Against All Odds

Let's see how far the rabbit hole goes. Active on and off just to journal. Also this is a side blog so might not follow back via this account, but will on my main

[zero-islove]

5’3

SW: 115lbs

LW: 93

CW: 103.8

GW1: 110

GW2: 105

GW3: 100

[zero-islove]

I’m not doing so well. I want time to pass. I used to want more hours in the day but now

I just want it to be over until the next good thing happens

[vairyxo]

choke me?

[vairyxo]

auwch

[zero-islove]

I hate getting triggered. Why do GIRLS/WOMEN/FEMALES/ANYONE REALLY post their weight in a casual setting like on their stories ???

weird bc I don’t think I’d be triggered if they were talking about it in a working out capacity but just ??? Casually ?? Stop

[zero-islove]

I’m just confused on what you say vs what you do is all

[zero-islove]

Okkkkkkkk since I don’t go to therapy here it is

Why do I get so obsessive about fictional things ???

Like I just rewatched the Twilight movies, which made me want to read Midnight Sun, here I am like half way done with the book in a day, deadass about to go to my dads house to get the physical copies of the OG books and just deep dive in to that. And literally all I can think about is TWILIGHT THINGS. AND on one hand it making my inner child so happy to enjoy these things as an adult, but at the same time I go through these phases of being utterly obsessed until it consumes me and then spits me back out until I feel nothing until my next bout of fictional obsession comes along.

sooo idk if I enjoy these phases or wish I could enjoy things like a normal person

[zero-islove]

So I’ll start with something positive.

I’ve been working out more and at least been seeing some changes in my abs area which is nice. Even though some days I’m bloated I am still seeing an improvement and I’m sticking to it this time actually. Hopefully I can see some glute gains too in a few months. I haven’t weighted myself and I’m on my period. But I’m not too worried about it as long as I look okay and don’t overtly gain too much.

The bad thing is my cousin who during our childhood was always so much skinnier than me, she posted a bikini picture and I took a SS because for once in our lives we look the same/I think I look a little bit better. And in a sick way it’s even more motivation for me.

[zero-islove]

Just glad you didn’t ask why cause zzz I’m so over talking about everything every damn day

[zero-islove]

Can someone help me with something real quick ?????

I just need a knife in my brain nbd make it quick

[zero-islove]

Even when you do nothing wrong I just want to kill myself honestly

[zero-islove]

All I can do is just wait for the feelings to pass.

[zero-islove]

One last thing and I’ll stop blogging my Mercury retrograde breakdown

My resting HR is over 80 HA

[zero-islove]

I just want to die and I always refuse to say those words lol.

I don’t even know how to act normal anymore

I’m literally an empty shell who’s not living life for myself and I just get through the day just to get through the next one

[zero-islove]

My stomach hurts from all the unknown

[zero-islove]

I just have this gut feeling that everything is a lie

[zero-islove]

Talking about things is so hard. And I’m not completely 100% okay. But I definitely feel better today. And thus I will take better care of myself today.