zainabverse

Read, write, sketch, repeat.

[zainabverse]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[zainabverse]

I am the dust of long-dead stars I am an endless lullaby I am a thousand stories unfolding Infinite memories rewinding I am a river flowing with the remains Of all those who have passed me

[zainabverse]

[zainabverse]

Take every memory ingrained in me Erase it from my thoughts so I can sleep I'd do anything to feel no pain Name your price and take the past away Take every memory ingrained in me

[zainabverse]

When Did It Start Going Wrong?

I go back in time Tracking down my life Trying to figure out why I became so bitter When did it start going wrong? When did it start going wrong? Was it when I took this job? Was it when I stopped talking to God? Or was it when he stopped answering my prayers? Was it at school when the girls wouldn’t talk to me Because I stopped giving them my homework? Was it that road trip when I sat Alone, crying, at the back of the bus? Was it when I didn’t go to prom Because I didn’t know what to wear? Was it when I felt worthless Because I wasn't the top of the class? Was it when I yelled at my grandma because she made my mother cry? Was it when my favorite uncle passed away Without having the chance to say goodbye? Was it when I realized that I was a girl And that it was why my father wouldn’t buy me a bike? Was it the first time I fought with my brother? Or the second time my mother said that I was fat? Was it when the store stopped selling my favorite chocolate? Was it when my kitten died? Was it the first time I loved a boy That didn’t love me back? It goes back and back and back To the day I was born Maybe that’s when it all started going wrong

[zainabverse]

There are so many different versions of me. As many as the people I have met in my life.

[zainabverse]

I can't help feeling like my life is a dead end. Like hope is an illusion. Like it's all going downhill and there is nothing I can do about it.

[zainabverse]

Introversion

I was tired of being alone So I went out to the world I met people I made friends I fell in love And I was loved I got hurt And I hurt others too I learned a great deal But in the end I just wanted to go back home And be alone All over again

[zainabverse]

Monsters Under My Bed

Shadows on my walls Monsters under my bed And I can’t shut down These voices in my head I try to pray to God But I don’t know what to say And it’s not like he ever really listens I close my eyes and leave this world for a while But I wake to the same reality With the same thoughts And the same monsters under my bed

[zainabverse]

Maybe if one thing had gone differently, I wouldn't have been awake at three in the morning, and my notebook wouldn't have been soaked with my tears.

[zainabverse]

Every relationship is unique. You do not fall in love the same way twice. That's why every love is first love in its own way.

[zainabverse]

I sleep and it's the last sentence on my tongue. I wake up and it's the first thought on my mind. I hope someone will hurt you the way you hurt me.

[zainabverse]

It turns out that you are actually capable of love. You were just not capable of loving ME.

[zainabverse]

I'm not grateful for my experience. It did not make me wiser or stronger. It just left me bitter. And whatever reason or meaning there might be behind it, it's not worth it. Nothing is worth that much pain and bitterness.

[zainabverse]

I can't change the way you are. I can only change the way I feel about you.

[zainabverse]

I just can't stop thinking why. Why did my heart have to get played like that? Was it necessary for the order of the universe? Couldn't it have spared me that part?

[zainabverse]

I'm choking on all the things I didn't get the chance to say.

[zainabverse]

I fought hard, but it was the wrong battle.