I would not only get our mother worried, but hurt my brother and you too. I deeply apologize.â
âJiyeongâŠâ
âI thought,â she interrupted you, âI thought everyone would finally see my brother the way my mom, I, his friends and you see him. That heâs more than all that people paint him to be, and that the incident back then was different from everyoneâs make up story. Never have I thought that I would not only ruin the lives of the people involved too, the least his or yours. I tried to change it up and make it as anonymous as possible, but Iâm only writing in school, I don't have any real life experience, Iâm still a child. I didnât want all that, that was not supposed to happen! What was I thinking?!â
Her voice gradually grew louder and more upset, and when she hit the last sentence, she was close to tears.Â
You remembered the time when you were a teenager. There had been some grave mistakes you had made and many words you had said that you would want to have taken back immediately, but the deed had already been done and feelings had been hurt, including yours. Sometimes, the guilt gnawed on you like a parasite that never stopped being hungry.
You had never wanted to become a person who made someone else live with that feeling forever. In front of you just stood a teenage girl who had wanted to do the right thing and who just didnât know what the right thing was. So you stretched out your arms and pulled her into an embrace. Jiyeon begged you over and over again to not hate her or her brother. You loved both of them dearly, how could you?
When she left after sharing a bottle of ice cream with you to soothe your both shaken up feelings, you also learned that Jaehyun had been informed about Jiyeongâs misconduct directly after he had come home the day the story was published - so two weeks ago.
This entire time, he knew. He had known all along and he never contacted you.
You hoped so badly that Jaehyun would still come. You were even still holding onto the slightest sliver of hope the day you moved away from Seoul, until the moment you closed your empty apartment door behind you.
But he never came.
It was just as you thought: It didnât change anything, whether you or anyone else had sent in the story. The outcome would have always been the same.
So, if Jaehyun had decided to move on, then you would too.
Even though you had lived one of the best times of your life in that city, now it bearded nothing but a sorrowful past and broken dreams.Â
You wanted to move on, too.
____
2 years later
Moving out of a city didnât simultaneously mean continuing on.
You had first needed to learn how to start life all over again.
It hadnât been easy to begin again in Daejeon. It had taken quite a bit of time to find an affordable apartment, although the city was much less populated than the capital. It had even taken you much longer to find a job that fitted you more than the last one, and only recently had you settled with a new friend group.
Overall, life was going pretty well for you now.
Were it not for the fact that you still missed Jaehyun with every fiber of your heart.
After your published story, many newspapers had made follow up articles, even leaking the party chairmanâs name. Of course he had then been fired from his position and the party would not make it to be one of those with the highest votes anymore.Â
Not a word was lost about the Falcon though. It was like he had never existed.
But you knew better.
Jaehyun had stopped street racing entirely and had enrolled back into university for his last year. He had taken the last raceâs prize money to pay off the familyâs debt - his entire team had left their amount to help him out this time, including you. This had allowed him to sell his car and start working part time in an electric shop.Â
It hadnât been by far as much as he had earned as a racer, but they had made ends meet with honest work.
You were wholeheartedly happy for him when Taeyong had told you all this one day when you had met in Daejong a year ago.
âHe misses you very much too,â he had said, and you had smiled lightly.
âI thought he hated me.â
âDid you forget what he said during his last race?â
That he loved you.Â
âI will never forget.â
Jaehyun had won the biggest race in his whole career, but he still wasnât entirely free. Being crowned King of the Streets, having won a lot of money and becoming popular as well as getting your love - all that hadnât set him free from his past.
âBut now, it doesnât matter anymore,â you had added, speaking to Taeyong.
He had wanted more time not only for, but also with his mom and sister. Being a good son and brother like his father could have never been.
Jaehyun couldn't put his life on hold to leave his family eventually, too. You had understood, so you had quietly accepted all this, letting him go and focus on the things he saw as important now. Where it had been racing and winning before, his priorities had entirely shifted.
If your love wasnât part of this anymore but had made him realize this, then what more could you ask for?
By now, another year later, Jaehyun must have graduated from university already and his sister must be a sophomore in high school. Every now and then, you thought about them and prayed for their safety, but your life wasnât on hold anymore.
âMiss, your interview partner is waiting in the lobby.â
âOkay, thank you.â
You took your notebook from your desk and walked out of your office. The room wasnât as big as the one in your old company and the view was not as splendid, but you were editor-in-chief for the city's biggest magazine. You could write about things you really cared about like politics and things going on in town, nobody pressured you to cover topics that required you to do criminal things.
The company fitted your personality, your morals. It was perfect for you.Â
A week ago, you had gotten a request from someone who claimed to have a really good story for you. Even after telling the person via mail that your magazine didnât take on this kind of sensational story, the person was being persistent, so you gave in and were open to hear what they had to say.
âGood morning, I-â
The last words got stuck in your throat and your breath caught simultaneously. You let your notebook nearly slip from your hands upon encountering your todayâs interview partner.
âGood morning.â
He smiled the smile you had lured out of him only after a few weeks of knowing each other. In these two years, he hadnât changed one bit. He looked more mature and admittedly also more relaxed, the scowl entirely gone. His clothes had changed into more sophisticated ones as he wore black dress pants and a white button up.
âLifeâs been treating you well,â he added. âIâm happy for you.â
His deep, soft voice let you nearly melt again, but you were a professional, so you regained your composure real quick.Â
âI heard you have a really good story for me Mr. Jeong,â you smiled. âIâm really looking forward to it.â
____
Jaehyun wanted you to publish a story.Â
This time, with him and with his name written all over it.
âI donât want to hide anymore, I donât want to have secrets. I want to come clear, not only with myself, my family and friends, but also with everyone involved. Iâve already gathered permission from everyone, and even though it admittedly took me very long to reach this conclusion, Iâm a hundred percent sure I want to do it. And most importantly, I want you to do it.â
It would be his personal story, from his own point of view where he would talk about his past, his fatherâs wrongdoings, his struggles and what he had been up to since his final race. He asked you to sell this story to your old company for a wider audience and for a follow up.Â
Legally, he weighed himself secure since he had talked to a few layers before making this decision. It was all for his conscience. If this helped Jaehyun finally move on entirely, then you would happily do it for him.
âBack then, during my last race, my navigator had never used the new system. I only found out much later.â
You paused your writing and looked up. You had settled yourselves in a conference room to work on this story without any interruptions. âWhy did she never use it, Mr. Jeong?â
âShe had so much faith and trust in our connection, she was sure she could do it without, that was how much she believed in me.â
You lowered your head and pretended to write, but out came only gibberish. Your heart was racing. You always fondly thought back to that time. âShe must have been a real baddie,â you joked.
âShe was.â The corners of Jaehyunâs lips curled upwards. âI donât regret anything except for one thing.â
âWhich isâŠ?â
âLetting her go.â
You were asking yourself why you suddenly couldnât see anymore as your vision was very blurry. When you wiped the back of your hand over your eyes, you realized that you had started crying, and the tears had stained the writing on your paper.
âI have one more question for you,â you only brought out.
âYes?â
âHave you married yet, Mr. Jeong?â
The pause that followed almost tore you apart as you closed your eyes and prayed inwardly.
âIâve been waiting for a special person to return to Seoul,â he nearly whispered. âWhen she didnât, I went to search for her.â
You looked up to him, tears still burning on the brim, but somehow, you didnât feel sad anymore. You felt more overwhelmed with this entire revelation that caused your heart to finally flutter again.Â
You had never stopped loving Jaehyun.
âAnd⊠what if that person doesnât want to go back to Seoul?â
Jaehyun stretched out his hand and laid his palm against your cheek, wiping away your tears. It felt so familiar and warm, a feeling you had deeply missed. Even though there was still a respectful distance between you that had built up in the past two years, the connection was as deep and intense as ever.Â
It was at this moment that you realized Jaehyun had never stopped loving you too.
(cw: spoilers for Bridgerton season 3, description of a steamy scene from Bridgerton)
You had been waiting two long years for season 3. A season that for you and many other was highly anticipated since you already knew the characters that were going to fall in love. You were excited to see the shenanigans the Bridgertons would get up to, if Eloise and Penelope would med their friendship, and how Anthony and Kate would act like a married couple. You were beyond excited.
Youâd gotten all your errands and some chores done earlier in the day just so you could have your afternoon free to watch part 1 of season 3.
Youâd made it all the way through episode 1 with no distractions. Then came episode 2 and Jaehyun had lingered behind you while watching Colin âtrainâ Penelope. 10 minutes later he was still standing behind you and asking questions. You were frustrated, sure, but you still paused the show to explain the Bridgerton lore. And 5 minutes later you were restarting part 1 for Jaehyun to watch from the beginning.
Now, here you were on the last episode of part 1 at the edge of your seat. You felt your heart ache for Penelope, Lord Debling really could have been a nice match for her. Was she in love with him? No, but what else was Colin doing besides being stupid?
âWait!â You heard from the screen.
Jaehyun gasped, âitâs Colin!â
âShut up! I canât hear!â
The door of the carriage was pulled open and sure enough, there stood Colin. Jaehyun turned up the volume and you leaned forward, closer to the screen. Something big was going to happen, you knew it.
You bit your lip as you watched Penelope snap at Colin, ugh she was so right. You rolled your eyes as he gave his reasoning, as if she owed him anything. And then feelings! Colin has feelings for Penelope!
You throw yourself back and kick your legs with excitement, he likes her! Your heart soared hearing his confession, god, every confession in every season was amazing.
âBut Iâd very much like to be more than friends,â Penelope breathed heavily.
You watched with your jaw dropped as the kissing got steamier and steamier, then the kissing led down her chest, and woah- exposed shoulder.
âWhat is his hand doing?! What is he doing!?â Jaehyun yelled with his hands in his hair, stressed but intrigued.
Penelopeâs jaw drops and the music peaks, Jaehyun gasps, âPeople can see! Thereâs a window right there!â
Your own hand is over your mouth, watching in absolute shock as Jaehyun watches Colin⊠explore beneath Penelopeâs dress until the carriage comes to a stop in front of the Bridgerton house.
You both sit in silence, trying to process what you watched, taking in the words and the rest of the scene, too in shock to laugh at Colinâs horniness.
Colin pulls Penelopeâs strap back onto her shoulder and your jaw drops once again. You can hear Jaehyunâs surprised whisper, âhis fingers.â
Colin steps out of the carriage and youâre confused, eyebrows furrowed, until Colin says, âAre you going to marry me or not?â
You squeal and Jaehyun stands in shock before pausing the show to gather his thoughts.
âThatâs it? He kisses the girl 2 times, has a sex dream, and gets under her dress and he wants to marry the girl? All the seasons are like this?âJaehyun asks out loud.
You think it over, âum, similar but more angst.â