Let's Go Practice Medicine

Ah. Hallo. I am your Medic. Zhis will only hurt... a lot. This is an RP blog for a semi-canon RED Medic from TF2. This blog is 18+. Minors not allowed. There will be gore, adult situations and probably a lot of off-color humor. And bad medical advice. Follow at your own risk. Semi-selective, multiverse, multi-ship. OCs welcome. The header is by infamouslydorky

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

Hello. The following is a message from the Teufort Census Bureau.

How would you rate your current employment?

Thank you for your co-operation.

@tf2-data-collection-agency

"Uhhh... It is very content, I mean I'm content," he sputtered, very aware of the fact that he was under constant surveillance here. "Zhis is a very... inspirational workplace."

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[dodomedic]

"its in my side pouch, I'm always prepared!"

His feathers stand up and one claw presses down on the clip and the straps fall, and his wings ruffle out. Grabbing the other with the claws on the under of the forearm to pull him back for a real kiss, with the biting.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

He let himself be drawn in, brushing his fingers lightly over the primary coverts of Dodo's wings. He found these transformations slightly off-putting, but more than a little fascinating. Each time, there seemed to be a different bird or group of birds represented. Ignatz could almost spend an evening just preening the strange Medic, but he wouldn't presume on their strange friendship.

Iggy pressed in closer, ruffling the plumage a bit. He was sure it would take time to put the feathers to rights again, but it was much too tempting to explore where the man ended and the bird began. "I hope you find me more zhan adequate for your rigid bone needs," he murmured, letting the specimen in question prod against Dodo's thigh.

[dodomedic]

A claw on the wing twitched and attempted to grip but was unable to pronate so it merely flexed missing the fingers. He made a noise in his throat as Ignatz pulled away, feathers on end mostly. Dodo smacks his lips, blood was nice, and his tongue was still fine!

"Oh I think that bone will do nicely!" He wiggles while he speaks, then moves in closer to hug and pin the bond between them. "I have a full tail, well mostly full, you can pull it if you like."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

The salty tang of copper filled his mouth and he grinned. It was a familiar, pleasant taste, even when it was his own. "Your tail? Do you mean your feazhers? Or zhe Arsch underneazh?" Ignatz would be equally pleased to find either, whether or not he would admit it.

His hands trailed along Dodo's wings to his shoulders, then down his sides, taking his time as they wandered toward his colleague's rear. "I'm curious to see what surprises you are hiding today..." With Dodo, there was no telling whether the man had a bone of his own or what was hiding behind those tailfeathers. He had a vague recollection of a corkscrew. At this point, the only thing that would ever shock him would be completely normal human appendages and a smooth, featherless butt.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

((like for a starter))

[foone]

The thing neurotypicals tend not to understand about the ADHD brain is that it really only has two gears

I turn to the chalkboard and carefully write out

WORKIN' HARD

HARDLY WORKIN'

[voruwuna]

Much like a cars transmission getting stuck between gears the adhd brain can also access a secret mode called HORKLY WARDIN' that feels bad

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[dodomedic]

"its in my side pouch, I'm always prepared!"

His feathers stand up and one claw presses down on the clip and the straps fall, and his wings ruffle out. Grabbing the other with the claws on the under of the forearm to pull him back for a real kiss, with the biting.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

He let himself be drawn in, brushing his fingers lightly over the primary coverts of Dodo's wings. He found these transformations slightly off-putting, but more than a little fascinating. Each time, there seemed to be a different bird or group of birds represented. Ignatz could almost spend an evening just preening the strange Medic, but he wouldn't presume on their strange friendship.

Iggy pressed in closer, ruffling the plumage a bit. He was sure it would take time to put the feathers to rights again, but it was much too tempting to explore where the man ended and the bird began. "I hope you find me more zhan adequate for your rigid bone needs," he murmured, letting the specimen in question prod against Dodo's thigh.

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Cassowary, hm? Fascinating birds. Hopefully you're not quite as violent. Or maybe you should be..." he chuckled, caressing Dodo's mask seductively.

He moved closer to his counterpart and nipped his shoulder. "I'll go procure zhe lubrication. Unless you brought some? I wouldn't want any interruptions once we get started."

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"I want a bird I don't own. I'm not particularly into, er, keeping semi-human pets..."

He shook his head at the way Dodo's mind worked, then nodded towards his office. "Let's get you undressed and zhen zhoroughly basted."

[dodomedic]

"get me dressed up for supper." Thankfully he'd already consumed enough beer it be braised. He sashayed his way to the office.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

Chuckling softly, Ignatz followed him. He would pass some time with Dodo and then be rewarded with an interesting new specimen to coddle. It was two proverbial birds with one stone, as the old saying went.

Locking the door behind them, he gave the BLU's flighty Medic a swat on the rump. "Come zhen, little bird. Let's ruffle zhat plumage of yours properly." He removed his coat and gloves, then began to loosen his tie. "Uniform on or off?"

[dodomedic]

"Little? sure." His feather of course ruffled a bit, thankfully his mask hid his eyes doing the pinhole thing from sheer excitement of getting boned. "Take it off! how am i to scratch you appropriately?" Taking off his gloves to show off his talons of the day. His pinky claw on one hand was about and inch long, though the finger was short and partially fused to the ring finger.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Ooh, wunderbar! Feel free to draw blood." He undressed quickly, efficiently folding his uniform as he set each piece aside on top of his boots. His bared chest had a few new scars from an experimental surgery he'd done in his boredom, but they had healed nicely.

As he stood in front of Dodo in his thin cotton boxers, he smiled down at the BLU's hands. "So, are zhese from a particular species? Or is zhis entirely Hartmut?" He held one of those fascinating talons in his hand and examined it, his own excitement quite obvious.

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"I want a bird I don't own. I'm not particularly into, er, keeping semi-human pets..."

He shook his head at the way Dodo's mind worked, then nodded towards his office. "Let's get you undressed and zhen zhoroughly basted."

[dodomedic]

"get me dressed up for supper." Thankfully he'd already consumed enough beer it be braised. He sashayed his way to the office.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

Chuckling softly, Ignatz followed him. He would pass some time with Dodo and then be rewarded with an interesting new specimen to coddle. It was two proverbial birds with one stone, as the old saying went.

Locking the door behind them, he gave the BLU's flighty Medic a swat on the rump. "Come zhen, little bird. Let's ruffle zhat plumage of yours properly." He removed his coat and gloves, then began to loosen his tie. "Uniform on or off?"

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"I want a bird I don't own. I'm not particularly into, er, keeping semi-human pets..."

He shook his head at the way Dodo's mind worked, then nodded towards his office. "Let's get you undressed and zhen zhoroughly basted."

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"You do have access to entire skeletons... But somehow, I feel zhis is not what you meant."

[dodomedic]

"You can't be literal, pretzel boy." huffs it out as he's hot and bothered. "I don't keep skeletons either, just taxidermy and teeth."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"So did you find zhat bone or not?" he asked putting his hands on his hips.

[dodomedic]

"its not eye spy! I need to arouse my partner." he cants his hips and makes a very lewd gesture with his hand and face.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Oh? Hmm. I would prefer zhe skeleton..." He seemed distracted, gazing into the middle distance. "I suppose I could be interested in a trade."

[dodomedic]

"My teeth are all ethically sourced and not for trade! most of them are for commissions anyways! Dental phantoms." That explained everything, plus teeth were basically free at tue fort, the respawn was like a free tooth tree, tooth leaves all over. "Rasturn offered me two wet bones, what are you offering."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Oh, just one." He not so subtly put a hand to his zipper. "But, in exchange, you promise me a bird I do not already possess, hm?"

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"You do have access to entire skeletons... But somehow, I feel zhis is not what you meant."

[dodomedic]

"You can't be literal, pretzel boy." huffs it out as he's hot and bothered. "I don't keep skeletons either, just taxidermy and teeth."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"So did you find zhat bone or not?" he asked putting his hands on his hips.

[dodomedic]

"its not eye spy! I need to arouse my partner." he cants his hips and makes a very lewd gesture with his hand and face.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Oh? Hmm. I would prefer zhe skeleton..." He seemed distracted, gazing into the middle distance. "I suppose I could be interested in a trade."

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"You do have access to entire skeletons... But somehow, I feel zhis is not what you meant."

[dodomedic]

"You can't be literal, pretzel boy." huffs it out as he's hot and bothered. "I don't keep skeletons either, just taxidermy and teeth."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"So did you find zhat bone or not?" he asked putting his hands on his hips.

[dodomedic]

"oh god I want a hard bone in me."

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"You do have access to entire skeletons... But somehow, I feel zhis is not what you meant."

[medic-on-red-deactivated2024120]

"What a handsome man. Such gut bone structure. Zhat rugged jawline!"

"Oh hallo, Herr Doktor!" He grins, showing a bit too much teeth.

"You vant mein bones? Ist zhat it?"

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Only if you are no longer using zhem." There was a matching gleam in this Medic's eye.

[medic-on-red-deactivated2024120]

"Vell, seeing as I am standing...I might be using zhem. Zhough, vho am I to say?!"

"Coo?"

"Zhat's RIGHT, Archimedes! Ve vill be needing zhe bone saw!"

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Ooooh, we could swap bones! No one would ever know!"

[cherrybeez]

these guys again

[medic-on-red-deactivated2024120]

"What a handsome man. Such gut bone structure. Zhat rugged jawline!"

"Oh hallo, Herr Doktor!" He grins, showing a bit too much teeth.

"You vant mein bones? Ist zhat it?"

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Only if you are no longer using zhem." There was a matching gleam in this Medic's eye.

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Oh good! I was hoping you'd be back in time for the biergarten! I made pretzels! lets go be obnoxiously German to the Americans!" Dodo offered a whole fresh pretzel.

"Well, I'm not Bavarian, but I would never turn down Bier und pretzels if someone else is paying," Medic said with a shrug. Taking the pretzel, he examined it closely. "Who made zhese?"

[dodomedic]

"I'm not even German! But they think my homeland has kangaroos." Dodo tittered Americans were a funny sort, he enjoyed feeding into their stereotypes.

"I made them of course as soon as the leaves start to change and the chill comes i'm off make the lovely pretzel breads!"

[zhedoktorisin-sane]

"Austrian, are you? I zhought your accent was slightly unusual." He delicately took a bite, waiting to see if there were side effects or too many legs. "Well, it is good for zhe price, I suppose," he said as he took a slightly bigger bite. "And surely you do not want a favor in return? Or do you only hope to make mein Arsch more generous?"