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if i look back, i am lost

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@ywong64-blog
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i’m tired of drowning, of constantly gasping for air
there is something so comforting about sadness. about throwing things on your bedroom floor and not picking them up. about binging reality tv in the dark for 14 hours straight. about lying in your bed and not moving while the world continues to turn around you. overwhelming and heavy depression is comforting because it’s familiar. it allows you to sink into yourself and rot there for as long as you want. thats the vicious cycle with depression, it takes everything to not give into the comfort and familiarity that comes with it.
i think i was born wrong. faulty, incomplete. something is inherently wrong with me, and i’m not sure if anything can fix me
For old times sake is actually such a heartbreaking and beautiful sentiment. Like, let’s do it for the love that used to be here. It is reason enough.
“Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once. Breathe. You’re strong. You’ve got this. Take it day by day.”
— Karen Salmansohn.
[Text ID: The best thing a therapist ever told me is "you're not lazy, you only have a certain amount of energy and right now you're using it all to survive." I know someone else needs to hear that too.]
“Take care of your loved ones, particularly when they are doing everything in their power to push you away. A broken heart, like a wounded beast, will often lash out at those it is nearest, but that does not mean they don’t need you.”
— Beau Taplin
“I do not miss childhood, but I miss the way I took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I took joy in the things that made me happy.”
— Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane
“The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances.”
— Unknown
The core belief in having to be strong enough, characteristic of many people who develop chronic illness, is a defence. The child who perceives that her parents cannot support her emotionally had better develop an attitude of "I can handle everything myself." Otherwise, she may feel rejected. One way not to feel rejected is never to ask for help, never to admit “weakness"—to believe that l am strong enough to withstand all my vicissitudes alone.
Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress
“From the very beginning you are being told to compare yourself with others. This is the greatest disease; it is like a cancer that goes on destroying your very soul because each individual is unique, and comparison is not possible.”
— Osho