āIf you are not already struggling with an ed please do not look at or interact with my blog!
I am not new to eds or tumblr but have recently relapsed after 2 years recovery
ā19, she, college student
ā5'7
āhw: 220lb
ālw: 120lb (experienced refeeding and heart issues - it can happen at any weight and I still have health issues caused by my ed even after I recovered. Please stay safe and take care of yourself!)
There's a lack of community for ACTUALLY fat people having an ED
I see a lot of young people on here and i understand at the end of the day... eating disorders are mental illness. I don't want there to be any sort of idea that I think that being thin with an ED isn't valid. It's very valid. However, there's so many spaces on the internet for thin people to support each other. While being fat is isolating.
The spaces for fat people are either riddled with hatespeech, pro fat echo chambers (I don't mean fat liberation, I mean "fat people superiority" bullshit), and the same diet nonsense (like no I'm not eating carnivore?)
I really wish there was an ed support community for those of us who struggle with restriction, obsession with cals, and the desire to lose weight beyond just feeding our sickness. We want better treatment, we want to feel like the world was built for us. I want to be able to dress in my fashion sense freely. I want to be considered respectable and no longer have people assume I'm lazy and dumb for my size. Yes, I'm sick and want to sT- @ -rve ... but It's more than that.
We all hate our bodies here... but not all of us exist in bodies that everyone else hates too.
I wish I could have people to chat with that understand the reality of losing 100+ lbs. Thinspo doesn't work when you know that your end result will be saggy. The toxic motivation is all about an unrealistic ideal. The idea of a thin body that looks like it was NEVER fat isn't something I can work with. I just want people who understand MY reality.
If you are over 180lbs (or ever have been) and struggle with ed, would you wanna join a group chat of some kind?? Please reach out, this feels hopeless when it's all happening by myself.
I'm thinking about doing a protein shake diet where I only drink those (and take a fiber supplement) for like a week. I have a clear whey one so it's like 90cals and 20g of protein if I'm remembering correctly
I'm thinking next week? I work that week but it'll keep me busy and the rest of this week I have plans where people will expect me to eat ://
I'm also hoping to go back to the gym too! I'll post before and after of the week. Ik you can't see too much difference in a week but I'm at such an insane hw again I think I'll drop pretty quickly
I havent posted on here in a long time I've been too embarrassed and feel like a burden for posting on an anonymous account?? But I'm high and just really need to shout this out into the void
Please don't cancel me
So I'm high and my boyfriend is drunk and we were calling
We were talking and I read a comic a bit ago on Instagram and I cannot find it but it was talking about being ugly and never getting cat called and wishing they were while feeling bad for wanting that. Ive felt like this, more when I was younger but less now, and have been absolutely ashamed and knew no one else felt this way. Tried expressing this to my boyfriend and he said so I care about what every man thinks and am looking for male attention - I'm not!! I don't want attention from dudes nor so I give a rats ass what they think of me. I DONT want to be cat called! But hearing this experience a lot other women are having and you're not feels like damn am I too ugly to cat call. Its so hard to word. I've been cat called like once when I was 16 at my lowest weight. Does anyone else feel this way or am I alone?
hiiii im back! being transparent I recently had/am having probably one of the worse depressive episodes of my life, but I am trying to get better! I have put on weight, though I haven't weighed myself out of fear. I want to blog and just talk about my days a bit, hoping it will give me motivation to be more productive! Here is my day today :]
Yesterday I went to a counseling thing on my campus and didn't realize how severely depressed I was until I said it out loud and had someone tell me. I hadn't showered, brushed my teeth, or been to class in days along with relapsing on SH (my bf said anyone not in middle school is too old to sh so I feel self conscious about it a bit) and not folding laundry for months. It was hard, but this morning I took my meds, took a shower, and brushed my teeth and went to class! It is such a small thing, I know its embarrassing, but it took so much energy from me that I can't help but be proud of myself.
I had an energy drink while I did some work before and after class!
I met up with my friend after class to study and they wanted to get a treat. We both got a plain bagel with cream cheese and a coffee; I got a medium sugar free vanilla protein latte and they got a medium something cookie I cant remember! Coffee (200cal, 29g protein, 12g carbs, 4g fat, 9g sugars), plain bagel (250cal, 9g protein, 51g carbs :(, 1g fat, 5g sugars) and cream cheese (130cal, 2g protein, 4g carbs, 11g fats, 3g sugars) I need to make better choices
when hungry I would put on this chapstick :D
now I got high, am writing this, and am about to continue to try to grind through work!
