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are you still sad about your dead wife

#francoise hardy #music #je n'attends plus personne

Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else, but just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.

The Winter of the Air (via stay-ocean-minded)

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the feeling of getting older certainly is a strange one

(via yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyuu)

livemylief

#u.s. girls #us girls #music #untie me #Manfred Mann

365 days apart

#up against the wall #peter bjorn and john #music

Late, but my Top 10 Selfies of 2016 that nobody asked for.

This is a self-indulgent exercise that exercises both self-love and self-hate; clicking through all my pictures over the past year I watched my life fall apart in slow-motion, but also saw myself becoming, physically speaking, the person that I have wanted to be. This isn’t to ignore all the cool and fun things that I experienced over the past year, either; for those I am eternally grateful.

A chapter in my life is coming to a close and before it ends, many other parts of my life have/are dramatically changed/ing as well. My friend suggests that perhaps these changes are not significant of any one variable that seems to be wrecking havoc on my life, but that this is simply a period of transition for me as I grow. I guess I’ll know the answer to that when this part of my life is over.

Currently, I am less anxious than I was at the beginning of the year, and bizarrely enough, my anxiety has made me more comfortable saying no and speaking my mind. In short, my experience with anxiety has made me a more confident person in certain aspects. I guess this occurred through trial and error of not turning away certain events/occasions/duties that ultimately made me more anxious.

I also recently ended a relationship that ended in a massive, slow-motion car wreck -- figuratively of course. This break-up allowed me to feel heartbreak that I have never felt before, which is a valuable experience. I desire now to be a generally better person and to surround myself with people who like me for who I am; I fortunately already knew some.

I ended 2016 knowing myself better than I think I ever have before, but certainly not without new complexes and insecurities that make me question if I really do know myself. I am still working on myself, as I always will be. Hopefully I become more accepting of making mistakes, and hopefully I continue to meet and know people who are understanding and forgiving of when I do make them. As my favorite professor says, “I am human.”