lee

i don't know you. you don't know me. shhh (bad poetry)

[pixel8or]

[zeounds]

How do I stop grieving?

You’re too young for this.

Strip off your skin and dance in the golden light,

and let the sun bleach your bones. 

[zeounds]

I fell in love with a girl I met at a party on a hill. We danced to New Order together, and I felt my soul in my feet. We sat on the roof and gazed at the stars. She complained that she didn't have her glasses, so I gazed for her. I told her about my grandpa's telescope that lets you see the craters on mars. She looked up at me and the stars made her eyes wet with wonder. When I said goodbye, she said "See you later!", and I cramped my fingers by crossing them, in hope that I would.

[doebrain]

ALL THINGS SHARP ARE SECRETLY PRAYING

a rabbit is biting down on the metal teeth of a snare. a scientist is watching a lab rat choose the wrong door over and over, the one with the needle, the one with the wire singing red against its ribs. they say it is because creatures prefer familiar pain to an unknown mercy. they say if you wound something slowly enough, it will call the wound home.

in a past life, i must have been a thing with claws, something that mistook the cold for a lover. i had a dream where i was born backward, came out of my mother’s mouth like a swallowed syllable, curled into the wet pink of her tongue, her teeth the last cage i ever knew.

my god, my god, i have never felt so tender as when i was tearing myself apart.

watch: a cat carries her dead kitten in her mouth, lulls it back and forth. watch: a man lights a cigarette with the match he struck off his own thigh. watch: a girl smiles in the mirror, red under her nails, says, i am fine, i am fine, i am fine.

one day, i will stop choosing the wrong door. one day, i will crawl out of the body i was given, the one that keeps flinching, the one that keeps bending toward the blade.

[matthew-pasquarello]

grew fangs overnight like whimpering wolf dragged out of a barbed wire overcoat covered in my own hidden agenda, thank you for pulling over when i needed to vomit letting go of these ladybugs climbing up my windpipe

i'd bark but that's barbaric so i'll piss to claim my territory

[oneandocey]

Extinct puppy,

Waking from millenia's sleep,

Coaxed by rubber hands,

Did you dream of stars,

The ones that Laika saw,

And were you lonely too?

[zeounds]

[zeounds]

Caelestia Criminalis

I tempt fate, every time I’m with you. Her envy froths like sea foam, threatening to drown me, as I hold the most beautiful boy in my arms. Her grey eyes give me a black look, threatening to transform me into something hideous, so that my lover no longer recognises me and I can no longer luxuriate under the gaze of his love. I imagine turmoil in the heavens. Divine voice clashing with divine voice. Celestial fists flying. Over my boy. Under their watchful gaze, I gift you the gleaming apple, my love and hubris dripping with the same nectar. I live in constant fear, but if it was for you, I would hang upon the rock and greet the eagle with a smile every rosy dawn.

[beforeyearning]

TURNSPIT DOG

I’ll be good for you. All meat, no bones. I wont whine or want or flinch

at your hand. I’ll keep to myself & serve you in the little ways I can and

hope that will suffice. I minimize myself, I lose my voice, I don’t want to

take up any more space than I need to. I want to be loved. I want to be

told that I did a good job & everything I do doesn’t go unnoticed and

is appreciated and not just expected. I’ll be good for you. Just say the

words. In the interim, I’ll wait by your feet, a kick away.

[zeounds]

Diary entry - 30/3/25

I sit in my bathtub. One of the toes on my foot is pale white. It stands out from the other raw, fleshy ones. I trace my gaze up my leg, and count three blooming bruises. I can't remember where I got them from. They could've just easily come from banging into tables as my own fists. I bury my face into your shoulder and ask Why I Hate Myself So Much. You just hold me and say 'I don't know.' I accidentally drowned a spider running this bath. I didn't see him. I fished his body out with my fingers and left him on the side. He made me feel squeamish, even though he was dead. I felt bad for feeling squeamish. Today I slept on the sofa instead of doing my work. The smudges of the oil pastels I used that morning came out in my dribble, staining the cushion I rested my head on. I woke up, my mouth feeling black and white.

[zeounds]

Devotion

I always thought the idea of worship was fantastical That people lied when they said they believe in Him.

But when I hear Your voice, I know it has the same rhythm as the heart beating in my chest. When I feel Your touch, it spreads from underneath Your fingertips as a soft glow, all around my body. When I smell You, it feels like i'm taking my first deep breath and my shoulders shudder.

You are the God of my Idolatry, And I'll believe in thee.

[zeounds]

When I slept over at your house, I remember seeing the full moon in her prime cutting through the dark clouds. And the next morning, I remember seeing the most beautiful sunrise painting the sky with dusky pinks and pale yellows. And I couldn’t help but feel like the universe was celebrating our love.

[zeounds]

had a dream last night that i was partaking in euthanasia but i had changed my mind last minute and although i could back out whenever i wanted, i was too scared to speak up. but when i 'went to sleep' i woke up and was given a clear plastic bag with a sharp flat rock and maggot worms in, that they had taken out of my body. Not sure what to make of that one.

[zeounds]

A poem I wrote about my dog while half asleep?

I reach out over the lip of my bed and stroke a rough patch on your neck.

You wait for me to write a poem, and for a moment we’re in another world stuck between two places before ideas are fully realised.

You relax into me, finding solace in the crook of my arm

[zeounds]

Sisterhood

When the voices get a little too loud and i’m too scared to get out of bed hiding under the sheets hands clamped over ears

I hear a door creak and your feet padding across the hallway and I look up just in time to see your outstretched hand

Closing my door for me

[zeounds]

Missing my stop.

the doors don’t open

a leaf tumbles off the roof

the green light disorientates me

the buzzing tells me to get up

Get up.

[zeounds]

The first poem I wrote about my boyfriend.

You breathe so lightly, in little gasps. The air curls it's finger around your lips, tantalising me.

I get jealous of the air you breathe. I want to trace your outline, I want to slip into your mouth and follow the oxygen in your bloodstream, coursing under your skin.

I want to kiss you so long, and hard, until your lungs cramp. Until the air can't reach you and burns with envy.

I want to become the air you breathe.