there is a lot going on here @zararili - Tumblr Blog

listen. aging into your thirties rocks. yes your joints get a little creaky. yes you can’t sleep in a pretzel on the floor anymore after a concert or a convention. and you lose some friends. but the thing is that you sort out who your real friends are and you sort out who you really are. and you get to see your friends settling into careers they like, and adopt new dogs and cats, and you find a job you can stand, and get really good at arts and crafts, and maybe that book you loved as a kid gets a movie deal and it doesn’t suck, and you learn to like new food and bake your own bread, and you realize that the great portfolio of self harm scars you all used to curate are going white with age and not updated, and half your friends are a different gender now and so much happier and maybe you are too, and you know who you are, and that it’s a journey and not a revelation. it’s a direction you’re headed, and you’re enjoying the trip.

reaching your 30′s rocks. and i’m hearing good things about what comes next, too.

roach-works

i am looking into your eyes, i am holding your hand. i absolutely promise.

if you can just live long enough, your soul will build your body into a home. you will live there and you will find a way to be at peace. it’s worth the time and it’s worth the work. i promise.

hubblegleeflower

Your soul will build your body into a home.

catchymemes

el3ctraaa

2024

THIS IS NOT YOUR GRAVE

LOOK STRANGERS IN THE EYE

I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY

I AM VERY YOUNG AND STILL LEARNING HOW TO LIVE

DO IT SCARED

ASSUME THE BEST

WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN

classycookiexo

free-my-mindd

You are protected in ways beyond your perception.

javarisx-fightingthosedemons

Blah

I'm not sure what happened but everything went to shit so quickly.

I got a job I liked, I found a place I thought was nice, my relationship was going well.

I lost my job. Lost my place. My relationship is still going strong but being apart has been hard.

I moved in with my brother but my emotions over losing my stability were too much for him and he kicked me out. I had to move in with my mom. And man. Living here with her and her bf and his brother has brought up a lot of past trauma. Her drinking, her mood swings, her boyfriend isn't much better. He's rarely happy. Always in a mood. Always disappointed or angry about something. Just always in a huff. I've only been here a week and it's been a hard week. Her constant drinking, the constant fighting, feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. It's all too reminiscent of my childhood. Of the energy I escaped.

I'm trying to see the brightside. There must be a silver lining somewhere but tbh guys, to be really honest, I just feel lost. I feel lonely. I feel defeated. I am so sad over the state of things right now. I don't want to dwell. I guess maybe that's why I'm writing it all here. I need to get it out. To vent the frustration.

I could have had a job in Banff. But I turned it down because my family said they wanted me to stay and then all this shit hit the fan. Now I'm having a hard time finding a job here. And that's new to me. Finding work wasn't something I usually struggled with.

I'm full of regret and this anxiety and this need to want everything to be ok now is so strong. I don't want to sit in the uncomfortable feelings, I don't want to feel them.

I'm just. Idk. All the signs keep saying this is a period of transition. It's a moment of change before the blessing but how do I stay strong while this is happening. How do I do this without the support. What do I do. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself. But for the first time in a long time, I don't have a plan. I don't know what I'm doing next. And I'm in an environment that is so unhealthy and unpredictable.

I feel like that teenager who used to lock herself in her room to find some sense of peace but.. I don't even have a room. My brother told me to stop playing the victim. Am I not allowed to mourn what I lost? Should I just not feel it?

I trust that whatever this is, the universe wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, the universe has my back. The universe wants the best for me. I trust that even if I don't, the universe has a plan, I just need to be patient..? I need to trust the process..? I'm grateful for the roof over my head.

I just. I'm struggling. Ya know? Lol