zach hawke.

Zachary Hawke. TWENTY-EIGHT. CHICAGO. ENVIRONMENTALIST. Somehow made it big after graduating from OSU and now I'm living the good life with my girls, Phoebe and Leah. I'm not gonna bother explaining what I do, but let's just say your future grandkids are gonna thank me for keeping the planet a little less polluted. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

[zachhawkedown]

puckerphoebe‌:

Where’d she get the brains from, though?

That’s all you, babe.

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

I think you gotta brush up on your math, man.

Yeah…math was never my strong point. That’s why I had Quinn as a tutor.

[zachhawkedown]

And instead of learning anything, you wooed her into marrying you. Pros and cons, I suppose.

[puckerphoebe]

zachhawkedown‌:

But hey, they couldn’t take it back, and now our baby is a star. Smartest kid I know.

Because you’re not incredibly biased, or anything.

[zachhawkedown]

Objectively speaking, she’s a genius. Period.

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

Says who!?

Basic math!

[zachhawkedown]

I think you gotta brush up on your math, man.

[puckerphoebe]

zachhawkedown‌:

I mean, they can’t seriously expect our kid to have a clean mouth, can they? They knew that when they accepted her and I said “fuck yeah!” in response. But hey, let’s be optimistic. Maybe she did something good this time.

I have never seen such a look of instant regret cross someone’s face until that moment, it was truly something. We can only hope so.

[zachhawkedown]

But hey, they couldn’t take it back, and now our baby is a star. Smartest kid I know.

[zachhawkedown]

puckerphoebe‌:

No, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about considering she’s a perfect angel.

Wow, I’m just kidding, it was really difficult to say that with a straight face. I hope it’s not because she started saying damn it at school now, it’s been a losing battle to stop getting her to say it at home.

I mean, they can’t seriously expect our kid to have a clean mouth, can they? They knew that when they accepted her and I said “fuck yeah!” in response. But hey, let’s be optimistic. Maybe she did something good this time.

[zachhawkedown]

i-samevans‌:

You know it’s gonna happen.

Says who!?

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

If we didn’t have little Leah, we’d make it a little trashy.

But you do have her, so it’s a win! Plus, if you bring her here you just widen the next gen clan, ja feel? It’s like us…2.0.

[zachhawkedown]

That’s a terrifying thought, bro.

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

Do you really think we’d fit in there? I dunno, man..

I think you guys would make Nashville snazzy!

[zachhawkedown]

If we didn’t have little Leah, we’d make it a little trashy.

[puckerphoebe]

zachhawkedown‌:

Babe, the tattoos are the OG wedding rings. They can never be replaced.

Love you.

Did you see that crap about parent teacher conferences next week? It’s preschool, what the hell could they possibly have to talk about?

[zachhawkedown]

Love you, too, baby. Yeah, I did. I dunno, these fancy private schools love talking and bake sales and shit. I don’t think we need to worry. Do you?

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

You’re an inspiration to us all, man, but do you think you could give us our only friends back?

That’s a negative. You guys gotta move here now.

[zachhawkedown]

Do you really think we’d fit in there? I dunno, man..

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

It sounds like you guys pretty much got everything you want in life, huh?

It’s true, we’re hashtag winning.

[zachhawkedown]

You’re an inspiration to us all, man, but do you think you could give us our only friends back?

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

Yeah, man! You’re killing the country game. Thanks, man. One day, we’ll get him out of there.

It’s crazy, right!? I’m, like, the face of country and Quinn’s the face of home living and bakery! Keep fighting the good fight, bro.

[zachhawkedown]

It sounds like you guys pretty much got everything you want in life, huh?

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

I’ve noticed, man! I’ve actually been listening to it a lot. Between you and me, I kinda like country music now. But like, only your stuff. Oh, it’s awesome. We’ve been building stuff all over to help improve the country, but Mr. Cheetoh keeps trying to stop us.

Dude! No freakin way!! That means so much to me, you have no idea!! Yo, Mr. Cheetoh is a dick. You keep doing you, my dude.

[zachhawkedown]

Yeah, man! You’re killing the country game. Thanks, man. One day, we’ll get him out of there.

[i-samevans]

zachhawkedown‌:

How’s the record label been, man?

Pretty freakin’ awesome! It’s just been going from strength to strength. My album’s doing pretty freakin’ good in the country charts, too, which is everything. How’s the eco-friendly housing biz?

[zachhawkedown]

I’ve noticed, man! I’ve actually been listening to it a lot. Between you and me, I kinda like country music now. But like, only your stuff. Oh, it’s awesome. We’ve been building stuff all over to help improve the country, but Mr. Cheetoh keeps trying to stop us.

[zachhawkedown]

i-samevans‌:

Dude, it’s an honor.

How’s the record label been, man?

[zachhawkedown]

puckerphoebe‌:

Like I would ever want to. I’m still kind of partial to the tattoos, though.

Babe, the tattoos are the OG wedding rings. They can never be replaced.