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@zeldaroy
Zelda discusses her love of change, realizes that Raphael knows how to use a watch, and successfully tells off a telemarketer.
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(Written/produced by @fudgythewhale and @roe-your-boat. The voice of Zelda is @fudgythewhale, music by @roe-your-boat.) Rosemary’s also Valeria on this ep, and @justinleeroth is Raphael.
Join us every other Friday as Zelda judges all, but especially you, Kenneth G. Fabio.
I lost a bet to my florist.
Caius Wilburn Selby
I have come to the conclusion that my friends suck.
Zelda Roy
I’m super fun and really should be invited to everything.
Zelda Roy
That’s not legal.
Raphael Bartholomew
I have plenty of other friends who want to call me up in the middle of the night because they finally realized that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are named after Italian Renaissance artists.
Brian “Cate” Mercator
We should not read our children books that were clearly written while under the influence of drugs.
Zelda Roy
Okay, so bribe is a loose term.
June Lennox-Mercator
You don’t see Hasbro selling My First Machete, do you?
Zelda Roy
Rollercoasters are stupid. I'm not going to spend any more time on that.
Zelda Roy
Freaking Camelot.
Zelda Roy
Why are you always so angry?
Margaret Roy
Everyone loves me, okay?
Brian Mercator
You want a nice smell accompanied by a weak flame? Go into a garden and light a Zippo.
Zelda Roy
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT
ZELDA ROY: [...]
KENNETH G. FABIO: Um.
ZELDA ROY: [...]
KENNETH G. FABIO: Uh. Are you--I thought this was an interview?
ZELDA ROY: It is.
KENNETH G. FABIO: Okay. Are you going to ask me something? I don’t really have the time--why would you invite me here if--
ZELDA ROY: Are you really going to pretend you didn’t bribe the Entertainment chair with a role in "Brigadoon" to get this interview as free advertisement for your latest production..."Brigadoon"?
KENNETH G. FABIO: Is this on the record?
ZELDA ROY: [loud exhale] What inspired you to yet again choose a Canon musical instead of exploring the options that the Other World merge has made available?
KENNETH G. FABIO: Well, I think it’s actually somewhat representative of the situation here in Delorenze. I mean, we weren’t isolated for 100 years but I think--
ZELDA ROY: So it’s really not representative at all.
KENNETH G. FABIO: That’s up to the--
ZELDA ROY: Do you think that this production will be even worse than your last, a musical adaptation of "Hedda Gabler"?
KENNETH G. FABIO: That’s not really a fair question.
ZELDA ROY: Can’t even defend your own production.
KENNETH G. FABIO: I took an artistic risk with Hedda--I feel like I know her so well now, I just call her by her first name--and one cannot call oneself a true artist without taking risks. So perhaps it wasn’t as well received as I would have liked--
ZELDA ROY: Oh, sorry, that seems to be all the time I can muster up for you today. [...] Come see Brigadoom. Doon [sic]. "Brigadoon".
KENNETH G. FABIO: You didn’t even say when--
END OF TRANSCRIPT.
I wouldn’t spend so much of my valuable free time with Horace Applebottom were it not for the importance of civil liberty, emotional freedom, and the right to watch Scandal whenever I damn well please.
June Lennox-Mercator
The boy who wouldn’t grow up is an evil mastermind. Because screw years of tradition.
Zelda Roy